Descent Into Darkness

by Michael Cross

  That day we both wound up drenched in sweat and dirt while working in the basement; we suffered a few broken nails and bruises but we accomplished a lot. Towards dinnertime, after putting away some odds and ends, Nicole put her arms around me, “You shower first while I order pizza delivery. Thank you for your help today.” After dinner we worked together to get the kids tucked into bed before we collapsed onto the couch. Nicole leaned back into my lap and, once she was satisfied all the children were asleep, rewarded me with a passionate evening that made the hard work that day totally worth it. Later, as we lay in each other’s arms, I was totally convinced that I would turn down the offer from the party.

  The next day Nicole asked me to go for my run first, and she would feed the children. When I returned the kitchen was clean and there were very few leftovers. Yet before I could praise her my phone rang – it was Dr. Hodge. He began by asking, “Did you read the newspaper today? It seems there was an excellent guest column from a gifted young woman by the name of Lindberg.” I motioned to Nicole to bring me the newspaper and sure enough there was my column. Usually it took weeks to be published but this was in already. Dr. Hodge continued, “I see you are reaching out – good choice of an issue. I take it then that I can convey your acceptance of the offer?” I paused a moment and then said, “I am sorry, you have to understand, I have a baby who is only two months old…I just have to turn this down.” Dr. Hodge was silent and then stated, in a sympathetic tone, “I admire your priorities. Are you sure there is no way to change your mind?” I said there was not. He replied, “Okay, I will let everyone know…but while I have you on, you do remember that you are to meet representatives of the rancher’s group tomorrow for a luncheon, and…” I jumped in, “Oh fuck, I mean…hey forgive me…my language… I just forgot all about that.” Dr. Hodge laughed, “You are totally forgiven. It will be pretty boring, but you will be treated to a great steak lunch. Oh, and before I forget, the speaker we had lined up for that visiting delegation of conservative Swedish politicians had to cancel. I figured with your last name you would be the perfect replacement.”

  I thanked him but asked if someone else could speak – it was Matt’s birthday. Dr. Hodge warned, “You aren’t going to make the leadership of the party happy by not running for the vacant seat. Don’t make them upset over this as well. I can move the meeting to 9:00am. You’ll be back home by early afternoon at the latest.” I have to admit I was curious about meeting a bunch of Swedes, I had only known one, although I had known her quite intimately, so I grudgingly accepted. Dr. Hodge again asked, “Are you sure I can’t change your mind about the congressional run?” While I wished I could give him the answer he wanted I simply said, “Sorry.”

  Right afterwards I told Nicole I was not running. Waiting for her to yell or something she just stood there looking at me a moment before asking, “Are you absolutely sure?” I nodded my head and smiled at her. She smiled back and gave me a re-assuring hug. She said, “As long as this is your decision.” I replied, “It is.” Then I told her about the meetings I had to do the next two days. Nicole sighed, “It’s okay; I’ll take care of getting Matt’s presents.” She then muttered, “Like I take care of everything else around here.” Before I could come to my own defense she picked up her phone, “I’ll call my mom to watch the kids while I shop as well as when I have to pick Matt up at the airport!” It was not hard to discern that Nicole was unhappy with the sudden change of plans, but I figured she should at least be a bit more grateful that I had sacrificed the opportunity to run for something big – and realize I did it for her. I decided to go play with the kids as she sat down and seemed intent on talking with her mom as long as I remained.

  The next morning I got up early and put on a formal “career woman” outfit. Afterwards I sat down at the foot of the bed and held my precious daughter. She was grumpy until she started feeding and, as babies do, calmed down and relaxed in my arms. Nicole had awoken, sat up, smiled and said, “My God Melanie, do you realize how much I really love you?” I looked at her admiringly, and told her, “I love you more!” She laughed, “Melanie, I am sorry for how I have been lately. I hope you know how much I appreciate you, and how much I admire the work you do.” I smiled and, still cuddling my baby, reached out to take her hand, which she gladly took in a gentle squeeze. She then took a deep breath and asked, “Is what you suggested still on?” I asked, “What?” and she laughed, “You know, if maybe in a few months we try for having babies at the same time.” I looked at my daughter, “I could entertain that idea. I know Matt would not mind – he’s totally enthralled with children. I suppose if we do I will have to stop breast feeding so I can get the body back into fertility.” She stretched over to me and while kissing my hand said, “Great! I would not mind a baby for my 29th birthday.”

  It then hit me that she was turning 28 in just a little over a week. The idea of turning 29 in a little over a year…then 30 a year later made me feel like age was catching up to me. In the back of our minds I suppose everyone realizes the inevitable race with time, and that nobody wins, but I was going to do my best to keep myself young. It was strange though, being the youngest state senator in the legislature I had to try to look older, but my goal at all other times was youth. Well, such is life. I buttoned my blouse, finished getting ready, gave a hug and said goodbye to the children, and while away from their view, tried to leave Nicole with a kiss that would let her know how much I cared for her while I was away.

  As I drove to Salem I had the volume turned up on my favorite symphonic metal music. I tried to relax as I contemplated a day of answering constituent mails, requests for endorsements for young people applying for military academies and attending the meeting with the cattle ranchers. I liked these men from eastern Oregon, despite all my memories of time with Vincent and Bethany in that region, but I would rather be shopping with Nicole than eating steak with guys wearing cowboy ties.

  As I entered the legislative parking area I turned off my radio. When I parked an older representative from southern Oregon approached the car and opened my door for me. He was always nice, often saying I reminded him of his daughter, and so we went into the capitol together, discussing some issue I cannot even remember.

  When I opened the door to my office it felt like a tomb. My aides were not in for the rest of the summer and so I sat down and tried to decide on whether I should open my regular mail or my legislative email. I decided on the latter and noticed a bunch of letters responding to my guest column. All were favorable and praising me for having the courage to take on such a sad issue.

  Then I came across another letter, one I would never forget as it would change my life forever. It was a letter from a woman identifying herself as Katja and expressing the desire to meet with me as soon as possible. She said that maybe I needed to consider how much sex trafficking was taking place right in Portland itself with little attention to the problem. I was curious as to what she meant so I replied that I would be happy to meet with her. Having only a vague concept of what my schedule would be I was surprised when she replied only a few minutes later and asked if I was available that very day. I said I was not but then, for some reason, I mentioned that I would have some time the next morning after the meeting with the Swedes – but I cautioned that I was unsure exactly when I would be free. She soon replied with a thank you and an assurance that she would meet with me in the morning.

  The letter sparked my interest. I pushed my work aside and began to search the terms “sex trafficking history and Portland.” To my surprise Portland had a long history of men being kidnapped and forced to serve on long sea voyages and young women taken for the purpose of forced sexual slavery. I did not know this was so much an issue in Portland’s history in the 19th Century. There were even tunnels under the surface of Portland that were used to escort the victims to their destinations. I really desired to get a chance to visit one of these sites and thought that maybe I could use my position to get permission from whoever was in charge for a
tour.

  However, I did not find any articles about Portland and sex trafficking in more recent times. I wondered if it did occur nowadays but just then the senator who I walked in with knocked at my door and said it was time for us to go meet with the cattle ranchers.

  The lunch was fun, although I detected that the conversations I was engaged in were motivated more by the rancher’s interest in me as a female than for my senatorial credentials. I played along with the subtle flirtations since I assumed these men might be favorable to campaign contributions in the future. Yet I made it clear I was quite knowledgeable of facts regarding agriculture, the environment and economics. After lunch I sat through their presentations. Once the seminars ended I went back to my office to resume my investigations of the issue I had developed an interest in. Finally I called the Portland Police Department and asked if anyone was in charge of this particular crime issue. They gave me the name of a vice detective who was assigned to such cases. Her name was Joyce Sanger.

  I decided to call her number and was put on hold for a few minutes. Then I received a, “Hello, Officer Sanger, how can I help you?” I introduced myself and she said, “Oh, you are the one who wrote the article in the newspaper – it was very good.” I asked if I could come in and ask her about her work but she seemed sort of hesitant – then she agreed to meet with me once I came up with a time that was convenient. I thanked her, looked at the work on my desk, and decided I could get around to it later. I locked up my office, got in the car, switched my music back on and headed home. I figured if I rushed I could make it in time to go out with Nicole and get Matt his presents.

  When I entered the driveway I noticed Nicole’s car was gone and her mother’s car was there instead. I went into the house and the kids all ran up to greet me. I hugged them all but Nicole’s mom asked them all to stay quiet as the baby was asleep. I greeted her and she said, “Hello there Melanie, how are you?” I said I was okay and she folded her arms and replied, “Good, glad to hear that.” I was not sure if I wanted to engage her in conversation since she had not been as friendly towards me since the kidnapping ordeal. Of course, she could not know what had actually occurred…instead she had been told that I had gone through a personal crisis and had to be alone for a while. Since then I did not think she considered me in the same way as she had before.

  She grabbed her things and said that she had put some lasagna in the oven for dinner. I thanked her but she ignored me and said goodbye to the children as she walked out the door.

  An hour later, Nicole arrived home with shopping bags. She seemed happy and asked me to come into the bedroom. She put the bags down and took out a new suit. She asked, “So what do you think? The one he wears to church needs to be replaced. I thought this would be nice.” She continued, “It was pretty expensive but I figured we could say it was a combined birthday present from both of us.” I agreed and gave her a hug and sat back down on the bed. Then she commented, in a distant tone, “I only wish I could come with you to church once in a while. It is the one area of our lives that I cannot share in and so I feel like an outsider.” I replied, “I bring your kids with us, it is just…you have to understand, if we all go together someone is going to figure out that we are both Matt’s wives and not only will he get kicked out of his church, we will be on the front page of tabloid magazines all over the country since I am a state senator. You know sex and politics always sells.”

  Nicole fell back on the bed and said, “I know. It just feels hard when you and Matt are out in the open as a couple but I will never be able to share in that. I have all the responsibilities of secrets – Matt’s secret wife, and your secret lover.” I lay beside her and said it was not really like that. I tried to assure her, “In my eyes you and I are married – and I know that in Matt’s eyes you are as loved by him as I am. Why worry about titles, labels and the like?” Nicole did not say a word, she put her arm around me and held me tight – until we both realized that the lasagna in the oven was burning and we both ran down together to save dinner.

  As we salvaged most of the meal, Nicole laughed and asked what time I would be home the next day. I was not sure but I told her I might be home around 1pm. She then playfully asked, “After dinner would you like some dessert, just you and I after the kids go to bed?” I had a sweet craving – something I get if I have not been able to exercise during the day. I replied, “I would love it!”

  That evening I knew I had to be in bed early but we were successful in getting the children tucked in early. Nicole asked me to make sure Magdalena was asleep and then come and meet her in the living room. Afterwards, I went downstairs and all the lights were out. Then, as I glanced around the corner to the living room I noticed that Nicole had set up candles and, as I approached her she looked up, smiled and said, “Hey darling, I know we will have cake tomorrow but surprise!” She had placed a little German chocolate cake on the coffee table and surrounded it with little heart-shaped candles. She whispered to me as I sat down, “I wanted to let you know how special you are to me before Matt gets home tomorrow – you realize that in just a few weeks it will be our ten year anniversary of meeting each other?” I took her hand and replied, “That is true, isn’t it?” Nicole then gave me a little kiss and asked, “I wonder what the next ten years will bring? I mean, I am so happy now, I just hope that as the years pass our family will experience nothing but joy.” I marveled at how reflective Nicole had been in recent days I wondered how long she would be in this contemplative mood. Oh well, maybe anniversaries do that to people.

  Nicole and I sat on the couch and held each other. Normally such a moment would have led to more physical expressions of love, but just holding her those hours into the night were almost as intimate as any form of sexuality.

  The next morning I wished Nicole a happy day and urged her to drive safe picking up Matt from the airport. I promised I would rush home as soon as possible and not eat all the cake until I arrived. She assured me, in a teasing way, “Don’t worry Melanie, there will be plenty of me, I mean cake, to go around this evening.” I gave her a prankish look and replied, “I’ll hold you to that!”

  I arrived in my office a bit later than I had expected. I barely had time to sit down when all of a sudden one of the Republican legislators rushed in, “Mrs. Lindberg, are you aware of the time? You are supposed to be meeting with the Swedish delegation, and you are speaking in less than fifteen minutes!”

  I had totally miscalculated the time. And of course, I had not prepared any speech. However, I assured him I would meet with everyone really quick. Yet just after he left a young woman came through the entrance of my door. Her appearance startled me, not because I had not expected another person’s presence; it was that she sort of looked like me but a far more exotic version. She was younger, and had light brown hair; she was slightly more slender but what caught my attention were her green eyes – they were shaped like mine. She was quite stunning, especially in the sheer red silk blouse and short black skirt which exposed a pair of legs that any fashion model would die for.

  She smiled as she approached me. I stood up and she extended her hand, “Senator Lindberg?” She was slightly taller than me due to the extremely high heeled shoes she was wearing. I took her hand, “Yes I am.” She excused herself, “Hello Senator Lindberg, I am sorry if I am too early, but you did not say what time of morning you wanted to meet.” I suddenly remembered the email from the previous day. “My name is Katja Ivanova. I am here because I saw your news article and…” I was sorry to have to cut her off, “I must apologize but I have to be somewhere right this instant, but it should not take long. Can you wait for me in the lobby and we can talk once I am finished?” She nodded, “Of course, I am sorry. I can wait as long as you wish.” I thanked her and rushed down the corridor.

  When I entered the conference room I noticed one of the big players in the Oregon Republican Party, Joseph Faber, and a few legislators. I also noticed a group of four men and four women who I assumed were the Swed
ish group. Mr. Faber came up and introduced me to the delegation – who then introduced themselves by stating their name, shaking my hand and then just looking at me. I was unsure how I should respond but then Faber jumped in, “Melanie Lindberg is one of our rising stars in the party! In fact, I should note that she also has Swedish heritage.” One of the delegation then said, “Of course, Lindberg is a very common Swedish name.” I interjected, “Well actually, my husband’s name is Lindberg, but I also have Swedish ancestry.” Faber again jumped in, “Oh, and I should also note that Senator Lindberg has four children.”

  One of the delegates, a woman, perked up, “That is impressive; you are so young to be a mother of such a big family.” I replied, “Thank you, but I don’t consider my family that big – yet.” The woman’s eyes opened wide and she smiled, but did not say anything more. In fact the Swedes sort of just stood there. Then Mr. Faber took the podium and asked everyone to have a seat.

  He spoke a couple of minutes welcoming the group and hoping that they could learn about how our state system worked and how campaigns were different in the USA. I had no clue what I should say but quickly jotted a few notes down on the back of a piece of paper. When it was my turn to speak I got up and started talking about the importance of individuality, the family and preserving our traditions. I then brought up why education needed to be reformed.

  I could not tell how the Swedes took my speech as a whole. Except for the woman I had talked to who smiled and nodded approvingly as I spoke, the rest remained quiet and…polite and almost devoid of facial expressions. When I concluded my remarks I sat down and patiently waited for Faber’s presentation to end.

  When he finally finished several of the Swedes approached me. I was prepared for a boring conversation but one of the delegates asked point blank, “I see a lot of Americans belong to crazy groups who want to ban abortion and carry a gun. You obviously aren’t one of those, are you?” I was taken aback by his audacious statement. Not even the most liberal of my colleagues would have asked a question in those terms. I responded, “You know, maybe I am one of those people!” He laughed, “No really, I have heard that Oregon is more progressive than most states, but that there are some people here who are far right extremists.” This guy’s tone was so irritating! I shot back, “I own a gun, I am against abortion, and I even favor the death penalty – are you saying that there are no Swedes who believe in those things, even in conservative parties?” Another delegate contributed, “Only a few in far right fringe groups.” I then asked, “So what would I be considered in your country?” Nobody answered.