I turned on the TV and tried to relax. I began to watch an old movie and maybe around 5am I finally passed out. I did not wake again until around 2pm. I still felt really lonely without Katja. I decided to go for a run, a long run, and try to clear my mind. My life was so complicated. I had not done anything except the speech with my real job for several weeks, my family was clear across the world and now I was basically a concubine of a strip club owner. And I still did not know who exactly had tried to kill my family. I needed to push these thoughts out of my mind and pushing my body to the limit seemed the best way.
It was a hot and humid day but I ran up the road, across the freeway overpass and past the Mormon temple. I hated that it symbolized the purity of my husband while I had transformed myself into something far more the opposite. Maybe the one thing that had allowed me to feel an equal to Matt was my devotion to him as a man. That allowed me to repress that part of me that had taken so many lives. Realizing just how far I had plunged beyond that I lost sight of the purpose and sprinted past the temple with as much speed as I could. Yet looking around at the middle-class homes with their middle-class families only re-enforced my alienation from the woman I had been such a short time ago.
When I returned my muscles ached and I was drenched in sweat. I got into the shower and cleaned off, took an aspirin, and made some dinner. I decided to get ready and go to work early that evening.
When I arrived Nazir gave me a warm greeting. He took me to his office and announced, “The guy who robbed us the other night was caught! Aslan has amazing connections!” He nodded his head, “Nobody messes with a Zagriev!” At that he locked the door and casually asked, “Time to take a break and celebrate Amber.” As he began to unbutton his pants I took it as a cue to get undressed. It was weird, as he used my body it was as if this was a business activity…I really was a coffee break for him. Even in the middle of our encounter he was talking. He said, “Aslan will teach that piece of trash a lesson. Oh, I have a business proposition for you Amber. I’ll tell you…just wait.” Once it was all over he grabbed his pants and asked, “Would you be willing to sit and talk with me a while?” I began to gather my things and said, “Sure but won’t that cut into my shift?” He shook his head and grunted, “The Russian whores will be adequate tonight. I’ll give you five hundred dollars if you just sit here and be with me.” I pulled on my skirt and said, “I would be happy to do so.” He seemed pleased with my reply as he took out an oversized wallet packed with money and counted out the bills. I could not help but feel the irony of the situation; giving this man the services of my body for free, but taking money for mere companionship.
He began to fill out some papers as I sat in the oversize chair. He then said, “It pays to have friends in the police department.” He laughed and held up a CD, “They looked at the pictures of the robber from the security camera and in no time they caught up with the guy and I have my money back, with interest.” I said the police did impressive work sometimes, as he put the CD in a box and onto the shelf. He continued as he sat down, “These cops were off the clock. They met up with Aslan and they made sure the job got done. That little Mexican punk got what he deserved too.” He sat back and smiled, “And maybe some deserving man, woman or child has a new kidney by now!” I looked up and asked, “Kidney?” He got a smirk on his face as he got up, walked over to me, and sat on the arm of the chair, “Yes, it is called supply and demand. My friends know a doctor who understands the concept quite well.”
That evening we talked about politics, philosophy and even religion. The strange thing I discovered about Nazir was that while he was quick to apply religious significance to events in society, he did not feel all that devout as an individual. In a way I could relate to him as I looked down on those who had no belief system, yet all I felt was an intellectual connection to God. All in all it was a stimulating evening of conversation, as well as profitable, but as closing time neared, I commented, hoping that Petra had exaggerated Adlan’s control over her, “I need to catch Petra before she leaves.” At that he asked me to wait. He commented, “Adlan likes Petra it seems. He has suggested that you two not spend any time together. You must understand, he is jealous man and is unwilling to share his woman with anyone else, including another woman. To me, it is not a big deal, but he is far more traditional than I am. Can you accept this?” Knowing I had no other choice I said I was fine, although I did miss her, and realized this would complicate our mission.
On the way home I analyzed the situation, trying to find some way to communicate with Katja, but aside from texting her there seemed to be little I could do. And after Nazir told me of the kidney thing I realized just how dangerous these men were, including their connections to the police, probably the ones I suspected had brought harm to my family. When I arrived at the apartment I could smell Nazir’s aftershave on my skin and, despite the fact it was almost 2am and my muscles hurt from my earlier run, I changed into my running clothes and took off at a full sprint. I desired to sweat out any traces of the man on my body.
The next day I awoke around noon. I figured it was too late to go up in the mountains, but thinking of going shopping on a Sunday afternoon just made me feel twice as lonely as I felt there in that apartment. My body was stiff from the running I had done the previous day and night, so I staggered from the bed and turned on the computer. It still felt odd to think of talking with Matt or Nicole right then so I sent both really cute love e-cards and then sat back and checked out what was going on in Portland news. Suddenly I noticed a report of a body being found dumped just outside the city. There was not much said about the victim, but for some reason I felt I needed to know more, and as the area was part of my legislative district, and the sheriff had endorsed my campaign, I decided to give him a call.
When I reached him I engaged him in some talk about local politics and then asked him about the news story. He said he had visited the scene and that it was a huge mess. He said they had no idea who the victim was except that he was a Hispanic male maybe around twenty years of age, but that he suspected some gang retribution. When I asked why he said that someone had gutted him – literally, and there were no internal organs except for his intestines. I switched the subject back to politics and then wished him a great day, and promised I would see him in the near future.
That was extremely unsettling – I had not asked the sheriff what the man looked like, and Nazir had said he was Hispanic. I could not help but feel uneasy at the prospect that Nazir, and his police friends, were involved not only in trafficking, but also in human organ sales. I felt all the more worried for Katja.
Going to work that evening I noticed the club was almost empty and that Katja was on stage already; apparently she had been on the Sunday day shift, the worse to be scheduled on for getting tips. She glanced at me from the stage and gave me a look that, while lasting only a couple of seconds, seemed to convey desperation and fear. I also noticed that on her leg she had one of the bracelets Tiffanie had told me about. As she exited the stage Tiffanie came from behind and greeted me. She laughed, and said, “Some guys have asked your boyfriend for a performance this evening – you up for it?” I shrugged my shoulders and said, “With whom?” and she rolled her eyes, “Who do you think? They asked if you and I could perform at 8pm.” I commented, “Sounds good to me, but I thought you were not into women.” She replied, “Not that much, but I am into money and I have a car payment due soon. It’s not as if I haven’t been with a woman before. And besides I was pretty good in high school drama.”
Katja was nowhere to be seen after she had left the stage. I rushed to change into the outfit that Tiffanie had given me and when our time approached we went into the performance room. At first glance of the men at the table my heart almost leaped into my throat – I thought one of them looked like a particular Democratic legislator in the House. The last thing I needed was to be spotted by a legislative rival, but then I noticed that when he turned to the side that I had been mistaken. Right th
en I realized that someone I knew would eventually wind up coming in and maybe, just maybe, recognize me.
Upon knowing I was safe that evening, Tiffanie and I began our performance. A part of me decided it would be a challenge to give her an experience she would never forget. So for the next hour I did my best to seduce this small-town girl for real. I figured it might be more fun for me and besides, I did like her and it was easy to express that physically. And apparently the audience appreciated the act, since Adlan brought us our payment as well as a large tip after the show. When he left the dressing room Tiffany touched my shoulder and asked, in a shy manner, “Are you busy this evening?” I laughed and asked what she had in mind and she commented, “I think you know.”
The next morning, I awoke in Tiffanie’s apartment, to breakfast in bed. This was the beginning of an interesting relationship, especially when she brought me my food she really did remind me of a younger Bethany! She sat down beside me and said, “It has been a while since I have had anyone here in my apartment. I sometimes hate being lonely so much.” For some reason I blurted out, “I could always stay here with you…at least for now.” She laughed, “I said I tried girls…yet maybe you are asking if I should give it another shot?” I laughed, “Why not?” I thought it funny that Tiffanie would be so willing to alter her outlook on life so quickly. Yet she immediately made it clear, “Look sweetie, I just want you to know how it works with me. I like you but don’t start expecting me to buy you any diamond ring. You ain’t going to be able to make babies in this life and so we aren’t going to be riding off into the sunset together, okay?” I nodded, “Okay.” She laughed, “Good! We can be best friends though…friends with benefits even; as long as you don’t talk my ear off about all the fights you had with your mommy or how your daddy never paid attention to you and so why you slept with any guy who pretended to love you. If that is what you want then go find a shrink, okay?” I replied, “You don’t have to worry about that.” She smiled and caressed my hand while I contemplated the irony of her warnings. Then again it was refreshing to get everything out into the open and not have to worry about juggling new relationship expectations, yet getting the benefits just the same.
The next couple of nights Nazir said he was too busy to sit and talk, so it was dancing as usual – except that all I saw of Katja was her leaving as she was only signed on for day shifts. I texted her several times but received no answer. Then on Tuesday night, just as I was ready to leave, Nazir asked, “So you and Tiffanie are living together?” When I grudgingly replied I was, he shook his head and looked at me, “I am glad you and Tiffanie are spending time together if that is what you need. I do not want to offend you, but I think Tiffanie is better for you than Petra.” I did not try to pry to see why he felt this way but he changed the subject anyway. He gave me a hug and asked, “Are you busy tomorrow?” I told him I was totally free until work. He looked at me and smiled, “Would you go shopping with me?” I agreed to his invitation and he said he would pick me up at the club parking lot at noon.
Since I had arrived with Tiffanie, I had to wait for her shift to end. I sat down in front of the dressing room and felt totally frustrated. I could not speak to Katja and had no idea what she had run across while with Adlan. I also was worried how she would feel if she knew I was with Tiffanie. I just sat there and wondered what would be the next development in my drama.
That evening Tiffanie asked if I might like to go to the ocean on Wednesday, but I told her I had a date with Nazir. She was somewhat disappointed but accepted it.
The next day Nazir picked me up at the club but he looked at my shorts and small t-shirt and said, “That won’t do today.” He then proceeded to open the door to the cab he had ordered and said, “You can buy anything you want today. I want you to feel special!” It felt weird to shop at exclusive stores and Nazir buy me clothing, shoes and jewelry that cost him thousands of dollars. I wondered if the money that was purchasing these goods had been earned by selling organs from the man who I suspected he had a hand in the murder of. Yet I had to admit I appreciated his lavish gifts.
Of course, I was not prepared for what was to take place once we arrived back to the club and went to the privacy of his office. Sure, I was not surprised when he asked me to get undressed; I expected he wanted a reward for all he had spent on me. However, afterwards, as I was about to get dressed he asked, “Can you please wait here on the couch?” He put on his clothes and walked over to the shelf. He opened up a box and took out something – I could not tell what, at first, until he walked back to me.
I was completely taken by surprised when he showed me a beautiful ankle bracelet, except I knew that it was one of the GPS trackers that the Russian girls wore. I asked, “What is that?” so he would have no idea that I knew what these things were. He explained, “Now that you are my woman I want to make sure you are safe. Please come with me.” I got up and followed him to the other side of the room. Once there he opened up a drawer and said, “Look!” Carefully fit into the drawer was a screen. He then showed me how it worked. When he turned it on the screen lit up with little red dots all over a map of Portland. When he moved the curser over a dot a name appeared. He took a prideful tone to his voice and commented, “That is one of the girls you have never met. She is on rent to a rich client. And look, here is Alexa here with these two others. I’ll bet I know what these three girls are up to tonight.”
I asked, “So this is a way to protect everyone? Good idea.” Of course I knew the real purpose was for control, but I had to maintain a cover of naivety. When he nodded his head I asked, “Can I check out the other bracelets?” He smiled approvingly and opened the box. I took out a different one and said, “This is beautiful” He asked me to go lay on the couch so he could fit it. I propped my leg up and after a few minutes of adjustments he asked if it was too tight. I got up, walked around, and commented, “It looks cool and feels fine.” He then told me to sit down and then he locked it. I looked at it and said, “I am glad you care enough for me to do this.” He then held me tight, gave me a passionate kiss, to which I struggled to pretend I enjoyed it, and then asked, “Are you up for another round of your favorite pastime?”
Thankfully he did not take long. After we were finished I asked, “Have you ever had to use the bracelet to find anyone?” He grunted, “Yes, once. Some stupid Russian whore borrowed a bunch of money from me. She left Portland and tried to take the bracelet off, but she discovered that it is impossible without this special key. It is not like those cheap police bracelets.” I asked, “So what happened?” He did not even hesitate in his reply, “It is a good thing for her that a person only needs one kidney to live.” There was a moment of silence and then Nazir touched my cheek and took a re-assuring tone, “Don’t worry Amber. If we ever decide to part I will remove the bracelet.” I do not know why but I asked, “What if we never break up?” His eyes opened wide and he smiled, “Then we can leave it forever.”
I really, really resented the collar on my leg, but it did not matter – I was stuck with it. I felt like I really was Nazir’s slave and that caused me to have resentment, and resentment leads to hate – despite my recognizing a certain fondness for our conversations and his generous nature. He could be as giving as he wanted to be but every time I felt that thing clinging to me I wanted to wrap it around his throat. Yet at least I was convinced that what I had to endure was worth it. In fact, just to convince him I really did connect to him in all respects towards the end of the shift I approached him at the bar and asked, “You wouldn’t be up for a third time tonight, would you?” He paused a moment, smiled as he poured a pitcher of beer, and said, “Sorry, but no.” I was certainly not unhappy, as long as he trusted me.
The next day Tiffanie and I both had the day off. Of course, when the alarm woke us up at 6:30am I wondered what in the world she had in mind. She announced, “Last June I visited a hippie market and someone gave me a free day pass to a nudist colony outside Eugene. Would you like to try it out with
me?” I was completely surprised and felt totally into going. I joked, “How should we dress?” and she just laughed and began to gather some things together. On the way there in the car I avoided any mention of being from Eugene, and let her do all the talking. I knew the area well, but let her take a few wrong turns on the way so that she would never realize it.
Once there we had to go through an orientation. What really surprised me was when the older gentleman and his wife asked if we were sisters, or if we were together, Tiffanie suddenly announced, “Well, yes, we are a couple, sort of…for now.” The rest of the day we relaxed, swam in a pool, sat in the hot tub and enjoyed the last of the summer’s hot days. What felt weird was as we rested on a blanket on the grass I remembered fond days with Bethany and, without even looking around; I rolled over and gave Tiffanie a huge kiss. She laughed and hid her face in the blanket, giggling, and said, “Okay, wait until we get home – I am still getting used to having a girlfriend ya know.”
On the way back to Portland Tiffanie spent a lot of time holding my hand. It was strange in a way…I mean I had neglected to check my emails to see if Matt and Nicole had written, but here I was, realizing that I had made commitments to Katja, was having sex, if you could call it that, with Nazir and apparently Tiffanie was beginning to see us as a couple! I had a fleeting moment of wondering how Nicole and Matt would react if I presented both Katja and Tiffanie to them, but realized that I was probably thinking way too far ahead.
Yet that evening, as Tiffanie and I sat on her sofa and watched some silly musical show she asked, “You are really into athletics, aren’t you?” I said I was and she laughed, “You wouldn’t mind a future with a gal who is sort of a couch potato, would you? I mean, I know I am in shape now but I am just not into heavy workouts – I like to walk, but I just know someday I will look like my mom. Does that bother you?” I laughed and asked, “Why don’t you give my routine a try?” She shook her head, “Run with my build? No thank you.” I smiled, “There is always swimming and biking.” She shook her head, “I might try that. Maybe next summer we can take some time and go on cross-country rides.” I sighed, “What if Nazir doesn’t want me to go?” She shook her head, “Men like Nazir get bored real fast. Maybe he will marry you but don’t count on it sweetie. Just enjoy the ride he will take you on for now and let him buy you lots of stuff. At least when he dumps you then you will have something to show for it.” At that I asked, “And what about us?” She lifted my legs up and began to gently massage my foot, “I’m kinda warming up to you. I wish you could grow the right equipment but maybe…who knows, you said you have a daughter and…oh hell girl, maybe I can get a guy to knock me up someday and we can move to some weird place like Eugene and raise a family.” Before I could respond she asked, “Can we just go to bed and maybe talk about this later…like in a month or two, or maybe three?”
Descent Into Darkness Page 24