Clover Creek (Sweet Southern Nights Book 1)

by Heather Michelle

  The silence was deafening. I almost couldn’t take it. I wanted to hold her. I wanted to comfort her. I wanted to take it all away. She wiped her cheeks and stood.

  I couldn’t breathe. I’d lost her all over again.

  “I should check on Gram,” she said as she brushed a fallen hair from in front of her face.

  Her eyes were still glossed over with unshed tears and her cheeks flushed with pink splotches, but she was as breathtaking as she’d ever been. I hated myself in that moment. All I could do was nod and watch as she walked back to the house.

  “Jayce? Jayce Sterling? Is that you?” Her Gram’s voice interrupted the silence from the back porch.

  I threw my hand up and waved, and Claire kept walking. “Yes ma’am. Good afternoon, Mrs. Cunningham.”

  The older woman shook her head and smiled. “Now, you know better than that. Gram. You call me Gram.”

  I chuckled under my breath then stood to my feet. “Yes, ma’am.” I was relieved to see she felt better. I was sure she had Claire to thank for that.

  “Claire Bear?” Gram shielded her eyes with her hand and leaned her head forward.

  Claire stopped at the bottom of the steps that led to the back porch. “Yes, Gram?”

  “I thought we might make a pie. Millie Wilson brought me some fresh pecans. I’m sure Jayce won’t mind you coming inside for a minute.” She smiled and winked at me.

  Claire looked over her shoulder at me and the pain in her eyes made me flinch. Pecan pie was my favorite. Everyone knew that, and there was nothing better in the world than Gram’s homemade pecan pie.

  “It’s okay. We were done anyway,” Claire said, and I felt the sting of her words all the way to my bones.

  I watched her follow her Gram inside, and my heart sank to my stomach. She was gone. The truth pushed her away. And I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to pull her back.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Claire

  Thirteen years. Heartbreak. Confusion. Pain. If Jayce had just told me the truth, if we would’ve talked about it, so many things would be different now.

  He wouldn’t be who he is.

  A twinge of guilt gnawed at me for wanting to turn back time. Jayce had made something of his life, and I was proud of him. He deserved every bit of his success. It was selfish of me to want to take that back, to wish we’d have stayed two small town kids with nothing but our dreams and each other. But we’d have had each other.

  Could we still have each other? He was here now. I was here now. We’d been given a second chance. He was asking for a second chance. Was I strong enough to give it to him? To let the past be the past?

  Gram already had the pie crust out on the counter when we walked into the kitchen. She opened the Ziploc bag full of pecans and began spreading them over the bottom of the crust. I grabbed two eggs and the rest of the ingredients.

  “It’s so nice to see you and Jayce under that old tree again. Just like old times,” Gram said with a smile that brightened her eyes.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat and began whisking the eggs. She remembered things that right now I wished I could forget.

  “That was a long time ago, Gram. Things are different now. We’re different now.”

  She handed me a bowl of melted butter. “Things can be different. People can even be different. But love— Love doesn’t change.”

  I poured the butter in with the eggs and added dark corn syrup and vanilla. “I wish it was that simple.”

  He left me when I needed him. He lied to me when I thought he was the one thing I could depend on.

  Sunlight flooded the room through the open blinds. My eyes moved to the bay window, and I saw Jayce by the fence. He was so ruggedly handsome. The guy in the t-shirt and jeans with his hair a mess and unshaved chin was just a stronger, sexier version of the boy who used to stand on Gram’s front porch and wait for my silent permission to kiss me. I’d cradle his jaw in my hand and look up at him with expectant eyes. My thumb would graze the rough stubble on his chin, and he’d know. He’d know exactly what I wanted. I missed that. I missed him.

  I missed us.

  I finished whisking the mixture and started to pour it over the pecans, but Gram stopped me. “Not yet. There’s one more thing,” she said.

  Then she pulled a jar of cinnamon from the cabinet and shook some into the palm of her hand. She pinched a little at a time and sprinkled it into the bowl.

  I pulled my brows together in confusion. “I didn’t know you put cinnamon in your pecan pie.”

  She laughed then took the bowl from my hands. “Remember when you were little, and Mrs. Thompson would always bring a plate full of gingerbread cookies for Christmas?”

  I did. My mother always smiled and told the woman how much I’d loved them when the truth was that I didn’t like them at all. They were dry and crumbled after the first bite.

  I nodded, and Gram continued. “Your mother swore it was the cinnamon. That you hated cinnamon because she did too.” Gram chuckled to herself as she poured the mixture over the pecans. “I think she even had you believing it.”

  She placed the pie on a baking sheet, and I opened the oven for her. “But you loved my pecan pie so much. I knew if you found out I put cinnamon in it, you’d convince yourself it wasn’t any good. And you loved it too much for me to take that away.”

  She was right. I never really knew why, but I’d spent my whole life believing I hated cinnamon without honestly remembering ever having tasted it. “I can’t believe I didn’t know this,” I said.

  Gram put the pie in the oven then grabbed my hand. “Not all secrets are meant for harm, Claire Bear. Sometimes we keep secrets out of love.”

  I looked out the window at Jayce, and my heart sank. Her secret wasn’t nearly as monumental as the one Jayce had kept, but the reason behind it was the same. Thank you, Gram.

  ***

  Gram was in her chair, settled into a brand-new book— something about a servant woman who befriends her employer’s wealthy neighbor. If Fences were Mirrors. Every now and then, Gram laughed to herself. Good to see you’re never too old to make imaginary friends. The pie sat cooling on the kitchen counter. Jayce painted the fence while I stole glances at him every time I passed an open window.

  I wasn’t sure I could stay at the B&B anymore. Not just because of Jayce, but because after today, I wanted to spend more time with Gram. I wanted to be closer to her. I called Annie to let her know I’d be spending the next few nights here, so she didn’t have to.

  “I’ll be back in a few minutes. I just need to go get some things from the B&B,” I told Gram.

  She looked up from her book and smiled. My Gram was still in there. I saw it in her eyes and heard it in her wisdom. We hadn’t completely lost her yet. I leaned down to kiss her cheek.

  Jayce watched every step I took from the front porch to the driver’s side of the car. My eyes met his intense gaze, and I wanted to cave, to give in and forget it all— the secrets, the lies, the pain. None of it mattered when I looked at him. Instead, I opened the door, climbed inside, and pulled out of the driveway without saying a word.

  ***

  Mrs. Abraham was glad to hear that I would be staying in Clover Creek for a while longer, but sad to see me leave the B&B. I assured her that we would be spending plenty of time together planning the Fourth of July event.

  I stopped and stared at the door as I walked past Jayce’s room. There would be no more kitchen shenanigans. No more dinners. No more kissing on the front lawn in the pouring rain. He wouldn’t walk me to my room and lean against the door with that mischievous grin. I wouldn’t politely tell him goodnight when what I really wanted was to invite him in.

  My fingertips brushed the outside of his door. I knew he wasn’t in there. I’d just left him at my Gram’s. But an overwhelming urge to open that door and step inside tugged at my gut. I just wanted to be close to him, to any part of him. He wasn’t even gone, and I missed him already. I took one more look at the
closed wooden door, then I went to my room and started packing my things.

  He pulled into the driveway just as I loaded my suitcase into the trunk of Gram’s car. So much for running. My getaway plan fell to pieces the minute he stepped out of his SUV and stood behind me. Maybe it was for the best. I’d spent the last thirteen years running. I supposed it was time to stop.

  “You’re leaving?” he asked, and the pain in his voice cut right through me.

  Don’t turn around. This will be easier if you don’t have to look at him.

  I turned to face him. Idiot.

  His eyes held mine captive. My voice froze in my throat. I couldn’t speak. I wanted to run back inside and hide, but I couldn’t move. Jayce had me pinned down with his dark golden gaze. My mouth went dry. I wet my lips, hoping that would help me speak. His eyes fell to my mouth, and my heart raced.

  I swallowed hard. “I think I should stay with Gram.”

  “Because of me.” His words were both a statement and a question.

  All or nothing, right? Come on, Claire. You can do this. Rip it off. Like a Band-aid. Why does he keep looking at me like that? Doesn’t he know I can’t think when he does that?

  I forced myself to look away from him. “At first, maybe.” I closed my eyes. “I mean yes. At first.” I took a deep breath and opened them again. “Then I thought about it, and Gram needs me right now. And honestly, I need her.” I thought about our earlier conversation, and how her words helped me understand so much. I’d missed that.

  “Claire—” Jayce took a step forward, but I held up a hand to stop him.

  “Wait. There’s something I need to say,” I interrupted him.

  He straightened his shoulders and cleared his throat, like he needed to prepare himself for my words.

  “How long did you know?” I asked and he flinched.

  His jaw twitched as it clenched. “I found out at the end of our Sophomore year.”

  I did the math in my head. That was a year and a half before he left. “You should’ve told me.”

  He reached for my hand, but I quickly tucked my arm behind my back. He flinched again as if the gesture physically pained him. I knew how that felt. It pained me too.

  “Would it have changed anything? Aside from causing you more pain? Honestly, Claire, would the outcome have been any different? You’d have hated me just like your mother always has. I’d have left anyway because there was no way I could’ve stayed here and looked at you every day knowing I couldn’t have you.”

  My mother knew. All these people with all these secrets. It made my head hurt.

  “And you think that doesn’t hurt? Hearing that you didn’t tell me because you didn’t think I was strong enough to handle it?”

  “I made a mistake. I’m man enough to admit that.”

  I expected an excuse, a sugar-coated reason why he knew what was best for me more than I did. I was used to excuses. I’d heard them all my life, from my mother, from David. Jayce’s truth— the truth that he’d been living with for all these years— brought me to my knees.

  “I wouldn’t have hated you. I could never hate you.”

  I love you.

  My heart whispered the words my mouth was too stubborn to say.

  He took another step forward. Heat radiated from his body to mine. I took a step back before the fire consumed me. The steel frame of Gram’s car pinned me between the trunk and Jayce’s body. The corner of his mouth twitched as though he were fighting a grin. My pulse raced, but there were things I still needed to say. Being so close to him made it impossible to think about words. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and feel him close— Closer.

  “It would be selfish of me to want to change the past. You are who you are because of it. Your life, your success—”

  He stopped me. “Doesn’t mean anything. I’d give it all back if it meant—”

  I held a finger against his lips, and an electric current surged through my veins. “I know you would. And that’s why…” I let my words fall off before I said them. They needed to stay safe in my heart for now.

  He leaned his forehead against mine. His breath danced across my skin. He rested his palms against the trunk of the car, locking me in place with his arms. I fought to steady my breath.

  “Why what?” he asked.

  I closed my eyes and collected my thoughts. When I opened them again, they met his, dark and pleading. “Why you need to know that you didn’t ruin my life. Your family, your Nana, didn’t ruin my life.” He lifted his head to study my face. “Your Nana was a sick, confused woman. I understand that now more than ever. My mother’s not being able to decide between wanting to lock me in a box and protect me or parade me around town like nothing ever happened is what ruined me. She put so much effort into trying to create this picture-perfect family so that people would forget that day, forget the blemish. I was the blemish, Jayce. I was the flaw in her perfectly designed life. But you— you made me feel… normal. I didn’t have to pretend. You didn’t expect me to be anything other than me. You saved me.”

  I hadn’t realized exactly how true those words were until I’d just said them. Jayce wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against him. I rested my head on his broad chest. His lips touched my hair as he kissed the top of my head. His secret hadn’t just caused me pain. He’d been living with it too. I couldn’t imagine how hard it must have been for him to carry such a heavy load for so long. He didn’t have to carry it anymore, at least not alone.

  “I let you go once. I won’t ever do it again. Tell me what to do. Anything. Tell me how we start over,” he said.

  I didn’t want him to let go. Not ever. This was where I wanted to be. It’s where I’d always wanted to be.

  I looked up at him and smiled. “We could start with dinner. Tonight? At my Gram’s.”

  “I like dinner.”

  I like you.

  I brought my hand to the curve of his jaw the same way I’d done a hundred times before when we were younger. He swallowed hard and I nodded. Then he brought his lips to mine and the world around us faded away.

  ***

  I smiled to myself as I walked into the kitchen. Maybe Clover Creek wasn’t so bad after all. I had the opportunity to help plan an event I’d always loved when I was growing up. I got to spend time with Gram. For the first time in a long time, it didn’t feel like my life was one big game of Jenga, where I was just waiting for that one piece to send it all crashing down. My tower was safe. No one was messing with my pieces. I’d found Jayce again. We’d found each other.

  He was coming over. I looked at the clock on the stove. It was 6:20, and I still smelled like pie crust and butter.

  “Going to take a shower, Gram I’ll be right back down.” I hurried up the stairs without even waiting for Gram to answer.

  White Shoulders. Wind Song. Sweet pea scented lotion. And one solid pink bar in the soap dish. The bathroom counter was covered in perfume bottles and tiny gold containers of talcum powder. I’d just taken a one-way trip back to 1988. This was not going to work.

  I turned the faucet, letting the water get warm while I grabbed my body wash and shampoo from my bag. I pulled a hot pink razor out, then stuffed it back in. Who cared if my legs felt like I’d been possessed by a family of porcupines? I did. I totally cared. I pulled the razor out again, convincing myself that it was strictly because it was summer time and that’s what proper ladies did. Right. It had nothing to do with the fact that my knee might accidentally brush against his or that his hand might touch my skin. The thought alone had my flesh covered in goosebumps.

  About ten minutes later, with a head full of lathered shampoo and legs covered in foamy shaving cream, I heard the doorbell ring.

  No.

  If that was Jayce —and I was pretty sure that’s who it was— he was early. I still had thirty minutes. He didn’t even give me time to put on makeup. What was he thinking? A girl needed time to get presentable. Didn’t he know these things? Wasn’t th
ere a rule book out there somewhere?

  I rinsed the shampoo and finished shaving then ran some leave-in conditioner through my wet strands. Once I was dry and dressed, I headed downstairs.

  Jayce sat on a barstool in the kitchen with a mouth full of pie. Of course.

  Gram stood beside him with a smile on her face. “I think I’m going to head up to my room and read a little more before bed,” she said, and I knew exactly what she was doing.

  “We were going to watch a movie if you feel like joining us.”

  Gram yawned. It was fake. So ridiculously fake. But I appreciated what she was trying to do. “Oh no. You two enjoy yourselves. It’s been a long day, and I’m ready for bed.” Gram kissed us both on the cheek.

  “Goodnight, Gram,” we both said before she left us alone in the kitchen.

  “You’re early.” I stole the fork from Jayce’s hand and took a bite of his pie. He stole it back, and I laughed.

  He brushed a piece of wet hair off my neck. “And you’re beautiful.”

  My blood heated, and I had no doubt that my cheeks were flushed. The make-up would’ve really come in handy right about now. “You’re just saying that to get more pie.”