Back To You (In Tune Book 1)

by Jessica Ruddick

  “But you were part of that dream. You were my dream.”

  My breath caught in my throat. Gabe always had a way with words, which was why his songs were so popular. Both the music and the lyrics were beautiful. But I wasn’t worthy of his poetry.

  I couldn’t stop the tears from gathering in my eyes. I looked down, no longer able to look at him. “I never wanted to hurt you.” Seeing the raw pain in his eyes was heartbreaking. It had somehow been easier five years ago, because his reaction had been tainted with anger.

  He blew out a breath. “What the hell did you think would happen when you told me you cheated on me?”

  I flinched as if he’d slapped me. I’d been young, stupid, and desperate. Yet even now, I didn’t see another way to accomplish my goal. “I didn’t want you to miss your shot.”

  “I wouldn’t have missed it. It just might have been delayed for a while.”

  “You don’t know that,” I insisted. “Your songs on Spotify were starting to get attention. You needed to take advantage of that before the wind shifted.”

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence,” he said wryly.

  “That’s not what I meant. You know better than I do how volatile the music industry is.”

  He shook his head. “Yeah, but so what? I would have waited for you.”

  He was missing the point. “If you missed your shot, you would have resented me.” If I could think of anything worse than losing him, it was that. Resentment was a slippery slope that led to hatred, though the road we’d taken had led us there anyway. Now that he knows the truth, does he still hate me?

  He shook his head again. “No.”

  I sighed. “Okay. I would have resented myself, then. I couldn’t live with myself if I’d held you back. Millions of people dream of making it in music, but only a select few have the talent to actually do it. You’re one of those few. You have a gift, and you needed to share it with the world. But I was just—”

  “My world.” He stood and paced in front of me. “You were my everything. When you told me you cheated on me, it almost broke me.”

  But it didn’t. That was not an appropriate response, though. Maybe what I’d done had hit him harder than I’d anticipated, but in the end, I’d been right—he’d left Cedar Creek and me behind to become a star. He was living his dream.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I only tried to do what was best for you and Lacey.”

  “You took the choice away from me. You had no right to do that.” His anger was palpable, and I struggled not to shy away from him.

  At the very least, I owed him the conversation. At most… well, I couldn’t think of anything else he could possibly want from me. “Maybe you’re right, but if the situation was reversed, what would you have done? You would have put me first.” If the situation was reversed, would I hate him? No matter what he did to me, I didn’t think I had it in me to hate him. Because his soul was good—he would never hurt me on purpose, as I’d done to him.

  He stopped pacing, and his shoulders sagged. “Did you ever stop to think that putting me first meant putting us first?”

  I opened my mouth to respond but closed it because I hadn’t thought about it. I honestly hadn’t factored myself into the equation. “I did what I thought was the right thing to do at the time. I’m sorry. My intention wasn’t to hurt you.”

  Gabe hung his head and laughed bitterly. “The sad thing is that I believe you. But it just goes to show that you didn’t know me as well as you thought you did.”

  “I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t have a way with words like Gabe did. But words couldn’t fix it because nothing could.

  “Well, thanks for coming clean, I guess. Goodnight, Leah.” Gabe walked past me up the steps to enter the house. The screen door slammed behind him.

  When I reached my front door, the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I unclipped the pepper spray from my keychain and held it in one hand as I pushed the key into the door handle. But I didn’t need the key because the door was already unlocked. Damn it.

  I pushed open the door, pepper spray at the ready. My arm dropped to my side listlessly. No one was there, but it was obvious someone had been. The place had been ransacked. I sank to my knees, surveying the damage. The sofa cushions had been tossed, but it didn’t look like they’d been damaged. The lamp was on its side, the shade smashed. The TV was still mounted to the wall, so that was good, I guessed. Not that I cared much about a stupid television.

  My space had been violated, and although I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry, that would do nothing but give me a crying hangover. Exhaling, I stood. When I walked into the kitchen area, my spirits sank. My dishes were strewn all over the floor. Most of them looked to be broken. They were all secondhand, bought from thrift stores or yard sales, but I liked them, and they were all I had. I wasn’t normally violent—in fact, I abhorred violence—but I wanted to hit something. Life had punched me in the gut and then kicked me when I was already down. I wanted to give some of that back.

  I slowly counted to ten. My instinct was to pull out my broom and start cleaning, but I stopped, realizing that this was a crime scene. I didn’t expect the police to be able to do much about it, but I called Tyler and waited for him outside.

  He showed up fifteen minutes later. Putting his hands on his hips, he surveyed the damage. “Is anything missing?”

  I shrugged. “I didn’t want to disturb anything until you got here. Anyway, I don’t have anything of value. Except—wait a minute.” I rushed into the bedroom, preparing to yank open my sock drawer where I kept my tips from the diner. But the drawer was on the floor, its contents scattered. I didn’t have to look to know the money was gone.

  Tyler stood in the doorway. “Leah?”

  “Cash,” I said numbly. “All my cash is gone.”

  “How much was it?”

  I rubbed my forehead, mentally calculating. “Maybe four hundred? It was my tips from the diner.” I had direct deposit for my other pay from the diner, and for my cleaning jobs, people usually paid me electronically. I used the cash tips for groceries and the like. Since Lacey was gone, though, I hadn’t needed to spend as much, so it had accumulated. I laughed bitterly. I’d been foolishly thinking that perhaps I could get ahead for once.

  “I’m sorry, Leah.” He paused. “Do you have any idea who might have done this? That isn’t a question I’d normally ask, but…”

  It dawned on me. “My father.” It was just his style. Since he couldn’t use me for money the way he'd originally intended, he’d simply come and taken what he wanted. But four hundred dollars was a lot less than what he probably thought he’d get from Gabe or a tabloid.

  All I’d ever wanted was to escape that man, to delete him from my life entirely. For a while, I’d thought I’d been successful. But twice in one night, he’d come back to haunt me—first in rehashing his role in my breakup with Gabe and now this. Not to mention seeing him at the diner and then again at Debra’s.

  Tyler rubbed the back of his neck. “Gabe mentioned he came by the diner. Is there something you need to tell me?”

  Chewing my lip, I mulled it over. I could report my father’s attempt at extortion, but to what end? I had no proof—it was his word against mine. And while I knew Tyler would believe me, that didn’t mean anything officially. Besides, there was no way I could report my father’s threats without explaining those pictures and what I’d done four years ago to free Lacey. Could I get in trouble for that? I had no idea, and once again, it would be his word against mine.

  “No,” I said finally. “Not really. He came to the diner, hoping I’d give him money.”

  “Can anyone corroborate that?”

  I shook my head. “People may have seen him there, but no one was close enough to hear our conversation.”

  Tyler sighed. “I’ll file a report, but you should know that in cases like these, it’s rare we catch the perp.”

  “I know.”

 
“Do you have renter’s insurance?”

  I shook my head. It had always seemed like an unnecessary bill when we didn’t have much worth stealing anyway. TVs weren’t the high-dollar item they’d used to be, and my laptop—

  Shit. I rushed to the nightstand and pulled the drawer open. The beat-up laptop was still there. I took it out, inspected it for damage, then hugged it to my chest. The machine itself wasn’t worth much, but I had files on it I hadn’t backed up. Plus, I couldn’t complete my coursework without it.

  My father must have found the cash then stopped looking. He wouldn’t have had any use for a computer, but I could see him breaking it out of spite.

  I looked at my clothes that were strewn all over the room. My father had been in my personal space, had touched my things. I felt sick to my stomach.

  “Have you considered getting a dog?” Tyler asked. “They’re a great deterrent for this sort of thing.”

  “I’m not home enough. It wouldn’t be fair to have a pet. Plus, I don’t know if the Hannigans would allow me to have one.”

  Shit. The older couple had been right upstairs when the thief—most likely my father—had been inside the apartment. I didn’t think he would hurt them, but I wouldn’t have put anything past the man. Even if it hadn’t been my father, I still needed to let them know.

  My eyes met Tyler’s, and he grimaced. He was clearly thinking the same thing I was. “I’ll talk to the Hannigans,” he said. “You probably want to get started cleaning up. I’ll be back down to help you.”

  “No, that’s okay. You can go on home. Thanks, though.”

  “You shouldn’t have to deal with this alone.”

  What is it with the men in my life not thinking I can handle things myself? Though to be fair, Gabe wasn’t exactly in my life anymore. “I got it,” I said more firmly. “I’m a professional, remember?” My attempt at a joke was lame, but I wanted Tyler to think I was okay so he would leave.

  I was anything but okay though. The conversation with Gabe had gutted me. I’d come face-to-face with what I’d given up. The most surprising thing was that I hadn’t lost what I’d thought I had. In the rare times I’d allowed myself to wonder what life with Gabe would have been like, we were always in some big city, pursuing his music. It was only after talking to him earlier that I realized it wouldn’t have been like that because he would have stayed in Cedar Creek with me. I didn’t know quite what to think about that.

  “Okay.” Tyler frowned as if he wasn’t pleased with the situation. “Do you want to stay at my place tonight?”

  “Again, thanks for the offer, but I’m good here. Cleanup will take a while, and then I’ll just want to crash.” He meant well, but I didn’t have the energy to keep up appearances for him. I couldn’t handle his sympathy when it was my own flesh and blood who had done this to me.

  “Are you sure? Because—”

  I put my hand on his arm. “Tyler, I’m fine,” I said gently. “This is my home. I’m not going to let my father or whoever it was scare me away. Besides, there’s nothing left to steal.” Another lame joke that fell even flatter than the first one. But if I wasn’t going to cry, I might as well try to make myself laugh.

  He still looked displeased. “Okay, but if you change your mind, you call, okay? I don’t care how late. I’ll even come pick you up.”

  I smiled at him. “You’re such a good guy, Tyler. How are you still single?”

  The edge of his mouth tilted upward into a grin. “Just lucky, I guess.” He wrapped one arm around me. “Seriously, Leah. Call if you need me.”

  I assured him I would, and he finally left to talk to the Hannigans. I couldn’t help but feel guilty that this had happened on their property even though deep down, I knew I wasn’t to blame for my father’s actions.

  But I was to blame for my own. And suddenly, I wasn’t so sure I’d done the right thing with Gabe all those years ago.

  Chapter 9

  Gabe

  I strummed my guitar, trying to work out a melody that had been rolling around in my head all night, but it eluded me, as it had every time I’d tried to compose in the last few months. I’d tossed and turned for hours before giving up on sleep at four a.m. Usually, writing music helped me work through what was on my mind, but it wasn’t getting the job done, which wasn’t surprising. My feelings about Leah were beyond complicated.

  For years, I’d wondered why she’d cheated and what I could have done differently to prevent it. Because if she felt the need to cheat, there must have been something she needed but wasn’t getting from me. I couldn’t figure out what, though, always coming up blank. I’d given her everything.

  How many hours had I wasted dissecting every little thing that had happened between us? Eventually, I’d had to force myself to stop thinking about it because I was going in circles. Apparently, everything I thought I’d known was wrong.

  I was fucking pissed. I thought I would feel relieved that she hadn’t betrayed me, but instead, I was angry that she’d let me believe that. It was its own form of betrayal, and I didn’t know if I could forgive her—not that she’d asked for forgiveness. Hell, I didn’t know what she wanted from me. Maybe nothing, and that was why she hadn’t wanted to see me. For better or worse, she’d moved on with her life.

  I set the guitar aside and scrubbed my hands through my hair. Despite my anger, I didn’t hate her. What she’d done was fucked up. I understood her reasons, but I sure as hell didn’t agree with them. She’d forced me to abandon her at a time when she most needed support.

  Would I have missed my chance at a music career if she’d been honest with me? I had no way of knowing, and I had no way of knowing how I’d have felt about it if that had been the case, because she took that choice from me. Last night, when we’d been sitting on the porch together, I couldn’t decide if I wanted to strangle her or pull her into my arms. It was frustrating as hell.

  I heard stirring from Aunt Rose’s room, so I walked to her door and gently knocked. The door abruptly opened, and I stood face to face with my aunt. She looked like hell, but I valued my life, so I kept that thought to myself. “What are you doing out of bed?”

  “I’m not an invalid.”

  Still grumpy as fuck, I see. I held out my hand. “Let me help you.”

  I expected her to protest, but she took my hand.

  I led her to the recliner in the living room and helped her get settled. “Are you in pain?”

  “Yes,” she admitted. “This isn’t fun.”

  “Chemotherapy would have been less fun.” Look at me, Suzy Fucking Sunshine.

  “Debatable.” She was in one of those moods where she’d find fault with anything I said. They’d been rare when I lived with her, but being a patient brought out the worst in her.

  Oh well. I was sure I hadn’t been pleasant that time I had the projectile-vomiting stomach bug in high school. I’d have to suck it up. “Are you hungry?”

  “Are you offering to cook?”

  I gulped. “I could probably scramble some eggs.” That wasn’t hard, right? Crack, scramble, and fry.

  She snorted. “One of my failings was not teaching you to cook. Can you manage an oatmeal packet?”

  “Of course.” The directions were right on the box.

  Fifteen minutes and one burned bowl of oatmeal later, I carried the properly cooked breakfast into the living room then set it on the tray next to Aunt Rose.

  “It smells like burned ass in here.”

  I had no response for that. “We might have to order takeout for dinner. Or you could call in the cavalry.”

  All it would take was one phone call, and her freezer and fridge would be filled with casseroles by what I mentally referred to as the Cedar Creek Old Lady Brigade. But Aunt Rose hadn’t wanted anyone to know about her diagnosis. She wouldn’t be able to hide it forever, though. For starters, her absence from her bowling league would surely be noticed.

  Sighing, she swirled her spoon in the oatmeal. “I’ll think about
it. How late did Leah stay last night? I told her she could go.”

  But she didn’t because she wouldn’t have felt comfortable leaving Aunt Rose alone, even though it meant facing me. “She was still here when I got here.”

  Aunt Rose eyed me. “Hmm, really?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Stop. You are not subtle.”

  “I’m not trying to be. Grab the remote and put on Family Feud.”

  I hated game shows, and Aunt Rose knew that. “I think this is a rerun,” I said once I’d found it. I had no clue about that, but I was desperate to have an excuse to change the channel.

  “That doesn’t matter. I’m old, so I can’t remember anything, anyway.” She sighed. “I miss Ray Combs. None of the other hosts compare.” She looked over at me. “Have a seat and watch.”

  I would have preferred to do anything else, but I was playing the role of obedient nephew for as long as she was laid up.

  The host made small talk with the teams as they were introduced, and finally, he read the first clue: “Name a word that rhymes with election.”

  “Erection!” Aunt Rose shouted gleefully.

  Jesus Christ. I loved the woman, but I was out of my seat so fast I wouldn’t have been surprised if I left dust in my wake. “I’m going for a walk.”

  “She lives over on Turning Leaf Lane,” Aunt Rose called after me, “in the Hannigans’ basement apartment.”

  As the front door slammed behind me, I didn’t have to ask who she was referring to. Meddling old woman. She hadn’t been like that when I lived with her, but back then, I’d had the good sense to already be with Leah.

  Damn it, I should have swallowed my pride and really looked at her when she’d told me she cheated. The fact that no one could name the guy should have been a red flag. Besides that, Leah didn’t have it in her to cheat. I should have realized something wasn’t right.