Fame

by Meghan Quinn

  The darkness that envelops me every night has started to become my friend. I enjoy it, not being able to see anything, but only hear my breathing. It keeps things in perspective. I’m still alive, which is surprising, given my previous thoughts.

  The drugs are tempting, so damn tempting, but I can’t touch them. I can’t be my father, and that is the one and only reason why I don’t dabble in them. It’s surprising that no one has tried to break in and steal my dad’s stash. Although, maybe they have and haven’t been able to find it. He kept everything well hidden.

  She was in my dream last night, which was almost painful because I dreamt of her smile, of the way she used to look at me with those beautiful brown eyes of hers, and the way her lips used to pucker perfectly right before they met mine. Pain ricocheted through me when I woke up this morning because, in my dream, it was almost real; her touch felt real to me. I would have rather dreamt of my father beating me over and over again than of her. It was all too much.

  I miss her so Goddamn much, to the point where I don’t think I’m going to make it another day without her soft lips touching my skin or her sweet words caressing my ear. But, every morning, I wake up, feeling emptier and emptier.

  My prick of a therapist said I should talk to her, let her know the reason why I did what I did. It was hard not to laugh in his face. Instead, I fired him because any idiot who suggested I just walk up to Maisy, as if nothing happened and explain everything to her was a damn fool, and I didn’t want anything to do with them.

  Maisy was a prideful girl, jealousy ran thick in her blood, and there was no way she would stand there and listen to me. No, the moment I taped that note to my door on the bus and started fucking that other woman, I kissed away any chance I ever had at even coming within a couple feet of my edgy angel.

  Fuck, my edgy angel…I need her so fucking bad.

  More than anything, I need her because she would make all the pain, all the sorrow, all the fucking night terrors go away. She would turn my world upside down and help me see the light again. She would give me hope, strength, and the willingness to live.

  But having her again is a pipe dream because there is no way in hell she would ever want to see me again. I lost her forever.

  Chapter Five

  **Maisy**

  “I’m just tired,” Maisy said into the phone to a worried Cole. “I feel like my brain is on overload with all the writing and pressure. I know I said we wanted to write our own songs for our next album, but I didn’t think it was going to be this hard.”

  “Want me to help?” Cole asked.

  Normally, she would have accepted help from a great man like Cole, but writing with someone else other than Kaid, Willow, and….Rook just seemed wrong. Hell, she couldn’t even write with Kaid and Willow right now. Willow wasn’t much help in the lyrics department; that wasn’t her thing, but when it came down to laying down a beat and putting everything together, Willow shined. That was why Kaid and Maisy spent most of their days in the studio. Willow would come in and help with some harmonization, but she grew tired most of the time with Maisy’s writer’s block and Maisy didn’t blame her. She was getting tired of herself.

  “That’s sweet, Cole. I appreciate it, but I really think Kaid and I need to do this on our own.”

  “I understand,” he said with disappointment. “I just hate hearing you so sad. I wish there was something I could do. Do you want me to come over?”

  “No,” Maisy said a little too quickly. “I mean, that would be great, but I’m not much company now; I think I just need to chill and not think about anything.”

  “You can chill with your boyfriend, you know?”

  Guilt washed over her as she thought about all the times she used to just hang out with Rook and do nothing. There was no one else she would rather do nothing with back then. They would just lay on the bed in the back of the bus and stare up at the carpeted ceiling while holding hands. Sometimes Rook would hum a melody and Maisy would just listen to the deep seductiveness of his voice.

  But, with Cole, she never found that comfort level, to just sit there in silence while contemplating life and what was to come. Granted, she didn’t know Cole that well just yet, but with Rook, it seemed so easy, like they were made for each other, molded to be one.

  The churning of her stomach brought her back to the present as it did flips and nauseated her to the point that she needed to get off the phone with Cole.

  “I know, and I really appreciate the offer, but I’m just tired and not feeling so well. Can I call you tomorrow?”

  “Yeah, sure,” Cole answered deflated. “I hope you feel better, Maisy. I care about you.”

  “I know you do. Thank you, Cole. Have a good night.”

  “Night, sweetie.”

  Maisy barely hung up her phone before she took off toward the bathroom and opened the toilet lid. Her chest heaved as she lost her breakfast and lunch. A sheen of sweat coated her skin as she leaned over the toilet for support. Her stomach convulsed a couple more times, just as Kaid walked in.

  Instantly, his hands were on her hair and back and cooing into her ear.

  “What’s going on?” he asked.

  Maisy caught her breath and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. When she turned to Kaid, tears started to flow from her eyes, and she fell into his embrace.

  “Shhh, talk to me Maisy, what’s wrong? Are you pregnant?”

  Pregnant? Maisy laughed and shook her head no.

  “I haven’t had sex since Rook,” she confirmed in between sobs.

  “Okay, so what’s going on?” relief was evident in his voice.

  Needing more comfort, Maisy buried her head in Kaid’s chest and let him hold her. They sat on the bathroom floor for what seemed like forever until Kaid groaned and pulled Maisy into his grasp and stood up.

  “My ass is numb; I’m moving you to the couch.”

  Maisy didn’t even acknowledge him; she just let him take care of her as he rubbed her back and stroked her hair.

  Once her crying seemed to calm down and her eyes were starting to dry, Kaid pulled her away and said, “Thank fuck you’re not pregnant, because I seriously thought I almost had a heart attack back there. I don’t know what we would do with a baby on a tour bus.”

  Maisy snorted out a mucousy laugh, and Kaid handed her a tissue, while looking at her with slight disgust.

  “Don’t stare at my snot.”

  “Well, clean that shit up,” he laughed, and then looked down at his shirt. “Ah, hell, Maisy. Look what you did to my Queen shirt.”

  Maisy looked down and saw a giant wet spot that could either be tears or snot, or maybe a little bit of both. She laughed and said, “Put it in with my laundry; I’ll wash it for you.”

  “Damn right you will,” he smiled. “Now are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

  Needing a little more comfort, she got off of Kaid’s lap and sat on the couch with her legs propped up on the couch and her knees hugged into her chest. She rested her chin on her knees and looked up at Kaid.

  “It’s just all too hard right now.”

  “What’s hard? The album? Baby girl, if it wasn’t hard, everyone would be doing it.”

  “Not that,” she said, while pressing her forehead against her knees. “It’s too hard hearing about Rook. It’s tearing me up inside.” She looked up at him and said, “How can I care so much about someone who I want to hate with every last fiber in my being? How is that even possible?”

  Kaid sat back on the couch, gearing up for what he was about to say, which made Maisy entirely too nervous because the look in his eyes made it seem like he was about to say something she didn’t want to hear.

  “Never mind, I don’t want to know. I’m just going to go lay down on my bed.”

  She went to get up when Kaid placed his hand on her leg and said, “You are going to sit there and listen to what I have to say.”

  Maisy searched his eyes and said, “I don’t think I want to know
what you have to say.”

  “You need to know.”

  “I can’t,” a tear ran down her face. “I can’t know that’s he’s gone; you can’t tell me that.”

  Kaid wiped her tear away with his thumb and said, “He’s not dead, Maisy.”

  Relief shot through her body at the knowledge that Rook wasn’t dead. She was just starting to relax when she thought about what Kaid had to tell her. Speculation of Rook with another woman ran rampant through her head, and that was a type of pain she couldn’t handle…seeing Rook with someone else, laughing with someone else, maybe the girl Maisy walked in on that horrible day on the bus.

  Of course, she was with Cole, so she shouldn’t have those feelings, since she’d supposedly moved on, or at least tried to, but to think of Rook with someone else meant that he’d truly moved on, that she meant nothing to him. It was a fear she carried around with her every damn day since she left him.

  Shaking her head, she buried her head in her hands and said, “This is so fucked up. I should be done with this, done with him. Why, all of a sudden, is he resurfacing in my life?”

  “Because he never actually left, baby girl. I’m not going to tell you what I know because it’s not my place, but I will tell you this, when Landon said there is a reason for everything, there is.”

  Maisy looked at Kaid dumbfounded. Was he really defending Rook’s actions? No matter what, he cheated on her, he fucked another woman, viciously planned it out. How was that okay?

  “Why are you defending him?”

  “I’m not,” Kaid answered, running his hand through his hair. “I’m going to be honest with you, Maisy, ever since we left the Shattered Souls tour, you’ve been walking around like a zombie, not truly living your life…”

  “It’s because he fucking shattered my heart,” Maisy yelled. “It’s not easy to move on from something like that.”

  “You’re right,” Kaid calmed her down, “But you can’t keep living the way you are. You’re not doing anything to solve the problem, and going out with Cole…that’s not doing any good either because you’re leading him on. Your heart’s not in it.”

  “I like Cole,” Maisy defended.

  “We all like Cole,” Kaid countered. “But that doesn’t mean you actually have feelings for him, and don’t tell me I’m wrong.”

  He was right; Maisy hated to admit it, but he was right. She didn’t have feelings for Cole. He was nice and, at times, they felt more like semi-fuck buddies than anything else. Not that they actually had sex, but they did do other things. Maisy was passing the time with Cole, rather than really living.

  “You need closure, Maisy. I know you don’t want to, but you need to find it with him, with Rook.”

  “I can’t do that,” Maisy shook her head. “If I see him, I will crumble right then and there. I’m not strong enough, Kaid.”

  “Like I’ve said before, you’re stronger than you think you are.”

  Strength required being able to hold yourself up, and right now, Maisy felt like she could barely stand. There was no way she could face Rook.

  “Where’s my pimp and whore?” Willow’s voice rang out, as she came through the front door and tossed her purse to the side, along with some shopping bags from the mall.

  “In here,” Kaid called out, still looking at Maisy.

  The click of Willow’s heels let them know that she was making her way into the living room, where Maisy and Kaid were sitting. She looked at them and said, “Who died?”

  Kaid rolled his eyes and got up to go to the kitchen. As he passed Willow, Maisy heard him mutter under his breath, “Rook problems.”

  Willow nodded in understanding and then plopped herself down next to Maisy. She grabbed Maisy’s hand and held her fingers up. Maisy looked at her in confusion as Willow started folding them down until only her middle finger was sticking up.

  “You see this?” Willow asked.

  Maisy smirked and nodded.

  “This is called a ‘fuck you;’ you can point this at anyone and basically with the flash of one simple finger, you can convey every last thought and feeling in your body. Flipping the bird can be very cathartic. So…” Willow pulled out her phone, typed a few things in it and then showed her a picture of Rook. Maisy’s gut twisted from the sight of him singing into a microphone. “Take that dainty little finger of yours and point it at the phone, then let out a good old fuck you.”

  “Willow…”

  “Do it, or I’m going to have to go into your room and start shredding all your clothes.”

  “I can get more,” Maisy countered with a smile.

  “Humor me,” Willow said with annoyance in her eyes.

  Taking a deep breath, Maisy lifted her hand and pointed at the picture of Rook, she took a deep breath and said, “Fuck you,” just as Kaid walked back in the room with a beer in his hand.

  “Real mature ladies.”

  “It’s cathartic,” Willow said, as she patted Maisy on the leg. “Isn’t it?”

  “Oh, yes, all my worries are gone now,” Maisy responded sarcastically.

  The moment Kaid sat next to Willow, she stole his beer just as it was about to hit his lips, and then she turned to Maisy and said, “What’s going on now?”

  An irritated Kaid stood back up and went to the kitchen, this time, asking Maisy if she wanted a beer, but Maisy just shook her head no; she wasn’t in the mood for any alcohol.

  “Rook, apparently, is missing,” Maisy said.

  “Oh, I know,” Willow said casually, as she sipped her beer. “Cruz told me.”

  Dumbfounded, Maisy looked at Willow as if a unicorn horn was sprouting out of her head.

  “And you failed to mention this to me because…” Maisy asked.

  “Last time I checked, you didn’t care about the man and wanted nothing to do with him, so why would I tell you that?”

  “Because…” Maisy paused, searching for words to say, but none came.

  Willow took another swig of her beer just as Kaid sat down and said, “Listen, you need to move on. That toxic relationship has sailed. You have Cole now; he’s good to you.”

  “But he’s not Rook,” Kaid muttered.

  Willow snapped her head toward Kaid and said, “You’re damn right he’s not Rook. Cole would never do to Maisy what Rook did to her. He’s a good guy. And what the hell is wrong with you that you are now defending Rook?”

  “I’m not defending Rook!” Kaid shouted. “Christ, I’m just trying to look at things from all points of view.”

  “Well, stop because you’re looking like an ass,” Willow said. “Rook is a fuck-up and will always be a fuck-up. That’s the way he was born; it’s in his blood.”

  Feeling the need to actually defend Rook, Maisy said, “He’s not a fuck-up; he’s damaged.”

  A maniacal laugh popped out of Willow’s mouth. “Cry me a river. We’re all fucked up; there’s just different ways of handling it. The boy is no good and it’s a good thing you got out of that relationship when you could. Like I said, he’s toxic, nothing good could come from him.” Willow checked her watch and swore. “I have a date in like twenty minutes. I have to go change. I will catch you babes later.”

  “Say hi to Cruz for us,” Kaid called out, as Willow made her way down to her room.

  “It’s not Cruz,” Willow called out, and then shut her door.

  Shaking his head, Kaid crossed his leg over his knee and said, “I worry about her, that the fame is getting to her head.”

  “Tell me about it…”

  “Ooops, forgot my shopping bags,” Willow said, as she came running out of her room…naked.

  Kaid hung his head and yelled at her to put some clothes on.

  “Like it’s the first time you’ve seen me naked.”

  “Let’s make it the fucking last, Christ!” he shook his head and said, “I need to add a guy to this band, maybe a triangle player or something. There is too much estrogen in this house.”

  “Don’t deny that you
love it,” Maisy teased, feeling a little at ease from her bandmates’ antics. It was one of the reasons why she loved them; they could help her forget the radiating pain flowing through her, if only for a few seconds.

  “If I did, then I would be giving in to you two, and I refuse to do that,” Kaid winked and leaned back on the sofa. His face grew serious for a second as he leaned over and half whispered, “For what it’s worth, baby girl, I think you’re strong enough to face him, and I think you’re strong enough to listen to what he has to say as well.”

  Well, that made one of them, because in Maisy’s mind, there was no way in hell she would be able to see him in person again, that’s if he was ever found.

  **Willow**

  “That dinner was so good,” Willow cooed into Declan’s ear, as she held onto his arm and walked up the path to his house that overlooked the ocean. It was made of an expanse of glass windows and was high up on a cliff, so there was no one in view. She nodded in approval and started planning all the ways she could be fucked up against the windows of his house.

  “I’m glad you enjoyed it,” Declan said, as he unlocked his door and ushered her in. “I’m also glad that you wanted to come back to my place.”

  “How could I not?” Willow said, as she pulled on the lapels of Declan’s jacket once he shut the door.

  Declan put up his finger and said, “Hold that thought. I need to go get something, meet me in the living room?”

  “Mmm, hurry up,” Willow said, as she sauntered over to his extremely white living room. The seating area almost looked like it had never been touched; it was gorgeous.

  She sat down on his white couch that overlooked the moonlit sea and took in the beautiful view in front of her. She had never seen anything so exquisite, so she made sure to soak it all in.