The Fallout

by S.A. Bodeen

  “No.” I shook my head. “You’re not any of those.”

  With the back of a hand, she wiped tears off her face. “Really? She was egocentric. Antisocial. Manipulative. You don’t think I’m any of those?”

  I swallowed, realizing I had to tread carefully so I didn’t make her more upset. “You can be those without being psychotic! Little kids can be manipulative, for God’s sake.”

  “So you think I am those things.”

  Oh crap. “No, Lex. I didn’t—”

  “Like mother, like daughter,” she said. “Isn’t that how it goes?”

  I pointed down. “Your mother, your real mother, the mother that raised you, is sitting downstairs right now, taking care of her children. You should be glad to be like her.”

  “She’s not my biological mom.”

  “Lex! Your birth mother has had nothing to do with you your entire life. She has had no influence, no impact. All she did was give birth to you. And she’s gone. You are not her and you never will be.” I tightened my arm around her.

  She breathed in and shuddered, then set her face against my chest. “I can’t, Eli.”

  “Can’t what?” I asked.

  She sighed, the sound shaky and ragged. “I can’t be from a monster. I just can’t.”

  I didn’t know what else to say, so I just sat there while she cried.

  Someone knocked on the door.

  “Go away!” said Lexie.

  The closed door muffled Eddy’s voice. “I’m looking for Eli.”

  I told Lexie, “It’s fine.” Then I said more loudly, “Come in.”

  Eddy walked in. As soon as he saw us, he frowned. “What happened?”

  “Nothing,” snapped Lexie. “It’s none of your business.”

  But Eddy didn’t retreat as I expected him to. He closed the door, then walked over to us and stood there. “What’s going on?”

  Lexie looked at me and shook her head. But I wondered if this was the moment that I could stop being their intermediary, stop being the buffer between them. If Eddy was the person I thought he was, then he was capable of being a brother to Lexie, just as much as I was.

  I would give him this one chance.

  The letter from the state was sitting above me, on the desk. I reached up and grabbed it, then, praying I wasn’t making a huge mistake, I held it out to Eddy. “Lexie found her biological mother.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Eddy’s eyes narrowed, but before he said anything, he read the letter. His eyes widened. Lexie was staring him down and he met her gaze. “I’m sorry. I mean, I didn’t know how you wanted this to work out, but…” He shook the paper a little. “I doubt this was it.”

  He sat down beside us and put a hand on Lexie’s arm. “I am sorry.”

  Lexie asked, “You’re not gonna tell Mom?”

  He shook his head.

  “There’s more,” I said. I tilted my head toward the computer, but Eddy didn’t stand. Instead, he looked at Lexie. “Do you want me to know what it is?”

  Lexie studied him for a moment. Maybe she was deciding if she could trust him. “Go ahead. It won’t change anything.”

  Eddy sat in the office chair and started reading all the stuff I’d just read. He didn’t say anything, but after a bit, he blew out a breath loud enough that we could hear it. “Wow.” He twirled around to face us. “That’s crazy.”

  Lexie shook her head. “No. She’s crazy. Was crazy. And now I’m crazy.”

  “Lex.” I put an arm around her. “You’re wrong.” I looked up at Eddy.

  Eddy said, “Are you serious? Other than some shared DNA, you have nothing in common with this woman. You are not her.”

  Lexie sniffled. “How do I know that for sure?”

  Eddy scratched his head. “Because you’re you. We’re your family, not her. The people downstairs are your family.” He pointed at the computer. “She had absolutely nothing to do with who you are.”

  “But it’s obvious you hate who I am,” said Lexie.

  Eddy’s mouth dropped open a little, and then closed. He looked as if he’d been caught at something. “No … no, that’s not it.”

  “You always pick fights with me. It’s like you can’t stand to be in the same room with me.” Her gaze went from him back to me. “Before we went in the Compound, neither one of you could stand me.” She waggled a finger between me and her. “We only started getting along when we thought our lives depended on it.”

  In a low voice I said, “Our lives did depend upon it.”

  “Seriously?” She tilted her head at me. “So if that hadn’t happened, we—”

  “No.” I held up a hand to get her to stop. “That’s not what I’m saying.” I sighed. “I’m glad you’re my sister, honestly.” I looked up at Eddy. “I just need the two of you to figure it out. Because I need to have both of you in my life. But more than that … I need you both to want to be there.” I didn’t look at Eddy when I said that, but he shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

  None of us said anything for a few minutes, and then Eddy cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. Really. It’s been an adjustment having you all back.”

  Lexie snorted. “Wow, excuse us for not being dead.”

  Eddy covered his face with his hands and groaned. “God.” He dropped his hands. “I didn’t mean it like that. I spent so long thinking you were all gone forever. And it took a long time for me to figure out how to go on without all of you. A long time. And when it seemed like it would be okay, that I could go on … it all turned out to be a lie. And, except for Dad, you were all back and my life changed again.” Before we could say anything, he quickly added, “For the better. I have my family back.” He paused. “It’s just … taking me a little while to figure out my place again. I was the only one of us left. And I got used to that. And now … I find myself having to go back to being a younger brother and an older brother”—his eyes met mine—“and a twin.”

  Lexie shrugged. “You’re probably looking in the wrong place for sympathy.”

  Eddy said, “I don’t want your sympathy. I want things the way they were. Before.”

  I said, “How do you expect that to happen?”

  Lexie rolled her eyes. “You don’t think we all want that?”

  Eddy practically yelled, “Then do it! For God’s sake, stop dwelling on the past six years. I’m sorry about what happened! I’m sorry Dad did that to you! But … when are you gonna get over it and live life again? Be like you used to be?” He looked at Lexie. “Maybe I can’t stand to be in the same room with you because all you do is walk around looking sad. God, Lex, maybe I pick fights with you because when you fight back I actually get to see who you used to be. It’s the only time you seem to forget about being sad and actually act like there’s still life in you.”

  Lexie didn’t say anything.

  Then Eddy looked at me. “And you. You’re like someone who’s afraid of life. You don’t want to go out because someone might be trying to get pictures of us or ask what it was like.” He held his arms out to the sides. “Welcome to the frickin’ world of the Internet! Everybody wants to know what everybody else is doing. So what if someone takes our pictures and posts them on the Internet? Maybe they’ll say some nasty crap, but they can’t really hurt us. They can’t change our family. They can’t take away everything we have. All we have to do is ignore them, and then someone else will come along and they’ll forget about us.” He paused. “Eli, it’s so hard to be with you because you don’t want to do anything if it means leaving the grounds of this house. You’re getting to be like Mom. How long do we have to hide out here? How long do we have to wait to be normal again?”

  Stunned, all I could do was sit there. Then I said what I was thinking. “Is that why you sneak out with Tony?”

  Lexie’s brow furrowed. “You’ve been sneaking out?”

  Eddy asked me, “How do you know?”

  “I saw you. The night of Quinn’s birthday party, I saw you guys go over th
e fence.” I left out the part about listening to him and Tony talk about me. Given that he’d basically just repeated everything he’d said that night, I didn’t see the point.

  Eddy leaned his head back and looked up at the ceiling for a moment, and then he dropped his head back down. He averted his eyes. “Yeah. I just want to get out and have fun.” He shrugged.

  Lexie said, “I don’t want to sit around and be sad.”

  I glanced at Eddy. “I don’t want to hide here forever.” I didn’t. It just seemed … easier. And safer. But maybe it was time to stop playing things safe. Maybe it was time to live. Get back to normal. Whatever normal was.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  I got to my feet.

  “Where you going?” Eddy asked.

  “Bathroom. I’ll be right back.” I started to leave, then turned back and told Eddy, “I think we should invite Lexie to go with us.”

  “Where?” asked Lexie.

  Eddy slowly began to nod. “Yeah.”

  “The Colorado house,” I said.

  “Why are you going there? Does Mom know?” Lexie asked.

  “Yeah.” I nodded. “She’s good with it. And it’s just a visit.” I didn’t think it would help anything to tell her Mom was thinking about selling it.

  Lexie said, “I’ll go.” She glanced at Eddy. “Wait. Are you sure you want me to go?”

  “Yes,” he said. “Maybe…”

  “Maybe what?” I asked.

  He offered up a half smile. “Maybe it’ll help us get a fresh start. The three of us, I mean.”

  Lexie’s eyes were still red from crying, but she smiled, too.

  Eddy said, “Let’s go tomorrow.”

  I frowned. That was when I was meeting up with Verity. But as I looked at my brother and sister, I knew I had to put them first. There was no way I could think about letting in someone else, starting a new relationship, until I had fixed the ones I already had.

  I went to my room and picked up my phone.

  Verity answered on the first ring. “Hey, EJ.”

  I wanted so much to tell her that wasn’t my name. I wanted to spit out who I truly was, and everything else she needed to know. But I didn’t. “Hi.”

  She said, “I’m really looking forward to tomorrow.”

  “Yeah, me too, um…” I took a deep breath. “Listen, that’s why I called. I can’t make it and—”

  “Why am I not surprised?” She sighed. “Why did you even bother to set it up if you knew you weren’t gonna make it?”

  “But I planned to! Something just came up and I can’t.”

  “What is it this time? Another paper? Something with your family?”

  “You don’t understand.”

  “No, I guess I don’t. Care to fill me in?”

  Filling her in would mean letting her in. And even though I thought I had been ready, I knew I wasn’t. Especially after talking with Eddy and Lexie. Even though Eddy had let Tony in without telling us, I felt like I owed it to my brother and sister to be in on the decision to tell Verity everything. Because it wasn’t just me anymore. It wasn’t that simple. So I said, “I will. I promise. Just not now.” That sounded so lame.

  “Oh, okay. Let me clear my schedule and we’ll set a date for you to let me know all your deep dark secrets. How about that?” Her voice had a rough edge to it, and had gotten louder as she went on.

  I couldn’t blame her for being mad. Why would she even waste time on me? “I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah. Okay. Me too.” The click of her disconnecting was loud in my ear. I just sat there, wondering if I should call her back. And I did. The call went straight to voice mail.

  I didn’t want to face Eddy and Lexie right away, so I turned on the television to something mindless for a while, and ended up dozing off. It was daylight when I woke up.

  I went into Eddy’s room. He was in the shower, so I stared out the window until he came out with a towel around his waist.

  “Hey,” he said. “You never came back last night.”

  “I fell asleep,” I said. “I just wanted to check and make sure you were okay with Lexie going. I know I kind of made it so you couldn’t exactly say no…”

  “Yeah, I am.”

  Was he being honest? “Really?”

  Eddy sat down on the edge of his bed. “I know I haven’t been the best brother since you guys came back. Especially not to her. But when you showed me that stuff about her birth mother…” He trailed off.

  “That was pretty bad.”

  He nodded.

  I said, “Even though she wouldn’t admit it in a million years, she needs us.”

  Eddy said, “I do want to be there for her. I want her to know I’m her brother, too.”

  “Cool.” I smiled. “I had one other idea.”

  His eyebrows raised.

  “You should ask Tony.”

  “To go with us?”

  “Yeah. I think he would be a good distraction for Lexie.”

  He frowned. “I thought you didn’t like him?”

  “I was jealous that you seemed to have more fun with him than me.”

  Eddy started to say something, but I stopped him. “And that’s fine. I haven’t been very fun. But I’m really gonna try to get back to normal. And I think this trip would be really fun with the four of us.”

  “Okay,” said Eddy. “But what about Mom? She barely went along with Tony going to the baseball game with us.”

  “She won’t be at the jet when we leave. She won’t ever have to know.”

  Eddy grinned. “You are bad. Okay, I’ll call him.”

  Eddy picked up his cell phone. “I’ll call YK first, make sure the jet is ready.”

  “I’d better pack.” I went back to my room and threw on some jeans and a black T-shirt, then quickly packed a bag. My phone beeped. A text from Eddy. We’d be leaving at twelve thirty. And Tony would be there.

  My phone beeped again. The battery was low, so I opened my drawer to pull out the charger. The cord was tangled with something else that dropped on the floor. I leaned over to pick it up.

  Phil’s flash drive.

  I had time, so I inserted the flash drive into the computer and went down the list of files.

  Hadn’t I seen it all before? I wasn’t looking for anything in particular. I just felt like looking. Then I noticed one of the files was named Barkley.

  Dr. Barkley from the Progeria Institute?

  The last time I looked at the file, the name would have meant nothing to me, because it was before I visited the Progeria Institute. The thought of which reminded me of Verity.

  My heart beat faster. Would she ever speak to me again? Probably not.

  I clicked on the file. A bunch of lab reports popped up, all with PDL Project at the top of them. I didn’t really understand any of them, but I wanted to. I wanted to know what the PDL Project was. I looked up Dr. Barkley’s number and called.

  A woman answered.

  “Hello,” I said. “This is EJ Smith for Dr. Barkley. I’m with the YK internship program.”

  “Is he expecting your call?” she asked, not unkindly.

  “No,” I admitted. “I just had a couple of questions.”

  “Of course,” she said. “I’m sorry he’s not available right at this moment, but he should be able to return your call sometime before noon. Will that work for you?”

  That would be cutting it close, with the jet leaving at twelve thirty. “Sure,” I said. “Have him call my cell.” I gave her the number, thanked her, and hung up.

  I went to close my drawer, but saw the printout I’d made the day of Phil’s disappearance. I started to read.

  Philip A. Whitaker …

  Philip A. What did the A stand for?

  There was a knock on my door and Lexie opened it and walked in, wearing jeans and a white blouse with black ballet shoes. Her hair was back in a precise ponytail and she wore makeup. “So we’re really going?”

  “You look nice,” I said.

>   She started to scowl, thinking I was messing with her, but then she smiled a little as she realized I was serious. “You think?”

  I nodded. “And, yep, we’re going.” I put the paper back in the drawer and shut it.

  “Why did you ask me to go?”

  I shrugged. “It seemed like it would be fun.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Since when do you and Eddy think I’m fun?”

  “Since … you’re turning over a new leaf and you’re going to start being fun?”

  She laughed. “When did you become an optimist?”

  I smiled.

  She said, “I thought it had something to do with what I found out. About my birth mother. I thought you were doing it because you felt sorry for me.”

  I shook my head. “I think we can all use a getaway.”

  “A getaway.” Lexie seemed amused with the word. “Yeah, maybe a getaway is exactly what I can use.”

  “Having some fun might get your mind off it.”

  Lexie slumped against the door. “It doesn’t change the fact that I’m the product of a monster.”

  “Lex, come on.” I stood up and went over to her. “You’ve got to stop saying that. That woman only gave you life. Nothing else.”

  “I keep telling myself that, but it doesn’t sound any better when you say it.” She let out a deep breath, just as Eddy showed up. He put a hand on her shoulder. “You packed?”

  “Almost,” she said. “I’ll go finish.”

  As soon as she left, Eddy closed the door. “Here’s the plan. Tony is meeting us outside the airfield. We’ll pick him up as we get there. But Lee is out there with the SUV and I don’t think he’d keep that a secret from Mom. So you need to stay here and come a little later, with Lexie. I’ll go now. I already called another driver from YK.”

  My phone beeped again, signaling the low battery. “Oh crap.” I’d gotten so involved in the flash drive that I still hadn’t charged my phone. And I didn’t want to miss Dr. Barkley’s call. “I have to charge this up anyway.”

  “Cool. So we’ll see you there?” Eddy glanced at his watch.

  “Yep.” He left. I was glad, because when Barkley called back, I wanted to take that call in private. I didn’t feel like answering a bunch of questions, which I knew would be inevitable when Eddy heard me asking Dr. Barkley about his research.