Just Friends

by Monica Murphy

  “I did.” She tugs on a strand of her hair, her smile faltering. She’s not answering my question either. “You are too sweet, you know that? I mess around with your best friend, the boy you like, and it upsets you so much I make you puke. Yet here you are talking to me like nothing ever happened, just after I snuck out of his house.”

  My frown deepens and I fight the urge to shove her. Hard. “I figured that’s where you were coming from,” I say, my voice flat.

  “We didn’t do anything, though.” She sucks on that cig like it’s her lifeline. “He just wanted to talk. He’s having a tough time of it, not that you care. He’s so bummed you won’t give him the time of day.”

  It’s weird. Dustin is the bad guy in this situation yet I miss him. I’m mad at Em for keeping their secret, yet I can’t stop missing her either. Almost even more than I miss Dustin. I don’t have a lot of girlfriends and Em is my closest one. “He’ll figure out how to survive without me.”

  “He doesn’t want to. He’s really sorry that he hurt you,” Em says.

  “Then he should tell me, not you.” My spine goes rigid and my voice is stiff. I don’t need to hear his supposed apology come from Em. How screwed up is that?

  “He can’t since you won’t talk to him.” The wry smile she sends my way makes me automatically smile in return, and I don’t try to prevent it.

  This is…insane. I don’t know how to not be Em’s friend. Yet I can cut Dustin off so easily. It hurts, though.

  It all hurts. Being with Ryan tonight eased the pain temporarily, but now that I’m looking at Em, talking to Em, and thinking about Dustin, all that pain comes rushing back, bleeding into my skin, soaking into my bones.

  “You should go home,” I tell Em as she drops her cigarette onto the ground and mashes it out with her flip-flop. “Your parents are probably wondering where you are.”

  “They won’t even notice I’m gone.” She waves a hand, her eyes narrowed with disgust. “They aren’t paying much attention to me lately.”

  “Is everything okay?” Again, my question is automatic, like I can’t help but be concerned with Em and her family troubles.

  “It is what it is. You know how they are.” She shrugs, the spaghetti strap of her red tank top sliding off her shoulder, reminding me that she’s not wearing a bra. Easy access for Dustin, I presume?

  Ugh. I hate even thinking about the two of them together. I need to stop.

  “You were with Ryan,” Em says, her voice breaking through my thoughts. “I saw you get out of his car. Don’t bother denying it.”

  I meet her gaze head on, deciding to own my shit. “I was. Does that bother you?”

  “No. Yeah. Sort of.” She shrugs again, staring off into the distance. “I feel like I should warn you.”

  My skin prickles at the words. “Warn me about what?”

  “Ryan.” Em sighs and looks at me once more. “He’s just using you.”

  “For what? To get back at you somehow?” The idea is almost laughable, though I don’t say it out loud.

  “No. He’s just…a user. They all are. The popular guys. The ones who believe their shit don’t stink. He doesn’t care about you, Livvy. Not like I do. Not like even Dustin does. Ryan will just work his hardest to get into your panties, and once he does? He’ll toss you aside. Tell all his friends you were a lousy lay and they’ll laugh about it, then move on to the next one.”

  I flinch at her harsh words. See the misery in her gaze. “Like he did to you?” I say, my voice flat.

  Em nods silently.

  I take a deep breath, mentally telling myself that I’m different. That Ryan would never treat me like that.

  But I don’t know him very well. I have no idea if he would really treat me like that or not. Look at Dustin. I thought he cared about me. He claims he wanted me to be his girlfriend yet he fooled around with my very best friend. He’s been with the both of us.

  That’s something I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get over.

  Dread consumes me as I approach campus, and I slow down, reluctant to go to school. Sunday was a total wash and that was fine with me. I slept in, I ate one too many donuts from the box Fitch went out and picked up while I was still sleeping, and I essentially avoided Mom and her boyfriend all day.

  Not that she cared. She gave up on trying to get me to hang out with them and eventually left the house with Fitch. They didn’t come back until I was about to go to bed. I had my chance to break free and hang out with…someone. Anyone. But I stayed home instead and caught up with my favorite YouTubers before I put a movie on Netflix and zoned out.

  Now it’s Monday morning and this is the last place I want to be. Trepidation fills me as each step takes me closer to school. Right about now I would rather be homeschooled. But I know Mom would drive me crazy, so that’s out.

  Someone shouts my name and I turn to see Amanda hurrying toward me, a giant smile on her face. “Hey, Amanda.”

  “What’s up? Did you just get here?” She sounds breathless when she finally reaches me, little strands of dark hair flying in her face, which she impatiently bats away. “The gossip is rampant this morning.”

  I grin at her. “What about? You and Tuttle?”

  “Oh my God, no. Stop!” She glances around, like she wants to make sure no one is paying us any attention. “About what happened at Tuttle’s party after we left.”

  I frown, my stomach twisting into a giant knot. “What are you talking about?”

  “I guess the police were called and they shut the party down and sent everyone home? And a fight broke out between some guys? And Dustin was involved?” Amanda makes a little face.

  “What? Are you serious?” My Dustin was in a fight Friday night? He’s never been the violent type. He gets along with everyone. He’s so easygoing I can’t imagine him wanting to beat up anyone.

  “As a heart attack. I don’t know all the details, but I got a Snapchat story from Lauren Mancini—”

  “Wait a minute,” I interrupt her. “You’re Snapchat friends with Lauren Mancini?”

  Lauren is one of the most popular girls at school, if not the most popular. Student body president, head cheerleader and assistant editor on the yearbook staff, Lauren can do no wrong.

  “I’m friends with her brother.” Lauren has a twin brother, Sam. “We’ve been in band together since middle school.” Meaning Sam Mancini is the farthest from popular.

  “So what? She posted photos of Dustin and someone else getting into a fight on her Snapchat story?” I never even bothered to follow Lauren or friend her on Snapchat. We move in different stratospheres. She probably doesn’t even realize I exist.

  Out of the corner of my eye I see Tuttle approaching us, and so does Amanda. I can tell by the way she just suddenly gripped my hand so tight I think my fingers might fall off.

  “Ladies.” He smiles, but his gaze is only for Amanda. “Love of my life.” His voice softens and I swear he sounds downright…

  Sincere?

  She rolls her eyes, her fingers still clinging to mine. “Quit with the over the top declarations.”

  He rests his hand to his chest as if she just wounded him. “What? You don’t believe me?”

  “Not really.” Amanda shakes her head, a little smile curling her lips.

  “What happened at your party, Tuttle? Was there really a fight?” I ask.

  His gaze drops to where Amanda’s and my hands are connected. “Have you gone to bat for the other team and forgot to tell me, Mandy? My heart is breaking right now.”

  She lets go of my hand with a frustrated little growl. “God, you are so annoying.”

  Tuttle grins. “You love it.”

  “Seriously. Tuttle. Was there a fight at your party or what?” Now I’m the irritated one.

  “Yeah. No big deal, though. Just between your boy and…your other boy.” Tuttle laughs. “You’re getting as bad as me, Olivia. Breaking hearts all over this school.”

  Ugh. He’s annoying. And I can onl
y focus on his saying my boy and my other boy. What a mess. “Are you saying that Ryan and Dustin got into a fight? Like…a physical fight?”

  Tuttle nods, smirking like the smug bastard he is. “You’re really coming at your senior year with both fists swinging, aren’t you?”

  I’m so mad I can’t even speak. I chance a look at Amanda and her gaze is full of sympathy. “Did you know?” I ask her, hating how hostile I sound. But if she did know and never told me, how can I trust her?

  She shook her head, her eyes wide. “No. Like I told you, I only found out last night on Snapchat thanks to Lauren.”

  I blink up at the sky and tell myself to get a grip. But I can’t. Em never mentioned it when I saw her after sneaking out of Dustin’s house. And Ryan definitely never mentioned the fight to me. Not once while we were together Saturday night and he had plenty of opportunity to tell me.

  God, did he hurt Dustin? Did Dustin hurt him? I never saw one mark on him, not that I was able to inspect his body up close…

  “I’ll see you at lunch, okay?” I tell Amanda, not giving her a chance to respond before I’m taking off, leaving her alone with Tuttle. I hear her call my name but I ignore her, running up the steps and pushing through the doors of the school’s main entrance, heading straight for Dustin’s locker.

  The hallway is packed and I shove my way past everyone, my backpack nailing more than one person, earning an irritated “Hey!” or “Watch it!” for my rude efforts. I don’t bother apologizing or smiling at anyone. I’m a girl hell-bent on making her way to the senior wing and no one is going to stop me.

  “Dustin!” I yell his name when I spot him standing in front of his open locker and he whirls around to face me, his expression one of pure happiness for all of about a millisecond.

  And then he becomes pissed off, scowling at me, his gaze going blank. That’s when I notice the purplish bruise ringing his left eye. A gasp escapes me and I rush toward him.

  “Are you okay?” I try to touch him, but he takes a step back.

  “Well, I look like a loser who got his ass kicked thanks to your new boyfriend, but otherwise I’m fine,” he says, his voice painfully sarcastic.

  “He’s not my boyfriend.”

  “Right.” He turns his back to me and grabs a book out of his locker before shutting it. “I’m sure you two had a good laugh over what happened.”

  “Dustin, I didn’t even know anything happened.” I don’t want to admit Ryan didn’t tell me about their fight, but it’s pretty much assumed by what I said, right? God, I’m so furious Ryan didn’t tell me he got in a fight with Dustin. He had to think I’d find out somehow. Wouldn’t it have been better to come from him? “What were you two fighting about anyway?”

  He slings his backpack over his shoulder, his expression incredulous. “Come on, Liv. Give me a break.”

  “I didn’t know this happened, okay?” His eyelid is a little swollen, but I’m guessing it looked even worse on Saturday. The bruise is a vivid combination of purple and yellow hues, and I wish I could give him comfort. Tell him I’m sorry. That I never meant for him to get hurt, all because of me.

  “I find that hard to believe.” His jaw goes firm as he stares at me hard, like he can’t stand the sight of me. My heart cracks at the look in his eyes, how stiff he is, like he’s afraid to get too close to me. “Move. I need to get to class.”

  “Dustin, please.” I reach for him again and he jerks away from me. “Talk to me.”

  The warning bell rings right on cue. “I can’t. We have class.” The hardness leaves his face and his gaze turns pleading. “There’s nothing left to say, Liv. You’ve made your point. I’ll give you what you want and leave you alone.”

  “But—” He walks away from me before I can say anything else, his back and shoulders rigid with tension. I watch him stride down the hall, my heart racing, my mind spinning with all the supposed reasons Ryan didn’t tell me about his run-in with Dustin.

  I can’t think of a single valid reason for Ryan to keep this from me.

  Not a one.

  I have trig with Dustin the period before lunch and I leap out of my seat the second the bell rings, buzzing over to where he sits with his friends and cornering him before he can leave.

  “Can we talk?”

  He sends me a wary look, ignoring the low oooohs his friends are murmuring. One of them even says, “Dustin’s in trouble,” drawing the words out, and I glare at him until he shuts up.

  “Please?” I add when Dustin still hasn’t said anything. He’s calmly stuffing his book into his backpack, taking his time to pull the zipper closed while I’m practically bouncing up and down waiting for him to give me an answer.

  “You gonna sic your boyfriend on me again?” He finally lifts his gaze to mine and I see the anger in his eyes. The irritation.

  “No.” My stomach flutters with nerves. Dustin looks…hot in tough mode, with the black eye and in his full on I-don’t-give-a-damn attitude. I’m sick for thinking this way but I can’t help it.

  His attitude is a total turn-on.

  “You buying me lunch?” He rises to his feet, towering over me, and I drink in his lean frame. Why am I suddenly noticing just how tall he is? And how big his hands are? This is ridiculous—I stay away from him for a few days and he’s turned into a totally different person in my eyes.

  “I can buy you lunch,” I offer tentatively. “As long as you drive.”

  He cracks the barest smile. “I definitely don’t want you buying me cafeteria food.”

  “Then let’s go. Time’s a wastin’,” I say, falling into my old habit of teasing him and acting like everything’s fine when it is so not fine.

  It’s a mess. We’re a mess, but maybe…

  Just maybe we can fix this.

  It works to our benefit that we’re leaving late for lunch. The senior parking lot is mostly empty and I don’t even see Ryan’s car, which is a good thing. I don’t want him to see me with Dustin. More like I don’t want to cause any more fights or problems.

  I just hope that wherever we go to eat, Ryan’s not there either.

  As we drive we don’t really talk. Just about lame stuff like how hot it is and the trig homework looks impossible. I worry it might be too hard for me and he smiles that familiar you’ll-be-fine Dustin smile, reminding me that I’m smart.

  Then he clamps his lips shut like he didn’t mean to say that.

  We end up at Pieology, where they make custom pizzas with really thin crust. I love their pizza and so does Dustin because we have distinctly different tastes when it comes to pizza and this way we can choose our own.

  I get a mostly veggie pizza with chicken and an herb butter sauce mixed with a little bit of red sauce. Dustin grimaces when I make my order and I roll my eyes when he orders the very unoriginal Mad to Meat You pizza.

  “You’re going to give yourself a heart attack,” I tell him as we go over to the fountain and fill our cups with ice. I get Sprite and he gets Dr. Pepper. “And Dr. Pepper is disgusting.”

  “You’ve been insulting Dr. Pepper for years. Your opinion isn’t going to make me stop drinking it,” he says as he calmly fills his cup with that vile soda.

  “It’s gross.” I snap the lid on and push a straw through the opening.

  “And so is your veggie pizza with chicken.” He mock shudders. “Who puts chicken on pizza? It’s just…wrong.”

  “You’re ridiculous. Everyone loves chicken on their pizza.” The restaurant is packed and we find one very small table tucked into the very farthest corner. We head toward it and sit across from each other, so close our knees brush against each other.

  I shouldn’t let it bother me. It’s not like he’s touching me sexually. But every time our knees collide I feel a buzz just under my skin, like electricity shooting through me, so light I’d almost miss it.

  Yet I feel alive. Everywhere.

  “What did you want to talk about, Liv?” he asks once we’re settled in.

  “Tell
me what happened Friday night,” I say, wanting to get right to the point. We only have so much time and I refuse to get in an argument with him.

  He drops his head to stare at the table, pinching a napkin between his fingers. “Ryan really didn’t tell you?”

  I shake my head and say no when I realize he’s not even looking at me.

  “Such bullshit,” he mutters under his breath. “Well, I got into an argument with Em first.”

  “With Em?” I remember seeing them outside when we left the party, both of them yelling at each other.

  He nods as he starts to tear the napkin into shreds. “She was being…weird. Clingy. I think she was trying to make Ryan jealous, kind of rub it into his face about what he was missing.”

  “I can’t even believe you’re mentioning her right now,” I whisper, my stomach roiling. Looks like my appetite is fading thanks to Dustin.

  My emotions are so all over the place when it comes to my supposed best friends. It’s confusing. They confuse me.

  Especially my feelings for Dustin.

  “I’m trying to tell you what happened, okay? It’s not easy for me to tell you all this.” His gaze meets mine and I nod, not wanting him to stop talking.

  He returns his focus to the napkin shredding. “Em ends up getting so pissed at me and everyone else in the house that she leaves.”

  “With who?”

  Dustin shrugs. “I don’t know. She texted me that she got a ride. She asked me for one, but I wasn’t ready to go. I thought you were still in the house, so I went looking for you.”

  My heart cracks. “You did?”

  “Yeah. Found Ryan instead. He said something stupid. I said something stupid back. We started pushing each other and next thing I know we’re going at it.”

  “I can’t believe he gave you a black eye.” I also can’t believe Dustin went back into Tuttle’s house looking for me.

  Why?

  I almost don’t want to know.

  “He sucker punched me. One of his stupid bros called my name and got my attention. Your Ryan punched me in the eye when I was distracted.” Dustin stares off into the distance, his jaw rigid. “The pussy.”