by Chloe Thomas
***
“Miss Rose, it’s good to see you again. I must confess I was getting a little worried,” Dr. Andrews states as she gestures towards the seats in her office. I look sheepishly at my hands. I know I shouldn’t have run out. Or ignored the missed calls for the best part of a week. Or ignored the voicemails. But I was petrified okay. I look up at Chase who’s staring back at me with his jaw clamped shut. I don’t know if it’s because he doesn’t want to be here, or because I’ve managed to upset the good Doctor.
“Errr.. yeah. Sorry about that,” I say somewhat sheepishly.
“Arabella, I presume this pregnancy is a shock to you, and perhaps not a good surprise?”
“You could say that,” I practically snort. Dr. Andrews has provided the understatement of the year I think.
“Is this the baby’s father?” She gestures towards Chase, now looking towards him expecting an answer. So much for easing into this conversation.
“I’m not the biological father. She was raped before I became her man.” I don’t think I expected Chase to answer. I guess I just assumed I’d be doing all the talking but I’m grateful he’s answered. It’s still not a word I’m comfortable using just yet.
“Well that explains some things,” Dr. Andrews remarks. “Arabella, I suggest we set you up with some counselling or group therapy sessions to help you cope with what’s happened. It’s a very traumatic event and it’s only natural to struggle to come to terms with it. I should also advise you, particularly given the circumstances, that you do have options available to you. If you were unhappy to continue the pregnancy you could have a termination or you could choose to go down the adoption route if you felt raising the child would be too much. In the meantime, we need to make sure you and the baby are healthy.”
“I, I’m scared. I don’t think I can go to therapy. They’ll make me relive it and I can’t..” I trail off tears forming in my eyes.
“Arabella, they won’t push you to say anything you don’t want to,” Dr. Andrews states gently and with genuine compassion. “I can imagine this is difficult for you but trust me Arabella, you can’t burry this forever, it will eat away at you.” I wipe a stray tear from my cheek and nod. I know she’s right but it’s still hard.
“Perhaps you could take your partner for support?” she suggests gesturing to Chase.
“Baby you know I’ll go with you. I’ll give you all the support you need.”
“No!” I panic at that. “I don’t want you knowing the details.” I couldn’t cope with that. He wouldn’t look at me the same I just know he wouldn’t. Chase rubs his temple before sighing.
“Alright. I’ll drop you off and wait in the car for you then. At least I’ll be around if you do need me.” I can tell he’s not happy but at least he’s not pushing it.
“Arabella, lets check everything’s okay with you and the baby. You’ve obviously been under a lot of stress lately and that’s not ideal in pregnancy.” Dr. Andrews gets up and is gesturing towards the bed again. I freeze for a few seconds, not sure if I can deal with anything else.
“Come on Belle. You need to let the Doctor check,” Chase pleads gently with me and takes my hand leading me towards the bed.
“If you could remove the bottom half of your clothing like last time please Arabella,” Dr Andrews instructs whilst she pulls the curtain around me and Chase. I look towards him waiting for him to step out but he looks back at me with eyebrows raised. I know he’s seen me naked before but this is different. It’s clinical. After a moment of awkwardness he narrows his eyes, mutters fine and steps outside the curtain.
Once I’m on the bed Dr. Andrews pulls the curtain back and Chase sits in the seat next to me holding my hand.
“You’re blood pressure is high but thats not surprising. You will need to try and control your stress levels if you continue the pregnancy though Arabella,” Dr. Andrews chastises.
She begins the internal exam and after a few minutes a whooshing sound fills the room.
“That’s the heartbeat,” she exclaims. Instantly a warmth takes over my heart in a way I never imagined was possible and I know I’m keeping this baby.
Chapter 12
Making a life changing decision
Chase
————————————
“It’s nice and strong and about right for this many weeks gestation.” Dr. Andrews continues.
I can’t explain the feeling, but the second that heartbeat fills the room I know with absolutely certainty that I’ll be there for that little boy or girl no matter what. I’ll protect both Belle and her child with everything I have. I’m almost certain Belle feels the same about the baby.
We finish up at the doctors and head back out to my truck. I get Belle’s door for her and then head round to the drivers side. When I get in though I don’t start the truck up straight away like usual and I see Belle looking at me out of the corner of my eye. She’s probably still terrified of my reaction and I don’t blame her after yesterday. I pivot slightly to face her.
“So, how’re you feeling?” She looks at me nervously.
“Okay I guess.”
“You look scared.” I figure I may as well cut to the point, this needs to be an honest conversation.
“I just have to work out what to do that’s all.” I’m pretty sure she knows what she wants, she’s just freaking out about telling me.
“Belle, look at me,” I pause and lean across the truck taking her face in my hands. “I love you Belle. I meant that. I’ll be there for you no matter what. If you wanted to have a termination or adopt then I’d support your decision, but Belle if you want to keep him or her, well, I’d look out for and protect that little one just as much as I would for you.” She toys her lip nervously for a minute while a tear slips free and rolls down her cheek.
“I can’t do it Chase, I can’t get rid of it. Hearing the heartbeat, I don’t know, it’s like I’ve bonded with him or her already. As terrified as I am, there’s a small part of me that’s already excited to meet the baby.” I’m glad she’s finally being honest with me. I smile reassuringly at her.
“Then it looks like we’re going to be parents.” She doesn’t smile back which worries me.
“Chase, You don’t have to stand by me. I think you know how I feel about you and that’s why I need to give you the chance to go,” she’s sobbing now and it’s heartbreaking. “I know you said I wouldn’t be trapping you, but I would. I don’t expect you to raise someone else’s baby.”
“Arabella, stop. Baby that’s my call to make and I’ve made it. I’m not leaving you, I’m not giving up on us. You’re right, I do know how you feel about me and that’s why this is worth fighting for. Yeah okay it’s a shock Arabella, I’m not going to pretend it isn’t but being a dad, it’s about so much more than biology.” I pause letting that sink in for a moment. “Belle, the way you felt when you heard the heartbeat, I felt the same. I want this.”
If you’d have told me two months ago I’d be sat in my truck pouring my heart out to the woman I love, the only woman I’ll ever want again and fighting desperately to keep her and her unborn child, I’d have laughed. I’d have laughed so fucking hard at how impossible that sounds yet here I am. We both sit in silence for a while trying to get our heads around everything that’s happening and giving our minds a chance to process it all. Belle’s still sobbing quietly and I don’t know what to do to make it better. I don’t think she believes me. She wants to, but it’s like she’s scared I’ll come to some realisation later on that I’m making the wrong choice. I won’t though, I know I won’t because I’ve never been so sure of anything. Belle and that baby, that’s what I want. Even if becoming a dad is a nerve wracking thought. I still feel like I’m not ready and I’ll be honest, this isn’t the way I’d have planned it, but I suppose I have 9 months to get prepared. Don’t they say no new parent is ready anyway?
“Arabella, I hate seeing you cry,” I say, not really sure what response I’m hop
ing for.
“Will you promise me something?” she asks. I’m not going to like this, I can tell already.
“What is it Belle?”
“Think about it. Really think about it and if you decide it’s not right for you then leave.” Her voice cracks as she speaks. “I’m not saying I want you to go, because I really don’t. But I’d understand Chase. I’d rather we parted on good terms than you grow to resent me.”
“Belle that’s not going to happen. I have thought about it and I’m sure Arabella. You need to trust me.”
“Just promise me Chase, please.” I sigh frustrated.
“Fine. I’ll think about it some more. My minds made up though Arabella.”
“And you’ll leave if it’s not what you want,” she prompts.
“It is what I want Belle, I’m not leaving.”
“Please Chase. I need this from you.” I don’t want to agree. But I guess it’s immaterial if I’m not going to change my mind.
“Fine Arabella, if it’s what you need I promise.”
I brush away the tears from her cheeks and pull her in for a kiss.
“Come on, lets get you home,” I say about to start up my truck. “When’s Levi coming round to sort out your door by the way? I’ll give him a call, I can do it for you.”
“Not sure, I never asked.”
I pull my phone out and dial Levi’s number.
“Hey bud, how you doing?” he answers. I know that’s a loaded question. Levi isn’t simply exchanging pleasantries.
“Yeah alright, look don’t worry about Arabella's door I’ll fix it.”
“Nah it’s alright. I broke it, I’ll fix it. Besides I’ve already picked a new one up, just need to fit it.”
“Thanks mate but I’ll come get it off you. I can replace a door without too much trouble.”
“Never said you couldn’t bud. Well look, why don’t me and the boys bring it round. It’s easier to hang with more than one person.”
“It doesn’t take 5 highly trained soldiers to hang a door Levi,” I protest knowing this is a trap. He just laughs though.
“Nope. We’ll bring beer though.” I’m about to argue but he hangs up the phone. Clearly he’s told the others about my pathetic state yesterday and they’re using this an intervention of sorts.
“So it looks like all the lads are coming round,” I mutter to Belle so she’s not surprised when they all show up.
“I thought you said you were-”
“Yep I did. I don’t think they’re coming round for the sake of the door to be honest Arabella.”
“Oh.”
***
We get back to hers and sure enough an hour later and the guys pull up outside. Belle opens the door before I get there and greets them all.
“You look really good Belle,” I hear Noah say. I remember they haven’t seen her since we dropped her off at the hospital so I guess she does look better. Much better actually.
“Yep, I can see why he fell for you,” Leo helpfully adds as his eyes roam up and down Belle’s body. I nearly loose it but Noah turns to Leo and raises his eyebrows, telling him silently to back off. I trust Leo implicitly as I do all the guys but he’s a windup merchant. I never used to bite but with Belle I just can’t help it. Leo laughs looking at me before holding his hands up apologetically and heading off to the back of the truck to retrieve Belle’s new door.
Not long later and we’ve got the old door of its hinges and have nearly got the new one in place. Leo and Dean have taken the old one round the back and are busy breaking it up while Noah and Levi are still with me. I sent Belle inside to put her feet up for a bit.
“So, you wanna tell me honestly how it’s all going,” Levi asks. I know Noah is listening but then again I’m pretty sure Levi will have told him what’s happened anyway.
“Truthfully mate nah, don’t want to. But I’m assuming your not gonna let it go.”
“Nope. Not when I had to haul your paralytic ass out of Ronnie’s yesterday.”
“Yeah sorry about that,” I mutter.
“Bud, I didn’t mind coming to get you. It’s what’s going through your head that worries me.” He stops, waiting for me to answer but I stay silent.
“Chase, talk to us.” Noah says, and it isn’t an ask, it’s an order.
“What do you want me to say. I was pissed off she was raped, pissed off she didn’t tell me about it, and pissed off that she seems ashamed about it all. I still am.”
“Mate, she can’t even say the word yet. If she told you about it earlier it would have meant admitting it happened and honestly she’s been in denial.” I stop what I’m doing and look Levi in the eyes as I register what he’s saying.
“You knew didn’t you? You fucking knew and you didn’t tell me?!” I lunge for him and shove him hard against the outside wall of Belle’s house, my hand wrapped around his throat. Noah stops what he’s doing and approaches ready to intervene. I know he’ll let this play out for a moment if he thinks we’ll work it out. Right now I’m not sure we will.
“Chase, she never admitted it to me outright. When I checked her over in Columbia and asked her a couple of questions that she wouldn’t reply to, I just knew.”
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?!” Im furious at my best friend right now.
“It’s not for me to tell Chase!” There’s a hint of anger in his tone. Fuck what if he’s right. I let him go unceremoniously and he peels himself off the wall clutching at his throat.
“You should have let me know!” I bark.
“No, bud. I shouldn’t have!” he’s definitely pissed at me. “She’s been through enough, I’m not gonna be the one to betray her trust on top of everything else.”
“Boys, that’s enough,” Noah intervenes sensing we’ll bicker about this for a while otherwise. “More importantly Chase, is what’s going through your head now?” He asks calmly and with an air of sympathy in his tone. I’m still pissed off at Levi but decide honesty is best when it comes to Noah. I respect him too much to try and bullshit him and in any case he’d see straight through it.
“I love her man. I’m not giving her up.”
“I know you love her. You loved her back in the Amazon it just took you forever to realise,” he smirks at me. “But a child is a big deal. Being a father is massive Chase and given the circumstances you need to be sure you’re in it for the long haul if Belle decides to keep the baby. No one will judge you if it’s not for you. Not every man could raise a rapists child Chase, that’s the harsh reality of this.”
“She is keeping him or her and I’m staying. I’m not changing my mind. I’ve thought this through and I want this.” I pause looking down at the ground. “Yeah it’s a shock, but I heard the heartbeat today and it was... incredible. It doesn’t matter who the kids biological dad is, I’ll be the one that’s there for him or her no matter what.” I glance back up at Noah and see him smiling. Christ I’m not used to all this emotional ‘let’s chat about feelings’ shit.
“Good man,” he says and pats me on the back. “Have you talked all this through with Belle?”
“We had a chat, she’s scared I’m going to change my mind I think. Made me promise that I’d think some more on it and leave her if I couldn’t handle it.”
“That’s not surprising.” Noah sighs. “In fairness Chase, you’ve not had long to process this. We’ve known you long enough to realise that once you’ve made a decision you won’t back down on it, but Belle hasn’t.”
“What do I do to prove it to her?”
“Time Chase, give it time and be there for her.” Noah smiles at me reassuringly. He’s not much older than me and the other lads but he’s definitely the father figure of the group. I feel like I need to start taking lessons off of him. Apart from how not to parent I learned fuck all of my biological Dad, if you can even call him that.
“Have you still not finished that?!” Dean jokes as he and Leo wander back round the front.
“Hurry up Boys I�
��m ready for a beer.” Leo helpfully adds. “What happened to you?!” He asks looking at Levi. There’s a red mark around his throat and his shirt looks scrunched up where I had him pinned against the wall. I will admit I feel a little bit guilty. Levi grumbles something under his breath and flattens out his shirt but he doesn’t really respond.
***
An hour or so later and all the lads and Belle are sat outside on her decking. We’ve all got beers in hand apart from Belle who has water and I’ve started the outside grill up.
“So, I guess we’ll be seeing a lot more of you then Belle,” Noah says smiling at her. She seems a little overwhelmed which isn’t surprising given the past few days but she smiles back at him.
“Yeah, I guess so. I think one of you might need to find a girl so I can have some company though, there’s too much testosterone here,” she exclaims laughing.
“Don’t count on me for that,” Leo snorts. “I’m not a one woman kinda guy and in any case I can’t deal with all the sappy shit that comes with girls. Honestly I didn’t have you pegged for long term either Chase.” I really want him to shut up at this point. Belle does not need to know what I used to be like with women. Leo knows he’s getting to me though which only causes him to laugh harder. “You’re so easy to wind up these days!” He manages to sputter out between giggles.
“Nah I could tell he was done for the second he caught sight of Belle. All doe-eyed and wouldn’t let the rest of us anywhere near her,” Dean smirks.
“I was not doe-eyed!” I jump in feeling like I need to defend myself.
“Oh but you were,” Noah adds. Brilliant, I can see it’s take the piss out of Chase night. I give up arguing and roll my eyes while putting two fingers up. Belle is laughing freely now though and I’d do anything for that smile on her face, even if it means having the piss ripped out of me all night.
***
We spend another hour or so out on the deck laughing, joking, drinking beer and eating before the guys make their excuses and head home. I lead Belle inside and get us seated on the sofa watching a film. A big part of me doesn’t want to spoil what’s been a pretty good evening, but it feels like there’s an elephant in the room and at this point we need to get everything out in the open.