Appreciate Your Life

by Taizan Maezumi

  These teisho were delivered in a specific place and time, but are not limited to them. And yet as Maezumi Roshi unrelentingly points out, place and time are nothing but this universal truth, even as they exist right now for you holding this book. He implored us to realize and appreciate our life as this. He challenged us with questions and insisted that we confirm the Buddha Way for ourselves.

  The way to read this book is to eat it one bite at a time. This sampling of his teisho are best heard with one’s whole being. Maezumi Roshi’s teisho were not delivered in a theoretical or linear style. Rather his style—spontaneous, organic, and flowing—appealed to the experience of his students. He moved freely from one theme to another, engaging us to realize ourselves as the Way.

  These teisho are not ordinary lectures, but are intimate communications from master to student. They were invariably preceded by at least one or more periods of zazen and not infrequently, were given during the course of a three- to seven-day sesshin. Maezumi Roshi was speaking to an audience of people in an unusual state of mind, unusually focused and attentive. So also must we realize that these same qualities were at an even more heightened level in Maezumi Roshi himself. During a teisho, he would sometimes shout energetically the points he wished to emphasize, he frequently quoted Dogen Zenji’s writings from memory and freely translated them, and he was silent for periods of time. The effect on the listener was to merge with Maezumi Roshi’s presence and to open to the intimacy of dharma.

  One of the many challenges of editing these teisho was Maezumi Roshi’s frequent and spontaneous recitation in Japanese of Dogen Zenji’s writings. Sometimes he would use a published English translation, sometimes he reinterpreted an existing translation, and sometimes he translated on the spot. We have noted where he used previously published translations, but for the most part the versions of Dogen are Maezumi Roshi’s translations. Because he was so saturated in Dogen Zenji’s thought and because of the frequent and spontaneous references to Dogen’s work, many of his references remain untraceable.

  The project of transcribing and assembling these teisho was begun soon after Maezumi Roshi’s passing. I wish to acknowledge all those who transcribed his teisho over the years and the support of the project by the White Plum Sangha and especially by the sangha, or community, of the Zen Center of Los Angeles. While I was working on the manuscript, Roshi Bernie Glassman asked me to return to the Zen Center of Los Angeles to take on the task of caring for Maezumi Roshi’s home temple and sangha. At that point I gave the project over to Roshi Glassman and Sensei Eve Myonen Marko. In the end, she and I brought this book to completion. I express my deepest appreciation to Burt Wetanson and John Daishin Buksbazen for their careful reading of the manuscript and especially to Roshi Glassman and Sensei Eve Marko, whose collaboration made this book possible.

  In reading this book, may Maezumi Roshi’s realization and love of dharma permeate your being.

  Wendy Egyoku Nakao

  ZEN CENTER OF LOS ANGELES

  LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA

  PART ONE

  The Essence of Zen

  APPRECIATE YOUR LIFE

  NO ONE CAN LIVE YOUR LIFE except you. No one can live my life except me. You are responsible. I am responsible. But what is our life? What is our death?

  In Soto Zen we have the expression “the treasury of the true dharma eye and subtle mind of nirvana.”1 This expression comes from a famous koan which relates the transmission of the dharma from our original teacher, Shakyamuni Buddha, to his successor, Mahakashyapa. In the story, Shakyamuni Buddha held up a flower and blinked. Mahakashyapa smiled, and Shakyamuni Buddha said, “I have the treasury of the true dharma eye and subtle mind of nirvana, and I transmit it to Mahakashyapa.”

  What is this treasury of the true dharma eye and subtle mind of nirvana that Shakyamuni Buddha transmitted? All the Buddhist teachings deal with this most precious treasure. It is your life. It is my life.

  Another way of asking that question is, “Who am I?” “What is this?”

  These inquiries are the fundamental, most important koans. Like all koans, we must answer them out of our own life. What is our life? And knowing what it is, how are we living it? How can we experience the life that we are living now as an infinite, literally limitless life, as the subtle mind of nirvana? For the irony is that we are all living such a life, we are all living this treasure, and we are also not quite living it, either. In other words, our life is no other than the treasury of the true dharma eye and subtle mind of nirvana, and yet we see it as something other than this.

  We do not see that our life right here, right now, is nirvana. Maybe we think that nirvana is a place where there are no problems, no more delusions. Maybe we think nirvana is something very beautiful, something unattainable. We always think that nirvana is something very different from our own life. But we must really understand that nirvana is right here, right now.

  How is that possible? We can say that our practice is to close the gap between what we think our life is and our actual life as the subtle mind of nirvana. Or more to the point, how can we realize that there is really no gap to begin with?

  Do not be dualistic. Truly be one with your life as the subtle mind of nirvana. That is what subtle means. Something is subtle not because it is hidden, nor because it is elusive, but because it is right here. We don’t see it precisely because it is right in front of us. In fact, we are living it. When we live it we don’t think about it. The minute we think about it, we are functioning in the dualistic state and don’t see what our life is.

  Why is this so difficult to do? Pin down what the difficulty is and where it comes up. Most of us know that this I is somehow blocking us. I am the one who does not see my life as the subtle mind of nirvana. I am the one who is not experiencing life as treasure.

  What is this I that is blocking this realization? It is my dualistic functioning. There is nothing wrong with duality itself, that is how our mind functions. But as long as we remain in the confinement of duality, we are swayed by such opposing values as right and wrong, good and bad. These are only temporary aspects. Something appears sometimes to be good or bad or right or wrong or long or short or big or small—but what is it overall? The same thing with our life. We must see what it is beyond duality. Our life literally comes down to right now. Now! Here! What is it?

  One understanding of life and death is the life and death of the instant. According to Dogen Zenji, the founder of Japanese Soto Zen, Shakyamuni Buddha said that in twenty-four hours our life is born and dying, rising and falling, 6,400,099,980 times. So in one second, our life is born and dies around seventy thousand times. Our conscious mind cannot even imagine such an occurrence. What kind of life is this?

  We usually think of our life as fifty years, sixty years, maybe the most around one hundred years. I once read that there are about thirty-three hundred people who are more than one hundred years old, the oldest being 112 years. (What are people doing living such long lives?) Dogen Zenji said that living a long life without awareness is almost a crime. On the contrary, he emphasized that even if you live one day with a clear understanding of what life is, the value of that one day is equal to many, many years of living without awareness. We are all so concerned with how long we will live. We feel that living eighty, ninety, or a hundred years is a wonderful life. Maybe so, but wonderful compared with what? Compared with those who die young?

  We must see our life clearly. The existence of this life at this very moment, what is it? Being born and dying seventy thousand times at this very moment—what is it? Is such a life different for a man, a woman, a young person, an old person, a human being, other beings? Is such a life dualistic? Is it relative or absolute? All our usual considerations and understanding about what our life is make no sense if we are born and dying seventy thousand times in an instant.

  Dogen Zenji says that because our life is this, we attain realization. We do not practice in order to attain realization; in fact, when we practice, we do n
ot need to expect anything. Why not? Because everything is already here! Our life is this wisdom! Our practice is this realization. When we see our life beyond duality, beyond thinking and nonthinking, then everything is already no other than the treasury of the true dharma eye and subtle mind of nirvana! When we think in dualistic terms, our life is restricted: I am, you are, this is good, this is bad. At the same time, our life has no boundary. Since we are born and die in each moment, in each instant, our life is not limited by time and space. Everything is right here, right now!

  So our life is limited when we think dualistically, and at the same time it is not limited. It does not matter whether you are a man or woman, young or old, a monk or layperson. The treasury of the true dharma eye and subtle mind of nirvana is anybody, everybody!

  All of us have abundant opportunities to experience our life in this way at this very moment. How can we realize the Supreme Way manifesting as our life? For whether we realize it or not, being born and dying, renewing our life thousands of times per second, we are always living this unsurpassable life—just as we are. But how do we realize this? Just be! Just do! When we live with this awareness, we realize that there is no division between this life and the Supreme Way, no division between this life and the subtle mind of nirvana. We realize the life that has no division!

  This is our life. This is our practice also. So if your practice is breathing, be one with breathing! If your practice is shikantaza, or just-sitting, then just sit! If your practice is koan, be the koan! Are you truly practicing in this way? If you are doing shikantaza based on a certain understanding or expectation, your practice is not shikantaza. If you are practicing with a koan intellectually or as a riddle to solve, you are not doing koan practice. Why not? Because duality is still involved! Because division is still involved.

  How can you experience and confirm your life as the true dharma eye and subtle mind of nirvana? You are already so! Start at least with believing that your life is this. Have faith in this! Then experience that life as your very own! When you do this, right there your life is prajna paramita wisdom itself. Prajna is the wisdom of no duality, no I, you, good, or bad. It is the functioning of this moment, of what happens here and now. Paramita means “to have reached the other shore.” What other shore? If everything is right here and now, what other shore exists? Some people think that the other shore is nirvana, the way we think things should be, the way we wish our life to be. But nirvana is already here. Having reached the other shore, we confirm that this life right now is nirvana. This life is that most precious treasure, the unsurpassable Way, the way of true realization.

  Shakyamuni Buddha himself lived this life. What is the difference between his life and our life? At the moment of his great enlightenment, Shakyamuni Buddha said, “How miraculous! All beings have the wisdom and virtue of the Tathagata Buddha!” Shakyamuni Buddha’s confirmation of who we are, of what our life is, and of how to live is our koan. We must live it and practice it. Do you understand this?

  Each of us has to take care of this treasury of the true dharma eye and subtle mind of nirvana. We must do it. One day is long enough. One sitting period is long enough. Even one second is long enough. And vice versa. A week, ten years, fifty years, or a hundred years may not be long enough. In order to experience yourself in this way, you do not need to wait for any moment. In fact, do not wait!

  I encourage you. Please enjoy this wonderful life together. Appreciate the world of just this! There is nothing extra. Genuinely appreciate your life as the most precious treasure and take good care of it.

  1. In Japanese, shobogenzo nehan myoshin. The treasury of the true dharma eye (shobogenzo) and subtle mind (myoshin) of nirvana (nehan).—Eds.

  ENDOWED FROM THE START

  HOW SHOULD WE SIT PROPERLY? Zazen, or sitting meditation, should be physically comfortable. At the same time, zazen is the practice and realization of manifesting our body as bodhi, as enlightenment. It is both the practice and the realization, for when we truly do zazen, there is no distinction between practice and realization. It is wisdom as is, as things are. This zazen, the practice of the Buddha Way, is none other than the practice of one’s life.

  The best way to practice is to forget the self. By forgetting the self, we can appreciate our life not in the narrow, restricted, isolated way that we usually live but rather as a life of unity, a life that is unsurpassable. Another way to explain what we mean by forgetting the self is that we are transcending the subject-object relationship or the I-Other relationship. We are transcending duality.

  So how can each of us really do the best zazen?

  Our physical and mental postures are very important. The position of the hands, or mudra, symbolizes the unity of opposites. It reflects a sense of harmony, a kind of completeness or perfection. In the Soto school we have a special mudra of Maha Vairochana Buddha, the manifestation of formless forms.

  There are two ways to form Vairochana’s mudra. According to both Keizan Zenji and Dogen Zenji, the founders of Soto Zen, place your left hand on the right palm. There are different explanations for this. For instance, we say the right hand is the hand of yang, active, and the left hand is yin, quiet or passive. So when we do zazen we put the left hand on the right hand so that the less active left hand calms the active right hand, the activity of the body and mind. But when you see the statue of Maha Vairochana Buddha, the right hand is on the left palm, so there are two ways of forming this mudra.

  The tips of the thumbs, lightly touching, are held evenly in a horizontal position. Some people tilt their hands without realizing it. Hold your hands like the surface of still water, calm and without tension. Sitting too tensely or too loosely is reflected in your mudra. If your thumbs are pressed tightly and rigidly together, or if your hands are apart and the thumbs don’t meet, all these tell you something about your sitting. When sitting in the half lotus position,1 your hands may rest on your foot. Let the mudra be well balanced. Even though you think that you are sitting correctly, it is not so simple to keep the mudra in the right position. It is very helpful to sit in front of a mirror and check your posture, or have someone check your posture for you.

  It is also important to pay attention to our feet. When we sit in the half lotus or in the full lotus position, the tops of our feet rest on our thighs. I understand that there are about seven hundred acupuncture points and about sixteen meridians, all relating to one particular point in the sole. In putting the feet in the half or the full lotus position, the soles are nicely stimulated. The body settles down and we can physically sit very comfortably.

  When you sit on a chair, be aware of these principles and place the soles of your feet firmly on the floor. The soles of the feet are like the roots of a tree. The roots are growing, penetrating into the ground—not necessarily pushing their way into the earth but naturally filling it. Have your body in the same way, solid and penetrating into the ground. We become strong by doing so, and we can sense the unity and harmony with the earth.

  When you have settled your body, sway your upper body from side to side in large arcs, slowly decreasing the angle of swaying. As you decrease the angle of swaying, adjust your spine so that it is upright and let it settle in this upright position. Tuck in your chin and let your eyes settle half open, setting your gaze about three to four feet in front of you at a forty-five degree angle. Then start sitting. When you come out of zazen, sway your body again, but in reverse. Slowly start swaying in small arcs, increasing to large arcs. Sway not only your body but also your concentration, so that you can carry that concentration into standing and walking. This slow swaying is a very natural procedure. When your samadhi is strong, you can’t immediately jump up from sitting. Standing very quickly indicates your samadhi is not very strong. Easing the body into and out of the sitting posture can help you focus your concentration.

  When you are settled for zazen, take several deep breaths. In English we say inhale and exhale. In Japanese we say kokyu. Ko is exhalation and kyu is inhalat
ion. It may seem more logical for your inhalation to come first, but after settling your body, exhale first. When you exhale, exhale as much air as possible through your mouth, not your nostrils. Our exhalations are usually very small, so open your mouth slightly and exhale completely’ so that you feel your lungs are squeezed. You can bend slightly forward when exhaling.

  When you exhale through the mouth, you have a direct sensation of exhaling toxins from the body, not just breathing out air. Then when you have to inhale, the air comes in quickly. Expand your lungs to breathe deeply. Then once again, exhale and inhale in the same way. While exhaling, you can squeeze and tighten the muscles in your butt, relaxing when you inhale. Then let your breathing return to normal. Let your breathing become relaxed.

  Regarding breathing, I am reminded of one of my teacher Koryu Roshi’s favorite expressions. He said that when you breathe in, swallow the whole universe. When you breathe out, breathe out the whole universe. In and out. In and out. Eventually you forget about the division between breathing in and breathing out; even breathing is totally forgotten. You just sit with a sense of unity.

  We put our mental concentration in the hara. The hara is a point in our body that generates chi, energy, and it is approximately two inches below the navel. If we sit in half or full lotus position and the soles of our feet are supported by our thighs, they are close to the hara and receive more stimulation from our concentration, and altogether the entire body functions better.

  Having settled our body and breath, we next adjust the mind. In his Universal Promotion of the Principles of Zazen (Fukanzazengi), Dogen Zenji writes, “Think of not-thinking. How do you think of not-thinking? Non-thinking. This in itself is the essential art of zazen.”2 In other words, penetrate into one point, into the nondual state.