Witch is How The Dice Fell

by Adele Abbott

  “You didn’t mention the clown school next door. I’ve always loved clowns. They’re such fun, don’t you think?”

  “Well, actually, I—err—”

  “According to Annabel, they run evening classes, so I might pop over there in my lunchbreak, to sign up.”

  “Right.”

  “And Annabel has even offered to knit me some clown socks.”

  “That’s great.” How come the newcomer got to call Mrs V, Annabel?

  “I’m keen to get stuck in. Where would you like me to start?”

  “Actually, my accountant will be here in a few minutes; I’d arranged the meeting before I knew you’d be starting today. I’m going to be tied up for a while, so why don’t you spend some time with Annab, err—Mrs V? She can bring you up to date on our current systems, such as they are. Then you and I can get together later.”

  “That sounds good to me.”

  “Where did you find that Gonk?” Winky said. “Why would you trust your business to a man who wears an orange tie with a dolphin on it?”

  “Alistair has excellent qualifications and experience.”

  “Yeah, but does he actually know which is his elbow and which is his—?”

  “That’s enough of that. I don’t want you interfering in the work he’s here to do.”

  “Why would I? It’s none of my business if you want to hand over control to some dolphin loving clown.”

  “Incidentally, your girlfriend is still pining for you.”

  “If you’re talking about that boring Snowdrop who lives next door to you, I’m not interested.”

  “I feel sorry for her.”

  “No, you don’t. You’re just trying to make me feel bad. Well, you’re wasting your time. Anyway, I’m seeing someone else now.”

  “Who is the lucky lady?”

  “That’s for me to know and for you to mind your own business.”

  “Don’t I get to meet her?”

  “So you can pass judgement? No chance. And besides, my new lady friend prefers to keep a low profile.”

  “How intriguing. Now I really want to know who she is.”

  “Don’t you realise how sad that makes you?”

  He wasn’t wrong.

  ***

  Luther still had the smoulder factor.

  “Good morning, Jill. You’re looking very well.”

  “Thanks. You too. Is that down to Maria?”

  “I’m afraid not.” He sighed. “We aren’t together any longer.”

  “Really? I’m sorry to hear that. I had no idea.”

  “It was a mistake for us to ever think we could work together.”

  “Couldn’t you have just stopped working together?”

  “It was too late by then. The tension and arguments had already spilled over into our personal life.”

  “You’ll remain friends, though, I assume?”

  “I know that’s what people are supposed to say under these circumstances, but I’m not convinced that ever really works. Unsurprisingly, she walked straight into another job, and as far as I’m aware, she’s happy.”

  “What about you?”

  “I’m fine. I’m giving relationships a break for a while. I’m beginning to think I’m not very good at them.”

  “Nonsense. You just haven’t met the right person yet.”

  “Unlike you. How’s married life?”

  “Fantastic, really fantastic. Jack occasionally suggests that we should work together, but I won’t hear of it.”

  “I noticed you have a new member of staff out there?”

  “I’ll get Mrs V to organise us some drinks, and then I’ll bring you up to speed on the new developments in the business.”

  Once we had our coffee, I updated Luther on my recent entry onto the social media scene, and I explained my thinking in bringing in the new office manager. When I’d finished, I fully expected him to be full of enthusiasm for the new initiatives.

  “Oh dear, Jill.” He frowned.

  Not exactly the reaction I’d been hoping for.

  “What’s wrong? I thought you’d be pleased. You’re always saying that I need to develop the business.”

  “Yes, and the increased social media presence is definitely a good thing. Particularly as it doesn’t seem to have cost very much. It’s your new employee that worries me. I’m not sure the increase to the payroll is sustainable.”

  “But the idea is that he’ll pay for himself, and then some. I spend way too much time on admin that I really should be devoting to billable work.”

  “The theory is sound, but there’s one slight flaw in this particular case.”

  “What’s that?”

  “I can see no evidence that you’ve ever spent much time on admin. You’ve always seemed to fly by the seat of your pants. You’ve certainly never spent much time on your accounts. If any.”

  “I think you’re being overly pessimistic, Luther. I’m confident that now I have Alistair on board, my billable hours will increase dramatically.”

  “I sincerely hope you’re right, Jill. This could be make or break for the business.”

  By now, I was feeling totally deflated, but we still had to go through the minutiae of the accounts. Boring!

  “There’s one thing I need to clarify,” Luther pointed to the printout he’d brought with him. “Where exactly are the majority of your clients based? I’d always assumed they were in Washbridge?”

  “That’s right, but I also get the occasional case from the surrounding areas like West Chipping.”

  “That’s what I thought, so what are all these cases with the letter ‘C’ next to them? Where are those clients based?”

  Oh bum! Those were all the cases I’d worked for clients in Candlefield.

  “That’s—err—Coventry.”

  “Coventry? That’s miles away.”

  It had been the first place beginning with a ‘C’ that had come into my mind, but it was a two-hour drive away. What was I thinking?

  “That’s where my other office is based.”

  Luther pushed back his chair, and stared at me, incredulously. “What other office? You’ve never mentioned another office to me.”

  “Haven’t I? Are you sure?”

  “I would have remembered. Why have I never seen any bills relating to that office?”

  “That’s a very good question, and you’ll be very surprised by the explanation.” Almost as surprised as I would. “It’s very simple, actually. The reason there are no bills for the other office is that—err, I share it with an old school friend. I did some work for her years ago, and in return, she’s allowed me to share the office at no cost.”

  “That’s incredibly generous of her.”

  “It is, isn’t it?”

  “Even so, you really should start recording your travelling expenses. You must spend a ton of money travelling back and forth between here and Coventry. If these records are accurate, you seem to get almost half of your business from there.”

  “That sounds about right.”

  “I still can’t believe you’ve never mentioned it before.”

  “This is precisely why I need the office manager. He’ll make sure there are no omissions like this in the future.”

  ***

  “Coventry?” Winky laughed. “How did you come up with Coventry?”

  “He caught me off guard.”

  “There are at least a dozen places closer than Coventry that begin with a ‘C’. I can name them if you like?”

  “Don’t bother. I’m just about to have a meeting with Alistair.”

  “This should be good. I can’t wait to hear what pearls of wisdom dolphin boy has to impart.”

  “I don’t want to hear a peep from you while he’s in here. Get on that sofa and keep quiet.”

  “Your wish is my command.”

  I called Alistair through to my office, and had Mrs V bring tea in for us.

  “Your accountant had a quick word with me on the way out.” Ali
stair took a sip of his tea. “He said I should ask you to update me on Coventry. I didn’t realise you had more than one office?”

  Neither did I until a few minutes earlier. “I do undertake some cases for clients in Coventry.”

  “Isn’t that rather a long way from here?”

  “Yes, but it’s a very profitable part of the business, as you’ll see.”

  Just then, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Winky. He was standing on the sofa, juggling balls.

  That wasn’t the least bit off-putting.

  I waved my hand at him to get him to stop.

  “Are you okay?” Alistair said.

  “Yes, why?”

  “Your hand was shaking.”

  “That’s just a nervous twitch. Take no notice.”

  The next twenty minutes were spent discussing the way I currently handled case management and billing.

  “That’s quite an old-fashioned approach,” he commented.

  “Most of it dates back to the systems originally designed by my father. He started the agency.”

  “I see. Well, if you don’t mind my saying so, it’s time for a dramatic update.” I was having difficulty focusing on what Alistair was saying because Winky was now playing with a yoyo. “Jill? What do you think? Are you sure you’re okay? Your hand is shaking again.”

  “I’m fine, thanks. I agree with everything you’ve said. As far as I’m concerned, you have carte blanche to do whatever you feel is necessary to get this place working like a well-oiled machine.”

  “Excellent. I’ll complete a thorough review, and get back to you with a series of suggestions by the end of next week, if that works for you?”

  “That’s fine. I look forward to seeing it.”

  He was on his way to the door, but hesitated. “I don’t want to speak out of school, but I wondered if you were aware that Annabel seems to spend most of her time knitting?”

  “Yes, that’s perfectly okay. Mrs V isn’t actually on the payroll. She comes here because she enjoys the company. I’m quite happy for her to knit when she has no other work to do.”

  “Fine. I just thought I should check.”

  “What a snitch that guy is,” Winky said, once Alistair was out of the room.

  “I thought I told you to stay quiet while we were having our meeting?”

  “I was quiet. You never said anything about juggling or yoyoing, though.”

  ***

  My first new client of the week was a Mrs Bernadette Sparks. I hadn’t taken the initial phone call, but according to Mrs V, her visit was related to her late husband’s death.

  “Please have a seat, Mrs Sparks.”

  “I prefer Bernie.”

  “Okay, and I’m Jill. My PA said you wanted to speak to me about your late husband?”

  “That’s right. Kirk died five months ago. You may have seen the article in The Bugle. The headline they used was an absolute disgrace, but then I’d expect nothing else from that sordid rag.”

  “I didn’t see it, but I do my best to avoid that horrible publication.”

  “Kirk was a reporter with The Chips.”

  “That’s the West Chipping newspaper, isn’t it?”

  “That’s right. An altogether different proposition from The Bugle. The Chips is well respected throughout the industry. That’s what attracted Kirk to the job.” She hesitated. “I still find it very difficult to discuss his death.”

  “Take as long as you need.”

  She took a deep breath, and then continued, “He was crushed to death by two dice.”

  I had been in this business for some time, but that was a new one on me.

  “Did I hear correctly? Did you say dice?”

  “Do you know the Lucky Thirteen Casino?”

  “I can’t say I do.”

  “It’s located halfway between Washbridge and West Chipping, on a small retail park. Kirk had been working on some kind of big exposé about the casino. That’s why the so-called accident happened, I’m convinced of it.”

  “The dice, you mean?”

  “Yes. The signage for the casino comprised of a huge roulette wheel and two large dice. The official story is that lightning struck the building, causing the dice to fall to the ground. My only consolation is that Kirk can’t have known anything about it.”

  “Wrong place, wrong time?”

  “That’s what they say, but I don’t buy it. Someone was worried about the story Kirk was about to run, and they wanted him out of the way. There wasn’t even a thunderstorm that day; the sky was clear.”

  “What did the police have to say?”

  “Not much. After the inquest delivered a verdict of death by misadventure, they said there was nothing for them to investigate.”

  “What about the fact that there was no thunderstorm?”

  “A freak lightning strike, they reckon. It happens, apparently.”

  “Do you know exactly what would have been in your husband’s article?”

  “No, he never discussed his investigations with me.”

  “What about the other staff at the newspaper? Would anyone there know more about the story?”

  “No. They all keep their stories close to their chest until they’re published. It’s a very competitive environment.”

  “Did he have a computer at home? Might there be something on there that I could use as a starting point?”

  “Kirk didn’t trust computers; he was scared of getting hacked. He kept all of his notes in small notebooks.”

  “Do you have those?”

  “Yes. They’re locked away in a cupboard back at the house.”

  “Okay. I’m going to need to see the notebook he was using just before he died.”

  “Of course. Sorry, I should have thought to bring it with me.”

  “That’s okay. Perhaps I could pop around tomorrow and collect it?”

  “Of course. Do you think you’ll be able to find out what really happened to Kirk?”

  “I’ll do my best.”

  Chapter 3

  Not long after Bernie Sparks had left, Mrs V came through to my office. “Could I have a quick word, Jill?”

  “Of course. Is it about the hula hoop?”

  “No, it’s about Alistair.”

  “Oh? Nothing wrong I hope?”

  “No, not really. He seems a perfectly nice young man. It’s just that—err—never mind, it doesn’t matter.”

  “It obviously does, or you wouldn’t have brought it up. He hasn’t upset you with something he’s said, has he?”

  “No. In fact, he’s barely looked up from his work since his meeting with you. He seems very industrious.”

  “What is it, then?”

  “It’s the whistling.”

  “Whistling?”

  “Yes. I’m not even sure he’s aware that he’s doing it, but he’s been whistling practically all morning.”

  “Is he whistling anything in particular?”

  “Nothing I recognise. It isn’t very tuneful at all.”

  “I’m not really sure what I can do about it. I can hardly tell him to stop whistling, can I? It would seem a little heavy-handed on his first day in the job.”

  “You’re right, dear. He’s probably just nervous. If he doesn’t stop, though, I’ll have to bring in my earmuffs tomorrow.”

  “Fair enough.”

  “I told you dolphin boy was trouble.” Winky had to have his say as usual.

  “It’s nothing.”

  “Thin end of the wedge if you ask me.”

  “Which I most certainly did not.”

  “It sounded to me like your accountant was of a similar mind. He said you couldn’t afford dolphin boy.”

  “Will you please stop calling him that; his name is Alistair. And Luther didn’t say anything of the kind.”

  “Yes, he did. I heard him.”

  “I’m not going to debate the complexities of accounts with a cat.”

  “Why not? I like nothing better than to talk
trial balances, balance sheets and P&Ls. Not that you’d have a clue what any of those are.”

  “Of course I do.”

  “Okay. Explain to me what a balance sheet is.”

  “It’s obvious from the name, isn’t it?”

  “I’d still like to hear your definition.”

  “It’s the sheet that balances the—err—” Much to my relief, my phone rang.

  “Jill, it’s Amber. When you’re not busy do you think you could pop over to Cuppy C?”

  I glanced at Winky who was still waiting to hear my definition of a balance sheet. “Okay, if it’s that urgent, I’ll be straight over.”

  “No, it isn’t urgent.”

  “Right. In that case, I’d better come over now.”

  “But, Jill, I just said—”

  I ended the call. “Sorry, Winky, I’d love to talk trial profit sheets with you all day, but there’s an emergency that requires my immediate attention.”

  ***

  When I arrived at Cuppy C, Amber and Pearl were seated at a corner table.

  “You didn’t need to come straight over if you were busy,” Amber said.

  “That’s okay. I was only discussing the business’s finances. It’s nothing that can’t wait.”

  “Can I get you a drink, Jill?” Pearl offered.

  “A caramel latte would be nice.”

  “And a muffin?”

  Why did I get the sense that they were up to something?

  “Yes, please. How come you two are in the shop today? I thought Monday was your day off?”

  “It is. We just popped in for a quick drink, and then we’re going shopping.”

  “Where are the little ones?”

  “Alan and William have got them. We’re going to meet up with them this afternoon in the park.”

  Pearl was back with my drink and muffin.

  “How much do I owe you?”

  “Nothing. It’s our treat.”

  That clinched it; there was definitely something going on. “What are you after, girls?”

  “What do you mean?” Pearl tried but failed to look innocent.

  “You obviously want something. You might as well spit it out.”

  “Well, actually.” Amber twiddled with one of the buttons on her cardigan. “There was something we wanted to ask you.”