A Guilty Affair

by Maureen Smith

  He hadn’t realized it until that very moment, as she sat ramrod straight in the passenger seat of his Yukon, her arms folded tightly across her chest and her long legs crossed, and stared straight ahead. If it were biologically possible, he would have sworn he saw steam pouring from her pretty little ears.

  Oh, yeah, he definitely liked it when she was angry.

  He could deal with her anger, however volatile it might be. What he couldn’t deal with was Riley’s sorrow, the tears she’d bravely tried to hold back at Trevor’s funeral because she’d wanted to be strong for his mother. And for Noah.

  On that awful January day, as he stood before a chapel filled to overflowing with Trevor’s friends, relatives and comrades who’d come to pay their last respects, Noah was immobile with grief. He couldn’t think, couldn’t drag enough air into his lungs. Everything was a blur, and he’d watched himself deliver the eulogy as if he were having an out-of-body experience. In the middle of speaking, he’d looked out into the sea of mourners and seen Riley. She’d been staring at him with rapt absorption, hanging on to his every word as if each utterance about Trevor was a lifeline. When their eyes met, her chin went up a proud notch, but there was a faint tremble to her lips that betrayed her effort to hold it all together. And then, a single tear had escaped and rolled down her face. The sight of that one teardrop had cut through him like shards of jagged glass. He felt as if his soul had been ripped from his body. Trevor was gone, and there was nothing he could do about it, nothing he could do to ease Riley’s pain or lessen the crushing despair she felt.

  It had taken a monumental act of willpower to remain standing at the podium, to continue addressing the mourners when all he wanted to do was go to Riley, hold her in his arms and tell her everything would be all right, even if he didn’t really believe it. He’d wanted to comfort her, protect her, be her Rock of Gibraltar.

  But when the moment of truth arrived, he’d failed her.

  At a time when she needed him most, he’d failed her. Because he was weak, and selfish. Because even in those dark days leading up to the funeral, he’d realized he still wanted her. His grief had done nothing to diminish his feelings for her. His breath still caught in his throat whenever she walked into a room, his body still tightened when she brushed past him, and his heart still ached from the pain of unrequited love.

  He despised himself for coveting his best friend’s fiancée, even as Trevor’s cold, lifeless body lay on a steel gurney in the morgue. What kind of person was he he’d wondered in self-loathing, calling himself everything but a child of God.

  Not only could he not handle a friendship with Riley, he didn’t deserve one. So his punishment had been to stay away from her—even more than he already did.

  But she’d needed his friendship and support, and he’d let her down. For weeks after the funeral, he could see the confusion in her eyes, the disappointment, the sense of betrayal.

  No doubt about it. He definitely preferred Riley’s anger over her sorrow.

  So he couldn’t understand or explain, for the life of him, what came out of his mouth next.

  “You would have been a beautiful bride,” he said softly, the words escaping before he knew they’d even formed.

  Riley turned her head slowly to look at him. For several long moments she just stared at him in stunned silence. And then, to his horror, tears welled up in those deep, chocolate eyes.

  Damn! Now why had he gone and said something like that?

  Noah opened his mouth, only to be silenced when she lifted a trembling hand. “That was so unfair,” she whispered huskily.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  “I’m already upset,” she grumbled.

  “I know. I didn’t mean to upset you more. I was just thinking about my mother and sister’s weddings, and how that must have been difficult for you to look at all those pictures. But you were genuinely happy for them, I could see it in your eyes.” He paused, his throat constricting as he glanced out the window for a moment. “I just wanted you to know that I think you would’ve made a beautiful bride, Riley,” he finished gruffly. “A damned beautiful bride.”

  When he ventured another glance at her, her face was averted to the passenger window. Her eyes were closed, but he could see silent, mournful tears slipping down her face.

  His heart wrenched in half, and he immediately felt like an ogre. The one thing he’d been trying to avoid for years—watching her cry—he’d made happen with one careless slip of the tongue.

  That’s why you should always think before you speak, Roarke.

  And therein lies the problem, he mused grimly. He had been having those thoughts about Riley ever since leaving his mother’s house, which was why the remark had tumbled so freely from his mouth in an unguarded moment.

  “I’m sorry,” he murmured a second time.

  “Don’t be,” Riley surprised him by saying. She turned her head to look at him, a soft, winsome smile trembling on her full lips. “I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, Noah.”

  The combination of her words, the shining gratitude in her eyes, and that bewitching smile hit him squarely in the chest. In that moment, he would have done anything she asked him to. Anything.

  He reached behind him and fumbled for a clean handkerchief from the breast pocket of his suit jacket, which was draped across the back of his seat. Wordlessly, he passed the handkerchief to her.

  “Thank you,” she murmured, dabbing at her eyes and cheeks.

  He didn’t say anything else, just stared out the window at the steady flow of customers coming to and leaving the automotive center. The late-afternoon sunlight slanted through the windshield, heating the leather interior of the truck. He reached over and adjusted the air conditioner to make it a little cooler.

  After a few more moments, Riley drew in a deep, shuddering breath and quietly exhaled, stirring the silky fringe of her bangs. “I’m sorry I was so peevish about the whole tire thing,” she said sheepishly. “If you hadn’t come along when you did, I probably would’ve been stranded there for a long time, either waiting for roadside assistance or trying to fix the flat myself. I appreciate all of your help, even if I didn’t act like it.”

  “You’re welcome,” Noah said simply.

  She focused thoughtfully on his face. “I don’t think I ever realized what a bully you can be,” she said with a trace of lingering reproach. “You did manhandle me, Noah.”

  He chuckled ruefully. “Sorry. Force of habit. Just ask my sister, Daniela.”

  Riley’s lips curved in a sardonic grin. “Well, then, I guess it’s lucky for her that she’s finally out from under your thumb.”

  “Maybe, but Caleb’s just as bad.”

  Riley gave a mock shudder. “God save us all from chivalrous, over protective men.”

  As they exchanged teasing smiles, it occurred to Noah that this was probably the first pleasant conversation they’d had in years. It felt good. Too good.

  “I had a really wonderful time this afternoon,” Riley said softly. “Your family is so warm and accepting. Trevor always spoke of that, of how comfortable and at home they made him feel. That’s how I felt today.”

  “I’m glad to hear that.” Noah allowed his eyes to roam across her features, lingering on classically thick eyebrows, dark, almond-shaped eyes that tilted exotically at the corners, high cheekbones, and an exquisitely lush mouth. It was a face that had haunted his dreams and too many waking thoughts for the past five years. A face he’d never forget for as long as he lived.

  “My family really likes you,” he heard himself telling her. “Especially my mother.” It was true. Almost from the moment Trevor had introduced the two women to each other, his mother had taken an instant liking to Riley, responding to her in a way she’d never done with any girlfriend Noah had ever brought home. Even Janie had had to work hard to earn a place in Pamela’s heart. But with Riley it was different. It was like she’d been given free a
dmission.

  Riley smiled warmly. “Your mother is an absolute angel. And I really like Mr. Hubbard. I can tell how much they love each other.”

  “Yeah, it’s pretty special,” Noah agreed. “They’d attended the same church for several years, but didn’t really become friends until sometime last year.” He chuckled. “Daniela thinks Mom always had a secret crush on Deacon Hubbard but was too shy to do anything about it. And then one day he offered to drive her to Houston to visit her sister, and she found out he’d been interested in her for years.”

  Riley sighed, laying one hand over her heart. “How incredibly romantic.”

  Noah slanted her a look. “You think so?”

  She nodded vigorously. “Are you kidding? I love hearing stories like that. Secret longing, unrequited love. Gets me every time.” She issued another long, deep sigh, then grinned playfully at him. “It’s a woman thing. You wouldn’t understand.”

  Noah swallowed hard, his heart knocking against his rib cage. If only she knew.

  Riley leaned her head back on the headrest, a gentle, reminiscent smile on her face. “Trevor understood that about me, the fact that beneath my tough-girl, hard-nosed-reporter facade, I’m a sucker for romance. He may have understood a little too well. Whenever we got into an argument, he’d let me cool off for a day or two, and then he’d call me. There was this little thing we used to do over the phone—we called it our ‘virtual date. ’Anyway,” she said with a soft laugh, “it always worked like a charm for him. Smart man, silly me.”

  Noah forced himself to concentrate on the Herculean task of breathing, not on what Riley was telling him. He already knew all about the so-called virtual dates she and Trevor had shared. Trevor had bragged about them on several occasions, going into vivid detail about the naughty things Riley would whisper in his ear, until Noah couldn’t take it anymore and abruptly changed the subject. Just like then, he didn’t want to imagine Riley in the arms of another man, being held, caressed and made love to. He was tortured by the thought of her giving herself to anyone, even Trevor, with the same passion and abandon she gave to him almost every night in his dreams. He knew it was crazy to feel so possessive over a woman he would never have, but he couldn’t help himself.

  Riley turned her head slightly, studying him with a sidelong look. He kept his expression carefully neutral. “Noah?”

  “Yeah?”

  “If I ask you a personal question, would you give me an honest answer?”

  His gut clenched, and his mouth went dry. “Depends,” he said evenly.

  “On what?”

  “On what the question is.”

  “So your honesty is conditional?”

  He shot her a look. “What do you want to know, Riley?”

  She hesitated, searching his impassive face. “How much did Trevor tell you…about our relationship?”

  “What do you mean?” he asked warily.

  “I mean,” she said, lifting her head from the back of the seat, “did he tell you the things we argued about? Did he ever ask you to take sides?”

  Choosing his words carefully, Noah replied, “I’m not sure I understand how having that kind of information would be of any use to you at this point. But I will tell you that Trevor loved you and worshipped the ground you walked on. After you turned down his first marriage proposal, he started worrying that you were having second thoughts about him, and it made him miserable. For a while he was impossible to be around, because all he wanted to talk about was you, and his fear that you were falling out of love with him. On the day you finally said yes, he was dancing on cloud nine. I’d known Trevor twenty-three years, Riley, and I can honestly tell you I’d never seen him happier than when you agreed to marry him.” He paused, then added somberly, “I hope that answers your question.”

  “It does,” Riley whispered as she blinked back a fresh sheen of tears. They sat in silence for a few minutes, both lost in their memories, not all of them painful.

  After a while, Riley glanced out the window in time to see the Avalon emerge from the service center garage. “My car’s ready,” she murmured. “That was fast.”

  Noah wondered if he’d only imagined the hint of regret in her voice, then decided it was just another example of wishful thinking on his part.

  He started the truck and pulled around to let her out by her car, where the auto technician was patiently waiting with her receipt.

  “Thanks again for everything, Noah,” Riley said, as she reached for the door handle. “I’ll pay you back for the new tires.”

  He shook his head. “I’m not taking your money.”

  “Noah—”

  “No, Riley. Not a chance.”

  She pursed her lips, even as her dark eyes glittered with mirth at his stubbornness. And then, without warning, she leaned across the seat and planted a warm, gentle kiss on his cheek. His heart lurched and his blood heated. He was tempted, so damned tempted, to turn his face into hers and seize her mouth in a hard, deep kiss that would leave them both panting.

  But, of course, he didn’t. “Have a good evening, Riley,” he murmured.

  “You, too, Noah.” She hesitated for a fraction of a second, looking as if she wanted to say more before she changed her mind.

  He watched as she hopped down from the truck, thanked the waiting technician and took her receipt. Noah waited until she’d climbed into her car and pulled off with a tiny wave.

  And then he drove home in a daze, his cheek still burning where her soft, sweet lips had been.

  Chapter 11

  Noah wasn’t in the office when Riley arrived the next morning, and as the day wore on without his return, she told herself the dull ache of disappointment she felt had nothing to do with the fact that she’d spent another restless night thinking about him, reliving not only their kiss, but the time they’d spent alone in his truck yesterday while waiting for her tires to be replaced.

  She’d thought of little else since then, and it was Janie who finally noticed how distracted she was.

  “Why don’t you go home?” Janie suggested, appearing in the doorway and catching Riley staring at the spot where Noah had kissed her on Friday.

  She started guiltily, her eyes snapping to Janie’s face. “What did you say?”

  Janie smiled. “I said,” she enunciated, stepping into the office, “why don’t you go home? It’s already after three o’clock—you’ve put in your hours for the day. Besides, how productive can you really be when you’re daydreaming?”

  Heat flooded Riley’s cheeks. “I wasn’t daydreaming,” she muttered, briskly shuffling a stack of papers on her desk. “I was doing research.”

  Janie arched a dubious brow. “Sure could’ve fooled me.” She perched a hip against the corner of the desk and idly swung her foot, which was encased in a pair of stiletto Jimmy Choo pumps. She watched Riley for a few moments, a speculative gleam in her dark eyes.

  “What?” Riley asked warily.

  Janie’s mouth curved in a coy smile. “Kenneth seems to think there’s something going on between you and Noah. He told me when he arrived at the office on Friday evening after I’d left, you nearly ran him over in your haste to flee the premises. When he went to investigate the source of your, uh, agitation, he found Noah standing right here in this office, looking as hot and bothered as you’re looking right now.”

  Riley flushed. “I’m not hot and bothered.” Then, opting for honesty—since there seemed no way of getting around it—she looked the other woman squarely in the eye. “Noah and I had a big argument on Friday. That’s what Kenneth caught the tail end of.”

  “Is that all?”

  “Yes.” A half-truth was better than nothing at all.

  “You know,” Janie said, striking a thoughtful pose as she tapped a fingertip to her dimpled chin, “I would have accepted that explanation before yesterday. But yesterday I saw with my own two eyes why Kenneth suspects something’s up between you and his brother. And he’s not the only one. His mother commente
d on it as well, almost as soon as you and Noah left. Within minutes of each other, I might add.”

  Riley frowned. “That was pure coincidence.”

  “Maybe, but it’s no coincidence that three different family members—people who know Noah very well—saw the same thing yesterday during lunch.”

  “Which is?”

  “The fact that Noah couldn’t keep his eyes off you.” Mischief glimmered in Janie’s dark eyes. “And, unless we’re all mistaken, you had the same problem.”

  “You’re all mistaken.” Riley stood abruptly and began packing up her belongings. Maybe it was past time for her to leave for the day.

  “Are you sure we’re all mistaken?” Janie challenged, a knowing grin tugging at her full lips. “I mean, first there was the fact that you didn’t speak a single word to each other when you came outside to call us for lunch. You spoke to everyone but Noah, like you two were purposefully avoiding each other. And then there was that whole little exchange at the dinner table about him not complimenting your writing enough. Call me crazy, but that sounded an awful lot like a lover’s quarrel to me.”

  Riley forced a laugh that sounded strangled to her own ears. “Well, it wasn’t. Believe me, Janie, there’s absolutely nothing going on between me and Noah. Not now, not ever.”

  “Because of Trevor?”

  Riley froze in the middle of stuffing files into her attaché case. Slowly she lifted her eyes to Janie’s face.

  “I’m sorry if that was out of line,” the other woman said quietly. “I’m not trying to offend you or stick my nose where it doesn’t belong. But when you say you and Noah could never be together, I can’t help but wonder if it’s because you both feel you’d be betraying Trevor.”

  Riley’s fingers tightened on the soft leather of her briefcase. “I understand how you might think that,” she said slowly, “but the reason I made that comment is a lot simpler than that. Noah and I aren’t interested in each other. We never have been, and we never will be. The reason I made such a big deal about his compliment at the dinner table is that it was the first time he’d ever said anything like that to me. For whatever reason, we’ve just never clicked. There’s no animosity between us,” she added at Janie’s concerned expression. “It was never like those situations where the best friend hates the girlfriend or boyfriend and constantly tries to sabotage the couple’s relationship. Noah and I have always been cordial, sometimes even friendly to each other. But that’s about the extent of it.” She offered Janie a rueful smile. “Sorry to disappoint you, if you were hoping to play matchmaker.”