“Max, what’s going on?”
“This isn’t how you and I end.”
She held my gaze with tears welling up in her eyes. I pushed the car faster, gaining more speed down the road.
“And you know I’m right,” I proclaimed. Her face fell flush and she pulled her wavy blonde hair behind her ears before reaching out with her hand, and grasping one of mine. Heat bubbled up in my gut and I felt a hint of the old Max. With a crooked smile I squeezed her hand tightly and drove far away.
SIXTEEN: SECOND CHANCES
~ Again: Lenny Kravitz ~
Bamboo Forest: Hana Highway
The shade of the towering stalks of bamboo were welcomed and needed. As a building storm had emerged on the horizon, so did the unrelenting island humidity. Wiping the sweat from my neck quickly, I turned to pull Sam closer to me. Her freckled shoulders had filled with tiny beads of moisture and her thick hair had already began to cling to her bare skin. My hands slid down her arms, teasing the fabric of her tank top gently. When my fingers found the belt loops to her jean shorts, they twisted themselves around the denim.
“Sam,” I whispered, in a desperate breath. She leaned into me for a moment, teasing me with her softest touch.
“Max, we need to talk.”
“No. You’ll just say something I don’t want to hear.” I pressed my body against hers. “We can talk later.”
The bamboo clicked together in the light breeze as we held each other, both of us afraid to start the conversation that needed to happen. Finally, she pulled away from me, but held onto one of my fingers tightly.
“I can’t do this.”
“Why not?” I asked.
“I just can’t. You don’t understand,” she wilted.
“Sam, after everything we’ve been through, after all we’ve done for each other, why can’t we try? Why are you leaving without even giving us a chance?” I asked, point blank. Thunder echoed over the tops of bamboo trees. She looked up into the slivers of light peeking through the stalks and frowned.
“I have to.”
“But why?” I asked, trying to pull her closer to me. “I haven’t even got to be a father to Madison yet.” That hit a nerve, and she started to cry.
“You’re making this harder than it needs to be, Max.”
“I’m making it harder?” I asked, in shock. “I need to know why you are leaving me. I deserve the truth. All of it, Sam.”
She let go of my hand and turned from me slowly. “Okay.”
Sam started to walk down the pathway of worn wooden planks tucked into the muddy soil. With a flip of her hair she found me over her shoulder. Her head nodded for me to follow, but I was already shuffling toward her. When I caught up with her she let me only close enough to hear her, just inches out of reach.
“Max, you know what I did the most when I was gone, when I was kidnapped?” she asked, worried. I shook my head no, not speaking. “All I did was think about us.”
“Me too.”
“No, you don’t understand. I thought about all that’s been wrong with us,” she said, cold and direct.
“What do you mean?” I asked, reaching for her hand again. She slid her hands in her back pockets.
“Our story, Max, our heartbreaking love story, is the reason I ended up in that prison away from Madison…”
“Sam, I never meant to hurt you…ever. I never meant for you to be separated from Madison. You have to know that,” I begged.
“I love you, Max. Completely,” she said.
“I love…” I tried to say, but she stopped me with a pout.
“You love two girls.”
That sledgehammer of truth almost knocked me over. I wrestled with my words, “But, Sam…”
“I’m right, aren’t I? I know you love me, Max, I can see it in your eyes. I can feel it when you touch me.” Her hands came out from behind her and slid my falling bangs behind my ears. One of the locks of hair slid back down in front of my lips.
I whispered, “I do love you.”
“But you love her too.” Her eyes held me in a prison of jade green. “You love Asia.”
I couldn’t say anything. She was right. She always was. One of my favorite things about Sam. Maybe she was right about leaving too.
“When I was in that prison all I could think about was the safety of our daughter and how if I had never met you, she wouldn’t be here. But if I were to hide her from this situation, she wouldn’t have to grow up in fear,” she said, with tears in her throat.
“Fear?” I gasped.
“Yes, fear! Fear of losing her parents to these ridiculous events. Fear of never knowing her family,” she exhaled. “Fear of her father leaving.”
“Leaving?”
“With her,” she said, turning from me. “Leaving with Asia.” And as if on cue, the sky darkened as a soft sprinkle of rain peppered us. The smell of the wet bamboo rushed through the pathway, stealing my thoughts for a moment.
“That’s why you need a new start? That’s why you’re leaving? Because of what I might do?” I asked, almost disgusted. “Sam, let me get this straight, you’re leaving me, taking my daughter away from me, because Imight leave her?” I was confused. I was angry. “That’s bullshit!”
“No it’s not!” she spit back.
“Yes it is!” I ran up to her and pulled her in close so I could see what she was hiding from me. Her eyes told me everything. “You’re leaving because of you!”
“What?” she pulled from me.
“That’s right! You’re not hightailing it off the islands to make a better life for our daughter with my so-called best friend because I might leave, you’re running because you’re afraid of losing me again. Admit it!” I said, with a stomp of my foot. She stepped back from me with pain washing down her face.
“Can you swear to me that I’m the only one? That I’m enough? Can you Max?”
I leaned down closer to her and I could feel her breath on my chin.
“Samantha…”
“Can you love me and only me? Me, the girl-next-door. Me, the mother of your child. Me, the lyrics to your song.” She fell into me, her lips sliding against mine. I kissed her slow and true. Time fell away and we held each other like it was possibly the last time we would have the chance to. She was beyond right, I loved her to the bottom of my soul, but I loved Asia too. Feverishly, I pushed the paralyzing truth to the back of my mind and lived in the moment. It was all I could do to keep me sane. After an hour of reminding each other of how strong our bond was, I kissed her on the forehead and whispered, “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”
Quickly, I made my way back the car and popped the trunk. I reached in and removed my guitar from it and ran back to Sam and our private hideaway. As I walked up to her she started to cry again.
“Max, are you going to sing for me?” she asked, with a soft kiss to my cheek. I smiled and swept my fingers along the strings.
“Are you still leaving?” I asked, coyly.
She whispered, “I don’t know.”
My lips pushed against hers once more. Afterward, I sang for her. Only her. But as I watched the tiny sparkling raindrops gather along the black surface of my guitar, I knew this wasn’t the end. Nothing had been resolved. I was still trapped. Still spinning between the one constant truth. My heart belonged to two different women. Asia, the storm that made me who I was inside and fed my fires, and Sam, my one true soulmate.
What the hell was I going to do?
SEVENTEEN: REALITY BITES
~ Love Remains The Same: Gavin Rossdale ~
6:01 p.m.
Sunset was only minutes away and Sam and I decided we should get back soon. Walking with her back to the car she pulled from me, leaving me standing with a confused look upon my face and my guitar dangling from my hand.
“Sam?”
“Hang on, I thought I saw something,” she said. She climbed into the thick wall of bamboo a few yards off the main path. She was rooting around for something in the
tangled grass at the base of the bamboo stalks. After a few seconds she called out in excitement.
“Oh my God!”
“What’s wrong?” I asked, running up to her. She reached for me with one hand while cradling something in her other hand. It was small enough to fit in her fist. “Sam, what is it?”
Almost panting with nerves, she smiled. “I thought I’d never see this again.”
“See what.”
Carefully she revealed a small silver trinket inside her hand…a whistle. She rubbed the excess dirt off of it by rolling it around in her palm with her fingers. One of her fingers rested on a small detail cut into the metal.
“A whistle?” I asked.
She nodded up to me before sliding it between her lips and blowing softly. A thin shriek escaped it, echoing through the forest of bamboo.
Smiling my way, she said, “Yes. I thought I lost this.”
“Lost a whistle? I’m confused…”
“Max, a few weeks before you moved to Maui I was spending the afternoon taking photos of the bamboo trail. I met a young family who had a little boy whose hobby was collecting whistles.” Scratching her head in thought, she whispered, “I think they were from Tennessee. Anyways, I took the little guys picture and he offered me a gift. This whistle.”
I watched her closely. There seemed to be more to the story, but she wasn’t going into detail. I figured I wouldn’t push it to find out.
“A whistle.” I smiled.
Slowly, she handed it over to me. “Take a peek,” she dared.
“Why?”
“Just look,” she insisted.
I glared down at the small instrument, letting it roll in-between my thumb and index finger. Suddenly, a small but unique detail became apparent. Crafted into the soft metal was a burst of flames. Silver fire, still holding stains and smudges from being lost in the muck for so long.
“Fire whistle,” I whispered.
“Exactly.” Sam stepped up to me and took the whistle back into her hands. “I guess it was a sign.” She looked at me from the corner of her eyes.
“Or a warning,” I teased. A nervous roll of my stomach made me uncomfortable.
Sam propped up on her toes of her feet and kissed me on the cheek. Her free hand slid around mine. “Come on. Let’s go see our daughter.” She smiled up at me.
Sam and I drove back to her house with the music from the stereo serenading us. We hardly spoke the entire way back. She sat quietly, staring at the little treasure she had found. I tried to settle my racing thoughts as I drove, but found them overpowering. As we pulled into Sam’s driveway, Kai was already waiting for us.
“Great,” I mumbled.
Sam pretended not to hear me and exited the car as I turned the motor off. Oz came running up toward the car as I stepped from it, his fuzzy paws slammed into my shins, and he greeted me with a happy bark.
“King Oz! How was your visit with Uncle Kai?” I asked him, looking over at Kai.
Kai frowned and found Sam quickly. They ran into the house and arguing ensued. I placed Oz in the car and walked up to the front door. With a faint knock on the doorframe, I interrupted them.
“Can I see Madi?” I asked, but it sounded more like a polite order. Kai shot me a hard look and walked up to me. Sam ran into the other room and returned to us with Madison in her arms. She was asleep and drooling.
Kai suggested, “Maybe another time, Max. She just fell asleep.” His tone was soft but I didn’t like the way he was talking to me. Madi was my daughter, not his.
“Kai, Max can see his daughter anytime he wants,” Sam corrected. She definitely had a tone in her voice. Kai crossed his arms in disappointment.
“Thank you, Sam, but he’s right. She needs her rest.” I reached out and ran my hand down Madison’s back. She was radiating a familiar heat and covered in a muggy sweat. I wasn’t sure if I could be the father I needed to be anyways. The fear was almost paralyzing at times. “They’ll be plenty of time to see her,” I added.
Kai looked at me surprised. Sam nodded my way and turned to return Madi back to her bedroom. Swiftly, I placed a small kiss on Madi’s round head. Her brown curls tickled my nose and she smelled like baby-lotion and strawberries. She squirmed in Sam’s arms as I kissed her, making me smile.
In a soft whisper, Sam said, “I’ll be right back.” She disappeared down the hallway of her house and Kai focused on me.
“Bro, we need to talk.”
“No kidding.” I walked back out the front door, and he followed. “You really think taking Sam and Madi away from me is a good idea, Kai? Am I that horrible?”
“Max, you’re not horrible at all. I was offered an opportunity to start my life in Seattle and when I told Sam, she asked if Madi and her were welcome to come with me. I said yes. I never intended to hurt you. You’re my brother. I love you, man,” he smiled under his wild hair.
“After all we’ve been through…” I started to say, but stopped myself.
“It was Sam’s decision to move.”
“What?” I couldn’t believe him.
“I’m not going to lie, I love them, Bro.”
His words felt like a punch to the face, but I couldn’t blame him. After everything I had said and done since meeting Sam and Kai, he’s always protected both of us. Was it really his fault that he fell for Sam when I was off seeing the world with Asia? Sam’s amazing. So easy to fall in love with. I searched his eyes for another moment, and I knew he was telling me the truth.
“I know you do, Kai. I can’t hate you for how you feel,” I said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “But, I can’t let them go. I need them in my life.”
Kai sulked and looked me directly in my eyes. “What about Asia?”
And just then, my cell phone came alive, and it was Asia’s face that popped across the screen. I exhaled and answered the phone.
“I can’t talk now.”
Asia spoke quickly, “Max, I need you.”
Frustrated, I said, “Not right now.” At that moment, Sam appeared behind Kai with a curious look on her face. She knew immediately who I was talking to.
Turning from both of them, I mumbled, “I’ll call you later.”
“There won’t be a later!” Asia warned.
“What do you mean?”
Asia took a moment before answering. “I have to protect the girls. I can’t protect them here.”
“Can we talk about this later,” I insisted. Thunder roared in the background of the phone line, and a few seconds later it rumbled over the top of us.
“Come over tonight,” Asia insisted. From behind me, Sam walked up and placed a hand on my arm.
Unsure and trapped, I said, “I can’t. Not tonight.”
“Why not?” Asia cursed.
“Tomorrow, I’ll be there first thing tomorrow,” I promised. Instantly, the line went dead.Crap. Asia was upset. Taking a large breath of air into my lungs, I slid my phone back in my pocket and turned toward Sam and Kai.
Kai looked through me, “That’s what I thought.” He shook his head and walked back into the house. I wearily found Sam’s stare.
“Is it true?” I asked her.
“Was that…her?” she asked, ignoring my question. In that horrible moment I could see everything changed inside of her again.
“Yes,” I choked. “Is it true that you’re the one who decided it would be best to leave with Kai?”
She pulled from me slowly. “Yes.” Tears pooled in her eyes again, and she began to fade from me.
“Do you still feel that way? I mean, after this afternoon, do you still want to leave?” I was afraid to ask it, but I needed to know. She stepped back from me and my heart sank. Her eyes washed over in confusion, but her body language spoke volumes.
“Sam, is there still time to work things out?”
With fresh tears streaming down her cheeks, she wilted, “I don’t know.” She ran back into the house and closed the door in a soft slam. I returned to the car and placed myself
behind the wheel. As I put the car in gear I noticed something tucked safely inside the slot just under the stereo. A silver twinkle revealed what it was before I snatched it up. The fire whistle.
“Maybe it was a warning,” I said to Oz, who was watching me, waiting to leave. I patted him on his head and drove off.
I should have drove straight for the island’s peer, straight to Asia, but I was spent. Emotionally used up. When she called again on the way home I ignored my phone. I was so confused. I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. All I knew for sure was I couldn’t lose my daughter. I couldn’t say goodbye to Sam. I was also terrified of Asia not being in my life again. Trapped in this hurricane of feelings I walked into my house, not even acknowledging my mother and locked myself in my bedroom. Asia kept trying to call me but I turned my phone off. Oz spent the night at the foot of my bed, guarding his troubled owner. The last thing I remembered is his comical snoring lulling me to sleep.
EIGHTEEN: BLINDSIDED
~ Running: No Doubt ~
Thursday - 8:59 a.m. - January 5th
Waking to the sound of my daughter squealing above me was one of the greatest memories of my life. Scratching at the crud in my eyes to be sure I wasn’t dreaming, I awoke to the best surprise.
“Madi?” I asked, as she dangled just above my face. Sam was holding her above me and Madi’s little arms reached for my nose and cheeks. She had a big smile and a giggle for me.
“Wake up, Daddy…” Sam said, playfully. I sat up in my bed and wrapped my arms around my baby girl. What were they doing here? As I kissed Madi on the cheek, I glanced over at Sam. She watched us smiling, but you could tell she was struggling with something.
“Sam.” I smiled.
In Embers (The Ember Series Book 3) Page 10