In the Shadow of the Storm

by Ella Zeiss

  On day seven, the train stopped at a station at last. They had reached their final destination.

  Chapter 5

  Anna and Wilhelm exchanged glances before joining the queue to disembark. With a final look around, Anna checked she had left nothing behind and made sure the children were wearing their warmest clothes, before climbing unsteadily from the train. Despite everything, the train had at least provided them with some kind of stability over the last few days.

  She sank straight into snow up to her knees and only just managed to suppress a bitter laugh at her own stupidity. How naive she had been to think that their thin boots and light coats would be enough to survive the winter here. One look at her fellow sufferers and she saw that most of them were even worse off. The poor woman who had been gullible enough to hand over her possessions to the guards looked around desperately with tears in her eyes. Her little boy was only wearing a knitted jacket and her shoes didn’t even cover her ankles.

  ‘Welcome to Luza station,’ someone shouted, and everyone instantly fell quiet. A local Party official had climbed onto a bench and was looking at the new arrivals with interest. ‘The distribution camp is about an hour’s walk away. You must register with the administration there and then you will be assigned to your quarters.’

  Anna smiled at Wilhelm in relief. That didn’t sound too bad after all. Not much more than an hour through the snow and then they would have their own quarters at last, a place to warm up and rest, and they might even be able to cook a meal.

  She could see her hope mirrored in the faces of the other people around her, as their group slowly set off. All in all, three train carriages full of resettlers had arrived in Luza, which meant there were about one hundred and twenty of them. Many, especially the children, were already sniffing and coughing. Anna hoped that the march would keep her and her family warm and save them from becoming ill.

  A little way ahead, they reached a solid road where the snow had hardened. While they had to take care not to slip on the icy surface, at least they didn’t have to wade through the deep snow.

  Erich took hold of the girls’ hands and spoke to them encouragingly as he carefully led the way. Anna and Wilhelm followed behind with the luggage.

  Although it was strenuous enough, Anna soon couldn’t feel her toes or fingers because of the cold. Yvo started to cry, and Erich tenderly pulled her hat down over her face before picking her up. Anna chewed her lip in a mixture of pride and worry. She would have to make sure that her little man didn’t take on too much. He was only eight years old after all.

  ‘Give me the suitcase,’ Wilhelm said, obviously thinking the same thing. He was already carrying a suitcase as well as the heavy sewing machine – perhaps she should have left it behind – but Wilhelm didn’t want to hear a word about it. ‘Who knows what we might need it for,’ was all he said, and reached out for the suitcase she was carrying. Unwillingly she gave it to him, but then took Yvo from Erich and in a moment of genius packed her into the almost empty rucksack she was carrying. One small piece of smoked ham was all that remained of their supplies after the last week. She hoped very much that there would be something to eat at their destination.

  Anna would never know how they managed to survive this gruelling march through the freezing cold. Starving and weak as they were, the people pulled themselves along as best they could. With heavy hearts, more than one family had to abandon some of the things they had managed to bring with them this far. Pots and pans, treasured keepsakes and other articles lined their sorry trail, and were often picked up by the men who were guarding them.

  At some stage Anna had to give Yvo back to Erich in order to carry Rita, who was completely exhausted, on her back instead.

  Finally, after what felt like an eternity, they saw wisps of smoke rising above the tall fir trees. This sight and the hope that their odyssey was at last coming to an end was enough to give them a new lease of life. Soon the whole camp came into sight.

  At the entrance was a low watchtower with four long single-storey huts behind it, set around a yard where several fires were burning.

  ‘Warm yourself and the children,’ Wilhelm said, concerned, ‘while I go and sort out the registration.’

  Anna nodded gratefully and led the children towards the nearest fire. They went as close as possible, stretching out their hands towards the heat.

  Anna’s fingers and toes ached as they started to regain feeling.

  A middle-aged woman in a dirty, heavily lined winter coat was stirring something in a pot.

  ‘Good day,’ Anna said, smiling politely.

  ‘Sdrastje,’ the woman answered. She didn’t seem to speak any German, so Anna changed languages. The smell of food drifting out of the pot made her stomach cramp.

  The children clamoured so closely around the pot that Anna was frightened they would burn themselves, but she couldn’t bring herself to shoo them away.

  ‘Where are you from?’ the woman asked. ‘Germans?’ she said with a sniff.

  Anna nodded. ‘For the most part, yes.’

  ‘So many children,’ the woman said bitterly.

  The tone of her voice cut straight to Anna’s heart. It sounded as if the children’s fate was already sealed.

  ‘Hungry, I’ll bet?’ the woman said, turning to Rita and Erich. ‘There’s not enough for everyone, I’m afraid.’ She pointed at the pot, which really did look ridiculously small in comparison to the number of people. ‘No one told us you were coming today, but if you’re lucky the Commander will give you a meal on credit.’

  Anna nodded. She desperately hoped so.

  More and more freezing people crowded around the fire and she had to pull the children aside to stop them from being pushed into the flames. She looked around for Wilhelm, and saw him hurrying towards them through the crowd with a bundle under his arm.

  ‘We’ve been allocated to the second hut,’ he said.

  ‘Did they give you any food?’

  He shook his head sadly. ‘No, I’m afraid not. Just this.’ He pointed at the bundle.

  ‘Are those blankets?’

  ‘Yes. Two blankets and one winter coat.’

  ‘Just one!’ Anna was gripped with despair and she had to force herself to remain calm.

  ‘Yes, let’s go in. I’ll explain everything later.’

  They headed towards the long building that was to be their home from now on. The moment she stepped through the door, Anna was gripped with horror all over again. Her worst nightmares were fast becoming reality.

  The hut was made from rough planks of wood without the benefit of paint or plaster on the inside, while the floor was made of trampled mud. A metal stove stood at the top end, but the heat radiating from it barely reached the door. Along the walls were three rows of shelf-like bunks, each with room for two adults at the most.

  Some of the bunks already had bags, blankets and suitcases on them.

  ‘As far as I understand, we can choose one that’s free,’ Wilhelm explained in controlled tones.

  ‘Just one?’ Unwilling to comprehend, she stared at him. Were they really expecting all five of them to sleep together in one berth?

  Wilhelm nodded. ‘Yes, just for the time being or there won’t be enough room for everyone.’

  Anna looked around in desperation, while walking down the hut towards the warm metal stove. More and more people were coming in behind them. They needed to hurry up and make up their minds.

  They would never be able to get the children up to the top bunks and it was far too dangerous if anyone fell out, which left the lower bunks. The four bunks on the bottom row closest to the stove were all occupied, so Anna chose a bunk in the middle row that was only one space away from the warm stove. Wilhelm heaved their luggage up onto the bunk. It took up half the space on its own.

  Anna groaned in despair. This couldn’t be happening. There was scarcely enough room for them even to sit. Would this really be their life from now on?

  All the fears and
despair that she had so bravely managed to contain over the last few days welled up inside her and she started to sob hysterically. Her knees buckled and she let herself drop to the floor, where she curled up with no strength left.

  This couldn’t be happening. It shouldn’t be happening.

  She buried her face in her hands, hoping to block out the terrible truth.

  ‘Mama?’ Erich asked, alarmed at seeing her in this state. The girls both started to cry too.

  She felt Wilhelm helplessly stroking her back, before he sent the children outside.

  ‘Mama’s just a bit tired. Why don’t you go out and have a look around? Erich, look after the girls, will you?’

  ‘Yes, Papa.’

  Anna heard the children going out and wiped away her tears as best she could. ‘It’s all right,’ she mumbled. ‘I’m fine now.’ She stood up and dusted off her skirt, then saw Erich standing at the entrance, watching her forlornly, looking terrified.

  That image hurt her deeply, and she vowed never to let the children see her looking helpless again. She and Wilhelm were the only security their children had in this so very different world. She didn’t want to imagine how distressing and frightening the events of the past few weeks must have been for them. She didn’t want to make matters worse through her own behaviour.

  She raised her hand and waved at her son, smiling. He smiled back, looking relieved. Then she turned to Wilhelm.

  ‘What happens now?’

  ‘Erich will have to go to school in Luza. There isn’t a kindergarten here, so the girls will have to stay with you for now.’

  ‘What about you?’

  He shrugged. ‘Cutting down trees – that was why we were brought here after all.’

  ‘And where can we get something to eat?’

  ‘Apparently there’s a store in Luza. Until I receive my first pay, we’ll have to make do with the little money we’ve got. Afterwards things will get easier, I hope. I’ll head back to the village straight away.’

  Anna sighed bitterly. ‘They could have told us that when we got here, then you wouldn’t have to go back all that way again.’

  ‘We can’t change the way things are, darling,’ Wilhelm said. He pulled the rucksack off the bed and slung it over his shoulder.

  ‘Ask some of the others to go with you.’

  ‘That’s a good idea.’

  Wilhelm stood in the middle of the room, which was half-full by now, and raised his voice. ‘I’m going back to Luza to buy food for my family. Would anyone like to come with me?’

  ‘I’ll go.’

  Anna saw Albert kiss Maria on the cheek and then join Wilhelm. Two other men also volunteered.

  Anna went over to the young woman, who had become like a friend during the journey. It was nice to think they would be living in the same hut. Maria and Albert had managed to bag one of the bottom bunks in the front half of the building.

  ‘So this is us,’ she said, forcing a smile.

  ‘Yes,’ Anna said, and squeezed her hand encouragingly.

  The young woman looked pale and emaciated. In her condition, the journey had been far more exhausting for her than for Anna, but she looked up with a face full of determination. Maria wasn’t going to give up easily either.

  Anna looked around and recognised a host of familiar faces. She smiled at Martha – the woman who had lost her luggage and who was obviously travelling without a partner. Anna’s heart quailed at the thought. How awful it must be to carry the burden of responsibility for your child all by yourself without someone to help.

  Martha was holding a couple of coins, which she kept counting again and again. Finally, when the men were about to set off, she approached Wilhelm shyly. ‘Could you maybe bring me a loaf of bread?’ Her hands were shaking as she gave him a coin.

  ‘Yes, of course,’ Wilhelm said with a nod, and his eyes sought Anna’s.

  She tensed her shoulders, feeling terribly sorry for Martha. How did she and her son hope to make ends meet? Surely they wouldn’t force this skinny woman to fell trees? But nor could Anna start feeding people at her own expense either. Their savings were worth next to nothing. If Martha were to run out of money for food it would be a different story, but things weren’t that bad yet.

  It took hours for Wilhelm and the others to come back. Anna was starting to get worried. Outside it was totally dark except for the silvery light of the moon. Inside the hut, everyone was clustered around the stove to ward off the cold.

  Exhausted, the children had fallen asleep after a cup of warm water and the last of the ham. She had managed to heave the girls onto the bunk with the help of Maria, whose own daughter was already asleep. Unfortunately though, she had to wake Erich up. Half asleep, he climbed onto the bunk and lay down along the edge to make sure that Rita and Yvo were safely squeezed in between him and the luggage. Luckily the bunk was wide enough for the children to lie sideways, but there was no room left for her or Wilhelm; they would have to worry about that later. She gently stroked their cheeks and then went back to the people assembled around the stove.

  Apart from the new arrivals, there were also five old hands – three men and a married couple – all of them political prisoners from different regions who had been sent to this labour camp years ago. They looked at the resettlers with pity in their eyes, registering their thin coats and light shoes, while they themselves were far better equipped for the harsh winter.

  Again and again Anna’s eyes darted to the entrance because she thought she had heard Wilhelm’s footsteps outside, but each time she was disappointed. When she could no longer stand the tension, she got up and went outside, where she wrapped her coat around herself more tightly against the icy howl of the wind. Thank goodness Wilhelm had decided to wear his new coat. Without it he would probably have frozen to death. Anna peered into the darkness, hoping to glimpse her husband at last.

  The door opened and Maria joined her.

  ‘Can you see anything?’

  Anna shook her head. ‘Nothing.’ She was just turning to go back inside when snatches of words reached her ears. ‘Wait! I think they’re coming!’

  A few moments later a few figures really did appear and Anna was relieved to see that Wilhelm was among them.

  ‘What took you so long?’ she asked when she had stopped hugging him.

  ‘Johann slipped on the way back and sprained his ankle.’

  Only now did Anna notice that Albert and another man – his name was Michael if she remembered rightly – were supporting a man by either arm.

  She held the door open and then followed the men inside, realising that Wilhelm was limping too.

  ‘Did you fall as well?’ she asked in alarm.

  ‘No.’ He smiled, trying to calm her. ‘My toes got a bit cold, that’s all.’

  His words had the opposite effect. ‘Let me see,’ she said, really worried now. She pushed Wilhelm over to the small paraffin lamp on the stove, which was the only source of light in the room.

  Sighing, Wilhelm let the heavy rucksack slide off his shoulders and sank down onto the floor beside it. Anna knelt down next to him and pulled off his boots.

  He drew in a sharp breath when she closed her warm hands around his freezing toes.

  ‘Is it that bad?’ she asked gently.

  ‘It’s all right. That feels good,’ he added when she began to massage his feet, but she ignored him and instead took off his socks. It was too dark to see properly, but Anna was sure his toes were in a worrying state. She had no idea what to do, so started rubbing his feet to boost his circulation.

  ‘Here.’ Natalya, one of the old hands more experienced in surviving the rigours of the camp, handed her a bowl of warm water. ‘Put his toes in this; it should help.’ She took a quick look at his feet. ‘He should get off lightly this time, I reckon.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Anna said with a nod, a little calmer now as she followed the instructions.

  Wilhelm clenched his teeth as his skin touched the water.

/>   ‘And for the future, make some insoles.’

  ‘Insoles?’ Anna asked, dipping Wilhelm’s other foot into the water.

  ‘Yes – cloth, rags, whatever you’ve got. If you don’t have anything else, cut a jumper into strips and wind them round your feet before you put your boots on. We all do it. There’s nothing worse than frostbite.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Anna said again, and started going through their clothes in her mind. What could they best do without?

  Natalya nodded in response and rose to her feet.

  Tired, Anna leant her head on Wilhelm’s shoulder. There was so much they needed to learn about their new home in order to survive.

  ‘I think that’s enough,’ Wilhelm said after a while, and wiggled his toes cautiously.

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Yes, it’s fine.’

  ‘First thing tomorrow I’ll make us some insoles.’

  ‘And I’ll ask the Commander where we can get hold of some winter boots. There was no time today. I think he was surprised at how badly prepared we all are.’

  ‘What did they expect?’ Anna huffed. That’s what happened when families were uprooted without warning and taken thousands of miles away.

  ‘I’ve no idea. I’m not sure anyone did very much thinking.’

  Or they couldn’t care less, Anna thought. Who would mind a couple of hundred kulaks frozen or starved to death somewhere in the wilderness?

  The thought reminded her of her empty stomach, which had stopped rumbling and started hurting persistently instead. ‘Did you manage to get anything to eat?’

  ‘Yes,’ Wilhelm said, unfastening the rucksack. ‘Bread, a sack of potatoes and a jar of sauerkraut, and this loaf of bread is for Martha.’ He handed the loaf to Anna.

  She looked around, but couldn’t see the woman anywhere. Presumably she had already gone to her bunk with her son for the night. ‘I’ll give it to her in the morning.’

  Wilhelm nodded.

  ‘Would you like some hot water?’ she asked her husband. ‘I’m afraid there’s no tea.’

  ‘I couldn’t find any in the shop either,’ he said, ‘but warm water would be great.’ He smiled at her and nodded encouragingly.