*
The force of Jackie’s decision struck her soon after. Barricading herself from the world, she slipped into a depression with suicidal thoughts. For the next few months she worked with Barbara to process the heart-wrenching regret that consumed her. Unable to change the past, Jackie grew to accept having been in a desperate position that warranted making a terrible decision. She swore it would never happen again.
Jackie craved a new life. She chose to major in communications and immersed herself in her studies. David started a new life too. Having grown accustomed to life in the service and without Jackie, letters became infrequent. Jackie enjoyed the distance. Perhaps if she forgot David, she might forget the baby they almost had.
Chapter Eight
January 1976
A year passed. Jackie was finishing up her work with Barbara. She had done a lot of grief work in sessions, in her journal, and in many visits to her father’s grave. As Barbara explained, “People think it’s strange when woman who was beaten as a child ends up in abusive relationships. Common sense would dictate that she’d steer clear of abusive men. People carry those unresolved issues. That little girl wants her father to love her and not beat her. So, she keeps falling for the same men hoping to get a different ending. Your issue is abandonment. Emotionally unavailable men give you a chance to change the ending each time you try to get them to respond and stay. The little girl inside you is still hoping that finally your daddy will come home and ‘end this nightmare,’ using your own words.”
Bringing her emotional motivation into her consciousness was illuminating and life-changing. After thirteen years she finally grieved her father’s death from the bottom of her aching heart. It was a wound that would never entirely heal, but at least the healing had begun.
*
As Jackie drove to college in early March, during her final semester, images of Tony popped into her mind. Stunned by the flashback, she laughed to herself. He must be married with kids by now. For the remainder of the week, as hard as she resisted, memories of Tony flooded her mind like Bay of Fundy tides. The following week, she swore she spotted him at the end of a supermarket aisle. She shook off that false alarm. Over the weekend she found herself telling the Tony Salvucci tale to anyone who listened. Observing her renewed obsession, she grew concerned and annoyed.
Over cocktails with Tara, she explained in total frustration, “It’s been more than two years since I’ve seen him. For the past year or so, I’ve barely thought of him. Suddenly, I can’t get him off my mind. It’s insane!”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear this. You were doing so well.” Tara sipped her wine. “Jackie, can’t you think of something else whenever he enters your mind?”
“I’ve tried. It doesn’t work. It’s like the universe is conspiring against me. Songs that remind me of him play on the radio. I could swear I see him here and there. He’s hanging in my mind like Gazoo on the Flintstones. I want to go to Sammy White’s so badly!” She laughed. “Can you imagine? He can’t be hanging out there anymore. I realized the other day he’s probably married with kids by now. It’s all so silly. I’m sure it’ll pass. If it doesn’t, I’ll go see Barbara again,” she said, only half joking.
*
While writing a research paper the following week, Jackie opened an encyclopedia and a dried rose dropped out. Picking it up, memories of the night at the drive-in with Tony inundated her mind. Wow, that was two years ago. It feels like yesterday. She shook her head. How ridiculous. It was a lifetime ago! Turning to toss the flower in the trash, she reconsidered. After finding the information she needed, she returned the rose to its place in the encyclopedia.
*
As Jackie hoisted school books onto the entry table in the hallway, Lucille called from the kitchen. “Jackie, you got flowers. They’re on the dining room table.”
“What fun!” Jackie scurried into the dining room. She untied the large red ribbon and opened the white rectangular box, wondering who could be sending her flowers. There was a card tucked inside.
Dear Jackie,
It’s been a while, I know. But not so long that you’ve forgotten me, I hope. You’ve been on my mind lately. I miss your captivating smile. I miss your sweet laugh. I miss you, and would love to see you. Please let me know if you’re willing to meet me for a drink. If not, enjoy the roses and remember me fondly.
You can reach me at 555-5683.
Always,
Tony
Goose bumps covered Jackie’s body. She remembered Gazoo, the supermarket, the revived obsession, and the dried rose. Holding one of the roses to her nose, she closed her eyes. The fragrance stimulated her senses along with memories of Tony. Lucille came to stand next to her sipping a cup of coffee. “You got a new boyfriend?”
“Not exactly.” Jackie crinkled her nose.
Looking over her shoulder, Lucille read the card. “Oh … him? I assumed he was long gone. Or at least I hoped,” Lucille said with a note of disgust. “If you call him, you’re a fool. Ah, but I know you. You’ll do whatever you want to do. Don’t come cryin’ to me when he breaks your heart again.”
“Ma, I never come crying to you. Anyway, how can you be so sure he’ll break my heart again? Maybe he’s changed. Maybe I’ve changed. People can change, you know.” She took the roses into the kitchen to find a vase. Lucille followed, thinking about how Jackie had her dad’s self-assured optimism. He too always wanted to believe the best in people.
“A zebra doesn’t change his stripes. Tony checks in every so often to see if you’re still smitten so he can boost his ego.” Lucille waved her hand in dismissal. “Ah, you’ll do what you want. I don’t want you to be hurt again. Be careful.”
“Okay Ma, okay.” As she cut each rose stem, she considered how to respond. Calling him gives him too much control. I’ll write. She found his address in the phone book.
Dear Tony,
The roses are beautiful. You must be psychic. I’ve been thinking of you too. Honestly, I would love to see you again, but I’m hesitant. I’ve had a difficult time in the recent past and have come too far to go backward with you. I’m happy now, content for the first time in a long while. So, before I agree to meet you, please let me know what it is you want from me.
Sincerely,
Jackie
Within a few days, she received his response.
Dear Jackie,
You want to know my motives. Fair enough. I know I’ve made mistakes, and am so sorry for any pain I’ve caused you. It was never my intention.
My motives are simple. I’ve dated other women, but keep thinking of you. You’re the woman I can never forget. I want a chance to discover you and discover us. I can’t promise where it will lead, but I can promise, this time I won’t run.
I will understand if you decline. But I’m hoping instead you pick up the phone and call me. I promise you won’t regret it.
Sincerely,
Tony
Jackie responded with an invitation.
Tony,
Meet me halfway at
Sammy White’s
March 13, 1976
At 8:00
For a drink…
And discovery.
Jackie
Jackie hoped that through therapy and the passage of time she’d built up immunity to Tony. She shuddered at the possibility of heading down a path leading to the past. At the same time, she dreamed she would ride off into the sunset with Tony, directly from Sammy White’s.
*
At ten past eight Jackie hung up her coat in the lobby. She spotted Tony sitting on the barstool closest to the door. Standing to greet her, he stared at her as if to memorize her face.
He scanned her from head to toe. “Jackie, you look great!” He kissed her cheek and pulled out the barstool beside him for her. “I was thinking maybe you decided not to show. I’d have deserved that, you know.”
“Oh, I know.” Jackie offered a small smile.
“Well, thanks for showing up, since
rely.” He flagged the bartender. “What’s your pleasure?”
“A vodka gimlet, please,” she told the bartender. Placing her cigarettes on the bar she slipped one out to light. Tony struck a match. “Thanks. No cigarette for you?”
“No, I quit. I made a deal with my mother. She has asthma, so I said I’d quit if she would. It worked. It’s good being a nonsmoker.”
“What a good son. I have a love-hate relationship with them myself.” Tapping her cigarette on the ash tray, she changed the subject. “So, I’m curious. What made you send me flowers? Did the urge come out of the clear blue sky?”
“Oh no. Actually, it was pretty funny. I thought I saw you at the gas station one day. That started me thinking of you. Before I knew it I couldn’t get you off my mind. I kept telling myself it was crazy because you must be married with kids by now—”
Jackie, her eyes wide, interrupted. “I can’t believe you said that! You really thought I must be married with kids by now?”
“I did. Of course, I realized that more likely you’d be engaged or otherwise taken, since I assumed you’d still be in college. But yes, my exact thought was ‘she’s probably married with kids by now.’ Then, a few weeks ago, I was out with friends and overheard a young woman sitting next to me talking about The Stockyard. My ears perked up. I asked her if she knew you. Her name was Sarah?”
“Oh, funny she didn’t mention running into you. So continue.” Jackie was engrossed in the conversation, her elbow on the bar and chin on the palm of her hand.
“Well, she said yes she knew you, and told me that you still worked there. I asked if she knew if you were seeing anyone, engaged or anything. She said she knew you weren’t engaged and thought you weren’t seeing anyone. I told her I’d been thinking of you and she encouraged me to get in touch. So I did. Weird, huh?”
Jackie raised eyebrows. “Weirder, than you know. I had a similar experience except I didn’t run into anyone you know. I even had that same exact thought; you must be married with kids by now. Wow.”
“Really, the same exact thought? Maybe we’re telepathic?”
“May be.”
Within minutes she fell under his spell once more. They chatted, laughed, and flirted the evening away. Tony told Jackie about his job and that he was saving money while living with his parents. Jackie told him about college, her waitress job, and plans following graduation.
After last call, the couple headed for the parking lot, still engrossed in conversation. The March air was too cold to stand outside saying good night, so they sat in Jackie’s new 1974 Chevy Caprice convertible. Tony moved toward the middle of the seat and put his arm around her shoulders.
“After all this time, here we are again.”
“Yeah, I’m having flashbacks. Hey, do you still have your boat?”
“Sure do. That was a great night, wasn’t it?”
“Outstanding!”
After an ardent kiss, the couple said good night with Tony promising to call tomorrow.
“If you’re gonna call, you’ll need my new phone number. I have my own phone line now. She jotted her phone number on a scrap of paper and handed it to him.
On the ride home, she lectured herself. Don’t start planning tomorrow with this guy. You know how it goes. Maybe he’ll call, maybe he won’t. Enjoy it for what it was, a pleasant evening with an old flame.
*
She was amazed to hear Tony’s voice on the phone before noon the next day.
“Hey, I saw you last night and you’re calling me this morning? Did I take off with your wallet?” Jackie chuckled at her own joke.
“Ah, funny.” Tony laughed too. “Well, if you agreed to meet me, I hoped it’d be the beginning of a new chapter for us. I want to be exclusive, if that’s okay with you?”
“Really?” Jackie was skeptical. “Hmm, I’ve learned recently that I run into trouble by assuming too much. So, to make sure my expectations are in line with yours, what exactly does exclusive mean to you?”
“Exclusive means that we’ll see each other every weekend; at least, every Saturday night. I’ll call you every day to share our daily happenings. In fact, we could start now. Are you free tonight or am I being too presumptuous?”
She paused to gather her thoughts. “Tonight I’m going out to dinner with my brother Vic and his wife Karen. Then we’re hitting a party at the Sons of Italy. A neighborhood friend’s band is playing. Tara and Ellen will be there and some other friends. You can join us if you’d like.”
“I’d like that very much. What time should I pick you up?”
They set a time and chatted a little longer. Jackie hung up the phone in utter amazement. Wow. Tara and Ellen will never believe this! I can’t believe it! She called them informing them that Tony would be with her at the Sons of Italy. Then she ransacked her closet for something sexy to wear.
*
The doorbell rang. Her heart leaped. Taking a quick glance in the mirror, Jackie tugged her long straight hair, checked her lipstick, and then opened the door. Tony looked handsome in his bell-bottom jeans, blue-and-white striped shirt, and brown leather jacket. Scanning her from head to toe, with a slight shake of his head, he said “Those jeans are hot.” She grabbed her black Winlit leather coat, which Tony held for her to put on. “Is your Mom here? I’d like to say hello.”
“No, this is her bowling night. Paul’s out too.”
With that knowledge, he swept her into his arms, leaned her against the wall, and kissed her long and passionately. She was breathless. “That’s a prelude,” he said.
“Oh my.” Her imagination matched her racing heart.
*
Dinner with Vic and Karen was enjoyable. As it turned out, the two men knew some of the same people and had a lot in common—not the least of which was an avid love of Boston sports teams. They ruled the dinner conversation and became immediate friends.
Following dinner, the couples set off for the Sons of Italy dance. Introducing Tony to her friends, including Tara’s and Ellen’s dates, was easy. Jackie’s world was transformed into a place where she no longer danced alone. She realized that for the first time in her life, she felt included. Finally, she wasn’t the third wheel, or the fifth wheel. It felt great.
As the band played “Lady,” by Styx, Tony grabbed Jackie’s hand and led her to the dance floor. Jackie felt his warm breath on her neck and his hard body against her as they danced.
“I can’t believe they played “Lady,” Tony told her on the way home. That song always reminded me of you.” He took her hand and held it tightly. “This was a great night. Thanks for letting me tag along.”
“It was a wonderful night.”
They were parked in front of her house. Tony turned the headlights off, raised the volume slightly on the radio as Earth Wind & Fire sang “That’s the Way of the World,” and took Jackie in his arms. His kisses were deep and forceful; his hands stroked her clothed body. Jackie pulled away and readjusted her clothing. “I had a wonderful time. But it’s time to go in.”
Tony smiled. “Okay, I’ll let you go for now. I’ll give you a call tomorrow.”
Later, thinking over the evening, Jackie was stunned by this new Tony. She slept soundly, dreaming of making love to her new boyfriend.
*
Jackie anticipated Tony’s nightly phone calls. Promptly at ten o’clock, Tony greeted her with “Hi, beautiful!”
“Hi, handsome.”
“What are you wearing?”
“Nothing, actually,” she lied.
Tony moaned. “I wish I were there. Oh, the things I’d do to you.”
Sprawled on her bed in her flannel pajamas, she sighed. “I wish you were too.”
Before she knew it, she couldn’t imagine going to bed without saying good night to Tony.
*
The following weekend, Jackie suggested they go to Lanai Island, a local Chinese restaurant with live music in the lounge. She was a fan of their Polynesian drinks and excellent egg rolls.
<
br /> Tony ordered a scorpion bowl for two. “Have you ever had a scorpion bowl?”
“No, actually. This should be fun.”
“Yup. So, what’s your favorite Chinese food?”
“Egg rolls, absolutely. I usually order a pupu platter with no chicken fingers. Too much batter for me. If you like them, though, by all means.” She gestured her approval. “If not, we can substitute something else like extra pork strips, wings? Whatever you prefer. I’m happy with egg rolls, sweet sauce, and hot mustard. They’re almost as delicious as you,” she blurted, and felt herself blush.
“Ah, what a compliment. You’re pretty tasty yourself.” They sat closer in the booth and shared a respectable but provocative kiss.
“Who needs food?” Jackie muttered. The waiter appeared with the scorpion bowl, complete with fiery volcano. Straightening up, she took a sip from the long straw. “Whew! This thing is deadly. Are you trying to take advantage of me, Mr. Salvucci?”
Tony didn’t hear her.
So who’s that?” Jackie asked, noticing Tony was focused on a woman across the aisle.
“Oh, sorry. That’s Marcia.”
“Who’s Marcia?”
“A woman I dated years ago. In fact, I was dating her when I met you at Patty’s. We dated for a couple of years. I haven’t seen her in … oh, about seven years, I guess,” he explained as he returned a wave to the tall, busty woman. Before Jackie knew it, Marcia was standing at their table. Jackie was stunned by her beauty. Marcia was slender with straight blond hair, deep-blue eyes, perfect features, and the most dazzling smile Jackie had ever seen.
“Hi Tony!” Marcia bent down to kiss Tony’s cheek. “You’re still as handsome as ever.”
“Hey,” Tony said. “It’s been a while.”
Jackie lit a cigarette and observed the two chatting for a few minutes. Tony introduced Jackie as his girlfriend.
“Nice to meet you, Jackie. You’ve got quite a catch here. I hope you know that.” Marcia winked at Tony. “Well handsome, it was great seeing you. I hope we run into each other again sometime before the next, what, seven years?” Tony looked uncomfortable.
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