Desire & Denial (Southern Boys Book 3)

by K. C. Wells

  The tree had looked fantastic by the time they were done, and Kendis swore Jon’s eyes were glistening a little. It had to be emotional, seeing all his momma’s things covering the branches. So many memories…

  By late afternoon, Kendis had had enough. He’d done all he could to lighten Momma’s load, but it was as if her mind was someplace else.

  I guess I need to find out where.

  Kendis went into the kitchen and made two mugs of hot chocolate. That would usually put a smile on her face, but today? He wasn’t counting on it. He brought the mugs into the living room where Momma sat in her armchair near the fireplace, a photo album open on her lap.

  Lord, she looks tired.

  He set her mug down on the small table beside her.

  “Here you go, Momma.”

  She glanced at it, murmuring her thanks. Kendis peered at the album. She was looking at photos of their house in Louisiana. There were pictures of him and Marcus playing in the back yard, Kendis on the swing Daddy had put up for Marcus when he was little, and Christmas photos of Momma and Daddy next to the tree.

  Christmas has to be a bad time for her, I guess.

  Kendis sat on the couch, his hands curled around his mug, glancing at the space where the tree usually stood. Not that there’d been one for the last couple of years. Maybe she figured we were all grown up and didn’t need a Christmas tree anymore.

  Jon had shot that theory all to hell the previous day. Kendis had felt like a little kid again, and the day had injected some of the holiday’s magic he’d lost.

  Momma cleared her throat. “I’ll be celebrating Easter in Louisiana.”

  He smiled. “Are you going to pay a visit to Uncle Elroy and Marcus?” That would give her something to look forward to.

  Momma said nothing for a moment, and that oppressive silence was back. The skin prickled on Kendis’s arms.

  “No, I won’t have to pay them a visit, ’cause I’ll be living there by then.”

  Cold spread out from Kendis’s core. Oh Lord. “Momma? I… I don’t understand.”

  Momma sighed heavily. “I’m sorry, baby. I know I should’ve said something before now. I guess I kept hopin’ things would get better.”

  “Are things that bad?” She’d never said a word, not once. “Has… has someone said something?”

  She snorted. “Well, no one’s told me to ‘go back where I came from’, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  Relief flooded through him.

  “I’m just weary, Kendis. Weary of all the stares, the snide comments… Sick of being looked at like I’m something on their shoe. And it’s not like this is a recent thing. Hell, it’s been like this since the day we arrived.”

  Kendis stared at her, aware of the tingling in his chest and the pain he got when he tried to breathe. “Why didn’t you say something before now?”

  “Because I was sticking it out for the sake of you an’ Marcus,” she flung back at him. “Only, now I don’t have to. You’ve done what they brought you here to do, sweetheart. We don’t owe them anything. So…I’m goin’ home. I’m thinking maybe you should too. Ain’t nothin’ holding you here.”

  “Oh, Momma.” Kendis’s heart felt like it was about to break. “Is it really that bad?”

  Momma raised her eyes heavenward. “It’s the holidays. The season of good will to all men. Well, not when they black!” Her eyes flashed.

  Kendis struggled to remain calm. “But… Momma… I got a job, remember?”

  She nodded. “You can still be a mechanic. Elroy will be so happy to have you workin’ with him.” She smiled. “It’s gonna work out just fine, baby. You’ll see.”

  He couldn’t keep the words inside a moment longer. “And… and what if I want to stay? I’m twenty, Momma. I’m an adult. I could stay here.”

  Momma widened her eyes. “I know you grown, boy, so think like a man. Just how are you gonna do that? You can’t afford it. We’re talkin’ rent, bills, food… You don’t earn enough to pay for all that. And besides, what is there worth staying here for? They don’t want us here, Kendis. They never did.” She speared him with an intense gaze. “You haven’t been happy here either. Don’t you go lying to me and tell me that ain’t so. Give me one reason why you should want to stick around here a moment longer.”

  Chaz, he wanted to yell. Chaz, who was shaping up to be real fucking important. And then there was Jon, and Lord above, Kendis had so many hopes where Jon was concerned. But he couldn’t open his mouth to say any of it. He’d only just found Chaz. And even though Kendis knew where he wanted their relationship to go, once his momma knew how long they’d been an item, she’d sweep Chaz away with a wave of her hand.

  More like with a sweep of her broom.

  Would she react the same way if I’d found a girlfriend? Maybe, maybe not. It wouldn’t change Kendis’s ability to cope financially, that was for sure, but a girlfriend implied grandchildren, and there had to be that clock ticking away inside of Momma, the one that said she needed to be a grand-momma, like, soon.

  He took a deep breath. “Is it… is it all settled?” Maybe there was still hope.

  “I talked it through yesterday with your uncle Elroy. He says his house is plenty big enough for all of us, and we can move in whenever we’re ready.”

  Sounded like there was no hope whatsoever. And as much as Kendis hated to admit it, she was right. There was no way he could survive on his own in LaFollette.

  It looked like Kendis was going back to Louisiana, whether he wanted to or not.

  “So… when are you thinking of leavin’?” How long have I got left with Chaz?

  “Let’s get New Year’s out of the way first. We can start packing up after that. We could be home in Louisiana by the end of January.”

  But it’s not home, he wanted to yell. And if home is where the heart is, like they say, then my home is right here.

  His phone vibrated in his pocket, and Kendis took it out. A text from Chaz.

  Kendis couldn’t answer. He was afraid everything would come tumbling out of him. His Christmas was ruined—he wasn’t about to ruin it for Chaz and Jon too.

  Jon. Just the thought of that sweet bear of a man set his heart aching. This move would gain Kendis nothing—and lose him everything.

  Maybe it was the holidays that had sparked Jon’s present mood. He did tend to reminisce a lot this time of year. Whatever the cause, Jon was thinking about the past, and it wasn’t good. In fact, it left a sour taste in his mouth that could only be banished by whiskey.

  A lot of whiskey.

  Not that Jon was drunk. No sir. He knew when enough was enough. And right then? He’d had nowhere near enough.

  The fire was blazing away nicely, and Chaz was on the couch next to Jon, staring at his phone, his earbuds in and a can of beer in one hand. It was his second, and Chaz was proving to be cute when tipsy.

  “What’re you watchin’?” Jon inquired.

  Chaz rolled his eyes. “Duh. Porn.”

  Jon blinked. “Don’t you wanna watch that in your room?”

  Chaz snorted. “Yeah, but if I do that, I don’t get to look at you.” He grinned and went back to his viewing. Jon couldn’t help smiling when he balanced the phone on a cushion and shoved his hand down his sweats.

  Yup, that was Chaz, blatant as fuck and didn’t give a shit who knew it.

  God, he’s fuckin’ adorable.

  Except there was someone missing, wasn’t there? “I wonder what Kendis is doin’ tonight.” After spending so much time with him the previous day, not having him around felt strange.

  Chaz’s face tightened a little. “Don’t know. He’s been awful quiet today.”

  Jon reached over and squeezed Chaz’s knee. “I miss him too.” Ain’t that the truth?

  His glass was empty, so he got up to walk over to the shelf where he kept the bottle.

  “You sure you should be havin’ another?”

  Jon twisted around to stare at Chaz. “Absolutely. Sober as a j
udge.”

  Chaz snickered. “Yeah, but tomorrow you’ll be like a bear with a sore head. Literally. I guess I’ll be drivin’ the truck to Del’s.”

  Jon cackled. “Like I’m gonna let you drive my truck.”

  “Why not? She’s a battered up ole heap o’ junk anyhow. You said so yourself. It’s not like I could make her look any worse.” Chaz was laughing his ass off.

  Jon went back to pouring another glass of whiskey. When he sat back down, Chaz switched off his phone, removed his earbuds, and folded his arms behind his head, his legs stretched out in front of him.

  “Funny how things work out,” he said quietly. “Me choosing that day to come to the bike shop, Del offering me a job…” Chaz smiled. “Things really worked out well… an’ just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, Kendis appears.”

  “Yeah, well, life works out like that for some people. Not everyone.” Jon took a mouthful of whiskey. That sour taste was back, and Jon had no wish for it to hang around.

  Except he knew what was sour was his mood.

  I should just shut up an’ go to bed.

  Only, he’d drunk too much for that.

  Sure, go to bed. Alone. As per fucking usual. Del’s not alone, is he? Del’s curled up, all comfy-cozy with Taylor, Mr. Hot Cop.

  “You okay, Jon?” Chaz was looking at him, his brow creased into a frown. Well, what Jon could see of it from under that raggle-taggle mop of curls.

  “Me? I’m fine as frog’s hair split four ways.”

  Chaz gazed at him thoughtfully. “Life’s worked out well for you, hasn’t it? I mean, you’re running a business with Del, and—”

  That was as far as Jon was prepared to let him go.

  “Sure. You’re right. I’m working with Del, so life’s gotta be pretty goddamn perfect, right? ‘Cause whatever Del touches turns to gold, doesn’t it?”

  Where the fuck was this coming from?

  “Jon, maybe you should call it a ni—”

  “That’s how things go for Del, right? He comes home after graduatin’ from college, tells us he’s gay… and everything’s fine. Momma sure was fine about it. Then he fucks off back to California to live life the way he wants, free to be himself…” Jon’s throat tightened, and he took another drink. “Well guess what? Some of us didn’t have it that easy. Not everyone gets to live their life the way they want. Because for some people? Things happen. Shit happens.”

  Hadn’t shit happened to him? And some shit just didn’t wipe off, no matter what folks said.

  Some shit hung around.

  Chaz swallowed. “Hey. I get that. I mean, look at me. My daddy threw me out, my momma makes like I’m not even alive…” He took a breath. “But things can change, right? Life can be turned around. Hell, my life got turned around—by you.” Jon waved a hand dismissively, but Chaz wasn’t for stopping. “I’m serious, dude. My life was going down the toilet until you stepped in an’ gave me a home. Hell, you’ve given me love I never got from my parents.” He leaned toward Jon, his eyes glistening. “See? Life can start off going one way, and suddenly…”

  “Maybe,” Jon said grudgingly.

  “There’s no maybe about it,” Chaz declared. “An’ think about this. Just because life starts off one way doesn’t mean it has to keep on goin’ like that.”

  Jon looked him in the eye. “You really believe that, don’tcha?”

  Chaz nodded, his gaze focused on Jon. “And you know what else I believe?” He gently removed the glass from Jon’s hand and placed it on the coffee table. “You don’t need that. What you need is good people around you, an’ sleep.”

  Jon snorted. Sleep was a given after this much booze.

  Then he caught his breath as Chaz leaned in and kissed his cheek. “Go to bed, Jon. Your life’ll look better in the morning, I promise.”

  Jon couldn’t keep back his smile. “Oh yeah?”

  “I’ll see to it personally. An’ if it looks like life is givin’ you a hard time, I’ll kick its ass.” Chaz’s eyes sparkled. “That good enough for ya?”

  Jon nodded. “Good enough.” He got to his feet, a little more unsteadily than he would have liked, and headed for his room. Once inside he closed the door, walked over to his bed, and flopped down onto it, burying his face in a pillow. His last thought before sleep took him was that if he needed good people around him, he had two of the best already.

  Chaz and Kendis.

  Chapter Twenty

  Monday Dec 25 - Christmas Day

  “Jon, would you like some more of my eggnog?” Ruth asked from across the kitchen.

  Chaz chuckled and leaned in close to Jon on the couch. “Go on. Say yes. I dare ya,” he whispered. Jon gave him a mock glare, and Chaz opened his eyes wide. “Hey. I gotta find something about today to make me smile, right?”

  Not that the day was turning out to be bad, far from it. Del and Taylor—and probably Ruth too—had cooked up a storm, and Chaz was almost full to bursting. Christmas carols played in the background, and Chaz had to admit, it was a lovely touch.

  All it really needs is Kendis to make it perfect.

  Chaz had yet to give Jon his present. The mood Jon had been in Sunday night, Chaz wasn’t sure how he’d react to receiving a very large teddy bear. Besides, Chaz wanted to wait until Kendis was there too.

  And there was the source of his lack of enthusiasm about the day. Well, one of them—Jon was the other.

  Chaz glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall, and his stomach clenched. It was seven o’clock, and there’d been nothing from Kendis all day. Not a call, not a text, not a word. The first thing Chaz had done on waking was to send him a text wishing him a Merry Christmas, and when no reply materialized, that hurt.

  It wasn’t until half the day had gone by with no word that he began to panic. Something’s wrong. He sent message after message, hoping Kendis would let him in, but no. Chaz had tried his hardest to enjoy the day, but it just wasn’t happening. He got the feeling Jon was worrying too.

  “I guess neither of us is gettin’ much out of today,” Jon remarked in a low voice. When Chaz jerked his head to stare at him in surprise, Jon gave a sad sort of smile. “I ain’t blind.”

  “That obvious, huh?” He’d hoped his anxiety wasn’t noticeable. That seemed discourteous, considering they were there to enjoy the day with Del and Taylor.

  Jon regarded him thoughtfully. “I’m guessing this has something to do with Kendis.” Chaz nodded, and Jon patted his knee. “Thought as much. He’s important to you.” It wasn’t a question.

  Chaz hunched forward, his hands clasped. “I know he’s my first boyfriend—well, my first in a lotta ways—but…” He stared at his laced fingers, his stomach churning. “It feels serious.”

  Jon put his arm around Chaz’s shoulders. “Wanna tell me what’s been on your mind all day? Like I didn’t know.” He tilted his head to one side. “You still not heard from him?”

  “Not a whisper.” Chaz glanced across at him. “You’re worried too.”

  Jon nodded. “I’ve half a mind to drive round there and see what’s happening.”

  “Don’t,” Chaz urged. “How would he explain that to his momma?” He was grateful for Jon’s comforting arm. “Oh Lord. This isn’t like him. I got the same feelin’ yesterday. Oh, he sent messages all right, but… it’s like his heart wasn’t in it, and I could tell.” He glanced at Jon. “I guess that says a lot right there. When I can read a text and know something ain’t right.” He forced a smile. “He’s usually a little… freer in his texts.”

  Jon smirked. “I don’t wanna know what that means, but I think I can guess. I hope he don’t let his momma anywhere near his phone. She’d probably have conniptions.”

  “She knows he’s gay, though.”

  “Sure, but knowin’ something, an’ havin’ it rubbed in your face are two different things.” Jon sighed. “Let’s face it. Any Southern momma who has a gay son is gonna worry, especially in a town like this.”

  “Your
momma was Southern, an’ it sounds like she was awesome.”

  Jon’s face tightened just a touch, but then he pasted on a smile, withdrawing his arm. Chaz soon realized why—Del was walking over to them.

  “Are you having a good time?”

  Before Jon could open his mouth, Chaz plowed ahead. “Yeah, sure. I love your house, by the way.” From the outside, it looked like a mini lighthouse, complete with turret on top. The interior was just as interesting, with a spiral staircase going up to a second level where you could gaze down at the space below. At the top of the house was an observation deck.

  Del’s lips twitched. “Now, why did that sound like an evasive answer?” He placed his hand on Jon’s shoulder. “Are you okay? You’ve been very quiet.”

  Jon looked up at him, still wearing that fake smile. “Sorry. I woke up with a headache an’ I haven’t been able to shake it.”

  “You want something for it?” Del gazed at him with obvious concern.

  Jon sighed. “You know what? I think it might be best if I went home. I don’t wanna spoil the party, and maybe I can get rid of this damn headache if I lie down for a while.”

  Del squeezed his shoulder. “One, it’s not a party, it’s more of a get-together, and two, you’re not spoiling it. But I think you’re right. Why don’t you come back another night, and we’ll do this again?” He bit back a smile. “This time without Ruth’s eggnog.”

  Jon’s eyes twinkled. “Is that a promise?”

  Del laughed, and helped Jon to his feet. He gave Jon a hug. “I’ll pass on your goodbyes. You go on home.”

  “I’ll take him,” Chaz volunteered. “He shouldn’t drive with a headache anyway.”

  “Good thinking.” Del gave Chaz a hug too. “Look after him for me?”

  Jon snorted. “What am I, a puppy?”

  Chaz laughed. “Well, that would explain the mess you leave around the place.” That got a laugh from Del. Chaz thanked Del for his hospitality, and then grabbed their jackets from the stand by the door.