The Hemlock Girl

by C. L. Heckman

  “Hold on,” Jasper yells, shoving the gas pedal to the floor.

  Fifteen miles an hour has never felt so liberating. Suddenly, Jasper slams on the breaks and turns the wheel. The golf cart slides on the dirt beneath it, and my life flashes before my eyes.

  “Jasper!” I yell, smacking him on the arm. “You scared the crap out of me!”

  He smiles and winks, “Yeah, but it was fun, wasn’t it?”

  My heart slows and I remind myself to breathe as I stare back at the field, beer bottles now hidden in the tall green weeds. My legs tremble from the adrenaline rush, and I find myself wishing we could do it again. Jasper was right, I can’t let fear keep me from having fun.

  Pulling his hair out of his face and securing it in a ponytail, Jasper slowly drives back toward the development. Parking at the edge of the beach, he turns the cart off.

  “So, what are we, Riss?”

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “I mean, are we friends? More than friends? Less than friends? What are we?” Jasper asks blatantly.

  “I don’t know,” I respond, caught off guard. “I thought we were just friends, I guess?” I didn’t know what to say. I don’t want to be asking for more and then get rejected. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted more, honestly. There is still a very long list of reasons I shouldn’t date Jasper, and yet there are so many things about him that make my heart skip a beat. Mainly, it’s wrapped up in the way he looks at me – like I’m someone special.

  “Ok,” he responds, seemingly disappointed. “I thought, maybe … nevermind.”

  He turns the key before I can say another word and we begin our journey back to Frank’s.

  Sneaking through the woods, I stare at Jasper’s hand as it dangles empty beside him. I want to reach out and grab it so he knows how I feel, but the fear of all the ‘what-if’s’ is winning the battle against my heart. Regret takes over. Have I ruined things before they even had a chance to get started?

  Jasper stops at Keith’s door. “I think I’m going to head home,” he states. “I got some stuff to do.”

  “Jasper,” I start.

  “I’ll see you around, Riss.”

  Before I can stop him, Jasper walks away, pulling the hood of his sweatshirt over his head. The scent of his freshly lit cigarette coasts toward me, and I fall into the rocking chair.

  The door swings open. Keith zips his sweater before noticing my distraught look. “You ok?”

  “Not really,” I respond.

  “Where is Jasper?” he wonders.

  “He went home.”

  “Oh,” he responds. Struggling to find a remedy for the situation, he grabs a box from on top of the refrigerator just inside the door. “Want a cigar?” he offers.

  “A cigar?” I repeat.

  “Yeah,” he reassures. “I smoke them when I’m feeling down. It helps, usually. Wanna join me?”

  I glance down the road as Jasper rounds the corner into his driveway without looking back.

  “Yeah,” I respond. “I would love one.”

  Chapter 6

  For two days, Jasper is a ghost. He hasn’t been returning my text or calls, and is basically nowhere to be found. I spend most of my time at Keith’s, glancing out the window, and smoking cigarettes on his front porch hoping that Jasper will make an appearance. His mom still hasn’t said two words to me. Instead, she offers looks of disdain anytime we cross paths. I’m starting to feel unwelcome at Hemlock and am unsure if I can do anything to fix it.

  “Hey, mind if I go for a walk? I’ll be back soon.”

  Keith nods his head. “Sure thing, Riss. I’ll be here.”

  Crossing the street, Dakota waves to me from their back deck. “Why don’t you stop over later?”

  “I will in a little bit!” I yell back.

  I make a right into Jasper’s driveway, and notice an unfamiliar blue sedan parked on the gravel. Roxy slobbers on my leg as she runs past me, and instead of turning back, I decide to follow the path to the door. Forcing myself to knock, I wait for a few moments until finally Jasper answers.

  “Riss, what are you doing here?” he asks.

  “Can we talk?” I respond.

  He pushes the door closed. “Now isn’t a good time, Riss.”

  “Jasper, wait,” I beg as I stop the door with my palm. “Please?”

  In the kitchen, I spot the blur of brown hair.

  “Hey, straight edge,” she says with a small wave.

  I lock eyes with Jasper and he shifts his glance to the floor.

  “Seriously? Missy? You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  His eyes shift from the floor to the woods behind me. “She’s my girlfriend.”

  Violent anger courses through my body. My fists clench and I contemplate punching them both in the face.

  “Riss,” he says as he reaches for my hand.

  “I gotta go,” I pull away and take off running.

  Dakota flies down the porch steps and into the street. “Karissa? Are you ok?”

  Tears stream down my cheeks. “No!”

  She grabs my arm. “Let’s get you out of here.”

  I follow her up the porch steps and take a seat on a cushioned patio chair under an open umbrella.

  Dakota hands me a can of soda and stares at me. “I take it you saw Missy?”

  “I hate her,” I explain. “I thought Jasper and I would end up being something at some point down the road. But, there were just things that worried me. Our age difference. The fact that he’s a bit of a player. I feel like he would get insanely bored with me. I don’t think I’m enough to keep him intrigued.”

  “Missy isn’t the girl he wants; she’s the girl he settled for. I thought you liked him. What happened?” she asks.

  “I like him a lot,” I respond immediately. “I think about him constantly. It’s eating me alive knowing that he’s with Missy now. I don’t want to be jealous, but I am. And, now I missed my chance. I turned him down because I was afraid. It’s all my fault.”

  “Give it time,” Dakota encourages. “Jasper has never been one to stay put for very long. You’ll get your chance again.”

  The screen door swings open and Paul emerges. A tank top lies tightly against his chest. I remind myself to stop staring a bit later than I would’ve liked to.

  “Hey, Karissa. I didn’t know you were coming by today.”

  I fumble with my can of soda, almost dropping it. “I didn’t know either, actually.”

  “Well, I’m glad you did. I was hoping to see you around.”

  My cheeks start to burn. “I should probably get going. I told Keith I wouldn’t be gone long.”

  Before either of them can answer, I take off down the steps. A slight jog leads me back to Keith’s doorstep where his mom greets me with yet another look of disapproval.

  “Keith is busy. Go home, Karissa.”

  I’m surprised she knows my name. Without a word, I head toward my car. In my rearview mirror I see Missy backing out of Jasper’s driveway. He runs to her window, pushing it down with his palms. I tell myself to look away, but decide to endure the torture instead. Leaning in, his lips lock with hers for what feels like an eternity.

  My heart breaks in my chest. So many emotions flood my body and I force myself to look away. I can feel tears begin to form in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. Shifting the car in reverse, I back out of Keith’s driveway. The sound of my engine grabs Jasper’s attention and he halts the kiss to look in my direction. We lock eyes, and my lip quivers. He pulls a cigarette from behind his ear and lights it, blowing the smoke down toward the ground where is spreads across the pavement like an early morning fog. His eyes shift away. I remain parked in the middle of the road, refusing to leave. Jasper flips his hood over his head and disappears behind the ivy. Letting out the breath I’ve been holding, I allow a single tear to fall down my cheek and begin the drive home, leaving any hope I had left of our future relationship, behind.

  Chapter 7

 
; “So, is Jasper still dating that twig?” Dakota asks while she twirls her hair around a hot iron.

  “As far as I know,” I respond, flipping the page in my magazine. “I haven’t seen him in a while.”

  “I don’t get that kid, sometimes. It’s like he’s afraid of allowing himself to take a chance. He would rather be with someone he hardly likes, than wait for the girl he’s actually crazy about.”

  “Why wait for something that you were told would never happen?” I wonder aloud. “I was the one that ruined any chance at a relationship. My fear got the best of me and now I scared him away forever.”

  “Girl, please,” Dakota laughs. “That kid was smitten with you from the moment he met you. We all knew it. He brings girls around all the time, but he never acted around them the way he did with you. You are different to him. Feelings like that don’t just go away.”

  “So, what? He liked me so much that he was willing to just give up on any chance at us and fall into someone else within seconds?”

  “Riss, he’s a teenage boy. He has no clue what he wants even when it’s right in front of him. You could so easily destroy him, and he knows it. Missy could dump him tomorrow and he wouldn’t care. He’s too vulnerable with you because you’re the first girl he’s actually given a crap about. It’s not that he didn’t like you, my dear. It’s very much the opposite. I think he could see himself falling in love with you and it scared the living hell out of him.”

  “No way,” I disagree. “I’ve only known him a few weeks. There’s no way he could’ve had those types of feelings for me. We’ve never even spent much time alone together. You’re way off.”

  “Believe what you want, Riss. I’m around these guys all the time. I’ve seen Jasper date a lot of girls. I’ve seen the way he is with them, and then the way he is with you. It’s obvious, the differences. But, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you were never more than an object of his affection or a mountain he wanted to conquer to claim bragging rights. You know the funny thing? You’ll never know because you’re too afraid to ask.”

  Dakota is starting to piss me off. She’s two years younger than me, and to my knowledge, has never been in any type of relationship. Yet, she’s telling me how to live my life.

  “As thrilling as this conversation is, I need to use the bathroom,” I snarl.

  “Down the stairs to the right, across from Paul’s room. And, a little less of the attitude would be great!”

  I pass her mom cooking an apple pie in the kitchen as I breathe in a deep lungful of cinnamon. Coasting down the stairs, I stomp out the anger I am feeling on the wood beneath my feet. Once on the landing, I collide with Paul.

  “Whoa there, speed racer,” he utters, grabbing my biceps and lifting me out of the way. “If you were a little taller, you may have accidentally run into my lips.”

  With a wink, Paul shuffles into his bedroom. Pulling his shirt over his head, he glances back at me before tossing it into the hamper and falling onto his bed. Dakota isn’t here to yell at me for staring, so I grasp the opportunity. His shoulder blade juts out right above the indent of his spine. The muscle in his hip curves in just slightly above his waistline. I can feel the heat surround me as I study every inch of his back, imagining myself running my hands over it.

  I turn away before I get caught, and head into the bathroom.

  “Paul, you here?” a voice yells as the screen door swings open.

  It’s Jasper.

  “Down here,” Paul responds.

  Jasper’s footsteps are crystal clear as he bounds down the stairs. My heart begins to race. I glue my ear to the crack in the door, remaining in the bathroom long enough to eavesdrop on their conversation.

  “You wanted to see me?” Jasper asks.

  “Is that the hello I get?” Paul jokes. “Sit your ass down, bro. Take a load off and hang out like we used to. You’ve been so busy with Missy lately that you’re basically a ghost.”

  “Eh, you know how it is.”

  “So, how are things with your new woman?” Paul inquires.

  “She’s alright. We’ve just been chillin’, ya know? Nothing serious. She’s not really relationship material.”

  “And, you are?” Paul laughs.

  “For the right girl, I might be,” Jasper declares.

  I can feel my heart pounding. Hopefully Paul hasn’t noticed that I have yet to emerge from the bathroom, and continues on with his conversation.

  “And, have you met that right girl yet?” Paul asks.

  Jasper is oddly silent.

  “I guess not,” he responds. “You said there was something you wanted to talk about?”

  “Yeah,” Paul responds. “I want to talk to you about Karissa.”

  About me? What could he possibly want to talk to Jasper about me for?

  “What about her?” Jasper blurts, seemingly annoyed.

  “I want to know if I can ask her out?”

  My breathing turns shallow and rapid. Ask me out? What is this kid thinking? Has he seen himself? He’s beautiful. He’s also a year younger than me. Would it be contradictive to date him even though I’ve used age as a reason not to date Jasper? Is there something between Jasper and me? I’m so caught up in the what-if’s that I almost miss his answer.

  “It’s not like she’s my girl,” Jasper responds. “I can’t tell you what to do. She’s free game, I suppose.”

  I can hear the disappointment in his voice. If he wanted me, why didn’t he fight for me? I know I might have turned him down initially, but he gave up on even trying. Is a relationship with him something that I still should be trying to pursue? Confusion takes over, and I quiet my thoughts to focus.

  “I gotta go, Paul. I’m supposed to meet Missy at the house in ten minutes. I’ll catch up with you later.”

  I can see Jasper through the crack in the door as he sulks up the steps. Stopping on the landing for a moment, he brushes his hand through his hair, with obvious regret and begins back down toward Paul’s room. Stopping midway he shoves his hands in his pockets, turns, and runs up the stairs. Throwing the screen door open with obvious anger, he disappears onto the porch and out of my sight.

  Paul closes his bedroom door, and I quietly sneak out of the bathroom. Dakota has relocated to the back patio, and I grab a glass of water on my way to join her.

  “I thought you were pissed and left.” she says, pulling an ice pop from her mouth.

  “Nah, I was just in the bathroom,” I respond.

  “Gross,” she says, wrinkling her nose.

  I shrug my shoulders. As I take a seat in the patio chair, Jasper walks beside us on the road. Flipping his hood over his head, he refuses to acknowledge me. Missy exits her car and joins him at the edge of the driveway. The two immediately lock lips, and I want to vomit.

  “Speaking of gross,” Dakota yells. “Who would want to make out with a swamp monster? You can do better, Jasper.”

  Missy breaks their kiss and flips her middle finger at Dakota. “Bitch, you got a problem with me?”

  Dakota flies out of the chair, shoving it into my shin. “I think the whole world has a problem with you!”

  I slump down in my chair wrapping my palm around my leg to stop the pain while trying to stay out of the confrontation that’s brewing. Jasper grabs Missy by the hand and pulls her toward the house as she slurs curse words at Dakota from a distance.

  “I can’t believe the guys let that girl in our group,” Dakota gripes. “I despise her.”

  “Eh, I get it. If I was a teenage boy … “

  Dakota throws her icicle stick at my head. “Don’t even.”

  I laugh it off. “So, why do you hate her so much? I mean, I get that she’s a little rough around the edges. But, that’s not enough to hate her as much as you seem to.”

  “She dated Paul last year. She cheated on him after two months. She’s just a jerk, and I have no patience for people like that. If Jasper is looking for a girlfriend, she’s not the girl for him. But, I don’t think that�
�s exactly what Jasper is looking for with her, anyway.”

  “What do you mean?” I wonder.

  “Jasper is just looking to get to the next stage with a girl, if you know what I mean. Paul has been bragging about how he lost his V card to Missy last summer and it’s been weighing heavy on Jasper to ‘keep up’.”

  The news comes as a surprise considering Jasper is such a player. However, it makes me grow even fonder of him. Paul, on the other hand, has lost some major points for sleeping with a girl like Missy just to lose his virginity.

  “I think I’m gonna head home, Kota, this has been a pretty emotional day.”

  “Girl, don’t let guys bring you down. They are a sub-par species of their own – very hard to understand. Don’t waste too much time on it.”

  I heed her advice, and try not to let it get to me. On the way home, a text from Paul lights up my phone.

  Let’s hang out sometime

  Chapter 8

  Two days later, I find myself pulling into Paul’s driveway. He’s invited me to a get together down at the lake, and Dakota convinced me that it was a good idea to come. Unsure of whether or not Jasper and his vile girlfriend will be there, I give myself a pep talk before opening the door.

  “Hey, girl! You decided to come,” Dakota yells from the front porch, and then jogs over to me. “Paul has been in the bathroom for hours prepping for your ‘date’.”

  “Date?” I question.

  “Yeah, he said you guys were hangin’ out tonight down by the lake. That you were his ‘girl’ for the evening.”

  “His girl?”

  “Jeez, Riss. Get a clue! Paul is majorly interested. You should feel special; most of the sophomore class is basically obsessed with him. I have no idea why, because he’s such an ass.”

  I am definitely interested, but a huge part of me is still hung up on the possibility of a relationship with Jasper. But, since he’s dating Missy now, I guess I should explore other options.