Love, Rosie

by Cecelia Ahern

  Despite my loneliness for him I know this phase isn’t going to last forever. He’ll come around sooner or later. I just hope I won’t be six feet under by the time he does. Katie is trying to sneak a peak off my page . . .

  MASLOW’S THEORY OF HIERARCHY

  Ha ha, that’ll put her off the scent. OK I better go now and actually do some work. See you both soon. Tell Dad I said hello and that I love him.

  Oh by the way Ruby has set me up on a blind date on Saturday night. I nearly killed her but I can’t cancel it. Cross your fingers for me that he’s not some sort of serial killer.

  Lots of love,

  Rosie

  You have an instant message from: ROSIE

  Rosie: Hi Julie. I’ve signed you up to be one of my instant message buddies. Whenever I see that you’re online I can send you messages.

  Julie:Not unless I block your name from my list.

  Rosie: You wouldn’t dare.

  Julie: Why would you set up an instant messaging service with me when I am in the next room?

  Rosie: It’s what I do. It means I can multitask. I can speak to people on the phone and also do business with you online. What is it that you do, Ms. Casey? All I see you doing is terrorizing innocent children and having meetings with pissed off parents.

  Julie: That’s about all I do Rosie, you’re right. Believe me you were one of the worst kids to teach and one of the worst parents to meet with. I hated calling you in.

  Rosie: I hated coming in.

  Julie: And now you’ve added me to your messaging list. How times change. By the way I’m having a little get-together for my birthday next week and I was wondering if you would like to come.

  Rosie: Who else is going?

  Julie: Oh just some other kids that I used to scare the hell out of 20 years ago. We love to gather and reminisce about the days gone by.

  Rosie: Seriously.

  Julie: No, just a few friends, a few members of my family for a few drinks and a few nibbles for a few minutes to mark the occasion and then you can all leave me alone.

  Rosie: What age will you be? I only ask so I can buy you a birthday card with a number on it. Maybe get a badge for you too.

  Julie:You do and you’re fired. I’m going to be 53.

  Rosie: You’re only 20 years older than me. I used to think you were ancient.

  Julie: Funny isn’t it? Imagine I was only your age by the time you left this school. The kids must feel that you’re ancient now too.

  Rosie: I feel ancient.

  Julie: Ancient people don’t go on romantic blind dates. Come on, spill the beans, what was he like?

  Rosie: His name is Adam and he is a very, very attractive man. All through the night he was polite, a terrific conversationalist, and very funny. He paid for the meal, the taxi, drinks, absolutely everything and wouldn’t let me open my purse (not that there was any money in it to spend). He was tall, dark, and handsome, dressed impeccably, and I could tell a lot of attention to detail was paid. Plucked eyebrows, straight teeth, and not a nose hair in sight.

  Julie:What does he do for a living?

  Rosie: He’s an engineer.

  Julie: So he was polite, handsome, and had a great job. He sounds too good to be true. Is there the possibility of meeting again?

  Rosie: Well after the meal we went back to his penthouse apartment. He lives along Sir John Rogerson’s quay, the place was fabulous. I stayed over, he asked me out again, and I said no.

  Julie:Are you crazy?

  Rosie: Probably. He was such a good man but there was nothing there.

  Julie: But it was only your first date. You can never really tell these things by a first date. What did you want, fireworks?

  Rosie: No actually, quite the opposite. I want silence, a perfect moment of quietness.

  Julie:Silence?

  Rosie: Oh it’s a long story. But last night only proves that you can put me with a guy that’s perfect in every way and too good to be true and I’m still not ready. Everyone around me needs to stop rushing me.

  Julie: OK, OK, I promise I’ll stop trying to set you up with men until you give me your permission. How’s the studying going?

  Rosie: It’s tough working, studying, and being a mother all at the same time. I end up staying up till all hours of the night pondering life, the universe, and all that’s in it.

  Julie: Don’t worry, we’ve all had those days and believe me by the time you get to my age you stop caring. Is there anything I can do to help?

  Rosie: Yes actually a pay rise would be a terrific help.

  Julie:No chance. How’s the saving going?

  Rosie: It would be going fine if I didn’t have to feed, clothe, educate my child as well as pour rent money into the shoebox I’m living in.

  Julie: That always seems to get in the way of things, that whole looking after your child part. Have you spoken to Alex yet?

  Rosie: No.

  Julie: Oh Rosie, you are both being ridiculous. It’s been over a year now. I spent my life trying to separate you two from each other but now the fun is over. Tell him Ms. Big Nose Smelly Breath Casey has given you both permission to sit beside each other again.

  Rosie: That’ll never work; he never listened to you anyway. And it’s not like we’re not in contact at all, Katie keeps in touch with him all the time and I send cards for every occasion and he does the same back. Every few months I get a postcard from a different exotic country with boring weather reports from him, and when he’s not holidaying he’s working all hours. So we’re not completely ignoring each other. It’s a very civilized kind of argument we’re having.

  Julie: Yes, apart from the fact that you don’t even talk. Your best friend has a 6-month-old baby that you haven’t even bothered to meet. All I’m saying is that if you let this carry on much longer, the years will multiply and before you know it it’ll just be too late.

  CHAPTER 42

  DEAR ROSIE AND KATIE DUNNE,

  SEASON’S GREETINGS FROM ST. JUDE’S HOSPITAL.

  MY WIFE, TWO SONS, AND I HOPE THAT THE YEAR AHEAD BRINGS YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES GOOD HEALTH AND HAPPINESS.

  MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM THE STEWARTS.

  ALEX STEWART, M.D.

  TO ALEX STEWART MD RIP BLA BLA BLA,

  MAY THE COMING YEAR BE FILLED WITH WARM WISHES FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

  BEST WISHES,

  ROSIE DUNNE R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

  You have an instant message from: ALEX

  Alex: What do you know about respect?

  Rosie: Oooh, talking to me now are you?

  Alex: It’s been long enough. One of us should be adult enough to make contact, remember I’m not the one who started this in the first place.

  Rosie: Yes you did.

  Alex: Rosie, no I didn’t.

  Rosie: Yes you did!

  Alex: Oh please! Last year I told you Bethany was pregnant at which point you went ape shit and ranted about how being male is some sort of disease. And for your information I proposed to her one night before we went to an award ceremony. Bethany said yes, and naturally being excited, she told her parents at the table (as any normal person would do). Her father was presented his award and during his speech he announced that his daughter has just gotten engaged (as a normal proud father would on just learning that his daughter was to be married).

  The press was there; they went back to their desks and reported on the evening in time to make the next day’s papers. I went out and celebrated my engagement with my fiancée and her family. I got home to bed and woke up the next day to phone call after phone call from my family wanting to no why the hell hadn’t I told them I was getting married. My inbox was full of e-mails from confused friends and I was just about to deal with them when I got an instant message from you accusing me of doing all sorts of things.

  So I sent you and Katie a wedding invite anyway thinking that even though you disapproved of my choice of wife and concocted pathetic stories about why I was
marrying her, you might still have behaved like the friend you claim to be by attending my wedding and being supportive.

  Clearly you couldn’t do that and stopped all forms of communication for months so I didn’t think it was necessary for me to continue making an effort when you obviously couldn’t be bothered.

  But in the meantime I have received your array of Christmas cards, happy new year cards, St. Patrick’s Day cards, postcards, and gifts for Theo and likewise and I hope you have received mine. So I apologize for the last card you received, your name was on my mailing list, but this particular card was intended for my patients and not you. Anyway, I didn’t think you would appreciate the family photo in front of the Christmas tree. It’s not something I imagine that’s being displayed on your mantel.

  Rosie: I didn’t receive any wedding invite!

  Alex: What?

  Rosie: I got no invitation to your wedding. There was one for Katie alright but none for me. And Katie couldn’t very well go because she was only 13 and where would she stay? And I couldn’t bring her over because frankly I couldn’t afford to—

  Alex: Stop! Now let me think about this for a moment. You received no wedding invite?

  Rosie: No. Just one for Katie.

  Alex: What about your parents?

  Rosie: Yeah they received one but they couldn’t go because they were visiting Steph in Paris and—

  Alex: OK! Yours wasn’t sent there by mistake?

  Rosie: No.

  Alex: But my parents, didn’t they tell you?

  Rosie: They said they would love me to go but they don’t control the invites, Alex. You never asked me to go.

  Alex: But you were on the list, I even saw your invite on the kitchen table.

  Rosie: Oh.

  Alex: So what happened?

  Rosie: Don’t ask me! I didn’t even know there was an invite!

  Alex: There was one!

  Rosie: OK! Who posted them?

  Alex: Bethany and the wedding planner.

  Rosie: Hmm . . . OK so somewhere between Bethany walking toward the post box and the invite actually going in the slit, something happened to my invite.

  Alex: Oh don’t start Rosie, it wasn’t Bethany. She’s got much better things to be doing with her time than hatching plans to get rid of you.

  Rosie: Like doing lunch with the ladies?

  Alex: Stop.

  Rosie: Well I’m in shock.

  Alex: So you thought all this time that I didn’t want you at my wedding?

  Rosie: Yes.

  Alex: Oh. But why didn’t you say something? An entire year and you didn’t say something? If you didn’t invite me to your wedding I would at least say something.

  Rosie: Excuse me, why didn’t you ask me why I wasn’t there? If I invited you to my wedding and I noticed that you hadn’t turned up, I think I would at least say something.

  Alex: I was angry.

  Rosie: Me too.

  Alex: I’m still angry about the things you said.

  Rosie: Answer me this, Alex. Did you or did you not tell me only months previously that Bethany was not “the one” for you and that you didn’t love her?

  Alex: Yes but—

  Rosie: And were you or were you not going to break up with her just before she announced her pregnancy?

  Alex: Yes but—

  Rosie: And were you or were you not worried about your job when you refused to marry Bethany?

  Alex: Yes but—

  Rosie: And were you or were you not—

  Alex: Listen to me. Or read me. Reginald Williams is not my boss. It doesn’t work like that in hospitals. He couldn’t just fire me out of the blue.

  Rosie: Yes but I bet he could make life really difficult for you at the hospital.

  Alex: He could.

  Rosie: And would he have?

  Alex: Yes.

  Rosie: So I really don’t think that I was that far from the truth, Alex Stewart.

  Alex: That perhaps may be about 1% of the truth but coupled with the fact that I wanted to be a part of Theo and Bethany’s life.

  Rosie: So if you did invite me to your wedding and I was partly correct on what I said, why did we spend the entire year sending tacky cards to each other?

  Alex: What I want to no is where the hell your wedding invite went to. The wedding planner had everything arranged. Unless it was . . .

  Rosie: Who?

  Alex: Not who but what . . .

  Rosie: What, then?

  Alex: Jack Russell the Jack Russell.

  Rosie: Oh yeah . . .

  Alex: Next time I see him I’m going to wring his neck.

  Rosie: Oh you can’t do that.

  Alex: I can do whatever the hell I want to that post-nicking little—

  Rosie: He’s dead. The postman kicked him in the stomach a few mornings in a row completely by mistake (I’m a witness) and on the final morning he did it, Jack just stopped moving.

  Alex: A bit of justice in the world after all. I’m not sorry to hear that.

  Rosie: I’m sorry though Alex.

  Alex: Me too. Friends again?

  Rosie: I never stopped being your friend.

  Alex: Me neither. Well unfortunately I have to go because my baby is pouring his breakfast on his head and massaging it into his scalp with a look of pure concentration on his face. I fear it may be nappy-changing time again.

  Rosie: Oh no! I don’t envy you that job!

  FOR OUR BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER,

  WE LOVE YOU WITH ALL OUR HEARTS, HERE’S TO A NEW YEAR,

  HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ROSIE!

  GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR EXAMS IN JUNE, WE HAVE OUR FINGERS CROSSED FOR YOU.

  LOTS OF LOVE,

  MUM AND DAD

  FOR MY SISTER,

  YOU’RE FINALLY CATCHING ME, ROSIE, WHICH I’M GLAD OF BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO BE THE ONLY ONE NEARING FORTY!

  BEST OF LUCK WITH YOUR EXAMS, YOU HAVE TWO MONTHS TO LEARN IT ALL, YOU CAN GET IT DONE. I’M SURE YOU’LL FLY THROUGH THEM!

  HAPPY BIRTHDAY,

  LOVE,

  STEPHANIE, PIERRE, JEAN-LOUIS, SOPHIA

  HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MUM,

  HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR PRESENT. IF IT DOESN’T FIT YOU, I’LL HAVE IT!

  LOVE,

  KATIE

  TO A SPECIAL FRIEND,

  HAPPY 36TH BIRTHDAY, ROSIE, I’M WORKING ON A NEW EXPERIMENT TO SLOW DOWN TIME, FANCY JOINING IN WITH ME?

  ENJOY YOUR DAY AND I HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON!

  ALEX

  TO ROSIE,

  HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN. AFTER THIS CELEBRATION THERE WILL BE NO MORE DISTRACTIONS, YOU HAVE TO PASS THESE EXAMS WITH STRAIGHT A’S. YOU CAN DO IT AND YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE OF GETTING OUT OF HERE. I’M STILL DREAMING OF THAT JOB AS AN ENTERTAINER AT THAT FINE HOTEL OF YOURS.

  LOVE, RUBY

  You have an instant message from: ROSIE

  Rosie: 16. My little angel is 16. What the hell am I supposed to do now? Where’s the rule book?

  Ruby: Why? It’s not like yesterday she was 2 years old you know. You have to have known this was coming. You did have a total of let’s see, 16 years preparation, this shouldn’t come as a shock to you.

  Rosie: Ruby you unsentimental witch, do you not feel anything? Are you numb to all emotions? How did you feel when your Gary turned 16?

  Ruby: I just don’t look at things like you do. I don’t think much of ages, or birthdays, they’re just another day to me. They don’t symbolize anything but a bunch of definitions and generalizations people have created to make conversation, debates, and media discussions.

  Katie is not going to go off the rails because suddenly she wakes up one morning and she’s 16. People do whatever the hell they want to do at any age they fancy. Last month you were 36. That means you’re 4 years from 40. Do you think that the day you reach 40 you will be any different than you were at 39 or 41 for that matter? People create little ideas about ages so they can write silly self-help books, stick stupid comments in birthday cards, create names for Internet
chat rooms, and look for excuses for crises that are happening in their life.

  For example the man’s so called “midlife crisis” is just a bunch of hype. Age is not the problem; it’s the male brain that’s the problem. Men have been cheating since they were apes (insert your own joke there), since cavemen times (and again there) all the way up to now, the age of what is supposed to be the civilized man. That’s the way they were made. Age is not the issue.

  Your baby will remain your baby past the point when she has her own little baby. Don’t worry about that.

  Rosie: I don’t want my baby to have a baby until she’s grown up, married, and rich. I mean, when I think of the things I did on my 16th birthday . . . actually I can’t remember what I did.

  Ruby:Why not?

  Rosie: Because I was being incredibly juvenile and stupid.

  Ruby:What did you do?

  Rosie: Me and Alex forged our mums’ signatures and wrote notes to school saying we would both be absent for the day.

  Ruby:Coincidentally.

  Rosie: Exactly. We went to some old man’s pub in town where ID wasn’t a necessity and we drank all day. Unfortunately it was ruined by the fact that I fell and hit my head, had to be raced to hospital in an ambulance where I received 7 stitches and my stomach was pumped. The parents were none too pleased.

  Ruby: I bet they weren’t. How did you fall? Were you doing some of your funky moves on the dance floor again?

  Rosie: Actually no. I was only sitting on my stool.

  Ruby: Ha ha only you could fall on the floor while you were sitting down. Very dangerous, that sitting down nonsense.

  Rosie: I know that’s weird isn’t it. I wonder how it happened!

  Ruby:Well you should ask Alex, he was there too after all.