Job 2.0

by Del Staecker

  “I still don’t understand. That sounds like the second one over again. You have to explain better.”

  “Have you ever heard of Kitty Genovese?”

  *********

  Lucifer raised an eyebrow and squinted at God. “Gee, I wonder where he came from.”

  “I do work in mysterious ways,” God replied, chuckling, “or maybe it’s just a coincidence.”

  Lucifer moaned. “You and your lame jokes.”

  “Well, Luce, kidding aside, how do you think this contest is going?” Of course God knew how it was going, but he was being polite. “Is it time for a break?”

  “Sure…sure…” replied a distracted Lucifer.

  This is tougher than I imagined, Lucifer observed silently. Maybe I’ve missed something. Maybe I need to devise something new. I constantly have to come up with new stuff. Half of the people easily get bored and the others quickly forget. Only a few ever catch on, and I’m amused at their naïve belief in the originality of their ideas. I’m always ahead of them on things, especially the dark stuff, yet could the people on Earth have changed since the last time we did this?

  The thought was disturbing to Lucifer. His methods were not as effective as he wanted, so he returned to “the opposing team’s locker room” to refine his game plan and to check out that cute new cheerleader.

  God spent the break tending to the universe.

  AFTER THE BREAK

  Lucifer was not deterred. He mused, I’m totally committed to winning, and although this contest is not going the way I expected, I believe I have just what the doctor ordered. It’s time for me to rev up the action.

  Lucifer stood near God’s place in Heaven and waved his hands at Earth. “Here you go, Jake. Let’s see how much God really loves you.”

  Lucifer had invented heart attacks for just these situations. Down on Earth, Jake grabbed his chest. The pain was excruciating. Jake’s pain was pleasure for Lucifer, so he sent another jab.

  “Oh, my God!” Jake wailed as he grabbed his chest a second time.

  Lucifer wondered, “Why don’t they ever call out my name?”

  It was a rhetorical question. God did not provide Lucifer with an answer.

  *********

  “There you are. Feeling any better?” the EMT asked.

  Jake’s eyes opened and he realized that he was in an ambulance with active sirens and lights.

  “We thought you were a goner. I bet you thought so, too. Right?”

  “No, yes, maybe…” Jake was confused. He mumbled aloud, “I wonder where I would have gone if I was a goner.” He pondered more. He asked himself, What would have happened if I didn’t make it? What will happen eventually? We all die. Is there anything after death? If so, then is this just a part of a longer life? Am I something more than me—a soul, maybe? Ugh! My chest hurts even more!

  Lucifer was increasing the pain to distract Jake.

  “This is bad,” the EMT said. He looked worried. For many hours he would not leave Jake’s side. He knew something important was happening with Jake. Whatever happens, he thought, I’ll stick with this patient no matter what. The doctors think they are gods, but they have forgotten that God is a doctor. The EMT prayed for his patient.

  Jake kept thinking deep thoughts.

  In response, Lucifer kept cranking up the pain. It approached the highest level possible and was just almost unbearable. Lucifer took Jake to the edge several times, but the pain only caused Jake to go deeper into his thoughts.

  “I want it to stop,” Jake dreamed aloud through the pain. “I’m a soul. I’m a soul—I only happen to have a body. Where’s God when I need him? Has he abandoned me? I want this to end. I’ll do anything for it to end.”

  For a moment Lucifer thought, Now, I got ‘em. But he did not.

  From the farthest recess of Jake’s memory, an ancient verse cycled through his mind: Thou he slay me, yet I trust in God.

  Immediately the EMT said, “He’s going to make it!”

  Looking at the scene beneath, Lucifer saw that God was holding Jake’s hand. In spite of the pain, through everything Lucifer threw at him, Jake could feel God touching him. Lucifer had invented pain, hoping it would cloud people’s vision. God used the pain and suffering as a means for people to understand and seek him. Whenever Lucifer invented something, God had a remedy.

  Lucifer noticed a bead of sweat on God’s brow. Lucifer whined, “The Boss never sweated for me!” But God indeed had sweated for him; Lucifer was always too busy scheming and complaining to notice.

  Lucifer was jealous. He had invented jealousy to manipulate people and to cause confusion in relationships. It worked well on people. But for Lucifer, jealousy did not work as intended—it did not feel good. Nothing Lucifer invented ever performed as well as advertised. When God wished to punish us, he let us believe advertising.

  “I haven’t lost him,” Lucifer persisted. “I just need a little more time.” In a burst of anger and desperate creativity, he decided to “play God.” He took a move from the Boss’s playbook and gave Jake a gift—a full recovery laced with temporary memory loss. “He’ll fit into the world now. He’ll still be mine.”

  Time passed.

  A year out of the hospital and Jake’s analysis of his situation was that “things aren’t so bad.” The kids were towing the line; the alimony disappeared when Jen-Jen dumped Mr. BMW for a better lifestyle and married the judge. Jake had even found a new and much better job. Life is good, Jake reflected.

  Lucifer had arranged everything. He dropped Jake’s golf handicap by four strokes, and if things continued on course at work, it was rumored that Jake would be the manager of the new “pine-scented, embossed, mega-roll project” being developed at the new toilet-paper factory where he now worked. Yes, life is very good, thought Jake. A private parking space was even in his future.

  Lucifer mused, Give them their hearts’ desires—just give them what they want—that’s all it takes. Lucifer invented the practice of killing someone with kindness. It was a bad attempt at a paradox.

  Although Jake was enjoying the fruits of a better here and now, he occasionally wondered about the meaning of life, God, and his relationship with him. When Jake attempted to discuss the topic with people they just changed the subject, or even flatly told him that they did not need God. Lucifer was so much in the picture that they could not look past his works to see God. On Earth life was one big party. The music was loud—so loud that people could not hear God whisper to them.

  God, being God, just watched and patiently waited.

  Lucifer was worried by God’s inactivity, and it made him all the more frenzied in his production of material bounty to distract Jake.

  Since establishing his own shop, Lucifer worked harder than he had ever worked for God. His work was never done—he invented, big and small, all forms of negative and repellant stuff, like belching, TV commercials, and inflation. He passed on to Earth all his work-related anxieties—worries about late fees when paying invoices, pensions, and the like. Lucifer also invented the idea of taxes and the surcharge. He devised the practical joke, which was neither practical nor funny. In fact, all humor based on hurting or ridiculing someone was a Lucifer thing.

  Lucifer never let up.

  Neither did God.

  Instead of practical jokes, God played patty cake with sick kids while putting the finishing touches on casual Fridays and paid vacations.

  God took pleasure in fun things such as slow dancing, friendship, root beer floats, and Looney Tunes. God always smiled when he thought of wind chimes, butterflies, peanut butter, and Guy Kibbe eggs. God liked to share all his good stuff with everyone. Simple things were his favorites, like an egg fried in the center of a holed-out slice of bread. God was particularly pleased with his invention of the trickle-down theory, and used it to share his love instead of money.

  Lucifer was so busy being bad that he did not notice that God had invented something for him. After Lucifer had quit working for him and le
ft Heaven, God invented the idea of homecomings to lure Lucifer back into the light for good.

  **********

  Jake was a finite being, and as he aged he became increasingly aware of and concerned about time, specifically how much he had left. Soon it was late in Jake’s life and he started to wonder more about its meaning, especially God’s role in his own life. The tardiness of Jake’s concern did not offend God—he’d take it whenever Jake was ready.

  God was patient. Lucifer was not.

  Therefore, Lucifer set about emphasizing the dwindling remainder of Jake’s time on Earth. Lucifer had invented the two-minute warning and sudden-death playoffs to increase the drama about the End. God preferred extra innings and the sacrifice at bat, which God had only used on one memorable occasion as a player-coach. Lucifer never understood the strategy of self-sacrifice. It was his loss.

  Recognizing that his time was growing short, Jake started communicating with God more often. Jake did not consider what he did as praying. God did not mind—he listened anyway. At times Jake swore that he heard God reply to his non-prayers. One time, Jake mused aloud, “I have had a lifelong nostalgia for a home I’ve never seen.” Keith-like, he added, “I don’t understand.”

  In response, Jake heard from God. “It is more important to yearn for home than to understand.”

  Jake considered the predominately one-way dialogue as “conversations with the infinite.” God was okay with that, too. God was very understanding and a good listener. After all he is God. What did you expect?

  Although mostly one-sided, there were times when Jake had some really great exchanges with God. It was as if God was his friend. Jake liked having a friend looking out for him. When God was not available (lots of other people needed attention, too), God assigned an assistant to keep an eye on Jake’s situation. God invented guardian angels as his pinch-hitters just to protect people.

  Sub rule 3a, paragraph 7 of the contest rules stated that pinch-hitters were allowed, so a guardian angel “ran interference” on everything Lucifer zinged at Jake. It was a game changer and Lucifer soon fell behind, and was more so each day. All in all, the trend line indicated that he was losing. Lucifer desperately wanted to win. He’d even cheat, but that would be very difficult because God saw and knew everything.

  That’s God.

  When people had faith, Lucifer’s tactics were ineffective. In desperation, Lucifer attempted to fill Jake with doubt. Lucifer had invented doubt as a countermeasure to faith. Doubt kept Lucifer in the game, but sometimes the doubt thing backfired. For some peculiar reason doubt could make faith stronger. Lucifer surmised that somehow God was behind the whole faith-rising-forth-out-of-doubt thing. It was a paradox.

  Lucifer was not pleased when he heard Jake telling a coworker about his faith.

  “I believe that if I believe, all will be well,” Jake espoused. When pushed for more, or in defense of his new and often unpopular beliefs, Jake would simply shrug his shoulders and say, “As an ordinary man, I know I have no claim to the Truth, but I do know one thing—there is a God, and that I am not him.”

  Lucifer’s frustration with Jake grew to the point of exploding. “Darn it!” Lucifer exclaimed to God. “He won’t give up on you! Right now I’d like to shower him with dog poop, and not just as a joke, but as a constant shower of excrement to express how I feel!”

  Despite Lucifer’s wrath, Jake’s faith increased, and as it increased his prayers became more frequent. So did the return messages. Finally, Jake actually had a long conversation with God when he was very sick and near the End. Some people called it the process of dying, or meeting your maker. Jake felt like he was going home.

  Jake had many questions. Naturally, God had answers.

  **********

  Jake addressed God. “Is it you?”

  “Oh, yes. I am God—the one who created you.”

  “I need to ask why you made me capable of living without you, yet you want me to draw ever nearer to you. Why?”

  “Because I need and seek your love.”

  “I do not understand. I was told you needed nothing from me.”

  “People get things wrong about me all the time. I made you in my image. Like seeks like, and I am love.”

  “I get it.” Jake was comforted.

  They sat in silence for a moment. Or was it an eternity?

  Finally, Jake asked, “You made all things, right?”

  “Indeed. I am the Creator.”

  “Why did you create Evil?”

  “I didn’t.”

  “But it does exist,” Jake asserted.

  “Yes and no.”

  Jake was uncertain. “Now, I really don’t understand.”

  “Let me explain,” God said. “People think that dark is the opposite of light, but they are wrong. If that were true, light and darkness would merely be two sides of one thing. Dark is not the opposite of light—it is the absence of light. And so it is with Evil. The absence of me is Evil—a state of being without me.”

  “How did it come about?”

  “Choice—some of my creations chose to live without me.”

  “So evil is only a matter of choice?”

  “Yes—bad choice. Or a number of bad choices,” God explained.

  “But choice, nonetheless?”

  “Yes. By exercising the free will I gave them, some of the beings I love so much chose badly.”

  “Why did you not stop them?”

  “If I did, then what they did would not be choice. It’s a paradox. Conscious beings require choice. Life without choice is not life, and if they cannot say ‘no,’ then ‘yes’ means nothing. Although I knew they would eventually choose wrongly and reside in Evil, in my infinite patience, I know that they can again choose to be with me.”

  “So we, not you, are responsible for all the evil things?”

  “There is God and Not God.”

  “I take that as a ‘yes.’”

  With a smile God replied, “That is your choice.”

  “I understand,” Jake said. He smiled widely and then asked, “What is the best way to choose?”

  God’s answer emanated affection of the deepest order. “I desire that you love all, hurt none, trust in me…and just come home.”

  Quietly, Jake asked, “Is it normal that I often feel so alone?”

  “You are not alone. In the spiritual realm my angels and I are aware of you more than you imagine. And remember that my love is as boundless as I am.”

  “I do wrong things even when I’m trying my hardest not to. Do you still love me—even when I screw up?”

  “Oh, yes—even then.”

  “So when things happened in my life—the bad and the good—you were just letting me be me?

  “Yes…but not always. At times, I did allow other forces to influence you.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Just know that you are my favorite, yet I love each of my children equally, individually, and infinitely.

  “Huh?”

  “Trust me, it’s a paradox based upon infinite love.”

  Jake felt God’s love as never before. His eyes swelled with tears as he pleaded, “Oh please, forgive my sins; their weight breaks my heart.”

  “A broken heart is stronger when it mends, and your coming home will repair your heart’s aching. In fact, it will fix everything. I love you despite sin, and I yearn for you to pass through it on your way home. You have made tremendous progress. Most people want to ignore me and go their own way—not to be known as sinners. It is their ego. It owns the sin, not them. When an ego dies it makes room for all the love I send.”

  Jake felt good to the deepest part of his being and remained silent for a long time. He then said, “Some time ago, a friend nudged me toward you. Her method included some whimsical questions and riddles.”

  “I like those sort of things. I bet you are going to ask me one.”

  “Yes. One stuck in my mind and I must know if it was a trick or if there is somethin
g to it.”

  “Ask away!”

  With the slightest grin, Jake asked, “Why is the ocean so close to the shore?”

  God told Jake, “That’s easy. You choose to see the ocean and the shore as two separate items when they are actually two parts of the same thing. I created all things entwined. It has many names—oneness, singularity, unity, and communion. Your viewpoint hides the answer.”

  “Now I understand—it’s consciousness, paradox, and choice. There is God and not God—being is with you or without you—in unity or the void. Which makes you…everything?”

  “Yes. I explain it by saying, ‘I am the I am.’”

  *******

  “I hate this,” muttered Lucifer. “For the sake of pleasure people will do the most appalling things, but when they start praying it can lead to chummy Q-and-A get-togethers like this one. Whenever people ask me to answer their deepest spiritual questions, I just give them material answers—or I simply lie. This doesn’t look good for me.”

  God addressed his former number two. “What do you say, Luce? Had enough?”

  “Yeah, yeah—I quit,” Lucifer replied. You win—I’ll cry, ‘Uncle.’” With sarcasm, he yelled, “Uncle—Uncle—Uncle!”

  “I prefer, Father.”

  “Okay, whatever! You won—isn’t that enough?” Lucifer just wanted to collect his marbles and leave. As you might expect, Lucifer was a sore loser. What irked him most was the fact that God was such a good winner. “You are so magnanimous, and so kind,” razzed Lucifer.

  God never razzed a loser. After all, he was God. He recognized that sarcasm often masked pain. He also recognized a being in need.

  “Luce, in this contest, did you learn anything?” God asked. God never missed an opportunity to display a teaching point, open a door, or bind a wound.

  “Yes.”

  “And?”

  “You’re still in charge.”

  “And?”

  “For some reason you love them regardless of what they do. You even love them when I get them to do evil stuff, some of which are really disgusting and rotten.”