Jordan moved over to her, extended her hand, and helped Alex stand. She embraced her tightly. “Anything you need, we’ll give you. I love you and we’ll deal with anything that comes along.”
“I love you too, Jordan.” She looked over to Kirsten, who was now crying, and held out her hand to invite Kirsten into the hug. Alex felt immensely better, even stronger, with the unconditional support she’d received from these three women.
They returned to their seats and they all wiped their eyes and laughed.
“Christ, Al, you sure know how to be a Debbie Downer.”
That made Alex laugh harder. They said laughter is the best medicine, and with Jordan and Kirsten, she might overdose. “This is nothing. Frank found the lump last Saturday night while she was—”
Jordan and Kirsten nearly burst when Frank slapped her hand over Alex’s mouth. “Um, honey, TMI.”
Kirsten giggled. “Oh, Frank, if you’re going to hang around us, you’re gonna have to lighten up. There are no secrets between us.”
Alex took pity on Frank when she turned a deep shade of red. She cupped her cheek and gave her a chaste kiss. “Okay, ladies, she’s still a work in progress, but she’ll eventually get there. For now, we’ll try to keep the embarrassment to a minimum.”
“I’d appreciate it.”
They spent the rest of the day making each other cry from laughter rather than sadness, offering up the emotional support Alex would need to get through this journey. She wasn’t looking forward to telling her family, but decided to wait until she got the results. She didn’t feel the need to worry them so soon. Until then, she had her family of choice to help her through.
Chapter Nineteen
Alex went to work Monday morning as if it were going to be a regular day. She hadn’t slept well all weekend, but in her restless nights, she was somewhat comforted by being held in Frank’s arms. They were both quiet as they dressed for work that morning, and Bella stuck by Alex’s side as if she knew what was wrong. Alex kissed Frank good-bye and said she’d call her later. During a break in her day, Alex went to her locker to check her phone. She had texts from Frank and Jordan, and a voice mail from the breast center. Her hand shook and her heart raced as she stared at the phone number that taunted her. She took a deep breath as she lifted the phone to her ear to listen to the message.
“Hi, Ms. Taylor. This is Barbara from the breast center. Dr. Nguyen asked me to call you and schedule an appointment to discuss your biopsy results. Please give us a call at your earliest convenience.”
Alex sat in a chair and lowered the phone to her lap. She felt her body go numb and her vision blur with the tears that filled her eyes. If the biopsy had been negative, they would have told her over the phone instead of asking her to come in to speak to the doctor. She had cancer. She just knew it. She dropped her head and allowed the tears to fall. She had to call Frank. No, she had to call the breast center to make an appointment.
Frank would probably want to go with her. God, how was Frank going to take the news? She had been a rock for Alex over the weekend, but Alex was worried if Frank would be strong enough to go through this again. Alex cared deeply for Frank and wanted to spare her the pain of reliving what she went through with Toni. What was she going to tell her parents? Alex thought of Aiden. She wanted to be there with him as he achieved every milestone.
She wiped the tears from her face and took a few deep breaths before dialing the number for the breast center.
“Thank you for calling the breast center. This is Barbara. How may I help you?”
Alex cleared her throat. “This is Alex Taylor returning your call.”
“Oh, yes, Ms. Taylor. Thank you for calling back.”
Like I had a choice.
“Dr. Nguyen would like you to come in and discuss your biopsy results. She has an opening tomorrow morning at ten thirty if you can make it.”
Alex appreciated the calm, businesslike tone of Barbara’s voice. This couldn’t be an easy part of her job, calling people to basically tell them they had cancer without actually telling them. “Yes, ten thirty is fine. Um, would it be okay if I brought my girlfriend?”
“Of course. We’ll see you tomorrow.”
Alex hung up and was about to text Frank when the charge nurse came in the lounge.
“Alex, are you all right?”
“No, Val, I’m not. I need to talk to you.”
Valerie sat next to Alex with concern in her eyes. “What is it?”
“I found a lump in my breast and had it biopsied on Thursday. I just got a call that the doctor wants to see me tomorrow. That can only mean one thing.”
“Oh, Alex, I’m so sorry.”
“Thanks. I’ll need tomorrow off from work.”
“Of course. Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of getting your shift covered. Why don’t you take the rest of today off? I can call in a float nurse.”
“I appreciate that. I don’t think I’d be much good today, but I’ll be back on Wednesday.”
Valerie gave Alex a warm, comforting hug, and Alex allowed herself to lean into Valerie’s body.
“Take the time you need. We’re family here, Alex. We’ll have your back and help you fight this.”
Alex had difficulty finding her voice and instead just nodded. Once she regained her composure and Val left her alone, she texted Frank to tell her about the appointment and that she was taking the rest of the day off. She told her she would come over later that night. She gathered her things from her locker and slipped out of the ER unnoticed. She liked her coworkers but wasn’t ready to talk to them or let them know what was happening just yet. She trusted Valerie to keep her secret for now. She’d learned Val was the queen of discretion, which wasn’t all that common in the hospital.
Alex drove home wondering what she would do for the rest of the day. She decided it was time to go tell her parents but wasn’t sure what exactly she would say. Alex was an only child, and they had always been close. Not a day went by that Alex didn’t feel loved and protected by her parents, and she knew she wouldn’t feel any less protected when she told them her news.
Alex took a shower when she got home and stood under the hot spray in an effort to get her tight muscles to loosen up. After she got dressed, she packed an overnight bag and called her mom.
“Hi, Mom. I was wondering if you and Dad were free.”
“Hi, honey. We’re just finishing up some yard work. What’s going on?”
“I need to tell you and Dad some news, so I wanted to make sure you’re free. Can I come over?”
“Of course. Are you all right, honey?”
Alex could feel the tears well in her eyes and a lump form in her throat. “No, Mom, I’m not, but I will be. I’ll be right over.”
“Okay, Alex. You be careful. I love you.”
“Love you too, Mom. See you soon.”
Alex’s entire body trembled as she drove to her childhood home. Her parents bought their home almost forty years ago when they were first married. She spent her first twenty-three years of life in that home until she was making enough money to move out and get a place of her own.
Alex pulled into her parents’ driveway, and as she made her way to the front door, her parents stood there with a look of fright on their faces. Alex burst into tears when she saw them and ran the last ten feet into their waiting arms. They stood in the doorway huddled together, and Alex felt herself gathering strength from the two strongest people she’d ever known, her real-life heroes.
Her dad’s deep, soothing voice broke up the emotional scene. “Let’s go sit down and you can tell us what’s going on.”
They went into the living room, and Alex sat between her mom and dad, holding their hands, gathering the courage to tell her parents she was sick.
“Mom, Dad, I have a lump in my breast.” Neither of her parents spoke, allowing Alex to continue. “I had a biopsy on Thursday afternoon and the doctor called me today to say she wanted me to come in tomorrow.”
Her mother spoke up. “What are you saying, honey?”
“Come on, Mom. You’re a retired nurse. You know if it wasn’t serious, they would have told me over the phone. I’m pretty sure when I go see the doctor tomorrow, she’s going to tell me I have breast cancer.”
“Maybe,” her father cleared his throat when his voice broke, “maybe it’s not cancer.”
Alex squeezed his hand. She knew he wasn’t that naïve, having been married to a nurse for almost forty years. He probably just couldn’t bear to have his little girl sick. “Dad, I’ll know for sure tomorrow, but I’m pretty sure that’s the diagnosis.”
“Honey, what time is your appointment? Would you like for us to go with you?”
“It’s at ten thirty, and Frank is going with me. I promise to call you after the appointment.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, but I appreciate it.”
“How are things going between you and Frank? And why haven’t we met her yet?”
“Honestly, I wasn’t sure how serious we were getting until the other night. I was supposed to meet her at her house Thursday night, but after my appointment at the breast center, I just wanted to be alone, so I went home. She got worried when I didn’t answer her call or text, so she came and found me curled up on my bed crying my eyes out.”
“Oh, baby.” Her mother put her arm around Alex’s shoulders and pulled her closer.
“She was so strong, trying to comfort me. The next morning, I told her if she didn’t want to go through this again, we could call it quits with no hard feelings.”
“Why would you say something like that?” her father asked.
“Her twin sister died from breast cancer a few years ago. Frank took care of her until she died. I just didn’t want her to have to face this again.”
“What did she say?”
Alex shrugged. “She put me in my place. Told me how much she cares about me, and if I cared about her too, then to let her be there for me.”
Her father nodded. “She sounds like good people.”
“She really is, Dad. She’s kind, compassionate, and honorable. When she’s in uniform, she has an air of authority about her, like she’s in control of the situation and everything will be fine.”
“Are you ready for her to meet us?”
“I am now. After this weekend, I realized that I have strong feelings for her and that we may have a future together.”
“Why don’t you two come for dinner on Saturday? I’d like to have a talk and find out her intentions toward you.”
“Dad, I’m thirty-two and quite capable of choosing my own mate.”
Her father pulled Alex into a warm embrace. “You may be thirty-two, young lady, but you’re still my little girl. As your dad, it’s my responsibility to protect you, no matter how old you are.”
Alex laughed and squeezed her dad. “She’s a police sergeant and carries a gun, Dad. She’s quite capable of protecting me.”
“Stop arguing with your father and just bring her to dinner.”
“I promise. I’ll ask her if she’s free on Saturday.” Alex looked at her watch and couldn’t believe how late it was. Frank should be home. Alex hugged her parents. “I’ve gotta go and meet my girl now. I love you both so much.”
“We love you too, honey. Call us after your appointment tomorrow.”
“I promise.”
Alex got in her car and texted Frank that she was on her way over. Maybe they could order dinner to be delivered. She was exhausted and just wanted to fall asleep in Frank’s arms.
*
Frank had hardly slept. When she got home from work the night before, she found Alex and Bella curled up on the couch together, seemingly in a different world. Alex was staring at the wall, running her hand over Bella’s coat with Bella’s head in Alex’s lap. Frank blinked back her tears before she sat on the other end of the couch. They didn’t speak much, just discussed the specifics of Alex’s doctor’s appointment. They went to bed, and Frank held Alex in her arms all night long. Frank wasn’t sure if it was anxiety or not wanting to miss a moment of holding Alex that kept her awake. Maybe a little of both. She finally nodded off right before dawn.
When they both woke around seven thirty, they spent some intimate time kissing and cuddling. Frank sincerely hoped that Alex knew how she felt about her since Alex wouldn’t let Frank actually say those three words. It seemed that Alex instinctually knew the words were about to come out of Frank’s mouth, and she would shut them down with just a look. She supposed saying the words really didn’t matter since she made sure to show Alex how she felt about her.
Unfortunately, this wasn’t Frank’s first time dealing with this illness. She was with her sister when she was given her diagnosis, through every imaginable treatment, and when Toni took her last breath in Frank’s arms. Frank’s greatest fear at that moment was that she would lose Alex too. She honestly didn’t know if she would be able to go through that again. The treatment and disease didn’t just affect the patient. As Toni’s caregiver throughout the disease, it took its toll on Frank too, having to watch her sister suffer and not being able to do a damned thing about it. She had never felt so helpless in all her life, and she wasn’t sure if she was strong enough to watch Alex suffer—to stand by and see the disease eat her away. Frank was going to find a way to make sure Alex came out of this alive and well. She had been waiting all her life for a woman like Alex to come along—a woman with a great sense of humor, who was aware of what Frank’s job entailed, a woman who was every bit her equal, a woman she could spend the rest of her days loving. Frank barely survived when she lost Toni but didn’t think she had it in her to survive losing Alex too.
They took their time getting ready, as if the longer they took, the longer they could delay the diagnosis. Frank could feel Alex trying to shut down, trying to pull away, but Frank wasn’t going to allow her to do it. If she had to be strong for the both of them, then goddamn it, she would do it. The drive to the breast center was a long and quiet one. Although Alex seemed to be in her own world, Frank did her best to stay connected by reaching for Alex’s hand and holding it in her lap. After they pulled into the parking lot, Frank turned off her truck and turned to Alex, cupping Alex’s cheek in her hand.
“No matter what happens in there, you’re strong and you have a lot of people who love you and will help you fight.” Frank leaned closer and kissed Alex. When she pulled back, Alex nodded and opened the door.
Chapter Twenty
Alex and Frank sat down in the waiting room and Frank resumed holding her hand. It was odd that even though her entire body and brain felt numb, her heart threatened to explode through her chest. Her saving grace at that moment was the quiet strength of Frank’s hand holding hers. Where Alex felt her anxiety heighten, Frank was giving off a confident energy. The calmness Frank exuded was starting to make its way into Alex. She wondered how Frank could be so quiescent at a time like this. Having to go through this again, how could Frank just calmly sit there and be the strength Alex needed?
Alex couldn’t believe this was actually happening to her—to Frank. She lived a fairly healthy life. She was a moderate drinker, she didn’t smoke, she worked out, and she didn’t have any type of cancer in her family. Why her? She knew cancer wasn’t discriminatory, but she still couldn’t believe this was happening to her. The sound of a woman’s voice calling her name pulled Alex out of her thoughts. She was calling Alex back to the doctor’s office. She didn’t want to move, didn’t think she could move.
“Come on, baby.”
Frank stood and helped Alex to her feet, never letting go of her hand. They followed the nurse down a series of halls until they reached the doctor’s private office. They sat in the two brown leather chairs that were in front of a mahogany desk and waited a few more minutes for the doctor to come in.
Dr. Nguyen came in, said hello to Alex, and extended her hand to Frank, introducing herself.
“I’m France
sca Greco, Alex’s girlfriend.”
Alex looked at Frank, shocked that she had introduced herself as Alex’s girlfriend. They hadn’t discussed labels. They were certainly more than friends, way more than sex partners. She cared for Frank a lot, and before the lump appeared, she might even have been falling in love with Frank. But now her life was uncertain. She couldn’t allow herself to fall in love with Frank, could she? Could Frank be strong enough to go through this again? Alex was pretty sure Frank loved her. In fact, Frank almost told her a few nights ago until Alex stopped her.
She looked over at Frank with her jaw set in determination and decided to let the word “girlfriend” roll around on her tongue. It didn’t take long for Alex to decide she liked the taste of it, but at the same time it scared the shit out of her.
There was a knock on the door and Dr. Nguyen invited the woman in. “Alex, Francesca, this is Sophia Douglas. She’s what we call a nurse navigator, and she’s going to help you through this journey.” Dr. Nguyen folded her hands on her desk and looked at Alex and Frank. “I’m sorry to tell you this, Alex, but you have breast cancer.”
Alex had been expecting to hear those very words ever since the day of her biopsy, but it still didn’t prepare her for actually hearing she had cancer. The whooshing sound in her head prevented her from hearing the doctor. Suddenly, there was silence in her head, and she felt at peace when she felt a hand on her shoulder and a voice in her head say that she would be fine, that she would beat the cancer. Her entire body warmed, and she felt the tension in her muscles start to loosen. She squeezed Frank’s hand and spoke to the doctor and nurse. “Okay, what’s the game plan? What happens next?”
“Your pathology report indicates you have invasive ductal carcinoma. I want to schedule you for an MRI to determine the size of the tumor and to see if the cancer has spread.”
Courageous Love Page 14