“When will this happen?”
“We’ll get it set up in the next couple of days. I’m also going to refer you to Dr. Angela Moreno. She’s an oncologist that specializes in breast cancer. Sophia will set up your appointment with Dr. Moreno and arrange for your MRI results to go directly to her.”
Sophia handed her card to Alex and Frank. “I’m here for both of you and I’ll do everything I can to get you through this journey. Any questions or concerns, you can contact me anytime. Even if you think it’s a silly question, I want you to call me. I’ll call radiology after our meeting and I’ll call you with your appointment time.”
“Thank you. What do you think the best treatment options would be?”
Dr. Nguyen folded her hands on the desk. “We can’t answer that just yet. Once we get the MRI and other tests, we’ll be able to come up with a plan.”
“What should I do in the meantime?”
“There’s nothing to do, Alex. Go back to your regular routine until we get the test results back.”
Alex barked out a humorless laugh. “My regular routine? You tell me I have breast cancer and I should go back to my regular routine? Nothing about my life will ever be routine again.”
“I’m sorry if I sounded insensitive. What I meant was there’s nothing you can do until we get the results.”
Sophia knelt next to Alex and placed her hand on Alex’s forearm. “I know this was probably the last thing you were expecting, but try not to worry too much too soon. There isn’t anything we can do until we get the results back. But when we do, we’ll go at it full force and kick its ass.”
The determination in Sophia’s voice made Alex feel stronger. And she liked the fact that Sophia said “we,” that she wouldn’t be fighting this alone. She had Frank, Jordan, Kirsten, and her parents, but Sophia knew exactly what to expect and what needed to happen. Alex was relieved that Sophia was on her team.
“I’ll call you with your appointment, Alex.”
“Thank you, Sophia. Thank you, Dr. Nguyen. I’m sorry for getting upset earlier.”
“No need to apologize. I’m sorry I don’t have better news for you, but Sophia is the best nurse navigator we have, so don’t be afraid to utilize her. Good luck to you.”
Alex and Frank exited the office through the waiting room, and once again, she wondered if anyone there was going to get the same news she just got. God, she hoped not. Once they got in Frank’s truck, Alex turned to face Frank. “Do you know what I want to do right now? Let’s go get Bella and take her to the park. You can throw the ball for her and I can lie on a blanket and enjoy the fresh air.”
“Are you sure? You don’t want to go to your parents’ or to see Jordan and Kirsten?”
“No, I just need some time to process the news we just got, but I don’t want to be alone. Is that okay?”
Frank leaned across the seat and gave Alex a sweet, lingering kiss. “It’s more than okay.”
*
After two hours at the park, they returned to Frank’s for lunch and to relax. Frank went to the kitchen to prepare a salad and sandwiches, and to give Alex some privacy when she called her parents. When she heard a loud sob coming from the living room, she ran in to find Alex sitting on the couch with her knees to her chest. Bella was dutifully sitting in front of Alex whining. Frank sat next to Alex and cradled her in her arms. Frank had remained strong emotionally throughout the doctor’s appointment and at the park, but seeing Alex like that broke her resolve. Tears fell as she held Alex close to her.
This had been the reaction she expected from Alex when they were told Alex had breast cancer. Other than a brief outburst, Alex had remained surprisingly stoic, and then it seemed she was ready to go to battle against this horrific disease. But she had finally broken down, and it ripped Frank’s heart into pieces to see her that way.
“It’s okay, baby. It’ll all be okay.”
Alex looked at Frank with red, swollen eyes. “You don’t know that. Everything is so uncertain. I have so many decisions to make that can’t even be made until all of the tests are done. Will I lose my breast? Both of them? Will I have reconstruction? Will I need radiation? Chemo? Hormone therapy? I can’t answer any of these fucking questions or come up with a fucking game plan until we get the results from these fucking tests. I just want this fucking cancer out of my fucking body,” Alex screamed.
Frank remained quiet as she continued to cry. Of course, Alex was right. They didn’t know for sure if Alex would be all right. They could only hope. She hated that Alex had to go through this, that she had to go through this—again. It so wasn’t fair. Alex was so young—Toni was so young. It nearly killed Frank when Toni died, and if she lost Alex too…well…she couldn’t let her thoughts go there. She had to try to stay positive, not only for Alex, but for her own sanity. She had to keep her head clear, her thoughts positive and pure. She had to believe they would both come out on the other side intact.
Alex’s weak voice brought Frank back to the present. “I’m sorry I yelled.”
Frank pulled Alex into her lap and held her tighter. “No, don’t be sorry. I remember when Toni and I found out she had cancer, and you have every right to be upset.”
Alex snuggled closer into Frank. “Are you sure you want to go through this again?”
“I definitely do not want to go through this again. I don’t want you go to through this either. But if you’re asking if I want to leave, the answer is a resounding no. I’m going to be with you every step of the way. I’ll do and give anything you need from me.”
Alex kissed her. “I need you to make love to me. I need you to make me feel alive.”
Frank kissed her tenderly. “You are alive, and there’s nothing more I’d rather do.” Frank stood with Alex cradled in her arms and took her to bed.
Chapter Twenty-one
Frank had decided to set up an appointment with her former psychologist to talk about her feelings regarding Alex’s diagnosis. She felt fortunate that she was able to get in to see her that week.
“Thanks for seeing me right away, Dr. Cook.”
“Of course, Frank. I’m glad to see you, but I have to admit I was surprised to hear from you. How have you been?”
“I’ve actually been feeling quite good. I met a woman and we started seeing each other a few months ago.”
Dr. Cook smiled. “That’s wonderful. Tell me about her.”
Frank started seeing Dr. Cook shortly after Toni died. She was an older woman whose once dark brown hair was now mostly gray and she wore nondescript wire-framed glasses perched on her nose. They had worked extensively together for over a year after Toni died. They talked about the cancer, Toni’s death, her estrangement with her parents, and her job. Frank owed her life to Dr. Cook and to Katie for helping her survive the loss of her sister—hell, the loss of her family. Now she again needed Dr. Cook’s help to come to terms with Alex’s diagnosis.
“Her name is Alex and she’s one of the most amazing women I’ve ever met. She was also just diagnosed with breast cancer.” Frank felt the sting in her eyes and knew the tears weren’t far behind. She pressed the heel of her hands into her eyes to stanch the flow of her tears.
“Oh, Frank, how awful for you both.”
“Yeah. She needs to go through some tests to know what she’s dealing with exactly and how to properly treat it. She’ll meet with the medical oncologist once all the tests have been completed.”
“I see. How is she handling all of this?”
“I’m not sure exactly. One minute she’s understandably scared. She’ll cry and yell and withdraw. The next minute she’s determined to fight and beat this.”
Dr. Cook steepled her fingers and rested her chin on the tips. “I can only imagine how shocked she must be at this diagnosis, so it doesn’t surprise me her emotions are all over the place. How are you handling all of this?”
Frank laughed mirthlessly. “Pretty much the same. I freaked out on her when I found the lump. I practically de
manded she get it checked out. And look where that got her.”
“Yes, look where that got her. Maybe she caught it early enough.”
Frank threw her hands in the air. “And maybe she didn’t. What if she found it too late and she dies too?”
“That’s also a possibility, but why do you want to jump to that conclusion?”
Frank was silent, trying to gather her thoughts. Finally, she said, “I don’t know if I can do this again. I don’t know if I can watch someone else I care about go through this and possibly lose them. I don’t think I’m strong enough.”
“Have you talked to Alex about this?”
“Not really. I mean, she actually brought it up the morning after her initial exam when they did a biopsy. She’s a nurse and figured if the exam warranted a biopsy then it probably wouldn’t be good news. She told me that since we were pretty new into the relationship, that we could end it and just go back to being friends. She said she didn’t want me to go through this again.”
“That was a pretty selfless act.”
Frank nodded. “Yeah, that’s the kind of person she is. One of the many reasons I care about her so much.”
“How did you react to that offer?”
“I told her I wasn’t going to desert her when she needed me most, that I cared about her too much.”
“But now it seems as if you’re having second thoughts. Why is that?”
“I guess I was caught off guard with her offer, and it was a gut reaction answer because I don’t want to be a jerk.”
“I understand that, but what’s going to make you look like a bigger jerk—your word, not mine? Breaking up with her now or later because you realized you really couldn’t handle it? Do you think that’s fair to Alex? That you give her a false sense of security then you pull the rug out from under her when she needs you most?”
“No,” Frank mumbled.
“I’m not trying to make you feel bad, Frank. But you really need to figure out if this is something you can do again. Not only for Alex but for yourself. I saw what losing your sister did to you, and I worry about you. You grew a lot stronger during our sessions, and I felt very confident in releasing you from my care. Whatever you decide, I’ll help you through it. But I want you to think about it. You don’t have to make your decision now, but it should be soon, before you and Alex get too far into treatment.”
“I understand.”
“Good. I want to see you again next week. If you haven’t decided by then, that’s all right. We can talk about anything you want.”
Frank stood and shook Dr. Cook’s hand. “Thanks again and I’ll see you next week.”
Frank got in her truck and called Katie. “Hey, can you meet up for a drink? There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
“Sure, Frank. I’ll meet you at the Joint in twenty.”
“Great. See you then, Katie.”
The Joint was the nickname of a local cop hangout. Some of the officers would go grab a beer after their shift to decompress or celebrate a promotion. It was a dive bar with dark lighting, music playing from a jukebox, and the smell of stale cigarette smoke permeating the walls. Stools lined the bar, and tables and chairs were scattered throughout the room. There was one pool table and one dartboard in the back of the bar.
Frank entered and stood off to the side waiting for her eyes to adjust. She finally saw a hand wave and she walked in that direction. It wasn’t crowded, only a couple of guys sitting at the bar, and it was easy to spot Katie and the two mugs of beer on the table. Frank gave Katie a hug and sat next to her.
“Thanks for the beer.”
“Anytime. So, what’s up?”
Frank took a deep breath and let it out slowly while wiping away the condensation from her mug. “Alex was diagnosed with breast cancer yesterday.”
“Jesus Christ.”
“Yep, that pretty much says it all.” Frank took a long pull from her beer.
“How is she doing?” Katie placed her hand over Frank’s. “How are you doing?”
“I’m not exactly sure. I just came from seeing Dr. Cook. She said I need to decide if I can go through this again.”
Frank knew Katie would understand since she was with Frank and Toni during Toni’s fight. Katie was there for Frank after the storm too. She knew about everything Frank went through, including her own recovery from losing her family.
“I know it won’t be easy for you to go through this again, but I think the main question is, can you walk out of Alex’s life and be okay? I’m your best friend and I know you better than anyone. You’re in love with her, and you belong together.”
“How do you know that? You’ve met her and hung out once.”
“I just told you I know you better than anyone. I saw how you looked at her, how you hung on her every word, how you couldn’t get close enough to her.”
Frank tried to hide her tears by taking another drink from her mug.
“Buddy, I know you’re in love with her. Fight this with her. I’ll help you. Dr. Cook will help you. We’ll be strong for you so you can be strong for her.”
Frank looked down and shook her head. “I can’t believe I’m going through this again with someone I love.”
“I was going to be a smartass and ask what you did to piss off the universe.”
Frank glared at Katie, which made her hold up her hand.
“But you know I’m a big believer in things happening for a reason. There’s obviously a reason why you’re going through this, why Alex came into your life when she did. We may never know the reason, but I think this journey can be a positive one for you both.”
Frank’s eyebrows shot up. “You think cancer can be a good thing?”
“I said the journey can be positive. But you’ll have to stick around to find that out.”
Frank shook her head again. “Motherfucker.”
“Indeed,” Katie said before taking a drink of her beer. “You can do this, Frank. I believe in you and I’ll be there for you.”
Frank finished up her beer and put her mug on the table. “I hope you’re right, Katie, because I don’t think I’d survive if I lost Alex too.”
Frank ordered another round at the bar. When she returned to the table, she told Katie about finding Alex a few nights ago and the conversation they had the following morning.
“She actually gave you an out?”
“Yeah. That’s the type of person she is. She doesn’t want me to get hurt again.”
“I knew there was a reason why I liked her so much.”
“She’s pretty fantastic.”
“Are you going to take her up on her offer?”
Frank took a few more gulps from her beer and strummed her fingers, pinkie to index, on the table.
“No, I’m not leaving her. I love her and I’m going to help her fight this.”
Katie hugged her and said, “You won’t regret this.”
“I know this won’t be easy for any of us, but we need to help each other through this.”
When they finished their beers, Katie asked Frank if she wanted to join her and Michelle for dinner.
“No, I’m going to call Dr. Cook and let her know my decision, and then I’m going to go spend time with my girl. Thanks for everything, Katie.”
“No thanks needed, Frank. I love you and I’ll help you girls through this.”
“Love you too. Talk to you soon.”
Frank drove to Alex’s without the inner turmoil in her gut she’d had earlier that day. She felt at peace with her decision. She wasn’t delusional enough to think she wouldn’t have any negative feelings or doubts, but she would continue her sessions with Dr. Cook, and Katie was an excellent listener. She was certain she’d be able to be there for Alex as long as she had her own support system in place.
Chapter Twenty-two
Two weeks had gone by since Alex had her MRI and blood tests, and now she, Frank, and Sophia were sitting in the private office of Dr. Angela Moreno awaiting th
e results. The time it took for Dr. Moreno to join them gave Alex the opportunity to view Dr. Moreno’s framed diplomas and certificates on the wall. As someone who worked in the medical field, Alex was very aware of the exemplary reputations of the universities where Dr. Moreno got her education. The numerous certificates indicated that the doctor took her continuing education and advancements very seriously. When Dr. Moreno finally came into the office, Alex detected a confident demeanor without the arrogance she saw in so many surgeons. Dr. Moreno hadn’t said one word, but already Alex liked her.
“Hello, everyone, I’m Dr. Moreno. It’s nice to see you again, Sophia. Why don’t you introduce me?”
“Doctor, this is Alex Taylor and her girlfriend, Francesca Greco.”
Dr. Moreno shook their hands and smiled warmly. Alex noticed Dr. Moreno’s handshake was firm and unrushed, and her positive assessment of her doctor continued.
“I’m sorry we have to meet under these circumstances, but please be assured that I and the rest of your medical team will do everything we can for you. I’ll start off by giving you your MRI and pathology results, then I’ll be happy to answer any questions you have. Then I’d like to take you into a private room, Alex, where I can do a physical exam. Once the exam is over, we’ll come back here and discuss with Francesca and Sophia what the plan of care will be.”
Alex was pleased that Dr. Moreno didn’t appear to be rushed and was willing to discuss and answer questions with all of them.
“First off, according to your MRI, your cancer is infiltrating ductal carcinoma, and the tumor appears to be a little less than four centimeters. It doesn’t appear that the cancer has spread beyond the breast or into your chest muscles. It also looks like the lymph nodes are clear, but we may want to do a sentinel node biopsy just to be sure. Those are the nodes in the armpit closest to the tumor. If the sentinel nodes are clear, then we won’t need to take more.
“According to the pathology report, you tested positive for hormone receptor, more specifically, estrogen receptor positive and progesterone receptor negative. What that means is that it can trigger cancer cell growth. You also tested positive for HER2, which indicates your breast cancer cells are producing a protein that can cause the cancer cells to grow and divide more quickly. There are therapies we can give you to treat the HER2 and hormone receptors. You did test negative for the BRCA one and two genes, which is good. Women who carry those genes have an increased risk of developing breast and ovarian cancer.”
Courageous Love Page 15