by A R Maloney
Niera returned from the bath house looking more like herself than she had in the several days since her arrival. She thanked me for the items and began pulling her armor on piece by piece, inspecting each strap and link with a look of scrutiny. Impressed, she nodded towards me. “Did you do this?” She gestured to the polished pieces with a small smile on her face.
Nodding I shrugged and offered, “It was all I could do at the time.” I reached under the bunk and pulled out her long heavy staff. As I handed it to her my mind flashed back with images of her looking so very defeated, waiting on the doorstep, covered in blood and dirt. I trembled as I handed the weapon to her. Straightening my back and squaring my shoulders with determination, I stated, “I’m going to try to see Riven first, then Espencheid. I need to speak to the Kauri, and he’s the oldest one I know.”
“I’ll go with you to Arden.” Niera offered. “You said you needed to see Charna, and Roman should be told. I can help get them both to Torres’ home, it would probably be best, since he’s already aware. I’m not certain what I’ll do afterwards. Maybe I’ll just go on my own for a bit. I’m not sure what I even need to do next, probably find Roman. I’m sure if anyone can keep me out of trouble it will be Roman and Torres. That, and I want to make sure nothing happens to you before you get off to Ustenia at least.” Niera gave a determined nod of her small blonde cropped head. Her mind was made, at least for now.
Together we left my company house and made our way to the teleporters. I paid the magus at the gate. “Two passages to Arden please.” In a flash we were gone.
Chapter 12—Respect for the Fallen
RETURNING TO ARDEN FILLED me with mixed emotions. I hadn't realized how much I missed my time in Ridott Village, however this was anything but a happy reason to return. Niera and I were silent as we left the teleporters and walked down towards the barracks, passing the training fields where I had spent so much time. Long grasses and wildflowers now filled the long lot where I had done much of my learning. As I slowed my steps, looking out over the healed land, I could almost hear the loud crashes of my own spells tearing through the earth. I stopped and kneeled, placing my hands on the earth, feeling it's energy flowing through my hands. I felt close to the land here, it was a part of me now.
Niera slowed, then paused, watching me in silence until I rose back onto my feet. We then resumed our journey keeping a gentle, unhurried pace. Together we passed field after field. There was a lot of activity and noise from the mixture of humans and sentinels which could be seen sparring and practicing spells or maneuvers. We turned away from the fields, entering the village outside Ridott and working our way towards the pub in the center of the village. Apparently, it seemed we both felt we could use a drink before we set out. I followed Niera through the heavy wooden door of the pub and was hit by an unexpected wave of emotion. I stopped, my hand still on the door and I turned, trying to will myself to leave. I looked at my friend with unshed tears in my eyes. “Niera...I don't know that I can do this.” My heart was racing, and I could feel myself breaking into a cold sweat.
Niera looked at me, her eyes blue as the skies over DuPage, and reached to put a hand gently on my shoulder in reassurance. “We both need to do this. It's important. For you, for Cooper, for Sera, for all of us.” I let her turn me back to the room and took the hand she offered me. I followed Niera numbly into the pub, to the table in the corner where we had spent much of our free time during my several weeks of training here. The numbness inside me turned into a hollow ache, which eventually turned into nausea as I fought to stay in control of my emotions. I'm not even sure how long I sat there wordless. I'm not even sure I remember sitting down. Eventually we were joined by a couple others. I looked up as the chairs around the table filled slowly and silently. Riven. Roman. Torres. Ian. Anara. Eventually all were here sitting wordlessly at the table, our silence a heavy cloud of pain and sadness. Niera stood up and spoke quietly with the barkeep. She returned moments later with a bottle and several glasses. She filled each glass, passing them out one by one and leaving two filled glasses in the center of the table.
Ian ran his ancient fingers through his grey-white hair. His eyes were a filmy blue and damp with grief as he picked up his glass, raising it high into the air. Despite his aged appearance his voice was loud and clear as he spoke. “We're here to see off our family. Sad though this parting is, happy it will be again, for we know that our gods gave us our sentinels, and these sentinels are immortal. Though they have returned to the skies they will not linger long, they will not be kept apart from this world.” Ian looked at me as he said this. “Many lives we have lived, and many lives we will live again. So today, our hearts may grieve, but do not let us mourn long. Instead let us look for the victory we find in the promise of our immortal rebirth!”
Ian nodded to Riven who whispered a spell igniting the alcohol in one of the glasses.
Ian lifted the flaming glass high, “We drink to the life of Cooper! He was strong, he was brave, his love for his people was pure and it was true, and he will come again.” He set the glass on the table and lifted his own glass, downing the contents.
One by one, everyone stood, lifting their glasses and repeating the words, “He will come again,” and drinking deeply.
We waited for the flame in Cooper’s glass to burn out then Niera refilled our glasses once again, and once again Riven whispered a spell, lighting the other glass in the middle of the table. Ian again lifted the glass high up, tears escaped his old eyes, falling freely as he said, “We drink to the life of Serafina! Her courage and conviction were unmatched. She lived her life, so her child could grow safe and strong. Her love was her strength…and may the product of this strength now be our guide. She will come again.” Again, he placed her glass on the table then lifted his own, drinking deeply, emptying his glass and was followed by each person present.
My voice was hoarse as I held up my glass and whispered, “She will come again.” I swallowed my drink, the liquor burning as it ran down my throat to my stomach. My face was wet with tears when I noticed the others surrounding the table watching me. Ian nodded to me and smiled gently. Riven was next to me, he leaned over whispering into my ear, “Skye, know that we are here to support you both. You are not alone.” I looked at Riven with wide eyes as I caught my breath. How much did they know? Obviously, they knew something; they knew enough to be here...though I didn't put it together until now that Niera must have set this up at some point. Roman was very quiet; sadness blanketed his face. He turned to Torres speaking softly. Torres answered him with a nod and finally spoke. “Skye, Niera, please stay at my home tonight.”
Riven nodded in agreement, adding, “I'll take you to Espencheid now. He too, is waiting for you.”
Niera excused herself to go to the temple. “You will be fine here with Riven and Roman. Charna could not be here, but I will meet her tonight. Riven assures me she can be trusted; I will see what she can do.” She filled her glass one more time, downing it quickly. “This one, is for me.” Then she strapped her staff over her shoulder and left the bar saying, “Skye, I'll meet up with you again tonight.” The others stood up now, so I did as well. I thought I was ready to leave, but another shot did seem quite appropriate considering everything that was going on. Roman must have read my mind because he picked up the bottle and poured another round for the rest of us. Not another word was spoken as we emptied our glasses, leaving them turned upside down on the wooden table beside the glasses which had been filled for my mom and for Cooper. Riven nodded to me and we left the pub with Roman following behind.
Torres excused himself from the group, “I'll clean up here and let my staff know we will have visitors. You remember where the guest housing is?” I nodded. “Forget you've been there...you will both be my personal guests; you will stay in my home. Come whenever you are ready, I'll have everything you need.” He clasped my forearms tightly, and then turned to leave.
Roman was very quiet for most of the walk. Riven asked
a question here or there. He tried too hard and altogether unsuccessfully, to keep my mind off my mom and off...Cooper. Finally, I broke the tension. We needed to talk about it. I needed to talk about it. Who else was I going to ask? “What did you know of my mom? Of my dad? Anything?” Almost in unison they nodded, as if having known this was coming for some time.
Roman looked at me. “I knew them. I knew them both very well at one point. But…we are nearing Espencheid. We should let this conversation wait for him.” I grumbled under my breath, the alcohol either having made me impatient, or angry, or maybe I already was both of these and just had not realized it before now. Roman's eyes fell hard upon me. “Skye...we all miss him. We miss them both. We are all angry, and we all want more satisfaction than any bloody revenge can bring. He was our friend too, they both were. I'm so sorry for your losses, but you need to hold it together now more than ever, my young one.”
“Fine.” I replied curtly. I realized how angry I was becoming, but how could I control it? The previous nauseous knot in my gut had changed at some point, transforming. Now it was hot, like a festering wound, without an outlet. Fury had welled up from deep inside, now my hands tingled with the need to blow something up. They trembled and radiated with a white heat.
Riven added, “Roman's right. Some days just suck.”
Gods, he was eloquent. I rolled my eyes. “OK, I shouldn't be taking any of this out on you. I know you're here to help.” I closed my mouth with a snap of my sharp teeth and continued following the path to which would lead us to Espencheid, all while trying to calm the war raging inside me.
Roman excused himself as we neared our destination. The great tree shook as he stretched his branches, leaves and seeds dropping to the ground around us. He opened his ancient eyes and looked upon us. “Sit friends.” The low words cracked from his mouth as he lowered branches for us to rest on. Roman shook his head and gestured to me before moving back to allow me privacy. The old Kauri nodded. “Such sadness and anger you carry to me. Why despair? Your deaths are never permanent. Rejoice in the new lives to come!”
I looked at the Kauri, incredulously. “How can I not be sad? He was my love; and she was my life…for so long.” Riven, who had been my teacher for so long and was much like a father I never knew, put his arms around me hugging me to him. The tears I’d been holding back began slipping down my cheeks. Espencheid remained silent now, holding us in his branches as I finally broke, cursing and weeping. “She was a good person! She never wanted anything but peace for us.” I was gasping for air, my voice hitching as the words tumbled from my lips. “And Cooper.” I couldn’t even begin to speak about this loss; it was too raw, too harsh. I loved my mom, and I knew that she loved me…but this wasn’t the same. This loss…Cooper...this love was something I didn’t believe I could ever replace.
Espencheid let me cry for what seemed ages. Kauri are strong like that. He was patient, letting me rage on the thick bark of his trunk, branches and roots, crying into his leaves. He called for soothing breezes to blow through his branches, cooling me while I released the tempest inside me, wearing me out. Riven whispered reassuring words, stroking the tendrils of my braids back and away from my dirty tearstained face. When I had no more fight left, I slept. The tree and my teacher, both holding me close while I rested.
I blinked and wiped the night sand from my puffy red eyes. A hand gripped my shoulder lightly, soft lips from behind me pressed into my neck as his scent enveloped me. “Why do you cry, love?” His voice was low and husky. I closed my eyes and leaned back into his reassuring chest, pulling his other arm tight around my waist.
“Droghel killed you. Niera brought the word. Your wings….” My breath caught in my throat as I tried, unsuccessfully, to keep the words from leaving my lips. I leaned my aching head back into the nook of his shoulder. My head was throbbing from the tears I’d cried. My throat felt worn and raw. He smelled of cedar and sage and a light and earthy musk and I couldn’t stop from inhaling his scent and rubbing my back across his chest. Anything to keep myself wrapped in his smell.
“Do I look dead to you?” His lips brushed over my earlobe lightly, and I could feel the breath on my skin as he spoke.
I closed my eyes. “No, you seem very alive to me.” I turned to him, wrapping my arms around his neck and lay my head on his chest. I could stay like this happily, I thought to myself. We could find a place alone, away from the wars, away from those who knew us. We could find a place—away from Droghel.
“She will be coming around soon.” He said. I hadn’t noticed anyone with us.
“She may be very angry with us when she wakes.” Another voice. I didn’t remember seeing Niera arrive.
“Yes, but she needed the rest. If she’s to make it to Ustenia in one piece, and survive once she gets there, her mind needs to rest now.” The first voice responded.
I drifted back into my dream. Dream? Cooper? Was this just a dream? I felt a tinge of panic. “Cooper?” I opened my eyes, swinging my arms and legs in an effort to stand despite their protests and blinked the sleep away while trying to focus on my surroundings. I felt strong arms around me and became very aware that I was being carried. I continued my struggles to stand, my legs flailing trying to find the ground.
“Shhhhh. Skye. It’s ok, rest. We’re almost to Torres’ home.” Roman’s voice was deep and calm in my ear. He was carrying me cradled in his arms, like one would carry a sleepy child.
“Roman, no. Please, I can walk. Thank you…” I was embarrassed. What had happened? I didn’t even remember leaving the Kauri. Roman stopped and helped me stand, never letting go of my arms as I wobbled around, finding my balance. “What happened?”
Riven spoke up this time, “You were distraught, inconsolable. Espencheid gave you some memories…memories of your mother and your father. Then he gave you memories of Cooper. It was too much for you, so I cast a sleeping spell so we could help you back here. I’d have let you stay, but our Kauri friend was at risk of being reduced to toothpicks if we didn’t intercede, the way you were tearing at his bark.”
I blanched…. “No! I didn’t hurt him, did I?”
Riven smiled, “No, I was just teasing you with that, but it was getting very late, and we didn’t want to have anyone worrying for us.” We turned onto the path that exited the woods behind Torres’ home. “He gave me a message for you; you will want to see it before you leave for Ustenia.” Riven passed me a small leather pouch, as I opened it, I noticed the hard teardrop shaped garnet inside. He then pulled out another small leather pouch and handed it to me. As I reached out to take the pouch Riven took hold of my hand and leaned in close to my ear. “This is also from Espencheid, he asks you to deliver its contents to the Kauri, Nabaru. He may be found deep in Morland. Make sure it gets to no one but him.” I nodded, tucking them both inside the folds of my robes. I would put them in my pouch later.
We entered Torres’ home exhausted by the day. A maid greeted us as we passed through the polished oak doors. “Welcome, you all look quite tired. Please, follow me. Your rooms are ready. Master Torres has already retired for the night.” I felt ragged and worn as I climbed the grand stairway and followed the maid down the hall.
“Thank you.” I said gratefully as she ushered me into the room and opened the bed, pulling back the heavy blanket and sheet for me. She bid me good night and left, pulling the door closed behind her. I spent a few moments looking around the room, acquainting myself with the details. It was quite luxurious, much more than I had ever been used to. The bed was spacious, soft and canopied. The thinnest of woven pale green cloths hung like a film from the white wooden posts, enclosing the bed like a cocoon when the panels were released. A matching bureau and dresser with a tall mirror sat along the wall away from the door. There was another large door which opened out onto a small private balcony.
Pity I was too tired to really appreciate the view or enjoy the room. It would be a lovely place to stay for a visit. I washed myself with water from a basin and
cloths which had been left on a small desk on the nearest side of the room, and then I climbed into the bed. My eyelids were closed, and I was drifting to sleep before my head even reached the pillow.
Arms surrounded me, holding me tight as Cooper kissed my neck again. “You’re back.” I said, relaxing into his embrace. My eyes were closed, and I could feel the rise and fall of his chest against my back as we lay together.
“I’ve been here the whole time. I’ve never left.” His breath was warm on my skin as he spoke. Goosebumps rose over my flesh as he blew softly as he spoke.
A tear slid down my cheek to the pillow, leaving a salty trail from the corner of my eye. “Cooper…you know I love you. But you cannot linger in this world. Not like this.” Despite my words, I pulled his ghostly arms closer, feeling the space as his skin slipped through my fingers.
“How would you have me then?” asked Cooper. The disappointment was clear in his voice.
I wanted to turn to him but was afraid that he would already be gone from my dream if I moved again. Instead I continued to speak. “Cooper, you must return to the skies, so that our gods may return you to our world once more. I love you, but you must not remain. The longer you put this off the harder it will be to leave this world.” He began to grumble in protest. “No! It tears at my heart to ask you to leave, but I can live with it, knowing that you will return someday. I could not bear knowing you would choose to live on as a ghost. I love you, but you must leave me now.”
My eyes fluttered open, the moisture from my tears still wet on my cheeks. I glanced around the room in the predawn haze. I could still feel him near. The cedar and sage that made his scent lingered—on the pillows and in my hair. I gathered a fistful of my braids and held them to my nose, inhaling deeply with my eyes closed. A tear escaped from the corner of my eye. Reluctantly, I wiped my face and stood, dressed, and then made the bed again. I stepped onto the small balcony to feel the morning breeze on my face. As I looked over the lush fields to the Espencheid Forest, I decided it was time to leave. I needed to go to Ustenia, and I needed to go now.