Walking in Italy

by Claudio Ruggeri

  I wasn’t worth a thing as an actor...damn...I decided to go for it.

  ‘Three thousand...’

  ‘I can stretch to two thousand...’, I imagined that answer.

  Two thousand are ok...maybe instead of the other hundred you could lend me the car...’ that time I made it big...

  ‘No, I need that one to drive to the country, you know...’ I knew it, but it was still worth a try.

  It took him two infinite minutes to fetch his wallet from the cupboard, minutes where you think everything can change, can be turned round.

  Until, finally, I was holding two nice bill in my hands, the ones depicting Caravaggio’s face on, you know.

  My granddad, staring at me said finally with that cunning way of someone knowing life far too well.

  ‘I’m not asking you what you have to do with that money... I might be tempted to come with you!’

  Great grandad I had, I thanked him and left.

  The transport was the only problem to sort out now, I played a lucky card trying to ask my uncle, anyway I was getting to know well the art of prostitution.

  ‘Ehi dear uncle, what a great car, it’s a hit!’

  Great isn’t it?’

  ‘Sure, it’s incredible’

  Then suddenly he changed expression, staring at me in a different way, I feared he started to understand.

  ‘You see, uncle...’

  ‘You’ve just got it back to me and now you want it back?’ he figured out everything...

  ‘Well, let’s say with yours I’ll make a brilliant impression’ I was trying to take time to figure out a way to tell him that I not only needed it but for 3 days also.

  I accounted for part of the story and an agreement, I would have washed and burnished it once a week for three months; he handed the keys and I ran home.

  When I dialed again the bar’s phone I wasn’t at all sure to find the girls still there, so in this moment it would have been a true pity.

  ‘Everything is ok’ was the sentence explaining somehow the situation, so slightly dubious they gave me a go, from then to two hours we were leaving, finally.

  Along the road to Naples and then leads to Salerno I had a lot of time to meditate, the girls were fast asleep and so that was the only occasion to enjoy silence still not knowing why I was doing it, after all it wasn’t that hard to find someone who could make me have some fun for a few hours, especially in a city such as Rome, without forcing me to go through all that I did.

  Purposely I still wanted to feel alive once again, It’s the reason why you do certain things in life, I believe; when you catch such opportunities and you hand the game over to someone else it’s maybe because you are about to give in in life.

  How many people you watch every day that ‘hand it over’ I always tried not to be like them every time I see such things I get caught up in sadness, I don’t know their mind maybe they hold the illusion to live forever, that life always is full of occasions.

  There was a girl, one time, declaring to be in love with me, maybe it was also true, I remember her writing beautiful things, one of those old time letters that I still keep; what was next to come? She got engaged with the first chicken she met, my only worth was that I was ready to pay a loan for 30 years.

  Someone else who was beside me since some months, declared a day that if I wasn’t ready to take her at home officially, I wasn’t worth a dime, she got engaged with the first chap going by, to whom I wouldn’t even lent my car to get washed.

  I have no matter against who wants to build his home and life, is nonetheless hypocrisy trying to convince you that feelings are driving her, and pretty dumb thing hoping you believe it.

  The girls woke up at Cava de' Tirreni, we were about to come off the highway and turn in the coastline road I felt privileged in driving along that road, with Gail and Corinna at my side on a Lancia Thema.

  After having settled in the hotel, having eaten a couple of fresh sandwiches prepared by a local shop, we took some chairs and sat down on the terrace.

  Well, yes, our room had also a little balcony with a sea view, the night was downright beautiful; while we were talking about us, of our lives I suddenly noticed Corinna wouldn’t be fully happy, she was trying to hide it but the story with Emiliano she didn’t live just as one night stand.

  I promised myself the following day I’d made a call.

  Gail was nearly fast asleep we had a bed, very small, placed there next to the wall by the nice hotel manager, It wasn’t impressive but only the thought crossing my mind regarding the coming night sleeping together with Gail, well, I didn’t mind at all.

  I ran through my thoughts about all those time I came down here to see Patrizia, the married woman, I used to lodge in large hotels she paid for but when night fell, I was always alone, I felt something missing.

  Only once I got to fall asleep with a smile on my face, there was a Summer reprise of ‘Sapore di Mare’, that movie starring Jerry Cala and Guido Nicheli, surely they were not nominated to the Oscar night, but that evening I felt a great affection for them.

  While the girls sat on their beds, I decided to remain some more time on the terrace breathing in the evening air, looking at the sea.

  I have always thought that if I didn’t suffer from sea sickness I would have been a fisherman instead of pilot , I couldn’t figure out why but the sea can always carry such a dense peaceful feeling, how it can clam you down only by hearing waves gently brushing the shore.

  So I smoked the last cigarette and I laid down next to Gail.

  Wednesday 19th August

  I woke up at dawn that day while the girls were still fast asleep, I took my place on the terrace, on one of those soft chairs still there from the night before.

  I was aware I had to ring Emiliano up a soon as possible, I only had to find a few phone tokens; I would have asked the hotel desk when I went to breakfast, honestly this wasn’t enough to my uneasiness feelings.

  I woke up many times that night, even though no mosquitos around or that typical roasting heat keeping my eyes open. It was, in fact, chain of thoughts round my head, I was probably starting to realize how beautiful she was, and sadly our affair was reaching an end.

  Usually in such cases, you always wish something turns up to spoil everything, making you feel bored about that situation and that it would make you feel a homebound nostalgia.

  Usually, I said, this time it wasn’t the case at all.

  I was distracted by Gail, she was half awake desired to pass by the terrace where I was for some fleeting kissing before going to the ladies room, I couldn’t realize why she could always surprise me also in those seemingly given for granted simple actions.

  Just as I heard Corrinna wake up I told Gail I was heading for the hall, my alibi was I was trying to catch some information on how breakfast was being served, while in my mind the truth was I was looking for those phone tokens to get in touch with Emiliano.

  ‘Bar Brasile...’ a voice answered, I knew It was Emiliano’s.

  ‘Police is surrounding the Cafe, show hands while coming out...and remember those two coffees...’

  ‘Excuse me policeman ...’he spoke out ‘How can I bring two coffees with hands on my head...’

  We cracked out laughing.

  ‘So, tell me how was your escaped?’ Emiliano’ curiosity.

  Better than we imagined, now we’re waiting for our breakfast...’

  Now I realize what the coffees were about!’

  ‘Ahahah...’

  After a few silent moments, you know those times full of meaning, in which you are aware there’s something more serious to ask than how is the other person on the other end on of the line and he’s waiting just for the right question?

  Emiliano, I have thought about one thing...and as you are the owner many things come easily for you...’

  ‘Other things? Just like?’

  Like asking for a vacation, you don’t need to give a call to the boss and plea for a day more! Y
ou only need to wake up not feeling like doing absolutely anything to say ‘I’m on vacation’!

  Other silent moments then the question strike me.

  ‘Don’t you think Corinna is missing me already?’

  ‘She didn’t say no but...I guessed it’ I was still trying to keep up a king of diplomatic tone.

  ‘So....?’

  ‘So...no worry, I only wanted to tell you that’s all’

  I heard through the line he was pushing someone out who just entered the bar, maybe a sales man or worse a customer he wanted on concentrate on what he was about to tell me.

  ‘Let’s say I could ask my partner to open tomorrow morning so tonight for closing time I can dash off on your way’.

  That was the answer I expected.

  ‘Sure Emilià!, imagine there’s also room without booking another, come over we’ll let you in from the backyard so you’ll avoid the porter...’

  ‘Ahahahaha...’ laughing way he started hearing my masterplan....

  ‘Ok then’ he continued ‘I’ll see what I can do...give me a shout at three I’ll tell you bud’

  ‘Ok, no doubt, I’ll ring you up at three at the bar’.

  He wanted to leave some doubt circling round the situation...but I knew he’d come over, he was just so predictable.

  When I went down to our room I felt relieved as that fleeting adventure started with the four of us, so all of us had to end it.

  The American girls asked about breakfast, I invented something imagining it being served on the wide panoramic terrace where I notice many tables set.

  While we were having breakfast I carefully listened to what Gail and Corinna were on about, they were talking of some train to catch to reach Naples, and of flight connections on Paris, those probably to get them to their own destination in the States.

  I soon offered my view in their conversation, I asked acknowledgement on whet I eaves drop and I offered my availability; after all on the following morning I had to drive through Naples anyway, a deviation towards Capodichino wouldn’t meant an ordeal.

  So we agreed for the day, waking up I would have accompanied them in the Neapolitan city along the way to Rome , they would have got to the check-in around midday

  And I would have made my way up north.

  When Gail also finished tuck in her yogurt we got back to our room straight away to change clothes and wear our swimsuits, from the terrace we spotted a tiny beach right below us, It was the best way to spend the morning.

  The spots to sunbathe on the Costiera or rarely take a dive are not the typical beaches we are used to.

  Often those places are narrow, irregular, where ten or twelve sunbed can dot the beach the whole image becomes appealing by the sheer sea view below you and that feeling that the Costiera can convey can give the right discretion, as if that small sandy area could be only yours. Just for you.

  We found our place in a kind of small rocky cave were our three sunbed and perhaps other ten could fit, the boy leading us there would have been 12 years old and It wasn’t the first time I saw one of them; a clear sign that in Souther Rome ‘ real’ life starts well soon.

  To walk into the water we arranged a little stair along the rock side, after a few steps you were gladly in the sea completely; it’s so rare to find sea spots where waters aren’t deep immediately, we took a dive and started playing a kids do, shouting and all types of teasing among us.

  Back on our sunbeds I noticed Gail was an excellent singer, not only excellent! For me she was always number one.

  She took out of her bag a walk-man, an I-pod ancestor, she had earphones also on, they were stiff round the head and to share you had to undo one off.

  So she did, the tape was named ‘Summer 1987’, I imagined it was a collection of music she recorded during that year’s Summer vacations.

  Barry White, Elton John, Gloria Estefan and some other artist was on I don’t recall right now and after ‘Blue Eyes’ an Albert Morris beautiful song ‘Feelings’ started spinning.

  She sang it to me, imagining it was all for us and for her voice being so enchanted and delicate stood above Morris one, I took off my ear phone and heard only Gail’s notes.

  Still today when I happen to hear it I can’t hold back smiling; even if I don’t drive the Lancia Thema anymore and Gail is not by my side but some other girl, asking herself why that glimmering smile was on my lips.

  Today I still smile about it but on that day I was enraptured by some kind of nostalgia, I leaned on a railing over the sea soon after the song was over.

  Some minutes after Gail came near me, she had most probably guessed, realized everything no more than 24 hours and it was all over.

  We would have been back to our lives, thousand kilometers away. I never noticed but you have the same feeling when a dream is fades out, not to return.

  You know that certain experiences you’ll not have the opportunity to live again, it’s not as if you have an affair with someone close by, you can always have the chance of meeting up for a coffee, meet along the streets or at the bar.

  You can ask her how she is feeling, gaze into each other's eyes naturally, something happening when two people living at nine hours jet-lag away.

  It would have been lovely if she had showed me something she disliked about her, whatever fault making her seem like other girls, instead the more I got closer to her more I got involved in events you don’t see quite often, the more she made me feel emotional for this reason she would have been always on my mind for the years to come.

  A kiss, caressing our lips then more intense only made a melancholic feeling grow , I felt such a lucky man but at the same time life was pulling my length.

  It makes you savour something only for the time lapse for you to enjoy it, then, it takes it away. What a shame.

  I couldn’t help but promise to accompany them to Naples the following day I would have escaped, packed my stuff, got in the car and gone. Avoiding to say farewell staring in each other’s eyes.

  I made up I was hungry being just past lunchtime, so I headed for the main street looking for a sandwich, climbed up the stairs leading from the rocky cave to the road without looking back, without crossing her gaze.

  When I was back I grabbed the phone to call Emiliano, the line was busy, a Japanese couple seemed to be glued to that phone; after a good twenty minutes they left it.

  ‘Hello, Cafe Brazil...’

  ‘Here you are...it’s me Emilià...’

  ‘At seven I’ll close the bar, jump in the car and I come to see you, you told me there’s room...’

  ‘Stay calm...how should we arrange...?’

  ‘We have to organize a great surprise for Corinna, listen, go out together for dinner you three then I’ll reach you there’

  Right in that moment the hotel porter went by.

  ‘Excuse me... do you know a good restaurant close by?’

  ‘You could go to Gino al mare, it’s near here along the road...’ moving wide gestures to indicate on which side of the road.

  ‘Ok thank you’ and the porter got back to was he was doing.

  ‘Have you heard Emilià? Gino al mare is called for now what about staying here?’

  ‘If I leave at 7am by half past ten I’m there, how long was your journey yesterday?’

  ‘Four hour drive, but I left from the center of Rome, you are leaving from Ciampino you’ll get there by that time fine’

  ‘So agreed, don’t say anything ok? See you later’

  ‘We’ll catch up later on then’.

  Ending the call I stood by the entrance to sit nearby and light up a cigarette.

  You could see two cars coming and going, tourists writing postcards to send that night to their friends around the World, and there I was, alone in company of my thoughts asking myself what was right to think, as if it was right being in such situation.

  I should have jumped for joy to experience such an adventure, but I was stuck to the chair, some thought impeding me.
<
br />   I had a doubt about it, a question wandering round my head for some time.

  Wasn’t too much self-confidence plying me a trick?

  That same self-assurance making me feel I could always control everything, able to manage and face my needs and taking my time, lastly led me to live an event without mind games, without fear , without the breaks on.

  Right when I felt like Marcello Mastroianni I payed my dues, it was pretension, no madman would have run the risk of falling for a tourist if he was sure not be allured by beauty’s appeal.

  But surely I was aware of beauty allure, only realizing too late.

  Mentre ero lì che pensavo e mi guardavo intorno, notai che anche loro stavano salendo le scale che riportavano in strada.

  When the girls arrived they asked if sandwiches were good and soon left lamenting a boiling heat, so I decided to follow them up in our room for an afternoon catnap.

  ‘Tonight we’re going to eat something better than a sandwich though...’ Corinna said when we confortably sat on the terrace.

  ‘Yes, yes, I’ve already asked the porter a good restaurant in the surroundings, he said there’s one just along the road round here. We should trust him, in my opinion.

  ‘You know, Massimo, tomorrow is Gail’s birthday we’ll spend the whole day on a plane, so I thought of going out for dinner this evening’. He was telling me as if to justify himself to force me to spend twenty or thirty thousand liras more, he surely didn’t have a clue of what I had on my mind and I kept it well for myself.

  Well could get there by half past nine, so we can all done without rushing what do you think?’ I tried to figure out the timing for Emiliano to reach us.

  ‘Sure’ Gail answered ‘To prevent being in the heat’.

  They were obsessed by the heat, in Italy nearly nowhere you could find air conditioning something more popular than Mc Donald’s in the States; American love their 50° of shops in December and minus10 inside their cars in July.

  It’s difficult for them to adapt for good what is sent from Heaven, and I noticed, in many other ways they need to decide their future also if this is not strictly concerning the weather.

  It was getting close to 6pm, Sun had set and usually on the Costiera Sun starts to go down in late afternoon, hiding behind the mountains to show its face the day after.