The Diaries of a Fleet Street Fox

by Lilly Miles

  Byline – a line in a newspaper naming the writer of an article.

  Byline bandit – someone who sticks their name on another person’s copy, for reasons of stealing glory.

  Conference quickie – an alcoholic drink taken while the executives are busy in editorial meetings, to quell the shakes from the night before; alternately, a cup of tea for the hungover.

  Custard creams – one of the world’s finest biscuits. Have one!

  Doorstep, door-knock – a job where you have to hang around the front door of someone in the news and try to get them to give you a usable comment.

  File copy – the act of getting a story to the office. These days it’s all done on email, but sometimes you still have to do it the old-fashioned way, dictating over the phone. Stories are easy, filing is the bit which is difficult – getting the computer to work, driving for two hours to somewhere with reception, and making sense over a crackly phone line when you’re drunk.

  First edition – the earliest copy of the newspaper printed that day, and the one distributed furthest overnight, with therefore the biggest readership. Most newspapers have up to four editions during the night, on which the late shift can make changes to pick up stories from rivals, and insert late-breaking news, or sometimes a great exclusive they held back so no one else could steal it. Many later editions are produced after people have come back from the pub.

  Fleet Street – once the road in which all Britain’s national newspapers were based, because it’s where William Caxton started printing in the fifteenth century, and was near Parliament and the courts. The first newspaper, the Daily Courant, was published in Fleet Street in 1702 – in a room over a pub, of course. As papers grew each one had ‘their’ own bar in which the staff went before, during and after their shifts. Now it is merely a road connecting the City of London to the West End, filled with shirt shops and bankers. Most of the pubs are still there, and these days Fleet Street is a catch-all term for the diaspora of national print journalists, a tribe of ne’er-do-wells who still pride themselves on their livers and the ability to drink, fight and write, although a worrying number of the young ’uns eat salad and go to the gym.

  Front up – the act of presenting a story to its subject for a reaction. Usually done on a doorstep with a tape recorder running, in the hope of getting a good quote or legal evidence if they come at you with a golf club.

  Hack – a derogatory term for someone who writes for money. Usually spat out by someone who does not sell, about someone who does. Tabloid journos proudly call themselves such, as did Charles Dickens and Samuel Johnson.

  Heads-up – advance warning of a story. Generally done secretly by a member of the public in order to play one newspaper off against another and earn extra cash, or by a friendly copper/friendly journo.

  Heart-starter – an early morning alcoholic drink to get the creative process going.

  Journalist – catch-all term for anyone who works for a newspaper, from editor to crossword compiler. Never call anyone a photo-journalist, as both reporters and snappers find the idea insulting.

  Monkey – deeply insulting term for a photographer, also known as a ‘photog’ or ‘snapper’. Developed because they hang around in packs and scratch a lot. Only newshounds call snappers monkeys, and in return are called Blunts – a perfect bit of rhyming slang, referring to the fact they’re for ever getting snappers to do their work for them, or at the least lend them a pencil.

  News editor – person in charge of the reporters, running the news desk with a couple of minions. Usually a man, he sends journos out on stories, decides what tips to follow up, deals with The Editor, shouts at people on the phone, and has worryingly high blood pressure. Starts early, works late; will stay in the newsroom even if it is on fire.

  Off-stone – an esoteric printing term. Metal type was set in a slab known as ‘the stone’. When the page is printed, the paper is ‘off-stone’ and it’s time to go to the pub.

  Par – paragraph.

  Reporter – frontline newshound who spends their life on the road, knocks on the door, sweet-talks the subject, files the copy. Poorly-paid, under-appreciated and generally despised by the public. At parties has to endure accusations of damaging society with simultaneous demands for the latest celebrity gossip.

  Ring-in – a caller who rings a newspaper with what they think is a good story. They need to be quizzed extensively before referring them on to the news editor or the Samaritans.

  Sent to spike – when reporters wrote their stories on actual paper it was either set on a page or someone decided not to run it. Either way the paper would then be jammed on the nine-inch spike which most journos had on their desks. The practice died out with the advent of computers and too many drunken journo fights but the phrase is still used to indicate a story’s been killed.

  Snoresheet – a big, boring broadsheet newspaper that old men like to snooze under in the afternoons.

  Splash – the front-page story, hopefully an exclusive, in tabloid terms presented with great flair and zing. The more overwritten the splash, the less likely it is to be any good.

  Spoiler – to run a story similar to another newspaper’s exclusive in order to ruin its impact.

  The Editor – do not piss them off!

  The Pack – collective noun for a number of Fleet Street hacks all covering the same story. By nature a pack is panicky and can be made to run from one end of a street to another simply by pointing and shouting: ‘THERE HE IS!’ The Pack generally share their stories with each other at the end of the day after deadline, so any good lines from rivals can be filed for second edition. Usually to be found in the nearest place which sells either a bacon sandwich or booze.

  The Reader – affectionate term journos have for their readership.

  Twat – mild swear word. Slang for lady parts, but most commonly used to describe an idiot.

  Wanker – a self-abuser, an onanist. British swear-word whose use ranges from mild deprecation to violent anger.