by J. S. Scott
“Did we meet?” Asha asked curiously.
“Yes. But you wouldn’t remember me. You were still an infant.” The woman’s English was lightly accented, but perfect.
“So you really did know my father,” Asha said softly, offering the older woman a seat and sitting in a chair across from her.
“Yes. May I speak in front of your friends?” The woman looked around at Maddie, Kara, and Mia.
Asha nodded and introduced her sister, sister-in-law, and Kara, explaining that Mia’s husband, Max, and Maddie were also Alice’s children.
“It’s wonderful to meet you all. I’m Devi Robinson.” Looking at Maddie, she added, “I’ve heard of you, Dr. Hudson, and the wonderful work you do with your clinic.”
Maddie nodded her thanks and replied, “I’ve heard of you, too. You’re a psychiatrist. A very good one. I’ve read a lot of your case studies and articles.”
“I am a doctor of psychiatry, a dream that never would have happened had it not been for Asha’s father,” she acknowledged in a fond voice. “How much do you know of your father’s work to help Indian female students, Asha?”
Flabbergasted, Asha gaped at her. “He was an engineer,” she answered, baffled by the woman’s words.
Devi nodded. “He was. But he was also an activist for the rights of Indian women. And your mother supported him in the cause. They never formed an official organization, but he helped a lot of female students here in the United States, including myself. Navin Paritala was one of the best men I’ve ever known. He gave very selflessly to Indian women here in various bad circumstances. His only request was that we all someday give the money back to his daughter for her education when the time came.” The woman rummaged in her purse, pulling an envelope from the contents. “None of us could ever locate you. You were whisked off to a foster family very quickly after your parents died, and we weren’t allowed to know where you were. All of us have looked for years, but we couldn’t locate you. When I saw the article about you being a half-sibling to Dr. Hudson and Mr. Hamilton, I had to find you. We owe you this.” Devi handed Asha the envelope with a smile. “There were ten of us, and we all kept in contact. It’s turned into a substantial sum.”
Asha looked at the envelope and opened it with trembling fingers. The check from the bank was over two hundred thousand dollars. Her head began to spin and her heart pounded. “This isn’t mine,” she denied, trying to hand the check back to Devi.
The woman pushed Asha’s hand away, refusing to take back the check. “It belonged to your father and mother. He helped all of us financially when we were in trouble. The money now belongs to you. Honestly, all of us are relieved we can finally pay back the debt. Your father gave us our freedom. That was much more valuable than money. When we all finished school, we all put the money in a joint account for you. It’s been there for many years. None of us needs the money, Asha. And it belongs to you.”
“What did Asha’s father and my mother do to help you, Dr. Robinson—if you don’t mind me asking?” Maddie asked quietly.
“I don’t mind at all,” Devi said, smiling broadly. “I fell in love with an American man, and my parents found out. They threatened to pull me out of school here and bring me back to India to marry someone from our caste, a man older than me and known to be cruel. Navin and Alice paid my school fees and helped me stay here. Dennis and I married and have two wonderful children, a daughter and a son, a mix of American and Indian just like Asha. Dennis is an architect.”
“Is that hard for your children, being mixed?” Asha asked tremulously, curious about others like her.
“No,” Devi answered fondly. “I teach them the good things about my country, but they’re ultimately very progressive Americans. Both of them plan on going to medical school,” she finished proudly. “Tell me how you were brought up after we lost track of you, Asha. Did you go to college? What do you do?”
Tears filled Asha’s eyes as she looked at Devi, now knowing that her father wouldn’t be very proud of her. She tried to speak, but failed.
Maddie, Mia, and Kara told Devi about Asha’s upbringing and her arranged marriage.
“Oh, Asha!” Devi exclaimed, her eyes filling with tears. “I’m so sorry. That’s not at all what your mother and father would have wanted. It seems so unfair that you ended up being treated that way after your own father gave us our freedom.” Devi’s voice was distressed, and she went to her knees beside Asha and gathered her into a hug. “Thank God you’re still very young and you broke your ties. You can find your own way with the money we were able to pay back.”
Asha cautiously hugged the woman back, asking quietly, “What do you think my father would have wanted for me?”
Devi slowly released Asha and returned to her seat as she said adamantly, “He would have wanted you to pursue the dream of your heart, whatever it may be. He wanted your happiness.” She looked at Maddie, adding, “He knew your mother had two other children from her first marriage that she had to give up. Navin and Alice looked for both you and Mr. Hamilton, but were never able to discover where you were. I don’t think they wanted to rip you away from adoptive parents, but they wanted to know you were okay. They were never able to find your records or get any information about you.”
“We survived. And we all finally found each other,” Maddie replied with a smile, sounding like that was all she wanted to tell the older woman. “So our mother did finally find a happy life with Asha’s father?”
Devi nodded. “For the time they had together…yes. Navin and Alice loved each other very much. I think loving Navin changed your mother quite profoundly. I remember Alice telling me that she didn’t like the woman she had been before, and Navin was her third marriage. I don’t think she ever wanted to give you and Max up, but she thought you’d have a better life without her. She said she couldn’t even afford to feed you and Max. I hope you can forgive her, Dr. Hudson. In the end, she was a good woman who helped her husband fight for women in bad circumstances. The love of a good man can change a woman, and I think in your mother’s case that’s exactly what happened.”
“I’m not sure she was ever really bad,” Maddie said sadly. “Just downtrodden. She and my father were poor, and I think she did what she needed to survive when my father died. I don’t know much about her second marriage, but I’m assuming it wasn’t good either. I’m glad she got lucky the third time, and I’m glad I got a sister out of the deal,” Maddie said with a soft smile at Asha.
“My father and mother wouldn’t be proud of me,” Asha whispered to herself. Discovering that her father had been so progressive, so adamant about women being treated equally, made her stomach sink in dismay at the realization that she had failed him. What would he have thought of her past, of the abuse she had put up with from Ravi, of the treatment she’d endured as what she thought she deserved from both her foster parents and her ex-husband? He’d have been so disappointed in her.
“He would have been very proud,” Devi replied sternly, having heard Asha’s low comment. “You survived, even in very bad circumstances. I know Navin would be sad that he hadn’t been there for you, but he would have been proud that you broke away and survived.”
“I’m not sure who I am,” Asha answered earnestly, looking Devi directly in the eyes. “I was raised very conventional Indian, yet I was born in America to an American mother and a progressive Indian father. I’m American, yet I don’t feel like I am.”
“You’ll find your way. I’ll help you,” Devi said softly, extracting a business card from her purse and handing it to Asha. “If you can’t speak to me about it, you can talk to my colleague. She’s younger, but is an American with Indian blood just like you. It might be easier for you to talk to someone who never knew your father.” Devi stood. “I’m sorry I interrupted your Thanksgiving, but I couldn’t wait any longer to see you and repay you. I have to get back home. My husband is cooking our Thanksgiv
ing dinner.”
“Another man in the kitchen,” Asha muttered.
Devi laughed softly. “Yes. And my son is helping him.”
Asha shook her head. “How did you get used to it? You were raised in India.”
“A little at a time,” Devi answered, amused. “It’s very easy to get used to once you’ve had the chance to be an equal partner, but it takes time to actually feel like one. Give yourself time, Asha. ”
Asha stood, realizing that at some point all of the men had joined them. After they all quickly introduced themselves, Max and Maddie walked Devi to the door, asking a few final questions about their mother. Asha started to follow, but was pulled up short by Kade, his arm tight around her waist.
“You okay?” he asked gruffly.
Was she okay? It was going to take awhile for her to process everything she’d just learned. She held up the check she had received from Devi. “I have money,” she answered flatly, not quite able to believe the funds actually belonged to her.
“I heard. We all tried to give you privacy, but we heard the doorbell from the kitchen and eavesdropped pretty shamelessly,” Kade said bluntly.
“My parents loved me, Kade. They cared,” she answered tearfully. God, that was the most astonishing thing of the whole afternoon. “My father was a progressive. He actually helped Indian women in trouble. He was a good man.”
“I know, sweetheart. Didn’t you already know he was a good man?” Kade said huskily, pulling Asha against his chest and cuddling her close.
If she was honest with herself, Asha had assumed that she was probably of little importance to him because she was a girl child, and that her father was like the other Indian men in her life.
Her dad had made it his mission to see women treated well—equally, even—and he had liberal values. He…an Indian man…had helped women in trouble so they could follow their dreams. She shook her head against Kade’s chest. “Not like that. I never imagined he was that good.”
As Kara, Simon, Sam, Travis, and Mia looked on, Asha rested her head against Kade’s chest and wept.
Asha folded the last shirt she had bought for herself and placed it on the top of her new suitcase with a sigh. She hadn’t packed the clothes that Maddie and Mia had bought, thinking she’d work it out with them later. They were too extravagant, and she was pretty much a casual woman. Her jeans, sandals, and shirts were pretty much her norm. She was a painter, and the outfits weren’t something she’d normally wear. If she could get Maddie to take them back, her sister could get a refund. She hadn’t worn any of them except the red shirt.
Kade’s walls were complete, and she couldn’t kid herself anymore about leaving. There wasn’t one more wall that she could do in his home without causing it to be busy or over decorated. Since Thanksgiving two weeks ago, she’d cherished every moment that they had spent together, but it was time for her to go. He never mentioned anything beyond the moment when they were together, nothing about the future, and she was still broken. Kade deserved better, needed more than she could give him.
She’d seen Devi’s colleague, Dr. Miller, as a patient once a week for the last two weeks and had visited Devi and her family informally as a friend several times. She was slowly realizing just how brainwashed she’d become from her upbringing and her marriage. Even after she’d left her foster home and her marriage to Ravi, that programming had never left her brain. It took a conscious effort every day to reprogram her thinking, to realize that she was a strong woman who deserved so much more. It wasn’t going to happen overnight, but Asha liked to think she’d made a little progress.
After updating her website and posting her new phone number, she’d gotten tons of calls for new jobs, the large majority of them in Florida. No doubt it had something to do with news of her being Max and Maddie’s sister, but her calendar was becoming booked, and she’d accepted all the jobs in Florida. Now that she had the funds, she wanted to get a place to plant her feet, collect things and stop running.
Her soul was completely shattered, and walking away from Kade was going to be the hardest thing she’d ever had to do—probably the hardest thing she would ever have to do—but she knew she had to do it. Maybe someday the pieces of her soul would slowly fall back into place and become whole again. Right now, the pieces were so small she couldn’t see a single particle of it. There was just a black emptiness that was already haunting her, and she hadn’t even left Kade’s home yet.
“What are you doing?” a smooth baritone asked from the doorway.
Asha swung around, her heart leaping to her throat as she saw Kade, one hip propped against her door, his arms folded, and a puzzled look on his face. All he was wearing was a pair of jeans that rode low on his hips, leaving his incredible upper body bare. He looked freshly showered, his hair wet and sexily mussed. “Nothing…I was just getting my things together. I’m done with your house. There are no walls left for me to paint.” She averted her eyes, unable to watch him move across the room without wanting to throw herself in his arms.
“So you’re just planning on leaving. Just like that? Why?” he demanded, his arms encircling her waist as he stopped behind her.
Because I love you so much that I can’t bear it.
Because I’m afraid if I don’t leave now, I’ll lose any shred of dignity that I have left after my past.
Because I need you to love me back.
Asha stepped away from him, heading for the door. “I was going to make some breakfast,” she told him casually, ignoring his question.
Kade caught her as she got to the door. Backing her up against the wall, he pinned her there with his body. “Why?” he growled angrily. “Is this about the infertility thing? Dammit…talk to me. I’ll tell you a secret: I’ve never been sure that I wanted a child of my own. My father was a fucking lunatic and my gene pool sucks. I could just as easily adopt. Having a child with my DNA isn’t that important to me. Hell, I’ve never even really thought that seriously about having a kid, yet. I doubt I’d even make a decent father.”
Asha froze, stunned. Her gaze shot to Kade’s fierce expression, his eyes flashing blue fire. It didn’t change anything, but his vehemence shocked her. She knew he meant what he said, that he didn’t need a child with his own DNA, but it still surprised her. “Kade…I’m not helpless anymore. And I’m not broke. I can survive okay.”
He entwined his fingers with hers and lifted her hands over her head, pressing his hard body into hers. Asha could feel his hard length straining against the denim of his jeans as it made contact with her pelvis. The thought of having him inside her made her choke down a moan. He held her completely captive as his tongue trailed hotly down the sensitive skin of her neck, nipping and stroking her earlobe. “I don’t want you to be broke or helpless,” he hissed harshly, his hot breath wafting over her ear, making her shiver with need. “I just want you to be mine.”
Asha’s whole body melted against him, because she wanted to be his. Dear God, she had no defenses when it came to this man. He made her body feel exquisite pleasures that it had never experienced before, and she greedily wanted more. Her head fell back against the wall, giving him free access to whatever he wanted. “Kade,” she moaned, unable to think, unable to do anything except feel.
“That’s it, baby. Moan my name. Remember how it feels to come apart for me,” Kade said fiercely, untwining his fingers from hers to tear off her shirt and work the button and zipper of her jeans. “Fuck! You aren’t leaving me. Not ever. Are you trying to kill me, Asha? Because you will kill me if you leave. I’ll be so goddamn empty that I won’t give a shit about anything anymore.”
Asha whimpered as Kade jerked her jeans and panties from her legs and quickly lowered his own, allowing his hard length to spring free. “Fuck me, Kade. I need you.” Asha needed to feel him inside her right now.
Just one more time. I need him.
He reached betw
een her thighs, his fingers rough as they speared through her folds, her humid flesh yielding for him easily. “Tell me you won’t leave,” he insisted, pinching her clit just hard enough to send waves of sensation through her entire body. “Tell me you need me as much as I need you.”
“I can’t. I have to go. This is so good. But we have to have more than this. It’s confusing,” Asha panted, her arms coming around Kade’s neck, pulling their flesh as tightly together as possible, the knowledge that she’d never be with him again making her desire that much more urgent. Her nipples abraded his chest; her body was primed for him, needing him.
Kade stroked her sensitive flesh roughly, and without his usual finesse. Asha had never seen him so raw and intense. He usually took his time, fanning the flames of her passion until she was mindless. But now, she was already without functioning brain cells, and she was operating on primal instinct, reacting to Kade’s base need. Desperate, she snaked her legs around his waist, but it only made it easier for him to torture her. She was open to him now, and he took advantage of it, moving his fingers in and out of her pussy, abrading her clit coarsely.
“Tell me,” he said in a clipped, insistent voice.
His forcefulness was ramping up her desire to new heights. Kade had always had more than his fair share of testosterone, but now he was like an alpha male completely unleashed. Kade was never going to hurt her, but this was carnal and erotic, a new dimension to his lovemaking that had her wanting even more.
“No,” she cried, defying him on purpose, even though she knew she still couldn’t say yes to staying with him.
“Here’s a warning, sweetheart. Sometimes I like it rough and you’re pushing my buttons.” His voice was a low, guttural warning.
“Good,” she answered, digging her nails into his back and flexing her hips against his hand between her legs. “I’m not afraid of you. Take me hard. I want you to.”