by J. S. Scott
“Tell me you’ll stay with me.” He pinched her clit between his thumb and forefinger, varying the pressure on the throbbing bundle of nerves, stroking it like a mini penis. “You’ve been mine since the minute I saw you. Make it official. Tell me you need me as much as I fucking need you.”
“Oh, God,” Asha moaned, lowering her mouth to Kade’s shoulder and nipping his skin, trying to coax him to push her over the edge. “Yes,” she whispered agonizingly. It was a murmur of pleasure and not an affirmative answer to Kade’s demand.
“Good enough for me,” Kade answered abruptly, giving her the pressure she needed, the rough caress that sent her careening over the edge.
His mouth took hers as she came apart in his arms, swallowing her screams of ecstasy, taking them into his own body as though he owned them. His tongue conquered and devoured her mouth as she shuddered in his arms.
Kade put his hands under her ass, positioned her, and plunged deep inside her. Yanking his lips from hers, he groaned, “Hold on to me, Asha. Ride me.”
He had her up against the wall, and his cock began to hammer into her with volatile strokes. Asha fisted her hands in his hair and rode the waves of pleasure coursing through her body. She was pinned to the wall, his cock pummeling into her so fast she could barely take a breath. It was an elemental and primal coupling, a fierce joining of their bodies that had her body imploding and shaking with desperate need. “Yes, yes, yes,” she chanted with each masterful invasion of his cock, feeling like she was being claimed. This was what she had wanted, what she had needed. Strangely enough, in this wild possession of her, he was setting her free. His savage desire for her made her feel wanted, needed and it was like a very potent aphrodisiac to her.
Bold and powerful, Kade pounded into her forcefully, groaning as Asha began to convulse around him. Relentlessly, he kept pumping his hips, drawing the pleasure to a violent crescendo.
“Holy fuck!” Kade stepped backward, letting himself collapse on the bed with Asha on top of him. They recovered their breath silently, only the sound of their pants and gasps filling the room for several minutes, before he lifted her head and looked into her eyes. “Tell me we don’t belong together. I want to hear you say it if you believe it.”
Asha nearly drowned in his liquid blue eyes, unable to lie. “I can’t tell you that.” Honestly, she didn’t know for sure that she didn’t belong with Kade, but she was uncertain about his feelings and confused about her own. Was it the incredible sex that made her believe that she really loved him? And she wasn’t certain that the sex wasn’t swaying him into believing he needed her. Was this all just a crazy love born of lust? She’d never known love, and if the love she felt for Kade was real, it was one-sided. She’d be destined to crash and burn when the glow of the earth-shattering sex wore off.
“Then how could you even think about leaving me?” Kade asked gutturally.
Disconnecting herself from Kade, Asha slid to his side. “You never asked me to stay,” she murmured quietly. And you never said how long you wanted me here, or that you loved me.
Kade kicked his jeans completely off and rolled, pinning her beneath him. “Then I’m asking. I’m asking right now. Stay now because you want to, not because you have to. I know you have the resources to leave, but stay anyway because it’s what you want.”
Asha stared at his handsome face above her. He looked a little bit wild, but vulnerable too. Her heart clenched, realizing that he thought she was leaving him now that she now had money to help her along. Did he think that was the only reason she had been with him, that she had only used him?
“Goddammit, Asha! Haven’t you figured out yet that you’re more than a guest?” Kade grumbled.
“Then what am I?” she asked curiously, searching his face.
Your friend?
Your lover?
Girlfriend? Asha knew that one was a stretch, but Kade wasn’t a guy who talked a whole lot about the future or his emotions.
“You’re my fucking sanity,” Kade rumbled above her. “You’re the reason I stopped escaping into the pain pills I was taking.”
Asha let out a tremulous breath, staring at Kade in surprise. “I thought you stopped before we met.”
“I did. I stopped as soon as I started searching for you. I couldn’t afford for my senses to be dulled. I needed to be in reality. You were smart. You challenged me, even though I didn’t know at the time that you were running because you were scared.”
“But the challenge is over,” Asha answered, confused.
“Hardly,” Kade answered drily. “You challenge me every single day. Watching the woman you are—all the energy and joy you put into every project you do and give to every person you meet—makes me want to be a better man.”
Putting her palm against the side of his face and letting it stroke down to his whiskered jaw, she said adamantly, “You’re already good.” Kade was starting to find purpose in his life without her, and he was mistaken in thinking she had anything to do with his inherent decentness. It was just…him. And she had no doubt that she had very little to do with Kade’s return to reality. He was strong, stubborn, and determined. He might have used pain meds as a temporary escape, but he would have broken free of them in his own time.
“I guess we just found another thing I’m good at vertically,” Kade said huskily, and with a wicked grin. “Did I hurt you?” he asked anxiously.
Kade was blowing off serious emotional issues again, but Asha couldn’t help but smile. “No. It was incredible.”
“So you like to get a little down and dirty once in a while. Who would have imagined?” Kade answered in a pseudo shocked voice. Rolling to his back, he brought her back on top of him, palming her naked ass to keep her there.
Asha sighed, the feel of them skin-to-skin making her want to purr like a contented kitten. “A little?” she questioned skeptically.
“Sweetheart, there’s a lot further down and a lot more dirty than what we just did,” Kade said in a graveled voice.
“There is?” Asha couldn’t keep the tinge of excitement from her voice. “Maybe I need to get some books or instructional DVDs. I think I must have missed a lot of my sex education. I’ve never even seen the Kama Sutra,” she said teasingly.
Kade squeezed her ass cheeks, pulling her completely over him. “No need. I’ve read it. I’d be more than happy to corrupt and instruct you, Ms. Paritala. You’ve been far too good.”
Matching his buoyant mood, she replied cheekily, “I have to be good or Santa will give me coal in my stocking.”
“Has he done that before?” Kade asked pensively.
“I’ve never had a stocking before,” Asha answered honestly. “I’ve never actually celebrated Christmas. And this was the first Thanksgiving I’ve ever celebrated. We only acknowledged Indian holidays, and I didn’t really participate in my foster family’s celebrations.”
“No, you wouldn’t have, would you?” Kade barked angrily. “You were their fucking servant.”
Asha couldn’t deny it. She was just grateful for her freedom. Her life was changing, and that was enough. “I’m starting new this year. I’m putting a Christmas tree and my stocking up.” Christmas might be a religious holiday, and she wasn’t sure what religion she really wanted to be, but she could celebrate just for the joy of the holiday.
Kade sat up abruptly and cradled her on his lap. “I’ll be your Santa. Sit in my lap naked like this and tell Santa Kade everything you want. I guarantee you’ll get everything you ask for and more.”
Asha giggled, delighted by the sudden, playful change in his demeanor. “I’d wish for you to teach me the finer points of getting down and dirty.”
Kade’s eyes were shooting flames as he looked down at her. “Santa Kade rewards naughtiness,” he said in a husky voice. “Feel free to misbehave.”
Asha eyed him dubiously. “That’s not the way it
works. I may not have celebrated before, but I do live in America.” Kade was adorable when he was mussed and playful, and Asha couldn’t resist the lure of playing with him. She only had a short time left with him, and she wanted to have this day to remember. She could give herself at least that much. She knew she had to leave, for Kade’s sake as well as her own. They both needed time and distance to figure out their feelings. And she needed to become a whole person.
“My rules. My Christmas.” He grinned sinfully down at her.
“Okay, Santa. Let’s start racking up those reward points,” she answered in a sultry whisper.
Kade groaned as he fell backward and rolled her onto her back, looming large above her. “It’s not nice to tease,” he cautioned her in a graveled voice.
Asha’s body heated as Kade held her helpless on the bed, looking like he wanted to devour her whole. “No teasing. Teach me,” she beseeched, her body aching for him.
I want to experience it all today…with you.
“It could take awhile,” he warned, lowering his mouth to hers. “You’re still pretty innocent.”
Kade’s kiss took her breath away, but Asha didn’t complain. Finding out just how naughty Kade could be was worth every breathless pant that came from her mouth as Kade took her to paradise.
Asha left the next day. While Kade was gone to work, she put the rest of her things together and walked out the door. It was one of the hardest things she’d ever done, but she pushed herself out the door with her small suitcase, skirting Kade’s security, and entered the waiting cab. Tears streamed down her face as the cab pulled away from the curb, but she knew she was doing the right thing. Her emotions were raw, and her confusion was rampant.
She and Kade had incredible sex, and she was grateful to him, but she didn’t know if what they felt was love or lust. Both of them were in vulnerable positions and mutual need just wasn’t going to be enough for either of them.
She’d already rented a tiny apartment across town. Although she had funds, she wanted to be careful. Still needing to purchase a car and more furnishings for the apartment, she had to be cautious with her money. Eventually, she’d contact Maddie and Max. But not yet, not when her emotions were still so fragile and not before she’d learned to truly survive alone.
This is going to hurt Kade.
The tears flowed faster and she swiped them away with impatient fingers. A short, temporary hurt was better than wounding him more in the future.
I’m still damaged.
I’m confused.
I’m not ready or worthy of a man like Kade.
Oh, but she wanted to be, and she wanted it desperately right now. The last thing she wanted was to leave him, but she cared too much about him to let him be stuck with half a woman, a woman who really didn’t know who she was or what she wanted.
I start that journey of discovery today!
And there was one thing that Asha wanted, something she’d never had.
After asking the taxi driver to make a quick stop for her, she hopped out of the cab and ducked into a jewelry store. The price of gold wasn’t cheap, but she bought the matching set of bangle bracelets anyway, putting a small dent in her savings.
Back in the cab, she fingered the bracelets, loving the sound of the thin hoops tinkling together. Indian women loved their bangles, and she was no different. When she was younger, she had yearned for even a cheap pair of bangles, but she’d never gotten them. Her foster parents barely fed her, and her husband never felt she deserved to have them because she couldn’t get pregnant and wasn’t really a woman.
Dr. Miller and Devi had recommended that she take the things she liked and wanted from her Indian heritage and dump the bad things because she was, after all, an American. And one thing she’d always coveted was bangles. Maybe it was imbedded in her DNA, but she’d always wanted them. She’d been deprived of the right to wear them even though she had been raised as an Indian woman. Now, she could decide what she wanted for herself. That thought both soothed and terrified her. She’d gone from a demanding, controlling foster family to an abusive husband. Even the last two years had been decisions made only for survival.
Who am I?
What do I want?
Her errant thoughts were interrupted as she arrived at her apartment building. After hastily paying and tipping the driver, she exited the cab and strode toward her apartment, nervous and apprehensive, but feeling stronger than she’d ever felt in her entire life.
I wish I could tell Kade how I feel.
Chastising herself for the thought, she realized that it was going to take a long time not to miss Kade. In addition to being an incredible lover, he had become her first true friend, the one man who had treated her with respect and kindness. He was special, and deep in her heart, Asha knew it. But he was more than a friend, and staying in his life would just make everything murky and confused. Maybe leaving his home had partially been for her protection, too. She believed Kade deserved more than a confused, messed-up woman, but she was fighting emotions that she just couldn’t deal with right at the moment. Kade overwhelmed her, and she wasn’t strong enough yet to deal with those intense feelings.
Letting herself into the apartment, she closed the door and locked it behind her.
“Home sweet home,” she said to herself, looking around the sparsely furnished apartment. She had a couch and a bed, along with a few bare essentials, but she needed to shop for the rest of what she needed. She’d rented the apartment a few days ago and Devi’s family had helped her move the few things she had purchased into the apartment. Now, it was time to make it a home for herself.
She propped her suitcase against the couch and studied the bare, white walls. One of the first things she needed was paint. She was Indian, and she needed color. She’d paint over the decorations before she left someday so she didn’t annoy the landlord, but the walls were depressing.
I have jobs starting the day after tomorrow. Time to get to work.
She took her bag to her bedroom, opening it to find the computer that Kade had given her on the very top. Tears sprang to her eyes, and she felt the enormous waves of loneliness that threatened to crush her.
Do this for him. Don’t let his kindness be for nothing.
Succeed! Succeed! Succeed!
In that moment, Asha found a new mantra, and she was determined to keep it.
“You did an incredible job with Holderman,” Travis commented casually as he plopped into the chair in front of Kade’s desk in his office at Harrison. “A hell of a lot better than I could have managed.”
Kade shrugged. “He’s an ass, but we want the acquisition.”
“I’m not sure I would have pursued it. The company would have lost money because I don’t have the patience to deal with him,” Travis replied, straightening his tie, obviously wanting to say something, but looking like he was reluctant or unable to say it.
“So you needed me,” Kade said jokingly. More seriously, he added, “It was no big deal. I’ve had to deal with a lot of assholes in my life. I’ve learned not to let them get to me. Winning the game is more important.”
“I’m glad you’re here, Kade. I just wanted you to know that,” Travis grumbled, looking a little uncomfortable. “You have strengths that I don’t, and we complement each other.”
Kade looked at his twin in surprise. “Who are you and what have you done with my brother?” The comment was so unlike Travis that Kade wasn’t quite sure he’d heard Travis properly. His twin didn’t admit to having any weaknesses.
“I’m just stating a fact. Harrison is better for having you here.” Travis shifted in his chair, straightening his already perfect tie. “I just wish you’d rethink your shirts and ties.”
Kade barked out a laugh. That comment was more like Travis, but he was touched that Travis wanted him here. “I thought you had everything under control. I n
ever felt like you needed me.”
“I don’t,” Travis said defensively. “If you want to do something else with your life, you can feel free to leave Harrison to me.”
Kade studied Travis, trying to read him, but it was almost impossible. Luckily, they were twins, and Kade sensed certain things about his brother. Right now, Travis was trying to set him free to do whatever he wanted to do because his elder brother had always taken up all the responsibilities at Harrison, allowing the rest of the siblings to pursue their dreams. Kade had never thought about the sacrifices Travis had made for his family, but now he asked, “Do you like being here? Do you like running Harrison? You could have been a hell of a race car driver if you’d stayed with that. But you couldn’t, could you? You were the only one left to run the company.” Kade’s gut twisted with guilt. “You were the only one who never felt free to do what you wanted. You were trapped here because Mia was pursuing her art and I was playing football.” Kade had never thought about the unfairness of that fact until now. He’d always just assumed that Travis was exactly where he wanted to be.
“It was fair,” Travis rumbled. “I wasn’t deprived. I was doing exactly what I wanted. I like racing, but it’s a hobby. I never felt the driving need to do it professionally. I wanted to be here. So don’t try to make me out to be some type of hero. I love this company and the way it challenges me.”
You like the way it takes up all your time and helps you forget. Kade knew that Travis buried himself in his work. But he was relieved that he hadn’t had a burning desire to do something else. “I want to be here, Travis. I just felt like you didn’t need me here because you had it all handled, had it all together.”
“I do,” Travis drawled arrogantly. “But I could use your help.”
Kade stifled a chuckle, knowing that he wasn’t going to get any more than that admission from Travis. But it was good enough for him. Admittedly, he felt needed here. Slowly, the duties that were weaknesses for Travis had been passed to him, and he found that he truly did excel at the things that Travis didn’t. The employees were starting to look to him for guidance in those areas, and he was starting to feel like the captain of his own football team. “I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere.”