Lost Wolf (A New Dawn Novel Book 4)

by Rachel M Raithby

  “We’re friends, well, we were. We are…. I lost her too, Regan. She died because of me too.”

  All the air knocked out of her. Regan’s knees buckled, and she slid to the ground. Mia was beside her a second later, a hand gently rubbing circles on her back.

  “Regan? Regan, are you all right?” Mia gasped.

  “I’m so sorry,” Regan sobbed. “I’m so, so sorry.”

  “It’s okay, Regan. She was your sister. Your twin.”

  “But you’re right. She was your friend. We both lost her, and I just….”

  “I didn’t say those things to make you feel bad. It’s just you sounded so lost, and I couldn’t walk away without reminding you that I’m still here if you want to talk. If you need someone to confide in.”

  Regan shuffled back and sat on her butt. Running her hands over her face, she dragged in a few breaths before facing Mia again. “Do you ever feel like you’ve been walking down the wrong path, and you’ve been walking down it for so long that you no longer have any idea how to get back?”

  Mia sat down, her expression thoughtful as she answered, “You can’t go back. But you can change course.”

  Regan laughed softly. “You make it sound so simple.”

  “It won’t be, but I think it’s a hell of a lot better than living a lie.”

  “A lie?”

  Mia pursed her lips, a tiny crease appearing on her forehead.

  “Just say it,” Regan urged.

  “I’m a little worried about upsetting you.”

  “That never stopped you before.”

  “You’ve lost your twin, Regan, but you’ve lost a lot more than that. You’ve lost the very essence of who you are. Megan was the quiet sister, and you were the loud sister. Her wolf was submissive, while yours is dominant. You were opposites in so many ways, yet two halves of one whole.”

  Regan knew where Mia was leading. She knew she’d changed in more ways than one, and possibly not for the better. There was grief and mourning, and then there was hating the very core of herself. Loathing the wild, free, teenager she’d been, because she’d gotten her sister killed.

  “That essence killed her, Mia,” Regan whispered. “I killed her.”

  “Oh, Regan.” Mia took hold of her hand. “If you killed her, then so did I. So did everyone at that party.”

  “If I’d just stayed home, then she’d never been out there to be found.”

  “If Megan had just stayed home, then she would never have been there to be found.”

  “She was worried about me.”

  “I know. And I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that the very thoughts you’re having haven’t haunted me, but the truth of the matter is; Megan’s death is the fault of the man who killed her, and no one else. And if Megan were here, she’d tell you herself that it wasn’t your fault, and she’d also tell you to stop hiding from yourself.”

  “My parents need me to be sensible.”

  “You’re not a silly teenager anymore, Regan. I’m not suggesting you start partying and being reckless, but maybe it’s time to remember you’re a dominant female, not a submissive maternal.”

  “So, I should start training like you?” Regan mumbled.

  Mia placed a hand on her shoulder, looking her in the eyes. “Only you can decide what you look like, and if that’s the person you are right now, then that’s fine, but I don’t think you’re fine with that. I’ll leave you to be with Megan, but remember, there was once a time you told me as many secrets as you told her.”

  It was in the early hours of the morning when Regan returned home. She crept through the house, each careful, silent footfall taking tremendous effort. Her legs were like lead weights and her soul even heavier. By the time she reached her bed, Regan could do nothing more than collapse forward, falling to sleep diagonally across the bed. She didn’t have the willpower or inclination to change into her pajamas. The day had been hard. She wanted nothing more than for it to end, for every doubt circling her head to quiet, and every emotion pressing against her bones to ease.

  Sleep came, but it didn’t bring relief, and when she woke the next day, Regan realized she had no choice but to face the music, to change direction. She’d known in the back of her mind that she was walking the wrong path for some time, from before she’d even known the name Tyler. Yet that didn’t make the realization any easier or mean she knew which direction she should now venture in. The truth was, she’d ignored the inevitable wall she was racing toward because she’d had no idea how to smash through it, or climb over it. Instead, she’d waited until she stood before it, gazing up, feeling very small, and rather lost.

  Change wasn’t going to be easy, but it was better than hiding, than living the lie she had been since Megan’s death. She’d take one small step at a time and hope somehow, she’d find herself again.

  Chapter 7

  Bass rolled over in bed to answer his phone. Katalina groaned beside him, slapping his back as she mumbled, “Make it stop.”

  Chuckling, Bass answered with a whispered, “Nic? What’s up?” then climbed out of bed and stepped quietly from their bedroom.

  “I was out taking a run after my late shift and came across Tyler on River Run’s side,” Nico explained.

  “And?”

  “And he was just standing there, Bass, looking like his entire world ended.”

  “Has he sensed you?”

  “No, and I haven’t approached. This is an alpha situation.”

  “Where are you?” Bass asked, his body filling with a killing calm. He had no idea what had happened, but whatever it was, Bass would be keeping his cool.

  “He’s not far from the stream cutting along the border. Follow the outer border, then track down the stream. You’ll soon sense him.”

  “I’ll be there soon, Nico.”

  Bass ended the call and headed back into the bedroom. Pulling on the jeans and T-Shirt he’d discarded before getting into bed, he walked over to Katalina’s sleeping form. “Baby?” he murmured, brushing her hair off her face. “I’ve gotta go deal with something.”

  She became alert immediately. “What’s wrong?”

  “Something’s up with Tyler.”

  “Intruders?”

  “No, I don’t think so. Go back to sleep, I’ll be home as soon as possible.”

  “’kay, love you.”

  Bass bent, kissing her softly. “And I you.”

  Not long after, he reached the stream and picked up Tyler’s scent, following the trail until he reached Nico. “Hey,” Bass said. “Any movement?”

  “No.”

  “Okay, thanks, Nic. I’ll take it from here.” Bass placed a hand on Nico’s shoulder. “Go get some sleep, pal, you look tired.”

  Nico smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I don’t sleep much these days. Too busy worrying about Olivia.”

  “Try,” Bass urged. “Try.” Parting ways, Bass walked the short distance to Tyler. He was staring at the ground, not moving a muscle when Bass approached. “Ty? Tyler are you all right?” he murmured.

  Tyler looked up, and Bass studied his gaze but there was nothing there. Tyler was empty, vacant, as if something had stalled his brain.

  “Tyler, are you all right?” Bass repeated a little firmer.

  His eyes focused, recognition lighting Tyler’s features before they filled with rage.

  “Hey, Ty? Tyler, what’s going on?”

  Tyler began to shake.

  “Talk to me?” Bass urged, making sure his tone was soft, comforting, his body language open—shoulders rounded, hands up, palms out.

  “I thought I found it. I thought I found it,” Tyler whispered roughly.

  “Found what, Tyler?”

  For a moment, the anger on Tyler’s face lessened. His mouth opened as if to speak, but then he closed up, his features hardening, body straightening. Head shaking a mere fraction, he replied, “I can’t.”

  Bass braced himself, ready to act on a moment’s notice. “I can’t make
you talk to me, but I’m your alpha, Tyler, your friend, and something has filled you with this unhealthy rage. Anger like that, Ty, it eats at you, turns you into something else. Let me help you.”

  “I can’t,” he repeated. It took visible effort, but minutes later, Tyler had reined in his anger; his face and body relaxed, as he eyes softened. “I’m okay,” Tyler insisted.

  Bass studied him before deciding the danger had passed, and took a step forward. When Tyler didn’t react, Bass closed the distance between them and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Are you sure, Ty? You had me a little worried there.”

  “I’m sure…. I received some news I wasn’t ready to hear, but I’ll get over it.”

  “Whatever it is, it’s okay if you can’t,” Bass reassured him. “You can talk to me, or Nico….”

  “Really, I’m fine. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Bass released him. Taking a small step back, he debated whether to push Tyler further, whether not knowing would jeopardize the rest of the pack. Tyler was one of his inner circle, an enforcer. The man had earned Bass’s loyalty and trust, yet lately, Bass was questioning the very foundation on which he stood. Bass wondered how many more snakes laid in the grass waiting to strike. What danger awaited around the corner. But thinking like that wasn’t healthy and certainly wasn’t in the best interests of his pack, so Bass saw no other option than to trust Tyler, and hoped the man would come to him if the need arose.

  Chapter 8

  Tyler held his breath as Bass studied him.

  “I want to respect your privacy, Ty, but I’ve gotta ask. Does whatever it is that’s troubling you endanger Dark Shadow?”

  Tyler’s chest tightened uncomfortably. Bass had asked the one question that he wasn’t sure he could answer truthfully, the one question that highlighted just how a relationship between wolves from both packs could strain the alliance. Because as Tyler gazed at Bass, his allegiance to his alpha was blurred by his feelings for Regan.

  Regan’s sister had been killed by a Dark Shadow wolf. For all Tyler knew, it could have been one of his friends who’d done the deed, and while Tyler knew Bass didn’t condone such cruelty, he also wasn’t sure if he’d approve of their relationship anymore. Whether he’d go back on his original word. The complications it would bring could put strain on the alliance. Bass had said be discreet, and Regan’s parents’ reaction would be anything but… And if there was one thing Tyler was certain of, it was that even with the information Regan had given him, regarding Megan’s death, it didn’t change anything.

  He still wanted her.

  He still craved to know her mind, body, and soul.

  “No, it doesn’t,” Tyler answered, not feeling the least bit guilty for the potential lie.

  Bass nodded, smiling softly. “Good. Join me for a run.”

  It wasn’t an invitation, so Tyler didn’t bother mentioning he wasn’t really in the mood for company. Instead, he forced a smile on his face and dropped the jeans he wore to the ground before shifting into wolf form. Bass did the same, setting off along the river. Tyler wished Regan was accompanying him and not his alpha, but having no choice, he shook his emotions aside and followed.

  The run was long and tiring, Bass sticking to a pace that meant when they returned home, Tyler could do nothing more than collapse into bed, his muscles sore from exertion. And while Tyler might not have wanted to join Bass for a run, it did accomplish the very thing he was certain Bass had intended it to do. To tire him out enough that his mind and his body could do nothing but sleep, and for that, Tyler couldn’t help but be thankful.

  The next night Tyler waited by the stream. A lone wolf waiting in the darkness hoping for his light to return, but Regan didn’t come, and as each night passed without her presence, the dark anger in him grew.

  It was a week later that Tyler realized the rage inside of him wasn’t directed toward Regan’s absence but at the nameless killer who’d destroyed their chance before it’d had time to grow. It was that realization that had him hiding in the trees, waiting for Katalina to walk by on her nightly walk with Arne. She wasn’t always alone on these walks, but luck was on his side that night.

  Dropping from above a good distance ahead so not to scare Katalina, Tyler smiled at the dog that growled the moment he appeared.

  “It’s all right, boy, come here,” he called brightly.

  The dog ceased growling but didn’t approach until Katalina ruffled his head and whispered something Tyler didn’t hear.

  “Is there a reason you’re dropping from the trees frightening dogs?” Katalina asked as she continued to walk.

  “Didn’t scare you though?”

  “Only for a second, I recognized you before you hit the ground. Still prefer not to meet wolves falling from trees on my walks though.” She smiled, her eyes creasing with amusement. “Do you need something, Ty?”

  Tyler fell into step beside her, scratching Arne on the head as he rubbed against his legs. “Actually yeah,” he admitted, taking a deep breath before explaining, “I need you to find out who in Dark Shadow killed Regan’s sister, Megan, and I need you to not tell Bass or Jackson it’s me who wants to know.”

  Katalina stopped. Facing him, she studied him warily. “What? I…” She shook her head. “I was under the impression what happened between you and Regan was a onetime thing. Night of drunken fun and all that.”

  Her answer had Tyler closing up. He’d expected her out of everyone to understand.

  “It was. It’s just… it’s been weighing on me. That someone in this pack might be wandering around when blood needs to be repaid.”

  Katalina frowned. “Ty, I’m surprised Regan told you about Megan at all. She didn’t tell me until we’d become close friends, and I’m not sure I agree with the whole blood needs repaying thing. We’ve no idea what truly happened because we weren’t there. It was a different time back then.”

  “Please, Kat, I’m not saying I’m going to do anything with the information. It’s just bothering me. I’ve tried to move past it, but I can’t without knowing the truth.”

  “Then why not ask Bass or Jackson? Why me?”

  “Because I don’t want to cause any problems between the packs, and risk upsetting people.”

  “But let me guess, I won’t cause the same issues?” Her hands landed on her hips. “You know I sometimes hate being the girl from both packs.”

  Tyler grinned. “I know you do, but it does come in handy.”

  Katalina shook her head, a reluctant smile gracing her lips. “I’ll think about it, but I’m not promising anything.”

  Tyler touched her shoulder. “Thanks, Kat, I knew I could rely on you.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Now disappear and let Arne and I get on with our walk. Unless you care to join us?”

  “Actually.” He grimaced. “I’m late for my shift.”

  “Tut, tut, tut, can’t promise I won’t rat you out to the boss.” She smiled playfully. “I think you should run.”

  Tyler followed the order, laughing as he did. For the first time in a week, he felt just a little lighter; the anger in him soothed, if only for a short while.

  Chapter 9

  The conversation with Tyler weighed on Katalina, enough to have her changing direction and walking off Dark Shadow land and toward Jackson’s.

  “Come on, Arne, we’ve got a question to ask.”

  She wasn’t sure she believed Tyler when he said there was nothing between him and Regan, and it wasn’t that she’d detected a lie, but that she couldn’t quite believe Regan would have told Tyler more than she’d told her. Not unless they were more than just a casual fling. Because up until a few moments before, Katalina hadn’t known it was a dark shadow wolf who’d killed Megan. Regan had never explained further than to say she had a twin sister who’d died, and Katalina hadn’t questioned as it was clear the subject hurt Regan deeply.

  But as she approached Jackson’s home, it was all she could think of. What exactly had happened, and
was she now friends with the very person who’d robbed someone of her life before it had even had a chance to begin?

  “Kat,” Jackson greeted as she walked in. “Did I forget you were coming over?”

  “No, it was a last-minute decision.”

  “Oh, good. Was worried I was going senile for a minute.”

  Katalina laughed. “Hmm… not so sure you’re in the clear on that one.”

  Jackson scowled. “Did you come here for a reason then, or to just insult me?” he grumbled.

  “As much as I love a good insult, I actually wanted to talk.” Katalina inclined her head toward the door. “Want to walk?”

  “I’m not going to enjoy this conversation, am I?” he asked, striding for the door and holding it open for her to exit first.

  “Probably not,” Katalina admitted. “But look on the bright side, you get to take a stroll with your amazing daughter.”

  Jackson rolled his eyes, slamming the door closed behind him as he followed her across the grassed land leading to the trees ahead. Katalina eyed him warily, nervous of his reaction to the question she was about to ask.

  “Well, I guess there is no easy way to put this so, I’m just going to go right ahead and ask. I’d like to know what happened the day Megan was killed.”

  Jackson faltered, gazing at her for a moment before speaking, “Megan…. Have you been talking with Regan?”

  “Yes,” Katalina lied.

  “She doesn’t talk about her often. That day took away more than just one life. Regan is fundamentally changed. I’m not sure she’ll ever heal from the consequences of that day. What did she tell you?”

  “Not much, but I couldn’t go on not knowing if the person who did it is part of Dark Shadow.”

  “He’s not, and if he was, I’d demand blood. Megan’s death was more than just a casualty of war. It had nothing to do with power or land, and everything to do with the joy of killing. Megan wasn’t outgoing. She was submissive while her sister dominant. When they hit the rebellious teenage years, Regan got into trouble, and Megan preferred to stay in with a book. I honestly don’t think it bothered her. The two were opposites, yet as close as two sisters could be. It was a Saturday night, the usual group had met up for a bonfire and drinks. Nothing new. I’d let it go on long enough to make them feel like kings and queens before sending enforcers to break it up. But on that night, Dark Shadow attacked. The call was sounded. The group weren’t stupid and were already on their way home, but as far as I could tell, in the chaos, Regan didn’t answer Megan’s call, and so Megan went out looking for her sister. Only she never found Regan. His name is Richard. A nasty, narcissistic wolf. He lives for the hunt, for the game, and when he found Megan on her own, he killed her.”