Gorilla Tactics

by Sheila Grau

  The lights went down.

  “Gotta pee,” I said loudly. I edged my way out of the row, ran down the aisle, and found Boris waiting near the foyer, wearing the exact outfit as mine. I thrust the beanie on his head. “Remember, be nice to Syke,” I told him.

  “Syke,” he said. “I like Syke.”

  Yikes.

  Rufus Spaniel walked up to us. Even though we were both third-years, he was twice my size. I got nervous whenever he was in the same room as me, much less talking to me.

  “What are you twinsies up to?” he asked.

  “Movie night,” Boris said. “We watch a movie on movie night.” Boris wasn’t trying to be sarcastic, but Rufus thought he was and growled at him.

  “Where’s Janet?” I asked, trying to change the subject.

  “Why do you care?” Rufus said, angry now.

  “Just wondering,” I said. “You two usually watch movies together.”

  “She’s saving my spot,” he said. He sneered at me one more time, then put an arm around each of us to lead us back inside. “The movie’s starting, boys.”

  I ducked under his arm. “Gotta pee,” I said. I darted into the bathroom, hoping he wouldn’t follow. I waited a few minutes before peeking out, but I didn’t see Rufus anywhere.

  I ran to the boathouse by the lake to meet Frankie, Eloni, and Darthin. Not many people know about the secret entrance to the dungeon in the boathouse, under a box labeled “Engine parts.” When I got there, only Frankie was waiting inside.

  “Darthin said he had an emergency study session or something,” Frankie said.

  “He chickened out?” I said.

  “Pretty much.”

  “I don’t blame him,” I said. “If he got kicked out, his whole family would be put in jail.”

  “I’m so glad I’m not from Upper Worb,” Frankie said. “Or some other place where the EOs keep your family hostage to make sure you come back.”

  “What about Eloni?” I asked.

  “He told me he had a movie-night date with Elise. Then he said ‘Elise!’ again so I would understand it was a big deal.”

  “She’s really nice,” I said. Everybody liked Elise.

  I was disappointed, but I couldn’t blame him either. “Listen, Frankie, you don’t have to do this. This school’s your only home too.”

  “So if we both get kicked out, at least we’ll have each other,” he said. “Let’s go.”

  Frankie was the best. I pushed aside the box, and we climbed down a shaft that had a ladder built into the side. The reverberating clang of our footsteps echoed in the space, making it sound like someone was following us.

  We reached the floor. “This way,” I said, pointing. I didn’t have my Dungeon Positioning System (DPS), because I’d given it to Boris. If anyone looked for me, they would see that I was at the movie. Fortunately, I knew my way around the dungeon. We had to go past the underground grotto, past Dr. Critchlore’s steel-plated safety bunker, and then down another flight of stairs to the lower level and the holding cells.

  The crunch of our footsteps seemed amplified in the quiet, and the darkness was so thick it smothered the feeble light of my flashlight. My whole body felt prickly with fear as we passed dark crevices in the rough walls, hiding who knew what kind of creatures.

  I was so grateful that Frankie followed me. There’s nothing like having a superstrong minion watching your back in times of danger.

  We continued on, faster now. I just wanted this to be done. When I reached an intersection, I turned to say something to Frankie, but, guess what? No Frankie.

  “Frankie?” I whispered. Where’d he go?

  I checked each hallway. No Frankie. Panic filled me, and my heart thumped so hard and fast it felt like a drum being played by a hyperactive troll. I raced back to find him, but as I passed a dark crevice, someone put a hand over my mouth and pulled me into the shadows.

  ‡‡‡

  Another hand grabbed my flashlight, switching it off.

  “It’s me. Pismo,” he whispered. “Frankie’s right behind us. Someone’s following you.”

  “Pis—”

  “Shh. Wait here.”

  He edged around me, out of the alcove, and into the hall. I couldn’t see anything, but I felt Frankie ease up next to me. At least, I hoped it was Frankie. I reached for his neck and felt the familiar bolts to make sure.

  I didn’t know whether to trust Pismo. He was an obnoxious little transfer student with a bad attitude. But when we noticed a light swooping around the tunnel, Frankie and I leaned back into the darkness.

  “Whoa! Watch it,” Pismo said to the flashlight-wielding follower. “You’ll blind someone.”

  “Pismo,” Rufus said. “Beat it, punk. What’re you doing down here?”

  “I take an evening swim in the grotto,” Pismo said. “Care to join me?”

  “You do know there’s a flesh-eating fish monster in there?”

  “Clarence? Sure, he’s a hoot. Come on, I’ll introduce you.”

  “No thanks, weirdo,” Rufus said. “You see anyone else down here? A couple annoying little dorks?”

  “Yeah,” Pismo said. “They went toward Frankenhammer’s lab.”

  We waited in silence.

  Finally, Pismo came back to the alcove.

  “He’s gone,” he said, running a hand through his long bangs to lift them off his face. “So spill. Whatcha two doing down here, and why was Rufus following you?”

  “I’m—uh . . . we’re—um—exploring?”

  “Yeah, right. You’re the worst liar in the history of forever.” He swished his towel at me. “What’s going on? I want in.”

  I looked at Frankie. Frankie looked back at me. Pismo draped an arm over my shoulder. “Runt,” he said, “some people are more equipped for delinquency than others. I’m your man.”

  It was true. Pismo didn’t care about rules, and I felt I could trust him. After all, I knew his secret. Pismo was a merman—that was why he needed the nightly swim. He didn’t want anyone to know, mostly because people thought mermaids were stupid. You couldn’t get through a day without hearing a “dumb mermaid” joke, thanks to the sirens, who hated mermaids.

  “What’s the plan?” Pismo said.

  “We’re breaking someone out of a holding cell,” I said.

  “Goody,” Pismo said, hopping up and down. “I love a good prison break. Who’re we springing, and what’d he do?”

  “It’s a she. The Girl Explorer who showed up after Dr. Critchlore’s assembly.”

  Pismo stopped hopping.

  “Are you crazy?” he asked. “That thing was . . . it had those teeth . . . and claws . . . Are you crazy?”

  “I’ve talked to her. She called me family. I know she can help me find out where I come from.”

  Pismo shrugged. “Okay. Let’s go.”

  It’s like an underground city down there. Not only does it have classrooms and offices, but there are also stores, a museum, a spa, and a bowling alley.

  —SOMEONE DESCRIBING THE CRITCHLORE CASTLE DUNGEON

  We reached the entrance to the holding cell hall. The guards were gone, but when we opened the door, we saw an ogreman sitting in a chair in front of the last cell. I closed the door and looked at Frankie.

  Up until now, I hadn’t done anything wrong. I hadn’t broken any rules. But as soon as we entered that hallway, I would become something new—a rule breaker.

  I took a deep breath to calm myself. “Okay, Frankie, what was Darthin’s plan?”

  “I don’t know. I thought you knew.”

  Oh no. All this time, as nervous as I was, I still had a certain confidence that Darthin’s plan would lead to a quick getaway. Now we were doomed.

  “Go on,” Pismo said, pushing me forward. “We’ll improvise.”

  I opened the door, and we dashed into a dark, doorless cell hidden from the guard’s view. He was playing a video game on a handheld device and didn’t look up.

  “Sounds like Monster Blaster F
our,” Pismo whispered. “He’s at level thirteen, right before the troll shows up and stomps the villagers.”

  “How are we going to get past him?” Frankie asked.

  “You guys stay here. I’ll lure him out,” Pismo said.

  Before I could ask him what he was going to do, he left. He walked straight down the hallway, like he wasn’t even trying to hide from the guard. Frankie and I watched from the shadows, knowing we couldn’t be seen.

  “Level thirteen is a beast,” Pismo said.

  The guard startled. “Hey, kid. You’re not supposed to be down here.”

  “I know. I heard the roar of the bellicose troll and had to see you beat him. I’ve done it fourteen times. It never gets old.”

  “You’ve beaten the bellicose troll?”

  “Sure,” Pismo said. “Want me to show you?”

  “Yes! I’ve been stuck on this level forever.”

  “There’s just one thing,” Pismo said. “See, I’m a merman—please don’t tell anyone—and I’ve got to get in the water soon or my legs will turn into a fish tail. Can we go down the hall to the grotto?”

  Smart thinking, Pismo. I smiled at Frankie, and he nodded.

  “You don’t need to go that far,” the guard said. “See that cell over there? The underground river comes up in the corner. You can put your legs in there.”

  Oops. There went Pismo’s plan.

  “Really? Okay.”

  Frankie and I listened while Pismo defeated the bellicose troll. He gave us a running commentary on his moves. The guard laughed and kept saying, “No way!” I looked at Frankie and pointed to my wrist, as if I had a watch there. We didn’t have much time.

  “Dude,” Pismo said. “Looks like your battery is almost dead. Hand me your charger.”

  “Charger?”

  “Yeah. If we plug this in quickly, you won’t lose your spot.”

  “Plug it in where?” the guard asked. There weren’t any electrical outlets in the dungeon.

  “Uh-oh,” Pismo said. “We didn’t save the game at the last checkpoint. We’ll lose everything if you don’t get this plugged in.”

  “My charger’s in the office. Upstairs.”

  “I’ll stay here and watch your prisoner. You go plug it in.”

  The guard was silent.

  “You can trust me,” Pismo said. “I told you my secret, after all. Plus I’m taking Professor Dungely’s Prisoner-Watching Seminar. Go.”

  “I had to take that twice,” the guard said. “I kept failing the practical exam.”

  “It’s difficult,” Pismo said. “I think you’re doing an awesome job. Go on. It will only be a few minutes.”

  “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

  Frankie and I ducked back into the shadows as the guard raced by. Then we ran to Pismo, who was drying himself off with his towel.

  “That was too easy,” Pismo said. “No wonder he failed the practical.”

  “Prisoner-Watching Seminar?” I asked.

  Pismo smiled and nodded. “I need the extra credit. You guys have three minutes, maybe two.”

  The metal door had a small window I could look through if I stood on tiptoes. I saw the Girl Explorer huddled in the corner of the cell, lit by a dull lightbulb hanging from the ceiling. Holding my medallion, I saw her monster form. Dung beetles, I’d never seen a more frightening beast, with those jagged teeth, powerful horns, and sharp, sharp claws. I felt the scrapes on my chest and knew that if she’d closed her fist, her claws would’ve dug out half my torso.

  I tried to swallow over the lump of fear stuck in my throat.

  “Hello?” I said. She looked up. “We’re here to rescue you.” I turned to Frankie. “Can you pull this door open?”

  Frankie grabbed the door and pulled. The metal squeaked and screamed as it was pried off the hinges. The monster ran out.

  “Just shove it back in the doorway,” I told Frankie. It looked a little bent, but hopefully the guard wouldn’t notice. “Let’s go.”

  “Take her to the grotto,” Pismo said. “I’ll meet you there.”

  Running next to the most fearsome monster I’d ever seen was terrifying, but her glamour worked as long as I didn’t touch my medallion with my hand. I told myself I was just running with a little girl.

  We reached the grotto, a deep underground cave that opened up off the hallway. A string of dim lightbulbs circled a subterranean lake, each one hanging above a sign that warned of the danger of stepping too close to the water. The cave was eerily quiet, except for the echoing pings of water dripping from the stalactites covering the ceiling.

  “What’s your name?” I asked the monster.

  “Saradakbecoveltorpiclowin,” she said. She leaned over the water and took a sip, sending out ripples.

  “Can I call you Sara?”

  “Yes, little one of the fameely.”

  “Where is the broken place you said you’re from?” I whispered.

  “Far away. Eet beautiful. Lots of trees and mountains. We leeved in forest. Not many trees at new home.”

  Trees and mountains. “Is it near the Etarne Cliffs?”

  “Don’t know that place. We want to go home. Don’t leek Pravus.”

  Frankie took a step toward the water. “Something’s moving down there,” he said.

  “Step back,” I told him. To Sara, I said, “Why can’t you leave Pravus?”

  “Have to obey Pravus. He defeated the fameely.” She approached me, grabbing my arm. She’s just a girl, I told myself, heart racing. Just a girl. “Eef you come for us, we can leave. The spell says obey the fameely feerst, captor second. Pravus not fameely. Says fameely dead. He ees master now. But you have medallion. You smell right. Fameely. You weel save us.”

  Interesting. I’d never been told that I smelled right before. Still, I didn’t understand what she meant.

  I was about to ask another question when Frankie screamed. In the stillness of the cave, his scream was as startling as a crack of thunder. I turned to see him on his back, a thick tentacle wrapped around his leg, dragging him into the water.

  I grabbed him, but I knew I wasn’t going to win a tug-of-war against the flesh-eating fish monster. “Sara! Help!”

  Sara hopped over, landing on the tentacle. In a flash, it flew back into the water. Frankie scooched away as fast as he could. We both crouched against the wall, trying to get as far away from the water as we could.

  “Thanks, Sara,” Frankie said.

  “Is Clarence trying to make friends again?” Pismo had entered the grotto, smiling wide. “I told him not to grab people.”

  The fish monster’s clammy head popped out of the water. A low growl filled the dark cavern, echoing off the rocky walls.

  Sara growled back, edging closer to the water, which made me nervous.

  Something flew out of the water and hit her with a splat. She reared back and then looked down at a huge, dead fish, as big as an ogre’s foot, lying on the gravel. She bent over it, made some growling, gurgling sounds, and when she stood back, the fish was nothing but bones.

  “Land piranha,” I whispered, remembering the nickname for Sara’s kind.

  “There you go, Clarence!” Pismo shouted. To us, he said, “I think he likes her.”

  “Runt, we need to get back to the movie,” Frankie said.

  “Tell your monster friend to hide in the cave at the far end of this wall,” Pismo said. “She’ll be safe there.”

  “Sara?” I asked.

  “I stay in cave,” Sara said. “Thank you, young one.”

  “In the morning, we’ll figure out what to do.”

  With that, Frankie and I raced back to the movie. I waited in the hall while Frankie ran inside to get Boris so we could switch places. When they came out, I grabbed my hat from Boris’s head. It was wet and smelled like soda.

  “Sorry,” he said. “Scary movie.” He leaned toward me and whispered, “There was kissing.” Then he shivered.

  I went inside and took my seat next to Syke
, who was soaked with soda and had popcorn stuck in her hair.

  “The movie frightened him,” Syke whispered. “Many times.”

  “Sorry,” I said, stifling a laugh.

  I felt someone’s gaze and turned around. Rufus sat glaring at me. If suspicion had a face, he was wearing it.

  Welcome to Skelterdam! If you’re human, like me, you’ll be dead before you finish reading this sen—

  —WELCOME SIGN IN SKELTERDAM, WHERE NO HUMAN CAN SURVIVE

  The next morning, I crossed “Save the Monster” off my to-do list. That felt both good and scary. I remembered Rufus’s angry glare and wondered if he’d snitch on me when the Girl Explorer couldn’t be found.

  I had to stick to the plan. We’d decided that I should make a plea for Sara’s release, so it would look like I didn’t know she’d already escaped. I went to see Dr. Critchlore before breakfast. The secretary’s desk was empty, which made me think Professor Vodum had been reassigned to yet another job.

  I walked right into Dr. Critchlore’s office.

  “Dr. Critchlore, I—”

  I stopped because it wasn’t Dr. Critchlore standing in front of his desk, eyeing The Top Secret Book of Minions through its glass case. It was Dr. Thiago Pravus, headmaster of the Pravus Academy, and Dr. Critchlore’s worst enemy.

  Dr. Pravus looked like he’d just stepped out of a commercial for stuff that rich people buy. Everything about him looked expensive, from his blue suit and silk tie to his neatly trimmed black-and-gray hair and perfect tan. He seemed to exude power, and I took a step back before realizing what I was doing.

  “Knowledge is power,” he said, tapping the glass case that held Dr. Critchlore’s prized book. “But wisdom is knowing what you don’t know.”

  He turned and looked at me with an eyebrow cocked, a lip twitching to sneer at me.

  “Get out,” he said.

  I backed up another step before realizing that I wasn’t the trespasser here—he was. Why was he standing there, acting like he owned the place? Where was Dr. Critchlore?