Never Expected Love

by S. M. Stryker

  "Dazzle me."

  "Well, since you have bananas to put in there I can't get wild, but here I go." I make a heart with an arrow going through it, and then I lay the bananas down inside the heart so they will cook inside the pancake. "Do you see how it starts to bubble? Once they kind of stop, it's time to flip it." I turn her pancake over to cook the other side. I continue until her pancake mix is gone.

  "Wow, you're pretty talented."

  "Yeah, don't let the looks fool you." I laugh.

  We finish our breakfast and I drive to the waterfront downtown Portland. City Fair is closing this weekend and I know that Nicole hasn't ridden many carnival rides before. We park in a parking garage and walk to the waterfront as I hold her hand. As we get closer, her excitement level raised.

  She's almost bouncing as we get to the crosswalk from the park. She glances at me to see if I'm going to give her any indication of what we are doing since the Saturday Market is going on as well.

  I pull her in front of me so I can watch her reaction. "I did say that we're going to get in touch with our inner child." Now she's bouncing up and down and squealing. "Are you telling me that you haven't ever been to the state or county fairs either?"

  "No, I never made time for them. I was always too busy studying or working."

  "There are only so many days you can work you know."

  "I know."

  We cross the road to get into the park. There are people and kids all over the place. The smell of carnival food lofts in the air. "I can't believe how good the food smells and I'm still full from breakfast," I say.

  "There are so many things I want to try. I've never had an elephant ear, or corndog, or cotton candy, or..."

  I stop and just stare at her. "Are you serious? You are going to be one sick puppy tonight."

  She just laughs at me.

  "I get that, but you have missed so much. I'd ask you if you get queasy on rides, but I guess we will find out together."

  I buy ride bracelets for the both of us, so we don't have to worry about having to stand in line again for tickets. The first ride I take her on is the Ferris wheel, then I take her to the Enterprise we then moved to the Octopus, the Zipper and finished with the Roundup. I don't think the smile will come off Nicole's face for at least a week.

  "Are you having fun?"

  She turns to me and surprises me when she throws she arms around me in excitement. "Oh Richard, I don't think I have ever had this much fun."

  I wrap my arms around her as my heart starts to pound in my chest. I look into her sparkling eyes; we are both quiet absorbing the feeling that we are having at that moment. "I'm going to kiss you now Nicole," I say, not taking my eyes off hers. I bring my hands to her face as my thumbs caress her cheekbones I pull her to me as she licks her lips in anticipation. I slowly press my mouth to her soft, moist lips, her breasts pressing against my chest. I can feel her heart racing as fast as mine, her eyes are closed as I close mine. I run my tongue over her lips and she opens her mouth to me, as I slide my tongue into her mouth tasting it and exploring it. My cock is twitching and presses against her stomach.

  Suddenly she stiffens and quickly pulls away. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

  "Hey, don't be, I'm sorry if I moved to fast." I look into her eyes, I see fear in them, and she's pale. "What's going on Nicole, you look so scared, what are you thinking?"

  She shakes her head and sweeps her hand under her eyes wiping a tear away.

  "Do you want to leave?"

  "No." She shakes her head and looks up at me shyly. "No, Richard, I love being with you and I've loved today, I just have some old demons that haunt me, I'm sorry."

  I lift her chin to look at me. "Nicole, if you ever want to talk, I'm always here for you. Sometimes talking about your demons helps to make them go away, at least it did for me." I leaned into her and placed a soft kiss on her cheek.

  Her face gets serious, "I know what I want to do, but I also know what I should do." She looks up at me through her dark lashes and smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes.

  "Why don't we go and get a cup of coffee or tea and talk."

  "Okay, I'd like that."

  "Stay here, I'll be right back," I say. I look around and see where they are selling elephant ears, which is the only thing on her list she didn't get today. It's fun watching her try food that she hasn't had before. I run over to the stand, purchase one, and bring it back to Nicole. "I thought it would go good with coffee."

  She giggles. Thank you, Richard."

  We walk down to Pioneer Square to Starbucks. "What would you like to drink? I ask her."

  "An iced vanilla latte please."

  "Why don't you find us a comfortable place to sit and I'll find you."

  Nicole turns to find a table for us. Once I get our coffee, I find her back in a corner, in a little alcove, there is no one around us. I hand her, her coffee. Do you need anything in your coffee?"

  "No this is perfect. Thank you."

  I don't know what it is about Nicole, but I really enjoy being with her. I don't care if it's like this in a coffee shop talking or out as we were last night I'm just drawn to her.

  "Nicole, tell me what you are feeling and what you want to do."

  "It's funny, I'm usually very quick witted with my words but for some reason, it's hard for me to talk."

  "I know one of the things you're nervous about is sex."

  She looks up at me, her bottom lip between her teeth in a nervous gesture, as she nods her head. I reach across the table and take one of her hands in mine, rubbing my thumb on the back of her hand. "I understand why, you have gone all this time without it and you're wondering, 'I've gone this long why do I need it.' Then we kissed and you felt something for the first time and liked it, and you are probably nervous about it because it's something you don't have any experience at. Am I close?"

  "Yes, on all accounts. However... it's not just that, I mean yes, that's a lot of it, but there are things about me that no one knows, not even my family. I like you a lot, Richard. You're funny, smart, charming, and let's not forget your looks. After that kiss, God, Richard, I've never been kissed like that. It did wake up things inside of me, but there was a flash of a horrible memory too. It scared me. I don't know if I can ever get over it." She glances up at me through her damp lashes.

  "Nicole, I would never do anything to hurt you. I know there's something there and when you are ready to talk about it, I will be there to listen, hold your hand, and wipe away your tears. Nothing is going to change how I feel about you. You're an amazing woman, and I want to know everything about you because that's what has made you who you are today. I feel a connection with you, and I think you feel it too. I'm not going anywhere because for once I going to listen to that little voice because I think it has something to say."

  "Thank you, Richard, that means so much to me."

  "Are you ready to go get some more carnival rides and food in you?"

  "How about just walking downtown, enjoying the sights and sounds and maybe walk to the Saturday Market."

  "As long as I have you by my side, we can do anything your heart desires," I say.

  We spend the rest of the day walking around downtown Portland, weaving in and out of the booths at the Saturday Market. We find an empty bench and sit, and I slip her hand in mine as we sit and talk.

  "What was your biggest dream when you were a little girl?" I glance over, taking in her innocent beauty.

  "Probably like most little girls, growing up and being sweep off my feet by Prince Charming and having two children and a dog."

  "Do you miss not getting it?"

  "Almost every day, I always wanted children." She looks up at me with sad eyes and smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "I always thought there was time, and now here I am at forty and have nothing to show for it. I mean personally. I have the house, car, and bank accounts, but you can't sleep with those and they can't keep me warm in bed at night."

  "It's not as if you can't s
till have those things. They’re still obtainable. What about adoption?"

  "I've thought about it, but my idea is to be a stay at home mom, especially with an adopted child. So many of them have been bounced from one home to another, they need to have stability. I would want to be with them all the time, let them know I not leaving, give them the security they need and desire. However, I also think it's important to have a mommy and a daddy, a family unit. I know that it's just the way I think, but that's my idea, and if that's what I were going to do that's the only way I would do it. It's important to me."

  "That sounds wonderful, you would be a great mommy." I look from our hands to her eyes, they’re a true blue, rimmed with rich sapphire and little specks of emerald glistening through that I hadn't noticed before. "Your eyes are beautiful."

  "Thank you, Richard."

  A light breeze blows Nicole's hair. I tuck the loose strand it behind her ear, and as her scent of light floral drifts past me, I inhale it trying to memorize this time with her.

  "What do you want in life, Richard?"

  I stand up, twine my fingers in hers, noticing how well they fit together. It feels different from just holding hands, it's ... more intimate, just right.

  We start to walk, no place in particular, just walking. "I always wanted a family, maybe wanting what my parents couldn't have." I look over at Nicole, and she looks over at me and smiles. "I mean they had me, but they always wanted more children. Here I am at forty, like you, without a family. It's sad that when we're young, it's hard to have a family, but when you're financially stable, you're usually too old to have a family. I worked so hard when I was younger so I could be ready when the time came, but forgot I had to be available to meet someone to start the process. Then when my parents died," I pause and take a deep breath as unshed tears burn my eyes.

  "You don't have to explain, I know this is hard for you."

  "It's okay, I can't believe it has been seven years, and I still get choked up over it. Anyway, after they died, I went into a deep depression and started to drink to numb the pain. I told my boss off and they escorted me out of the building so that just added to it. I stayed drunk for a good month."

  She runs her free hand up and down my arm then looks up at me. "What made you stop?"

  I chuckle, "The mail carrier came to my door. I hadn't picked up the mail from the mailbox and he couldn't fit anymore in so before he took it all back to the post office he knocked on my door. I stumbled my way, hitting the wall and hall table, knocking things over and bumping the pictures on the wall making them uneven. I could imagine what he thought as I opened the door, but he handed me the mail and I shut the door and threw the mail on the kitchen table not caring. It fanned out on the table; some fell onto one of the dining chairs as I stood there and let it go. Then I saw it, a postcard, it had pictures of Hawaii on it. I picked it up and turned it over, I didn't even have to read it, I knew my mothers' handwriting. I dropped it as if it had burned my fingers." I look over at Nicole, her eyes shimmer with unshed tears. I don't know how long I waited before I picked it up, but it was next to the wall. I picked it up and started to read it and as I did, I slid my back down the wall and started to weep over how disappointed they would be if they could have seen me at that moment. I was so ashamed of myself." A tear slips from my eye as I quickly wipe it away.

  "May I ask what it said?"

  I look over at Nicole and her unshed tears were now rolling down her cheeks. "I was supposed to have gone with them, but again I put my work first. I felt like I gave my soul to my job. I was so angry that I had put my job before my parents and that I couldn't be there for them even though I would have died in the crash too. Now that I look back and see the friendships that I have made and my relationship with Beckett and I knew there was a reason I didn't go. They always say things happen for a reason, I never believed that when I was younger, but I truly do now."

  "Have you ever thought that there was an important reason you were meant to stay, a reason for you to be here today?"

  I stop and stand in front of Nicole, brushing her tears away. I let go of her hand and wrap her in my arms and she follows, pulling me close to her as I breathe in her soft sweet scent. I close my eyes never wanting this feeling to end. "Up until today, I didn't know what that reason would be, but I do now." I continue to hold her as I finish. "She told me how proud they were of me and that even though we weren't together they would always be in my heart and I in theirs, and that love binds us together no matter the distance." I wipe a few more tears away and kiss Nicole on top of the head before pulling away. She wipes her tears away with the back of her hand.

  "They must have loved you so much. They knew you would be hurting, that has to be the reason the postcard was so late. It came to you when you needed it the most."

  "I hadn't ever thought of it that way. I never could figure out what held it up. That was the last time I had felt sorry for myself. I cleaned up the house and myself; I looked like shit, then went to my old office and apologized for my actions. Then I started Stonework's."

  "Wow, and look what you have done with it. Your company is on the rise."

  "I had a lot of help. Beckett is great at both business and computers. I hear it was your brother-in-law that got him started."

  "How did you meet him?"

  "My mother taught me the importance of volunteering my time as I grow up, we would help out at different places, and I would mow the lawns of some elderly neighbors, so when I started the business I thought I would mentor a student from the local high school. After several applicants had failed the humility test I was ready to give up until a shy boy came to my door for an interview, he looked like he was in grade school. He was barely five foot five. When he took his coat off I saw the bruises on his arm, he said that he ran into something. I tried to talk to the school, but they said he told them the same thing and they couldn't prove abuse." I take Nicole's hand in mine again and start to walk as the fireworks for Rose Festival lit up the sky. "He was very quiet until we started talking about computers, his face lit up just talking about it. He said Harlow's dad gave him a computer and he learned how to fix it. He's amazing. I thought when I hired him that I would be the one teaching him, but it was the other way around. He has taught me so much about life. He's like the son I never had. God with everything he went through and for him to be such a humble man."

  "I know that Harlow talked about him all the time. She was so upset when the calls and emails stopped. I don't think she would have ever gotten over him. Then when she tried to put it behind her, she placed her trust in the wrong person."

  "What happened?"

  "Harlow's school had early release, soshe and Brad, her boyfriend,were going to do their homework ather house, which wasn't unusual according to Harlow. Rachael had come down here for the weekend we were going to have a girl's weekend anyway, it started out innocently, he walked over to give her a kiss, she was sitting on the bed working on a paper. Then he started getting rough and was hurting her. He pushed her down on the bed, throwing her books and papers on the floor, then he grabbed both of her wrists holding them above her head; he left bruises from holding them so tight. He ripped her blouse open as he straddled her, and then started pulling at her pants. She was screaming and that's when Michael, Rachael's husband, heard her and ran into the house and back to her room. Michael yanked him off her and Brad started to hit Michael. Harlow call 9-1-1 then watched in horror as Brad punched Michael in the face. Harlow jumped onto Brad's back as she screamed, scratching, and biting anything she could get her mouth and nails on or in him. He backhanded her, knocking her against her mirrored closet door, shattering it. She somehow connected her knee to his groin, and he doubled over cursing. When they heard the sirens Brad took off out of the house and he peeled out of the driveway before the police arrived, but before he left, he told her he would come back and finish it.

  "Michael had taken off early from work, he was going to surprise Harlow with a 'date night with
dad' since Rachael wasn't home for the weekend. She was so lucky he had, Brad would have raped her. We arranged for Harlow to move down here that weekend. She finished high school here and has been here since. I put the bakery in my name so no one could find her, and she never changed to an Oregon driver's license so she couldn't be found that way either.

  "I know Beckett told me a little about it and is working on finding him to see what he's up to," I say.

  "I'm so happy they found each other, they've waited so long to be together."

  "And what a way to find each other, I call that fate, that's what it is."

  "I know and what's the first thing they do, they set us up," Nicole says as we both chuckle.

  There's music playing in the background as the fireworks continue their show above our heads. "Dance with me," I say, pulling her up to her feet.

  "Here? But I..."

  "I don't care, I want to dance with you, right here under the light of the fireworks. I want to feel you close to me and just breathe you in."

  We stay like that, holding each other, lost in our thoughts and feelings for what feels like eternity, not even realizing the fireworks were over and the music has stopped. It's just Nicole and I dancing together, making our own music, and I'm lost in it.

  "Are you hungry?" I whisper in her ear.

  "I'm getting there."

  "What's your favorite food?" I ask.

  "Oh, that's a hard question, it depends on the mood. I like almost all types of food, although there are a few foods I don't like."

  "What are they?"

  "I'm not a fan of cooked greens, like collard or beet greens. Spinach is fine if it is just barely wilted. I had a wilted spinach salad that had candied pecans in it once. Oh, it was to die for, but when they're mushy, no thank you."

  "That's it, two things?"

  "Well, I don't especially care for okra, not real fond of liver, kidney, cooked zucchini or yellow squash. I think that pretty much covers it. What about you?"

  "I think I like most everything. Well, maybe not okra. But I think because my parents were older I learned to appreciate most foods."