by E. L. Todd
I opened the door for her and let her walk inside.
She immediately went through every drawer and cabinet.
I sat in the chair and rested my ankle on the opposite knee and patiently waited for her to finish.
She left my desk then looked through my filing cabinet. When she was finished there, she looked through my bookshelf, pulling everything out so she could see every hiding place. When she was done, she returned to me. “I couldn’t find anything.”
“Because there’s nothing to find,” I said simply.
“I want to talk to this man—the one who helped you.”
“Okay.” I texted him and asked if I could come by. He agreed. “Let’s go.”
***
When we walked inside, Lydia examined the room then turned her attention on Ryan. He seemed not to be what she expected because she flinched slightly. Ryan was young in appearance and he was attractive. I noticed girls check him out at the gym. He never seemed interested in the attention.
“I’m Ryan.” He shook her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“You too,” she said. “I wanted to know what you think of Arsen.”
Ryan put his hands in his pockets. “He’s one of the finest young men I know, and he just got lost for a little while. He’s completely changed his life around, and he has nothing but my full confidence.”
She nodded as she listened to him. “Why did you help him?”
I hoped he wouldn’t mention Silke.
“Because I was like him when I was younger, and someone helped me. I wanted to do the same for someone else who had obvious potential.”
She kept her arms across her chest. “What do you think of his ability to be a father?”
“I think he has no idea how to be a parent, but I know he’s eager to learn. In a very short amount of time, he learned a lot of information and excelled at everything he put his mind to. He’s spoken of his daughter several times, and everything he’s done is to have a relationship with her again. I think he deserves a chance.”
She stared at me for a long time before she turned back to him. “Is he off drugs?”
“Yes. He never did any of that when he was here. I would have known.”
“Okay.” She seemed satisfied. “Thank you for talking to me. Having Arsen return has complicated my life. While I want my daughter to know her father, I don’t want her heart to be broken again when he leaves.”
“He won’t,” Ryan said firmly. “He’s very serious, Lydia. Give him a chance.”
She shook his hand again. “Thank you for your time.”
“Anytime.” He walked us out then he turned to me. “I think she likes you,” he whispered.
“I hope so,” I said.
“Just don’t give up.” He patted me on the back.
When she and I were in the hallway, we walked side-by-side.
“Can I see her now?” I asked. “You’ve examined every inch of my life. I have no secrets from you and every thing I’ve told you has checked out. If there’s anything else I can do I will.”
She stopped walking and turned to me. She pressed her lips tightly together while she was deep in thought. “We can work something out as long as you play by my rules. You break any of them, you aren’t going to see her again.”
“I’ll do whatever you want, Lydia.” I swallowed the emotion in my throat. “Just please let me see my daughter.”
“I’ll let you see her only when I’m around, and only on approved days. You are not allowed to be alone with her, and if you try to do it anyway, I will call the cops and have you thrown back in jail.”
“I understand,” I said quietly.
“Just because those aspects of your life seem good doesn’t mean I trust you,” she said harshly. “I will not let you hurt my little girl, and I will kill you before you break her heart again. When I think you’re a good man for her, and when I think you’re responsible enough, we will discuss extended visits and perhaps times when you can watch her on your own.”
“That’s very generous,” I said. “Thank you.”
“Okay. Let’s go.”
“I’m going to see her now?” I asked with a hint of hope.
“Unless you’d rather not?”
“No, I do!” I breathed through the excitement as it overtook my body.
“Okay. Here we go.”
I was more nervous than I’d ever been, but I was also happier than I’d ever been. I was going to see my little girl. I was going to see Abby.
***
We walked inside her apartment, and an older woman was in the kitchen.
“Thanks for watching her, Mom,” Lydia said.
“No problem, dear.” She finished washing a dish and placed it in the sink.
I ignored them and looked at the floor in front of the TV. A little girl with thick brown hair was sitting on the carpet playing with a set of pink ponies. She picked them up and moved them around, acting like they were having a tea party. I stared at her, stunned and unable to breathe.
“I gotta run, kid,” Lydia’s mom said. “I got a hair appointment.”
“Okay,” Lydia said. “See you later.”
Her mom stopped when she saw me. She’d never seen me before because we’d never met. But when she took me in, I knew she recognized me. She saw Abby’s eyes and hair in my face. She gasped quietly then turned to Lydia.
“I’ll explain later,” Lydia said.
Her mom took another look at me, and this time, hatred was on her face. Then she walked out.
When she was gone, I watched Abby on the floor. A cartoon was playing on the TV, and sometimes she watched it while she played with her toys, but then she redirected her focus to the toy dolls.
Lydia crossed her arms over her chest and silently watched me.
I stepped closer to Abby, feeling my heart beat a million miles an hour. I’d never been so scared in my life. Even prison wasn’t as terrifying. Knowing my daughter was just a few feet away, ignorant to my presence was the greatest fear I’d ever known.
When I reached the couch, I sat down on the floor and leaned my back against it.
Abby seemed oblivious to me.
I took advantage of the opportunity to stare at her. Her hair was thick and long. Pieces of it were in tangles, probably from running around school all day. I hadn’t gotten a good look at her face yet. She was too occupied with her toys. Sometimes she whispered under her breath while she played with her pony dolls. Then she would brush their tails until they were perfect because she played with them again.
I’d never seen anything so beautiful in my life. How could I ever leave her? What the hell was wrong with me? How could I abandon something so innocent? I turned my back on her and sold weed on the streets. I was the worst excuse for a human being. I felt unworthy of her attention or love. But yet, I still wanted it.
Lydia leaned toward my ear. “Play with her.”
I heard her words but didn’t react. After a moment, I scooted closer to her then grabbed a doll. “Can I play with you?” My voice was quiet. It was the first time I ever spoke to my daughter. And I would never forget those words.
She turned her big blue eyes on me and stared at me for several seconds. I knew it was impossible, but I wondered if she knew who I was. If Lydia had never introduced other men to Abby, then she might assume I was her father. After she stared at me curiously she handed me a comb. “Make sure their hair is soft!” When her hand touched mine, I felt dizzy.
I felt the little comb in my hand then brushed the horse’s tail. “Like this?”
“They got to be pretty for the show!”
I smiled at her then kept combing the hair.
“Now this one.” She switched dolls with me.
I kept playing with her, falling into a pattern with her. She had plastic teacups on the floor and she would hold them to the horse’s mouth like they were drinking.
I did the same.
“Mommy got me these for Christmas.”
She gave an exaggerated shrug. “It’s hard…”
“It’s good to be challenged.”
“I’m not very good at math…”
“I can help you.” A surge of gratitude for Ryan rushed through me. Without him, I wouldn’t have been able to offer that.
“You will?” she asked in surprise.
“Of course.”
She continued to play with the dolls until she seemed to grow bored. She left them on the ground then crawled onto the couch.
“Make sure you put your toys away when you’re done, Abby,” Lydia said.
Abby sighed but did as she was told. She threw everything into a toy box.
I helped her then sat beside her on the couch. A cartoon with pandas was on. Abby laughed a lot so I assumed she liked it. Just sitting beside her and spending time with her was all I wanted. My heart grew until it was ten times bigger. I’d just met Abby, but somehow, I loved her.
“Abby, it’s time to get ready for bed,” Lydia called from the kitchen.
“Boo,” Abby said.
“Say good night to your friend then brush your teeth.”
Abby turned to me and she examined my face for a long time.
I stared back at her, hypnotized by the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I always thought it was Silke, but I’d been wrong.
She kept staring at me. Finally, she spoke. “I knew you would come back.”
Her meaning was lost on me. “What do you mean, Abby?”
“You’re my dad, aren’t you?”
Lydia dropped a plate in the kitchen but Abby and I didn’t notice.
My eyes watered while I stared at her, moved that she recognized me after all this time. She took one look at me and just knew. She’d never seen me in her life but she recognized the eyes that were so similar to her own. And she said she knew I would come back. “Yes.” My voice shook as I spoke because I was so emotional.
“What took you so long?” she asked. Her eyes fell in sadness. “I’ve been waiting forever…”
“I’m sorry, Abby. I was just lost.” Tears fell from my eyes and down my cheeks.
“Are you still lost?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I know exactly where I belong—with you.”
“So…you’re here to stay?” Her eyes lit up in joy.
“Forever.”
She climbed to her feet then wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me.
The touch was so powerful it caught me off guard. I returned her embrace and held her tightly, never wanting to let go. My daughter didn’t hate me. She wanted me in her life. She believed I would come back to her. “I love you so much, Abby. I’ll never leave you.”
She kept her arms around me. “I love you too, Daddy.”
A Hole In My Heart
Book Fifteen of The Forever and Ever Series
AVAILABLE NOW
Click To Purchase on Amazon
Dear Reader,
Thank you for reading A Hole In My Heart. I hope you enjoyed reading Skye and Cayson’s story as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you could leave a short review on Amazon.com, iTunes, or BarnesandNoble.com, it would help me so much! Those reviews are the best kind of support you can give an author. Thank you!
Wishing you love,
E. L. Todd
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