by Darien Cox
My shoulders hunched. “This is a little too personal, I don’t want to gross you out.”
“You don’t care if you gross me out. You just don’t trust me.”
“What? Why do you say that?”
“Are we friends now or what?”
I nodded. “Yeah.” Chuckling, I added, “Surprisingly.”
“Have you ever known me to screw over one of my friends?”
“No. You’re a goody two-shoes. You were the only one nice to me after I got a blowjob from a guy I didn’t know Corey had a restraining order against, who then subsequently tried to have Stewart arrested for threatening him. I guess I can trust you with this.”
“Yikes, I’d nearly forgotten that.” Doug shuddered and shook his head.
“Yeah. I don’t have that luxury. Still want to be buds?” I chuckled.
“Zach, I’m serious. If you want to talk, about any of this to me, you can.”
“All right.” I looked down at my fingers again. “There was this one moment when Duncan seemed overwhelmed, and he was like whoa, we’re really doing this. And I made some quip about whether he wanted me to list all the reasons we shouldn’t. I was just teasing, in the moment, you know? But I mentioned Corey and he got all…not mad but…there was a reaction.”
“Well, yeah. I wouldn’t want to hear a family member’s name while I was having sex.”
“I know but it felt like more than that. He made me promise not to mention his name again. It was almost like he was…jealous.”
I looked at Doug, and he was frowning, his expression thoughtful.
“What you thinking?”
“Does he know how deep things got with you and Corey?”
“Not fully.” I thought of my meltdown in the restroom. Our first kiss. “But he knows I was hurt when we broke up.”
“Maybe we’ve been looking at this all wrong. You can’t be just another enchanted forest hookup, because you’re his nephew’s ex.”
“You think? How so?”
“Duncan loves the hell out of Corey. They’re super close. He wouldn’t do something like this with you if there was no thought involved. So let’s pretend for a moment that he’s really into you.”
“Okay. And if he is?”
“Two things. Either he feels guilty or weird that he’s betraying Corey somehow. Or, knowing you were so in love with Corey, maybe he feels like a second-rate substitute.”
“But he’s not. There’s nothing second-rate about him.”
“Does he know you feel that way though? He’s older than Corey, and he’s a lot older than you. And let’s face it. No one wants to be in a position to compete with Corey, past tense or not. Trust me. That was my life for a while.”
“Then there’s option C. He was drunk and fucked an employee. Now he feels regret.”
“Possibly.” Doug shrugged. “It could definitely be that simple.”
“Shit.” I sighed. “You know, when I got your text this morning I thought maybe you’d have some good insight. You do. But now I’m more confused than ever. You’ve given me too many options.”
“If you don’t hear from him by tonight, at least text him, Zach.”
I squinted at him, blocking the sunlight with my hand. “You really think I should?”
“I know you think it’s a bad idea in case he’ll think you’re clingy. But if it’s the other thing? And he’s the one feeling insecure? Not contacting him will only validate that for him.”
“You suck. You’ve only made it harder for me.”
“Look, if you text him and he doesn’t respond, or if he’s still all ‘hey there chum’ formal and shit, then you know. Then it was only a text. And you can commence going to work and showing him how unaffected you are. It’s a small risk to your dignity. But if Duncan thinks you’re using him as a back-up Corey? Or that you don’t really care? It’s a risk worth taking. Because it sure sounds like you’re into him.”
“I am.” I groaned and hung my head. “So fucking into him.”
“That’s settled, then.” He stood and tugged me up by my arm. “Now let’s finish our run.”
“Okay. Thanks, Doug.”
“Anytime.”
“If you tell Corey about this, I’ll murder you in your sleep.”
“I’m aware, Zach. Don’t worry.”
After my run, I busied myself all afternoon, cleaning my apartment, then my clothes at the laundromat down the street with the little Italian woman who hated me. I didn’t know what I’d done to her, but she shot me daggers every time I went in, and always walked over and peered into my washer to see if I’d overloaded it. After lugging the laundry home, I checked my phone. Nothing from Duncan.
Damn it. I didn’t want to text him later. I mean, I did but I didn’t. Doug’s logic made sense, but now that afternoon was heading into evening, I had to make a choice. And that didn’t even take into consideration what the fuck I was supposed to say in this text. Even a ‘Hey, what’s up’ sounded too needy to me.
But then I thought about what Doug said. If there was a chance Duncan was thinking I was using him as some Corey substitute, that I didn’t actually want him, I couldn’t have that. But then I thought about how distant and casual he’d behaved after our kiss in the bathroom at Mythic. He’d not addressed it until I brought it up. It was entirely possible that Duncan was just a casual kisser. A casual sex dude. And that following up with me wasn’t even something he’d considered.
But I was his fucking employee, and Duncan didn’t strike me as the manner-less type. He must realize sleeping with me had the potential for ramifications. He didn’t know me that well. What if I was loose cannon and got obsessed with him and tried to sue him eventually? That would never happen, but surely it had occurred to him. Maybe the reason Duncan wasn’t contacting me was because he was scared of me after our night together.
That made my mind up for me. I had to text him tonight. With something casual but friendly, unrelated to our sex. So he’d know I was fine and good with what happened, and wasn’t obsessing over it. You know, like the way I was obsessing over it now. I checked my phone several times, surprised when I saw a text from my mother.
‘We need to talk, honey. I want you to come for dinner. When are you free?’
What the fuck? I did not need this tonight. I did want to smooth things over with my mom. It made me sad and unsettled when I thought about our estrangement. But her words during our last argument had hurt me. Hurt me enough that I wasn’t sure I was ready to make up. I replied.
‘I don’t know. I have to think about it.’
‘What do you have to think about? Are we just never going to talk again? Come on Zach it’s just dinner.’
My brain was already too full tonight, so I set dealing with my mom aside for later. I made an avocado cucumber salad with chickpeas. After eating and stalling for an hour watching movies on my computer, and scanning the internet trying to think of something whimsical and casual to talk to Duncan about, I finally got up and grabbed my phone. I stretched back on my bed and checked messages. Nothing from Duncan.
Anger tried to rise in me, but I pushed it down. I’ve got the power. Yeah, right.
Finally, I opened a text window.
‘Hey, did you know there’s another enchanted forest bar in New Hampshire? Looks pretty lame though judging by the pictures.’
I attached the link and hit send.
And now came the waiting. I set the phone down beside me and picked up the paperback I’d been reading. I read the same paragraph four times, then grabbed my phone. Duncan had read my text. It had only been ten minutes, but inside I thought ‘You fucker, can’t even write me back?’
I picked up my book again and forced myself to get into it. Ten minutes passed, then my phone bleeped with an incoming text. Tossing my book down without bothering to save my page, I scrambled for my phone.
‘Yes, I’ve been there, it is lame. Visited a lot of similar places before opening Mythic. Wanted to make sure my club was better.’
He’d added a little smiley face, but it was a most unsatisfying reply. But I’d done it, taken the pressure off myself. While my finger twitched to respond, I didn’t. It took all of my restraint. But if he wanted to talk about anything else, the ball was in his court now. He knew I wasn’t freaking out or becoming a cling monster. I was good.
Except I wasn’t good. A dark cloud hung over my mood, and I’d forgotten how shitty this felt, all this questioning. Damn it, why had I cheated on my right hand? It wasn’t the most passionate relationship, but at least there was no drama. At least I didn’t have to feel this insecurity, this rejection.
My phone bleeped again. I picked it up, heart jumping when I saw Duncan’s name.
‘How are you? Did you have a good day?’
I smiled, happy I’d held out. I sagged with relief. ‘Sure, went running, did laundry. Real exciting. How was yours?’
‘I got stung by a bee.’
I frowned, then chuckled. “Okay. I guess.” I replied, ‘That sucks. Are you all right?’
‘Fine, but it swelled up and hurt for hours. A pipe burst at Mythic so I had to meet the plumber. I was in the garden when I got stung. Got me right on the ankle. I’m soaking my feet in the pool right now, having a cocktail.’
At his mention of the pool, my face heated, remembering last night. My finger hovered over my phone. I hesitated, then decided fuck it. At least I’ll get to see his reaction. At least I’ll know.
‘I liked your pool last night.’ I added a fire emoji and hit send.
I saw that he was typing and braced myself, hoping for something naughty. I didn’t get what I wanted.
‘I’m glad you enjoyed it.’
Scowling, I wrote back, ‘That’s an understatement.’
‘Thanks. It’s a blessing in this heat.’
Great. So much for that. Maybe it was Duncan’s generation. Maybe he was too old to realize I was trying to sext him. Or maybe he just wasn’t that into me.
I’d be damned if I was going to write him back, but secretly hoped I’d hear from him again before the night was out. I didn’t. After brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed, I got two more texts from my mom, pressing me to agree to dinner and scolding me for not getting back to her.
‘Zach I’m your mother, the least you could do is respond.’
It made me angrier than it should have. Because the truth was, even though I was mad at her for things she said during our last argument, I was more pissed that the texts were from her and not Duncan. I’d gotten excited when I heard the bleep.
I replied to her, ‘I’ll talk to you eventually but give me some space, there’s a lot going on right now’.
After that I went to bed, feeling like a sad, lonely chump. A sad lonely chump who probably never should have slept with his boss.
Chapter Ten
Elfy Choices was packed and in full swing, music that was both joyful and sultry piping into the garden. Like everything else about this club, the music was a contrast of whimsy and sex. Like Duncan, I supposed. I’d still not gotten used to being surrounded by elves while I worked, and had to keep reminding myself I wasn’t tripping. I was just living inside Duncan Stengel’s retirement dream. It had been a slow start since the grand opening, but not tonight. Things had suddenly picked up exponentially.
Robert and I made drinks while Chauncy and Steven—who I had to admit were getting better at this—made tapas in the back. Though I did hear Chauncy bitching when he thought I wasn’t listening. He wanted to be put back in the main kitchen inside, didn’t like it out here in the garden, thought it was boring. And he thought I was ‘into myself’. Since all I’d been called over the past couple years was insecure, I actually took appearing ‘into myself’ as a compliment. When I’d snorted a laugh, Chauncy whirled around, eyes wide when he realized I was nearby. I was just quiet, stealthy, like a wood nymph ninja.
But my mood was foul. Nearly a goddamn month had passed with no sign of or contact from Duncan at all. I found this both tremendously hurtful and really fucking odd, since he’d been so excited about this damn garden bar. If he’d popped into the club at all, I certainly hadn’t seen him, and I sure as shit hadn’t gotten a call or text from the man. I’d been reporting directly to Barry. I’d gotten my recent paycheck and it reflected my ample pay raise, so I guess I shouldn’t complain. But this long with no word, after dragging me home and fucking me? My irritation spiked when I heard Aria the elven waitress telling Barry that she’d spoken to Duncan yesterday about a vacation request. So Duncan wasn’t ignoring everyone.
It was wearing on me, but I tried to focus on work. Hanging out serving drinks and making food in a fairy garden wasn’t exactly the worst job in the world. But it was tarnished now. The pretty atmosphere and fairy lights weren’t enough to give me good feelings. I felt like a fool. I felt like a whore. I felt sad and rejected.
But I maintained a stiff upper lip and did my job. What else was I going to do? The night I’d slept with Duncan felt like a dream now. Or more like a fairytale. It had started with an enchanted garden party with laughter and flirtation, then came Duncan’s romcom moment pulling me into his car and stealing me away. Followed by mind-blowing sex. The whole thing felt magical and unreal, like I’d fallen under a spell. But I was sure as shit awake now, stone cold sober, and there was nothing magical about how I was feeling.
“Hey, are you working that thing next month? Tuesday night thing?” Robert asked.
I glanced at him. He was all dressed up in elf regalia, mixing drinks at record speed. “No. I haven’t gotten my schedule that far ahead. And I didn’t think the garden was open Tuesday nights.”
“Oh, Duncan didn’t talk to you about it?”
“No. You’ve talked to Duncan lately?”
He shrugged as he dropped a mint leaf into a cocktail. “Couple times this week, yeah.”
I tried not to let my irritation show, but could feel it tapping at my temples. “So what’s this thing next month?”
“It’s a private event. Engagement party for his nephew.”
A cannonball slammed into my gut, and it had nothing to do with my ex-boyfriend. It was that Duncan was interacting with Robert and others at the club. Planning parties. So the invisible man was still around. He was only making himself invisible to me. “Oh. I guess Duncan must have gotten someone else to help you out that night.”
Robert frowned as he handed off a tray of drinks to an elf waiter. “Why the hell would he do that? I know it’s usually a night off but…Elfy Choices is kind of your thing. Though he is changing things up that night. Champagne and caviar and seafood and what have you.”
“Sounds fucking charming.”
“You mad?”
“It’s fine. Duncan’s nephew is my ex-boyfriend. That’s probably why he didn’t ask me.”
“Cut the fucking shit. Corey’s your ex?”
“Yeah.”
“Wow. Okay. Guess that makes sense then. Still, figured Duncan would have at least told you about it. Let you know it was happening.”
“Yeah, well. It’s his club. He makes the fucking rules. Then breaks them at his whim.”
Robert served a customer, then walked over to me, his brown eyes narrowed. “Are you not getting along with Duncan?”
“No, we’re fine. I’m just tired.”
“Okay. Wow, that’s so weird that Corey’s your ex. I’ve met him a couple times at Duncan’s.”
“I know, I know, Corey’s perfect and amazing and so on and so forth, how lucky I was to have him. I’ve heard it all.”
“What?” Robert huffed. “Corey’s all right, but I’d definitely see you as the prize over him. You’re stunning, Zach, and you’re a really nice person. And funny. You make me laugh all the time.”
I stared at Robert. “Really?”
“Um, yeah. I’ve actually been wondering if you were single, because the guy I’m seeing has a lot of nice friends. No pressure. But you’ve got no reason to feel less than Corey Sten
gel, unless you’re just playing the self-deprecating thing for laughs.”
I smiled and began cutting up a lemon. “Thanks, Robert.”
“Sure. And if you do find yourself looking, let me know. I know some nice guys.”
Robert scuttled off. His words were a tiny little drop of soothing balm on my bad mood.
But the balm wore off quickly, and as the night went on, I continued to seethe, though I wasn’t exactly sure what I was so mad about. I tried to be New Zach and shake it off, but it was sticking to my shoe like gum. I supposed it was being excluded. I’d never in a million years expect to be invited to Corey’s engagement party, it wasn’t that. And I’d probably have been insulted had Duncan asked me to work it. No, it was about being excluded in general. Being ignored. And the truth that it was starting to look like I’d fucked up monumentally by sleeping with my boss. There was no denying it anymore. I wasn’t New Zach City. I was not the cool calm guy, master of my emotions.
I did not have the power. I was upset, and it was starting to bubble up. I could feel it growing stronger inside me, needing an outlet. I thought about calling or texting Duncan, but really, fuck him. The guy was ignoring me. And I wasn’t going to beg. Never again would I beg for a man’s attention, even one I wanted as badly as Duncan. The worst part of it was I actually missed him. His smile. Our talks. The way he looked at me.
I glanced up when an extremely good-looking guy in his thirties sat down at the bar. He smiled as he looked around at the garden and its costumed occupants. Most people had that look the first time they came to Mythic, like they loved it but weren’t sure if they were supposed to because it was just so damn over the top.
“What can I get you?” I asked the newcomer.
He smiled at me with very white teeth. He could have been a fashion model if he was a bit taller, bronze skin, black hair parted in the middle and falling past his chin, perfectly symmetrical features. “What’s that pink drink I keep seeing?”
“Ah, that’s The Waterfall,” I said. “It’s fresh watermelon juice, vodka, and magic.” I grinned. “I’m sorry. I have to say that last part.”