by Emma Collins
“Laura, wait! I couldn’t just leave you when you’re...” Riley knew she was flapping her hands, trying to describe the situation without offending Laura.
“Having a meltdown?”
“Yeah... I guess. I don’t know. I’m sorry that I upset you,” Riley said in a rush, her breath evaporating into the night air. “Can I come in for a few minutes? I really don’t want to leave you like this.”
Laura didn’t say anything for a second. “That depends... Are you going to give me my keys back?”
Even in the cold, Riley could feel her cheeks flush. “Yeah. Sorry,” she said, fishing the set of keys out of her jacket pocket. “I completely forgot...”
“I wouldn’t have let you go without getting them back,” she said as she held out her hand.
Laura opened her door, turning on some lights as she shrugged off her coat and hung it on a rack inside the door. Riley put her own on a free hook and followed her into the living room, taking a seat on one side of the brown leather sofa. She took in the stone fireplace and the cream carpet while she waited for Laura to sit down.
“So,” Riley started when Laura joined her. “I obviously said something to change your mind. I’m not going to try to convince you tonight... I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m fine... But I should have known from the moment you sat down across from me at the coffee shop that this was a bad idea.”
“I probably shouldn’t have approached this the way I did,” Riley said, wanting to reach out and take Laura’s hand, but she didn’t. She got the feeling that she was one wrong word away from being thrown out. “I just really wanted this to happen.”
“Why?”
“Why did I want to make your book into a movie? Because I loved it. Because I think it’s a beautiful story,” Riley said with a sigh. Laura knew this, but what else could she say? “I cried. I laughed. I don’t know… I could just see it being a really great movie. That’s all.”
“I don’t know... I wonder if you’re just trying to score some points with the gay community. Playing a lesbian is almost... trendy now?”
“What?”
“Well, what am I supposed to think?” Laura asked, tilting her head as her eyes narrowed. “You pretend to accidentally bump into me at the coffee shop when all along you knew exactly who I was and where I’d be. You said you wanted to quit acting, and now you’re starring in this movie.”
“I told you. It was the-”
“Studio’s idea. Right... Look, it doesn’t matter what your intentions are, because I’m not doing this.”
“Okay,” Riley said, putting her hands up in mock surrender. “I don’t know why you changed your mind, but I’m not going to pressure you into this... And for the record, I wouldn’t have been playing gay.”
“But Grace, I mean Gwen is-”
“I know,” Riley said, swallowing the lump in her throat. Was she really going to do this? “I know she’s a lesbian, and I think that’s one of the reasons why you don’t want me playing Gwen... Because you think that I’m straight... But I’m not.”
Her words hung in the air, and Riley watched Laura’s expression soften.
“You’re gay?”
Riley just nodded.
“Do you want a drink?” Laura asked with a sharp intake of breath as she stood up, rubbing her forehead with her fingertips.
“Sure,” Riley said with a laugh. “That wasn’t what you were expecting, was it?”
“No... Not at all.”
“I’ll have just about anything right now... Whatever you’re having is fine.”
“Okay. Give me a sec.”
Riley watched her leave, her eyes doing a full up and down when she knew she wouldn’t get caught. When she’d started all of this, she’d been worried about how she was going to convince Laura to get on board with this project. She never imagined that she’d be so beautiful. The few pictures on her social media accounts really did her no justice. That was the least of her worries right now though.
As much as Riley wanted to make this movie happen, she was just glad that Laura was giving her a second chance. She still didn’t know what she’d done or said, but she had to assume that Laura was worried about what would happen to her story if it was made into a movie. It was one of the few books that brought Riley to tears, and maybe there was some truth to it. Maybe Laura had lost one of her friends to cancer. She didn’t know, but she had the feeling that Laura might open up to her now that she’d revealed something so personal.
Riley sighed. She’d come out for just the third time in her life. Adam was the first to know, and then Maria, but telling Laura felt like the right thing to do. For some reason, she trusted her to be discreet, and maybe those few words were enough to break down Laura’s walls.
Laura came back with two tumblers of amber colored liquor, the ice cubes clinking against the glass as she moved.
“Whiskey,” she said as she handed Riley a glass and sat down beside her. “Hope that’s okay?”
“Yes. Thank you... Cheers,” she said, gently knocking their glasses together.
“So... Are you... Out? I don’t remember seeing anything about that when I Googled you.”
“No. You’re only the third person I’ve told... Adam knows. I don’t think there’s anyone in my life that I trust more.”
“Wow... Thanks for telling me,” Laura said as she took a drink. “I won’t breathe a word to anyone.”
“Thanks. I do want to come out... I just need to be strategic about it.”
“So, who was the second person you told?”
“My manager... Who is also my ex... Kind of.”
“How do you have a kind of ex? Are you still together?” Laura asked, smiling for the first time since they left the bar.
“No, we uh... We had a casual thing so...”
Riley took a drink. She didn’t know why her situation with Maria embarrassed her. She’d never worried about it before but saying it out loud now almost made her cringe. She tried to gage Laura’s reaction, but her expression was neutral, and Riley realized that she cared what Laura thought of her. She didn’t want this woman thinking that she wasn’t capable of having a stable, healthy relationship.
“What about you?” Riley asked, trying to shift the conversation to Laura. “What was your coming out story like?”
Laura crossed one leg over the other while she thought about her answer. “There really isn’t a story... I didn’t come out until I was in my mid-twenties. I’d just met my partner, and I don’t know... I guess, I wanted to tell everyone I knew that we weren’t best friends, that she was my girlfriend.”
“That’s sweet,” Riley said, her lips moving into a smile. “Was she your first girlfriend?”
Laura nodded. “First and last.”
“You’re still together?”
Laura took a long drink. “No... She passed away. A little over ten years ago now.”
“Oh my God. I’m so sorry... I had no idea,” Riley said in a rush. Why hadn’t Google told her this? But Riley remembered how little Laura shared on social media accounts. Of course, personal information like that wouldn’t have been public knowledge.
“Yeah... It took me a long time to put my life back together after that... I didn’t want to do anything or see anyone. I had to leave our house in Upstate New York. There were too many memories there.”
“And that’s how you ended up here?”
“Yes. A good friend of mine, Amanda, has a horse farm just a few miles away. I stayed there for weeks on end. Just writing. That was all I could manage to do... I wrote through my grief. I wrote for myself more than anything else. I never intended to publish any of it. Some of it was... Purely therapeutic. It was like I was writing an alternate version of my life, how I thought things could have been if Grace was still here. I just wrote everything I was feeling. It was all still so raw.”
“So... Gwen is Grace?” Riley asked, hoping that she wasn’t crossing a line.
Laura gave her a sad smile as she took a drink. “It’s not entirely factual. There are plenty of things that I changed, but that story, at its heart, is about Grace, and what happened to us.”
“You were chasing time...”
“Yes. The doctors told Grace she had about a year to live, but she didn’t even make it to six months... We knew we didn’t have much more time together, but I never thought it would happen that fast. I started writing it a few days after she got the news... It was the only way I could cope with the reality of what was happening.”
They sat in silence for a few seconds, the weight of Laura’s words hanging in the air.
“Forget about the movie,” Riley said, reaching for Laura’s hand. “I had no idea it was so personal, and I can see why making it into a movie would be... So difficult. I love Adam, but I wouldn’t even trust him with this. Please just forget I ever brought it up.”
“I’m sorry that you got so invested in this,” Laura said, giving her hand a squeeze, “But I don’t think I can do it. It’s too close to me...”
“Don’t worry about me... It was a great learning experience, but I couldn’t risk doing your story any injustice.”
“Thank you. It just hit me at the bar... What making a movie out of that story would mean…”
“And I had to go and jump in feet first and tell you that I was going to play Gwen,” Riley said with a sad smile. “That definitely didn’t help.”
“I hope you know that I wasn’t doubting your acting skills.”
“You said you had to look me up,” Riley said with a smirk. “So I’m going to assume you have no idea what my acting skills are like.”
“Okay,” Laura said with a soft laugh. “You caught me. I actually have no idea what you’ve done, but I’m not sure there’s anyone out there I’d feel comfortable with playing that part.”
“I know.”
“Thank you for understanding.”
“Thank you for telling that story. It was one of the first lesbian fiction books that I read, and I don’t think I’d ever been so moved. It stuck with me for years... And knowing what you’ve been through... That book is even more impressive now. I couldn’t imagine bearing my soul like that.”
“Surely, you’ve lost yourself in a role before.”
“But it’s entirely fictional. It’s not me or my story. What you did was so brave.”
“I never could have done it without Amanda. I finished writing that book before Grace had even died, but I put it in a drawer. Amanda was the one who encouraged me to take it back out and publish it.”
“Did Grace read it?” Riley asked as she took another drink.
“Yes,” Laura said with a warm smile. “She did actually, and you know what... She even said something about how it would make a good movie.”
“Really?”
Laura just nodded. “She was always more optimistic about my career than I was... It was a joke at the time, but now that the opportunity is there... I just don’t think I can do it.”
“That’s okay. I’m really sorry if I ever made you feel pressured to do this... I was just so excited about the prospect of doing it,” Riley said, wishing she could have gone back and done this differently.
“You didn’t. Not at all.”
Chapter 13
Laura took another sip of whiskey, the liquor burning her throat on its way down. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had someone in her home who wasn’t Amanda. She’d always been a private person, an introvert, but when Grace died, she never tried to fill that void with new friends. Dating was out of the question. There would never be anyone like Grace. There was no point even looking. Amanda had encouraged her. Not even to go to a gay bar or sign up for a dating site. Just to be open-minded, but Laura wasn’t interested. There was only one woman for her, and unfortunately, she was no longer here.
“That’s Grace,” Laura said as Riley’s eyes moved across the mantelpiece to where she kept three framed photos of the two of them. One was taken at the ice-skating rink in Rockefeller Center. Laura had her arms wrapped around Grace from behind, trying to keep herself upright. Another was at Amanda’s, both of them on horses, getting ready to hit the trails. The last one was taken at their home, just a few weeks before Grace’s diagnosis.
“She’s beautiful,” Riley whispered, standing up to get a better look. “You seemed very happy, both of you,” Riley said, turning to her as she finished her drink.
“We were.”
A silence fell between them for a few seconds while Riley looked at each photo.
“I should get going,” Riley said as she turned to face her.
Laura watched her put her empty glass on the coffee table. “Stay.”
“No. It’s okay. Thank you though, but I’ll just get another Uber,” she said, sliding her phone out of her jeans.
“I doubt there’s going to be one available at this hour, around here anyway. The guest bedroom is down the hall... We’re probably the same size, more or less. I’ll get you some pajamas,” Laura said, her eyes taking in Riley’s slim figure. She wasn’t typical Hollywood skinny. She had toned arms, and she was probably an inch or two shorter than her at 5’4 or 5’5.
Laura got up and padded over to the stairs.
“You’re right,” Riley said, glancing up from her phone. “There aren’t any cars around...”
“I’ll be down in a second. Help yourself to another drink,” Laura said, sliding her hand along the smooth wooden banister as she climbed the stairs.
Laura went down the hall and switched on the light inside her bedroom. She pulled out the middle drawer and found a plaid pair of flannel pajamas pants. She picked up a long-sleeved gray shirt along with a tank top. She wasn’t sure which Riley would prefer, so she just grabbed both and went back downstairs.
Riley had topped up both of their glasses and was sitting with one leg crossed over the other, her blond hair swept across one shoulder. Laura ran a hand through her own hair as she left the pajamas on empty chair beside her and got comfortable on the couch again. There were probably thousands of people who would love to trade places with her right now. She kept forgetting that Riley wasn’t just a fan of hers, she was Riley Hill, famous movie star.
“Thanks,” Riley said when she saw the pajamas. “I’m sorry to have to crash here. I wasn’t really thinking when I let that Uber drive away... Well, I knew I didn’t want to leave you when you were so upset, but I didn’t exactly think it through.”
“It’s fine and thank you for caring... Plenty of people wouldn’t have given me a second thought.”
“I don’t know about that,” Riley said, her smile warm.
Laura reached for her tumbler, averting her eyes away from Riley’s. For some reason that comment made her blush. “And thanks for the refill,” she said before she took a drink. Why was she getting star struck all of a sudden? Maybe because she’d watched one of her movies last night. Why had she done that again?
“You okay? You’ve gone quiet all of a sudden,” Riley said.
“Yeah. I’m fine...”
“Good... Even though we’re not doing this movie, I’m really glad I got to meet you. I know I’ve already said it, but your story had a huge impact on me, as did the rest of your books. They were my escape from reality... And I’ve enjoyed the bit of time we’ve got to spend together. It’s nice being treated like a normal person... Sorry, that sounded pretentious, but you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to have a real conversation with someone. It’s never more than a few seconds before I get asked something about one of my movies or if I’d ever like to work with... whoever...”
Laura smiled, glad she didn’t mention watching one of her movies. She hated lying, but when they’d first met, she hadn’t seen any of Riley’s work. Last night was the first time, and Riley was a very talented actress.
“I can’t imagine,” Laura said. “I guess I have the best of both worlds. I get to make a living doing something I love, but no one ever s
tops me in the street... Except you, of course, but that’s different. You were searching for me. I doubt you would have spotted me if you hadn’t been looking.”
“Only because there’s about four photos of you on the internet. I would categorize myself as a super fan though, and if more photos of you existed, I would definitely have recognized you on the street.”
Laura shook her head. “This is backwards. I should be the one...”
“Gushing?”
“Okay, gushing,” she said with a laugh. “I’m not used to this.”
“I’ll tone it down,” Riley said, bringing her glass to her lips.
“How do you live like that? With everyone fawning over you or asking for a photo?”
Riley shrugged. “It’s just part of the job description.”
“And did you always want to be an actor?”
“No. I wanted to be a screenwriter, but I had a talent scout ask me to audition for a minor role in a movie, and that’s how it all started. I did act in high school, but I never wanted it to be my career... And I’m ready to leave it now. Start over.”
“Wow... That’s-”
“Stupid?”
“I was going to say ambitious... Courageous. You’re leaving something you know you’re good at... I assume it pays well... And writing screenplays is... An unknown,” Laura said, choosing her words carefully. She didn’t want to say anything that might offend her. She knew what the odds were of selling a script. Practically zero. Although she probably had connections.
“I know... But thankfully, I’ve never been one for flashy things. I have enough saved up and invested that things will be okay if this doesn’t work out. I’m not depending on it.”
“That’s smart. Writing to pay the bills,” Laura said with a sigh. “I wouldn’t recommend it.”
“Yeah. I have no idea how people do it... Having that kind of pressure. I just want to enjoy this... I’ll finally get to do what I’ve always wanted to do.”
“Were your parents passionate about movies?”
“They were,” Riley said, taking another drink.