Ready for Love

by Catherine Maiorisi

  Before Renee could respond, the twins jumped in all excited about Renee taking them sightseeing. When Constance didn’t comment, Renee hurried to explain. “With your consent, of course.”

  The three of them tensed, waiting for Constance’s approval.

  Constance cleared her throat, started to speak, then had to clear her throat again. “Only if I can come too.” Her voice was almost a whisper. She dug her fingers into Renee’s side.

  While the girls talked to each other, Constance whispered in Renee’s ear. “I was so afraid you wouldn’t…” She took a breath. “I was afraid you wouldn’t want to be around children, especially teenaged girls.”

  Renee didn’t know what to say without saying more than she was ready to say. But she had to respond. She glanced at the girls. They were still discussing whether the High Line could be combined with a tour of Queens, so she spoke softly. “How could I resist two miniatures of you?” The tension between them was intense. Time to inject a little humor. “Maybe I’m a masochist. As if one of you wasn’t enough, now there are three of you to torture me. So am I a glutton for punishment or what?”

  Constance punched her arm lightly. “You’ll live.” She grinned. “Maybe.”

  Click, click.

  Rather than a tiny ember, it seemed like a roaring fire, and humor was stoking it, not tamping it down. She needed to cool down. A change of the subject was in order. “Hey, what’s with the pictures? I’m beginning to feel like a movie star.”

  “They’re for the Grandees.” Only one of the girls spoke but they both snapped pictures.

  “Grandees?” Renee was puzzled. “Dignitaries?”

  Constance laughed. “Yes, the word means dignitaries but I doubt they knew that at two-and-a-half-years-old when they surprised me and Nigel by referring to our parents collectively that way. Anyway, they promised their grandparents they would record our lives in New York City for them. So if you’re going to hang around with us, you’d better get used to it.”

  The twins leaned on Constance. “Can we leave, Mum?”

  “In a while, Cara. Remember, I said no whining.” Constance turned to Renee. “Can you come home with us? We’ll order something for dinner. I’d like to discuss the show with you and we can come up with some sightseeing dates.”

  “Sure.” She couldn’t wait to discuss the paintings. Besides, she was curious about Constance’s apartment, and to her surprise, she was looking forward to spending time with her and the girls.

  “I have to be here at least another hour until the gallery closes. So please be patient, girls.” She turned to Renee. “Can you keep them occupied?”

  “I’ll try.” But the girls were antsy and muttering about starving and she could see Constance glancing anxiously in their direction. Renee decided to take the situation in hand. She pulled Constance aside. “The girls are hungry. How about I take them up to Trattoria Montero and you meet us there when you’re done? Or if you’d rather, give me a key and I’ll pick up some takeout and take them home.”

  Constance glared at her. “Are you trying to worm your way into my bed by being nice to my girls, Renee?”

  Renee rocked back, away from Constance, and searched for words to explain. Constance laughed. “You should see your face, Renee. Don’t worry. I know you don’t have to resort to tricks to get women in your bed. Besides, I’m sure you would never use Chloe and Cara that way.”

  “You’re evil, Constance. I don’t know why I want to spend time with you.”

  “Because you like me? Yes?” Constance’s smile was a thing of beauty.

  Click, click.

  “Yes, you infuriating bitch. Now, what about dinner?”

  “Trattoria Montero is perfect; they love Italian. But are you sure you want to be alone with them?”

  “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to. So we’ll see you there. Do you remember where it is?”

  “I do. It’ll probably take longer than an hour for me to get out of here and then I need time to get uptown, so don’t wait for me to order.” She touched Renee’s shoulder. “Thank you for doing this.”

  Mrs. Montero immediately recognized the girls as Constance’s daughters. She fussed over them, discussing what they liked to eat and suggesting appetizers that might challenge their tastes.

  Chloe ordered first. “Chicken parmesan, please.”

  “I’ll have spaghetti and meatballs, please,” Cara said.

  “And linguini in white clam sauce for me,” Renee said. “Also we’ll share stuffed clams, scungilli salad, stuffed peppers, and grilled octopus.”

  “Octopus? Eew.” The girls made a face at each other. “What’s a scungilli?” Cara said.

  Renee laughed. “It’s conch. You should try everything and decide whether you like it after you taste it.” She turned to Mrs. Montero. “I’d also like a glass of pinot grigio.”

  Click, click.

  “Can we have wine too?” She thought it was Chloe who asked.

  Renee was pretty sure little English girls didn’t have wine with dinner. “Does your mom allow you to drink wine?”

  Chloe and Cara eyed each other. It was probably Cara who answered. “No, but we’re old enough.”

  Renee had grown up drinking wine from the time she wanted it, watered in the beginning of course. She looked at Mrs. Montero and spoke in Italian. “Since it’s their first time please give them a little wine mixed with a lot of seltzer.”

  “Will it be all right with Constance?” Mrs. Montero answered in Italian.

  Renee didn’t know how Constance would feel but she felt it was important to establish trust with the girls. She answered in Italian. “I’ll take responsibility. Better they learn to drink in a safe environment.” She turned to the girls. “When I was your age I had wine mixed with sparkling water and that’s what I’m ordering for you.”

  “Three wines coming up,” Mrs. Montero said. Chloe and Cara were wide-eyed.

  When Constance arrived, they were laughing hysterically at a story Renee was telling them about her college days. Renee saw her standing in the doorway to the dining room watching them. What did she see? The girls had enjoyed their wine but they seemed normal. They were having a good time and so was she.

  Click, click.

  Renee hardly noticed the cameras.

  Constance sat. She still had that glow but she was clearly exhausted. Mrs. Montero appeared with a goblet of red wine. “Your lasagna will be out shortly, Constance.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Montero. What wonderful service.” Mrs. Montero was all smiles. “Your daughters are bellissima, just like you.”

  “And thank you again.” Her eyes wandered around the table as she drank some wine. “All right you three, what’s going on?”

  Renee opened her mouth but the twins spoke over her, their excitement evident. “Renee let us have wine with dinner.”

  Constance looked at Renee, her eyebrows raised. “Wine? Is that why you’re all so happy?”

  Renee cleared her throat. “They had wine but they’re not drunk. We’ve been having a good time telling stories.”

  “Yes, Mums, we’ve been having a jolly time with Renee.” She thought it was Cara speaking.

  The other twin jumped in. “We’re not drunk, Mummie. Renee let us have wine mixed with sparkling water so we’d know what to expect when someone offers us a drink.”

  “And how are you feeling, my darlings?”

  Was Constance as calm as she appeared? Or was she just waiting to explode? Renee hoped she wouldn’t attack her in front of the girls.

  They glanced at each other. “Good,” they said in unison. “We didn’t really like the taste of the wine so we won’t drink it until we’re older.”

  That was interesting. They hadn’t told her they didn’t like it. But at least they know. She felt as if she was waiting for the ax to fall.

  Constance’s lasagna was delivered and she turned her attention to eating. The girls excused themselves to go to the bathroom. Renee was relieve
d to see that neither was stumbling as they walked across the room. She turned to Constance and found her staring. “Are you all right with them having wine? It was mostly sparkling water but they asked for it and I thought it was better for them to try it in a safe environment.”

  “You thought?” Constance didn’t raise her voice but it was clear she wasn’t happy. “Where do you come off making those kinds of decisions for my daughters?”

  Renee bristled. “I’m sorry. They were here with me and you weren’t. I was given watered-down wine when just a few years old and I rejected it until I was twelve. In my family and in France it’s not such a big deal. Anyway, I didn’t mean to overstep my bounds. Or usurp your authority.”

  Renee focused on her wineglass, leaving Constance to eat and relax without having to engage. When the girls didn’t return, she realized they had figured out she and Constance were arguing and were giving them privacy to discuss it. She looked toward the bathroom and Mrs. Montero pointed to the kitchen. So she’d seen it too and was keeping the girls away.

  She glanced at Constance. Her hands were in her lap, her eyes were focused on her plate, and tears were trickling down her face. She reached for Constance’s hand expecting to be pushed away. Instead, Constance gripped her hand tightly. Eyes still down, she spoke softly. “I’m so sorry, Renee. You didn’t do anything wrong. I agree it’s best for them to learn about alcohol under adult supervision and I trust that you made sure they had enough to taste it but not enough to get sick.”

  Renee leaned, in straining to hear.

  Constance shifted to face her. “Since Nigel died, I’ve had to do everything and make every decision for the three of us. I’ve been deathly afraid of screwing up, of hurting the girls. Bringing them to New York City so far from everybody and everything familiar petrified me. I’ve had us all on a tight leash and it’s difficult to let go. I would never have guessed you’d be so good with them. In fact, I wavered about bringing them tonight because I wasn’t sure I should introduce you. But I was thrilled to see you with them at the gallery and even happier that you seemed to like each other.

  “When I watched the three of you from the doorway my heart split open. The girls haven’t laughed like that, seemed so much like themselves, since we got the news about Nigel. But when they told me about the wine, I felt totally out of control. Only a bad mother would let a stranger make that kind of decision for her daughters. All my feelings of inadequacy rose up. It really had nothing to do with you.” She raised their joined hands and kissed Renee’s knuckles. “Please forgive me for acting like you would do something to hurt Chloe and Cara.”

  Renee squeezed Constance’s hand. She admired her fierce love for her daughters and her willingness to do anything to shield them from hurt. It reminded Renee of her own mother. “It’s all right, Constance. I really do enjoy them. And whatever happens or doesn’t happen between you and me, I hope you’ll let me spend time with them.” She could feel Constance relax.

  Constance kissed Renee’s knuckles again. “So you prefer the younger models to the older tried-and-true one?”

  Renee grinned. “I do like the younger models and I think I’m even starting to be able to tell them apart. But give me tried-and-true every time.” She didn’t hear the clicks but she glanced toward the kitchen and saw the phones pointed at them.

  “Glad to hear it.” Constance flashed one of her light-up-the-room smiles. “So how do you tell them apart?”

  Renee watched the girls cross the room carrying desserts to the table. “Cara is more reserved than Chloe. She has the same stillness you have when you’re thinking through something. Chloe is like you when you’re being playful and teasing. They both have both elements but I think that’s one thing that differentiates them.”

  “Correct.” Constance nodded. “You know, Renee, I’m exhausted. Would you mind if the girls and I go home after they eat dessert? Let’s get together over the weekend to talk about the show and arrange a time for the four of us to do something together.”

  Renee worried all day Saturday that once Constance had time to think about her taking on a parental role last night, she might pull away. She was pleasantly surprised when late in the afternoon her phone rang and it was Constance. “Well, Renee, you certainly did a fabulous job of seducing my innocent girls. They want to make you pancakes tomorrow so I’m charged with inviting you to brunch.”

  Her lighthearted tone made Renee smile. “You are so wrong. Those two little Constance dolls seduced me. And the little devils already know the way to a woman’s heart is through her stomach. I’d be delighted to come for pancakes.”

  “See you at noon. Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.” Constance was laughing as she cut the connection.

  An image of the four of them as a family flashed through her mind, leaving her with a stupid grin on her face, feeling giddy. She stared at the phone in her hand. Suddenly she wanted to see Constance, and she was surprised to realize, the twins, immediately. Should she call back and invite them to her apartment for dinner tonight?

  Her feelings for Chloe and Cara astonished her. Just a few days ago she was sure they would be a problem for her having any kind of a relationship with Constance. Now after one evening spent together, she was smitten. But was it them or Constance she was smitten with? Chloe and Cara had touched something inside of her, bringing up feelings about herself as a child, her loneliness, her awkwardness. She felt a strong impulse to help them through the minefield of teenage angst, an impulse to protect them, an impulse to make them happy. And, if she was honest, to take on some of the burden Constance was carrying.

  Was she in love with Constance? She could only compare it to falling in love with Darcy. With Darcy, she was so young and naïve, unformed really, and she felt like she was in a freefall from an airplane, tumbling through the air, unable to do anything to stop the inevitable crash to earth. It was thrilling but the total loss of control terrified her.

  Renee took a deep breath. Her feelings for Constance were different. Though the fireworks were there and the sexual attraction and the desire to make love to Constance were as strong as they had been with Darcy, her impulse was to run toward her, not away. The only frightening thing was that she might screw it up. She would follow the plan and go slowly.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Renee arrived at noon with flowers and chocolates for the three of them. Constance opened the door. She kissed Renee’s cheek and thanked her, then led her to the kitchen where the girls were prepping the pancakes. Chloe and Cara were thrilled with the gifts and shyly hugged Renee. Constance watched with a sweet smile.

  After the flowers were taken care of, Constance showed Renee around the apartment. The living room, Constance’s bedroom with a private bath and shower, the bedroom the girls shared and a third bedroom with a private bathroom between them, all overlooked Riverside Park and had beautiful views of the Hudson River. The kitchen, the dining room, a maid’s room that served as an office, a fourth bedroom and a bathroom all faced an interior courtyard.

  Constance led her into the comfortably but nicely furnished living room and moved some books off the couch so she and Renee could sit. Renee thumbed through a nearby book. “I noticed these sketchbooks, pencils, and charcoals everywhere in the house.”

  Constance laughed. “The girls are always complaining that I’m messy, but I often have the impulse to sketch something I see or something that flits into my imagination, so I like to have a pad handy to capture the image.”

  “Do you paint here or just in your studio? How often do you paint?”

  “I have an easel and paints in a closet in the office but I only use it if the girls are sick and need me at home during the day or if I’m inspired in the middle of the night, which doesn’t happen that often since I paint in my studio just about every weekday and occasionally on the weekend.”

  “Is your studio near here?”

  “It’s in a converted industrial building owned by a really lovely lesbian NYPD detecti
ve. It’s in the Meat Packing District.”

  Renee felt a sharp pang of jealousy. She hadn’t realized that Constance knew any other lesbians in New York City. “So how did you meet this…lovely lesbian landlord?”

  “Ooh, Renee, do I hear a trace of jealousy in your voice?”

  “No.” She felt bad lying. Constance already knew she cared so what was the harm. “Yes. I’m surprised you know another lesbian. How did you meet her?”

  Constance put her hand on Renee’s thigh and leaned into her. “You have nothing to worry about, dear girl. She’s lovely, but not my type at all. The art teacher at the girls’ school knew I was looking for a studio when we first arrived, so when she heard this studio was available, she passed the information on to me. So I called and the super’s wife, another lesbian artist, showed me the studio. I didn’t meet the owner until after I’d signed the lease. You might have read about her. Chiara was shot when she and her partner captured the killer of a couple of gay guys and a lesbian. She was at home rehabbing and the super introduced us in the lobby one day.”

  “A damned hero, no less.” Renee couldn’t help feeling outclassed.

  Constance elbowed Renee. “Don’t be so grumpy. I don’t expect you to run around capturing bad guys and getting yourself shot.”

  “Are you sure?” Renee elbowed her back. “Because I would, though I’d rather not.” She needed to change the subject. “So tell me about the studio.”

  “It’s the top floor of the building, one wall of windows faces south toward the World Financial Center and the other wall of windows faces west and has a view of New Jersey and the Hudson River, plus there’s a skylight. The light is incredible and it was empty so I was able to move in and start painting right away.”

  Constance was describing how she’d set up the studio when Chloe came to escort them to the table. She served them orange juice and coffee while Cara cooked the cottage cheese pancakes they’d prepped.

  Cara proudly carried a huge platter of pancakes to the table and put three on each of their plates. Chloe handed Renee a large bowl of strawberries, mango, and blueberries then poured more coffee, tea, and juice for everyone.