As she shifted to Chloe, a hand clasped her shoulder. “Need some help?”
She looked up, thrilled to see Gina and Beth with skates over their shoulders. “Wow, I’m really happy to see you two.”
Gina leaned over and hugged Renee. “We’re happy to see you too and happy to assist. We stopped for a drink with Tori and Elle at the restaurant last night so it was too late to call when we got home. And this morning we slept late. But we’re here, skates in hand, ready to go.”
“Let me do that.” The always energetic Beth elbowed Renee and knelt in front of Chloe. “Hi, I’m Beth, is it okay for me to lace your skates?”
Constance cleared her throat. “An introduction would be nice, Renee.”
Renee flushed. “Sorry. Constance, Chloe, and Cara,” she said pointing at each, “I’d like you to meet my good friends, Beth, the one on her knees, and Gina. I invited them to join us and help me teach you to skate.” Looking alarmed, the girls glanced at each other, then at Constance. Renee hastened to assure them and Constance. “It will be faster and easier with three of us. Gina was a champion skater in high school and college. And Beth is good at all sports.”
Chloe responded immediately. “Really, Gina? How old were you when you started? How long will it take?” And they were off and running. Renee laced up Constance and whispered, “Which of you should I work with?”
Constance whispered back, “I think you’re stuck with me.” She tilted her head toward the girls who were in deep conversation with Gina and Beth. Renee grinned. Chloe and Cara were holding hands, the only sign of nervousness she could detect, but they engaged with Gina and Beth as two adults might. She was constantly surprised by their maturity and their flexibility. Cara caught her watching and smiled as if to reassure her.
When everyone was laced up, Renee opened the bag she’d carried and handed the three of them the helmets she’d brought with her.
Gina stepped back. “We should practice a few things before we go on the ice. Are you all right with that, Renee?”
“I’m fine with whatever you suggest, Gina. You’re the professional.”
“Okay, so the first thing we’re going to do is march in small steps instead of walk.” Gina demonstrated. “This will help you learn to transfer your weight.” She watched the three of them practice. When she was satisfied, she held up a hand. “Although I’m sure none of you will ever fall on the ice, I’d like to practice falling and getting up before we get there. So watch me and Beth and try to follow along.
“First, bend your knees and squat into a dip position, like this.” Gina corrected Constance. “Okay, fall to the side and lean a bit forward as you fall down.” Renee had Chloe repeat the fall. “Now, turn onto your hands and knees.” When everyone was in the proper position, Gina demonstrated. “Place your feet between your hands.” She checked that everyone was in position. “Now, push yourself up.” She looked the small crew over. “Perfect. You guys are terrific. Now let’s do it again, starting with small steps, then falling and getting up.”
After the fourth repetition, Gina clapped. “You three are going to be terrific skaters so let’s get on to the ice.”
Chloe and Cara grinned. Renee could feel their confidence soar. Gina was a natural teacher, positive, confident, and inspiring. And Beth was so energetic and encouraging, it was no wonder she was such a successful business owner and personal trainer.
Reminding them to take small steps, Renee, Gina, and Beth helped their chosen skater to the ice. They claimed a piece of the wall as their own and had the three novices hold on to the wall to acclimate to the ice while the teachers removed their skate guards.
When it seemed they were ready, Gina demonstrated falling down and getting up on the ice. Each of the three did that several times before Gina announced, “Almost ready to skate. But first, let’s learn to stop.” She led them through stopping, then marching, then gliding. Soon Constance, Chloe, and Cara were skating, slowly, haltingly, but skating. After an hour the girls had the hang of it and were in high spirits, high-fiving Beth and Gina and each other. Renee could tell they would be spending a lot of time here in the future. Constance was slower getting it, but she eventually caught on and as the two of them circled the rink, Renee glanced at the girls, not surprised to see their phones pointed at them. She pulled Constance closer and instructed her to smile for the camera as they glided across the ice with the New York City skyline in the background.
When Beth and Gina had to leave to drive to New Jersey to visit Gina’s parents, Renee and Constance decided it was a good time to end the lesson for the day. With high fives, and lots of hugs and kisses, Beth and Gina left and the four of them made their way out of the park in search of hot chocolate.
Renee suggested they walk back to the West Side but the girls moaned that their legs were weak from skating and a look at Constance confirmed the truth of the complaint so she waved down a cab and ferried them all to Café Lalo on West Eighty-third Street.
They were seated at a round table in front of the windows and given menus. While Renee ordered hot chocolate for all and the girls decided to share a warmed-up scone, Constance eyed the twinkling lights on the trees outside the wall of windows. Then she swiveled to take in the brick wall lined with brightly colored posters, the delicious-looking pastries in the glass case, and Renee sitting across the table from her. Her sweet, gentle smile warmed Renee. “A lovely place to end a lovely day, Renee.”
“Yes, Renee,” Cara said. “This café is very pretty.”
The waitress arrived with their hot chocolates and the warmed-up scone for the girls. The moans of pleasure after the first sip warmed her heart. She was batting a thousand today.
“Gina and Beth are fun,” Chloe said.
“And good teachers,” Cara added. “Are you really, really old friends?”
“Gina and I have been close since freshman year in college. In fact, she taught me to ice skate. She got together with Beth a few years ago.”
Constance sipped her hot chocolate. “They were wonderful.”
“Yes, they were. And it was a good thing they showed up. I don’t think we would have made nearly the same progress without them. Speaking of progress, we should go to the rink again sooner rather than later so you don’t forget what you learned today.”
“Can we go after school this week? Please, Renee.” Chloe put a hand on Renee’s arm.
“I’ll work out something with your mum later, Chloe.”
Constance put her arm through Renee’s. “Come home with us and stay for dinner. We’ll order in later.”
Renee quickly accepted the offer. As they strolled to the Riverside Drive apartment, Renee suggested to Constance that the four of them go to the rink early one evening, skate for a while, then go out to dinner. Constance was silent.
“Am I going too fast?”
“I’m just flabbergasted that you want to spend so much time with the girls.” Constance laughed. “Figure out what night works best for you and we’ll fit your schedule.” She checked that the girls were far enough ahead so they wouldn’t overhear their conversation. “Is Gina an ex?”
Renee wondered where that question was coming from. “Yes. We were casual sex partners off and on starting freshman year and then in a committed relationship our senior year of college but not after. How did you know?”
“There’s a level of intimacy that old lovers have that shows in small ways. For instance, you and she touched a lot but not you and Beth. And you had shared references. Really good old friends can have the same kind of intimacy but knowing your history, I assumed lovers.”
“Does it bother you?”
“Not at all. I want to know everything about you. At Stanford and even now, except for the girls, we shut out the world. It was fun to see you with your friends.”
At the Riverside apartment, the girls immediately headed to their room to call their friends to brag about the skating expedition and Constance and Renee settled on the sofa with glasses of wi
ne.
“Since you like seeing me with me friends and ex-lovers, would you and the girls like to join me at the Inner Circle’s Songfest next week?”
“Songfest?” Constance said. “What is that?”
“Just one of my favorite things in the world. It’s a way I connect with my closest friends. When we were in college, a group of us used to get together Sunday nights to sing. Everyone would bring their instruments and some food and beer and we’d hang out together. It was a great way to relax and connect. We all enjoyed it so much we’ve been doing it ever since, every couple of months. We’ve opened it up to other friends since college, but we’re very careful to preserve the intimacy.”
Constance brushed Renee’s cheek. “You were singing and playing that magical night when I… The first time I really saw you. So you still sing and play?”
“I do.” Renee covered Constance’s hand. “And I probably always will. Music is one way I express my feelings, sometimes feelings I’m not even aware of when I start. I’m my true self at Songfest. It’s relaxed and fun. And, if I must say so myself, we make pretty good music. I’ve never invited anyone to come with me, but I think you and the girls would enjoy it. I’d love for you all to come.”
Constance gazed into Renee’s eyes. “Will Darcy be there?”
“No.”
Constance reached for Renee’s hand. “You’re still in love with her, aren’t you?” Her voice was soft.
Renee thought she heard regret and sadness in Constance’s question. Was she still in love with Darcy? Maybe. But she was definitely feeling something stronger for Constance or she wouldn’t have invited her to songfest to meet her friends. “Yes. No.” She lifted her shoulders. “I don’t know.”
Constance squeezed her hand. “Well, that covers it.”
Renee got to her feet. She needed to get away from the intensity of her feelings, from talking about this, trying to explain what she didn’t understand herself. Constance must have sensed her panic because she held on to Renee’s hand, gently stroking her, calming her. She sat again. And took a deep breath. She had promised to be honest and honest she would be. “For twenty years I thought I was in love with Darcy, but recently I realized I might have been using her as a shield to keep me from loving and being loved. Anyway, that’s why I’m in therapy. If you’re interested, I’ll tell you about it.”
Constance loosened her grip on Renee’s hand but she didn’t stop caressing it. She chewed her lower lip, then blew out a breath. “I’m definitely interested.”
Renee started at the beginning and spoke about meeting and falling in love with Darcy, about abandoning her but expecting her to be there when she was ready, about them both wanting to get back together at various points but neither trying to make it happen. She talked about her feelings at the wedding and her brunch with Darcy just before she left for her honeymoon. And then she discussed her therapy. By the time she had brought Constance up to date, she was on her third glass of wine.
They sat in silence for a few minutes. “Thank you for sharing that, Renee. I’m glad you’re trying to work it out. It seems we’ve both given up years of our lives needlessly.”
Renee couldn’t keep the regret out of her voice. “Yes, but you have Chloe and Cara to show for it. And though you weren’t in love with Nigel, it sounds like you at least were in a loving relationship while I deprived myself of loving and being loved.”
Constance cupped Renee’s cheek. “It’s true, my life wasn’t what I’d hoped for, but I was mostly happy. Weren’t you happy at all?”
Renee considered the question. “I thought I was until almost a year ago when I started to feel like something was missing and I pretty much stopped dating.”
“Was that when Darcy met her wife?”
“It was months before that. And I couldn’t tell you what brought it on. But suddenly my life felt empty. Midlife crisis, I guess.”
Constance dropped her hands into her lap. “You said Tori, Elle, and Darcy knew you were still in love with Darcy. Will any of your other friends at this music thing know about it?”
Renee sensed Constance’s insecurity and realized she was probably feeling like she was second best. That was definitely not the case. “I talked to Gina recently about some issues between us and it came up, but to my knowledge, no one else suspects. Have I told you, Constance, you’re the only woman besides Darcy and Gina I’ve ever wanted a future with? It scared the stuffing out of me and I was ready to run, but you saved me the trouble and ran first. Since we’ve found each other again, I’ve barely given Darcy a thought and I still want a future with you.” Renee cleared her throat. “Let me remind you that I said I had things to work through before I could make any commitment. That’s still true. But my therapy is not focused on my love for Darcy but why I used her as a shield to keep myself from loving anyone, including her. And you. I hope you trust me enough and care enough to give me the time I need.”
Constance glanced at her phone. She stood. “It’s late. We should order dinner.”
Disappointment flooded Renee. Had being truthful cost her Constance? And the girls. Now she really wanted to run. She steeled herself to end the evening as friends and then go home and let herself feel the loss.
After what seemed like hours but was a minute, Constance pulled Renee up. “Take all the time you need.” She entwined their fingers and smiled. “I think the girls and I will love Songfest.”
Disappointment was replaced by joy. Renee pulled Constance around to face her. “I thought I’d lost you.” Renee couldn’t keep the smile from her face. “Are we all right, then?”
She kissed the tip of Renee’s nose. “We’re more than all right.” Constance hugged her. “Trust me. I’m not running and neither should you.”
Chapter Nineteen
The following Monday evening Renee entered the private room of Tori and Elle’s restaurant with Constance, Cara, and Chloe in tow. She carried her guitar and would alternate playing it and the piano. Constance carried the stew she’d made and the girls carried Renee’s contribution, wine and soda. When they entered, all eyes shifted to them and the buzz in the room died out. She’d warned Constance to expect jaws to drop when her friends saw her walk into Songfest with a beautiful woman and two beautiful teenagers. She put her arm over Constance’s shoulder. “Hello, everyone, I’d like you to meet my friends Constance, Chloe, and Cara.” She pointed at each as she said their names. “And now go back to your conversations and I’ll bring them around to meet you individually.” Conversations resumed. Gina and Beth met them at the table and hugged the three newcomers. Gina winked at Renee as she embraced Constance. The girls were excited to see their skating teachers and anxious to share their latest escapades on the ice, but Renee waved her friends off and herded her guests along.
“Don’t worry, we’ll catch up with Gina and Beth later. There are some girls I want you to meet.” After they dropped their food and drink offerings on the appropriate tables and hung their coats, she led them to Joel and Erik and their teenagers. Fifteen-year-old Moira and thirteen-year-old Megan were happy to have some teenage company and quickly dragged the girls into a corner. Once they seemed comfortable, Renee turned Constance toward Tori and Elle, but before she could introduce them, Constance gasped. Her eyes widened. “Aren’t you models? I can’t remember the product, but I’m sure I saw you two in a magazine ad.” She waved her hand as if trying to cool down. “And you sizzled on the page. I looked at those pictures often reminding myself about how good a connection between women could be. I’m sure I still have a copy of that magazine in my house in London.”
Renee snorted. “Are you sure you only looked and didn’t—”
“Of course.” Constance elbowed Renee. “It was you I fantasized about all those years.”
The warmth moved up from her toes, quickly reached her neck and hit her face. She wasn’t sure if Constance was teasing but the pleasure in hearing she was in Constance’s thoughts outweighed the embarrassment of her s
aying it in front of Tori and Elle.
“You deserved that, Renee.” Tori laughed. “Yes, it was us.” The look she shared with Elle made clear that the sizzle hadn’t left their relationship. “We’d just met and the sparks between us lit up the set. You’re very observant. It wasn’t obvious to everyone.” Tori glanced at Renee. “You must be Constance. Welcome to Songfest.” She hugged Constance. “I’m Tori and this gorgeous woman is my wife, Elle.”
“Renee said you own this restaurant.”
“We do.” Elle took Constance’s hand. “We gave up modeling before it could dump us and followed another dream. Tori is the chef and I manage the place. We’d love for you and Renee to join us for dinner some weeknight when we’ll have time to sit and chat with you. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy Songfest.” She glanced around. “I think just about everyone is here. Excuse me. I need to make sure the staff brought all the food Tori prepped. You should get something to eat now.”
Constance punched Renee’s arm. “Oh, my God, Renee, you let me bring a stew I cooked to a restaurant?”
“Don’t be hard on Renee,” Tori said. “We just supplement what you all bring, Constance, so don’t worry about it. I’m always looking for new recipes so I’m going to grab some of that stew. See you later. Oh, hi, Maya, glad you made it.”
Renee sucked in her breath and spun around. Constance turned to see what had her attention.
Maya flashed a smile, the one Renee thought of as her “spider inviting the fly into her web” smile. Renee snaked her arm around Constance’s waist, staking her claim and hopefully warning Maya off.
“Hello there, I don’t believe we’ve met,” Maya said in her mellifluous voice. “Aren’t you going to introduce us, Renee?”
Renee flushed. “Of course. Constance, this is my friend, Maya. Maya, this is Constance, a good friend from Stanford whom I recently had the good fortune to find again.”
Ready for Love Page 15