Craving Cecilia

by Jacquelyn, Nicole

  Cecilia hadn’t answered me when I lifted her into my arms and sat down on the bed so I could pull the blankets off of Olive. She’d just reached for the baby, pulling Olive against her chest in relief.

  It had been an hour since I’d found her, and she still hadn’t said a word—not while Forrest looked her over, not while her mom paced back and forth trying to settle Olive down, not even when her dad came and knelt in front of her, asking if she was okay.

  She was with it. Her eyes were clear, even if her face was badly bruised, and she hadn’t lost consciousness at any point, but she wasn’t speaking. She wasn’t making a single sound, even though I knew it must’ve hurt like a motherfucker for Forrest to stitch up her side.

  Wiping a hand over my forehead, I grimaced. I’d broken out in a cold sweat the minute I’d seen Cecilia being attacked, and while I was no longer cold, I was still sweating like I’d just finished working out. It was fucking disgusting.

  “Can I talk to you for a sec?” Eli murmured, setting his hand on my shoulder.

  I nodded. “I’m gonna go have a chat with Eli, baby,” I told Cecilia, brushing her hair back from her face. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

  I paused, waiting for a response that didn’t come before getting to my feet. We’d been in Casper and Farrah’s room while everyone searched the grounds, and I was happy to take a step away for a few minutes. The air in there was thick with worry and fear and helplessness. My job had been to guard Cecilia and make sure she was alright, and I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else, but it was still hard as fuck not to be one of the ones searching.

  “Yo, we’re not finding anything,” Eli said quietly. “Not a single fucking thing. Nothing on the security videos, no holes cut in the fence, not a single member that remembers seeing anything out of the ordinary.”

  “How is that possible?” I muttered.

  “You know how it’s possible,” Eli said apologetically. “They’ve got someone here.”

  “Nope.” I shook my head.

  “Look, man, I know you got history with this place,” Eli replied. “And I’m sure most of these men have your back, and by extension, ours. But the least complicated explanation is usually the right one, and you know it. Someone let that fucker onto the property.”

  “Fuck,” I breathed, looking over his shoulder at the men who were still roaming around, looking for any type of clue or threat.

  “They might not see it, or just don’t want to admit it,” Eli said. “But we’ve got a problem. We can’t stay here.”

  “We weren’t planning on staying,” I pointed out.

  “Yeah, I know,” he agreed. “But we were planning on having bikers escort us to Eugene.”

  “And if we tell them we don’t need them, they’ll know something’s up,” I said. “Goddamn it.”

  “Pretty much.”

  I wasn’t sure what the right call was. On one hand, I felt a loyalty to the club that had been ingrained in me since birth, but on the other hand, I couldn’t ignore what was looking me in the face. We had a mole, and worse than that, we had someone willing to risk getting caught in order to bring the enemy inside the gates.

  “We need to talk to Casper,” Eli said. “Now.”

  I nodded. “Grab Cam, too.”

  “Will do. I’ll round everyone up.”

  “Make sure you do it quietly,” I said as he turned away. “No need to make people nervous.”

  “I’ve got it handled,” he replied dryly.

  I wiped at my face again as I strode back toward Casper’s room. Jesus, how much pull did this Drake guy have, and how the fuck had he gotten to one of the members so quickly? Was there some kind of connection that predated this shit with Olive? And how the fuck were we supposed to find that connection?

  Farrah’s hand was on the pistol in her lap when I re-entered the room.

  “How’s it going?” I asked, leaning down to kiss Cecilia’s bent head. Olive was nursing sleepily, and I breathed a sigh of relief that at least that was going okay.

  “She’s still quiet,” Farrah said cautiously, her worried eyes meeting mine. “But we’ve got the baby settled now, so that’s good, all things considered.”

  “That is good,” I said, sitting down carefully next to CeeCee.

  The slice along her ribs was superficial, thank Christ, but I couldn’t imagine how badly it had hurt. The thought of how scared she must have been made my skin crawl, and watching her stoically let Forrest stitch it had been one of the worst moments of my life.

  “How you doing?” I asked, wrapping my arm around her back. I let out a breath as she silently leaned against me for support, her head resting on my shoulder.

  The door opened, and Farrah’s head jerked up, her hand back on the pistol.

  “Just me, Ma,” Cam said, coming into the room. “You can put that thing away.”

  “I think I’ll keep it where it is,” Farrah retorted.

  “You’re surrounded by armed men.”

  “So was Cecilia,” Farrah reminded her son darkly.

  A few minutes later, Casper came in, Eli behind him.

  “I left Forrest and Lu out with the others,” Eli told me, leaning against the closed door. “I can fill them in.”

  “What’s going on?” Farrah asked, looking from one person to another.

  “You know what’s goin’ on,” Casper said with a frustrated grunt. “Can’t stay here.”

  “We aren’t,” Farrah replied. “We’re leaving in a couple hours.”

  “And takin’ half the club with us?” Casper said. “Possibly the man that let that motherfucker in to terrorize my daughter?”

  “Our daughter,” Farrah muttered.

  “We need to find out who the fuck it was before we leave,” Cam said, crossing his arms over his chest.

  “No,” I said firmly. “Not with your sister and the baby here. Not with your mom here. We don’t have the time and we don’t have the fucking resources.”

  “So what’s your big plan?” Cam shot back.

  I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t have a goddamn plan.

  “Well,” Eli drawled from the door, “I have an idea.”

  Casper looked at him in surprise, like he’d forgotten Eli was there.

  “We’ve got three rigs,” Eli said quietly as he stepped further into the room. “You two stay on your bikes. Me and Lu take mine. Forrest takes his. Farrah rides with Cecilia and Chief.”

  “And how does Lu switching rigs change a goddamn thing, exactly?” Cam asked.

  “You didn’t let me finish,” Eli said with a short bark of laughter.

  * * *

  Two hours later, we were loaded up and almost ready to head out.

  “You sure, man?” Chunky asked Casper as they stood next to the long row of motorcycles. “Seems like a bad fuckin’ idea to leave with no backup.”

  “I’m sure,” Casper said, reaching out to shake the man’s hand. “Best bet is to keep shit as quiet as possible. Drawing attention to us with a big convoy of bikes is just gonna put a bullseye on our backs.”

  Chunky nodded slowly. “I’ll take care of shit here,” he said quietly, as if Casper’s decision was finally coming into focus. “I’ll keep you updated. You let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”

  “Absolutely,” Casper said. He moved toward where I’d been eavesdropping and slapped my shoulder as he passed me.

  “You ready?” I asked as I turned to follow him to the trucks.

  “Don’t like it,” he muttered. “But I don’t see a better way.”

  “On that, we agree,” I said.

  I climbed into the truck and checked on Cecilia. She was crammed into the back seat again, surrounded by the car seat and baby supplies, but she didn’t seem bothered by any of it. All of her attention was focused outside the window.

  We were quiet as we pulled out of the front gate.

  “This better work,” Farrah said, her shoulders stiff as she stared out the windshield.
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  “It will.”

  Fifteen minutes later, Eli and Lu pulled away from the caravan with Cam following behind them. Five minutes after that, Forrest did the same. Then it was just us, Casper following behind as we headed north.

  “Take care of my granddaughter,” Farrah whispered, leaning her head back against the headrest.

  When I looked back at Cecilia, her hand was resting inside the empty car seat and tears were rolling down her cheeks.

  * * *

  Four hours later, we stopped for gas. Farrah and Cecilia stayed inside the truck as planned, and I hurried through the motions so we could get back on the road. Inside the cab was eerily silent, and as I waited for the tank to fill, I pressed my hand to Cecilia’s window. When she looked over, I pressed my lips against it in a kiss. Her lips curved up slightly as she rolled her eyes. I considered that a win.

  I jerked in surprise as Casper came jogging around the pump.

  “What’s up?” I asked, my head snapping up to scan the surrounding area.

  “Found ’em,” Casper said, out of breath. “Rose came tearin’ through the gate not twenty minutes ago.”

  “No shit?”

  “No shit,” Casper replied, nodding. “On their way to get Mack now.”

  “That’s good news,” I said with a grin. “They’re okay?”

  “Far as I know,” he said, slapping me on the shoulder. “I’m gonna let Farrah know.”

  He rounded the truck and I looked over to meet Cecilia’s eyes. She smiled with her mouth, but the rest of her face and body practically radiated a mixture of fear and helplessness. I had a feeling that any relief about finding Rose was being completely overshadowed by the fact that Olive was probably a hundred miles from us by now.

  We’d agreed to go radio silent until we met up that night, and I knew it was absolute torture for Cec. I had to admit, it wasn’t real fun for me, either. Not knowing where Olive was, how she was doing, or if the plan would work was really wearing on me. It also didn’t help that our truck was technically the bait truck. Anyone who didn’t know what we’d done would assume both Cecilia and Olive were with me, driving north to the clubhouse in Eugene.

  Only our small group knew she was in a box on the passenger seat of Forrest’s SUV. Not the safest way to travel, but we were pretty much beyond that worry.

  “Let’s head out,” Casper said, meeting me back at the pump. “Got a lot of road to cover before we get there tonight.”

  “You think this’ll work?”

  “Pretty damn sure,” Casper replied. “Long as they don’t try to ambush us on the road. Only a few people know about Poet’s place on the coast and the security is prime. Even has safe room.”

  “Haven’t felt like I’m being watched since we left the clubhouse,” I said quietly. “It can’t be that easy.”

  “It might be,” he said with a shrug. “They think we’re headed to Eugene—and a straight shot up I-5 means we’d have to drive right through the territory they’re controlling. No need to follow if they know we’re headed right for ’em.”

  “Let’s hope you’re right.”

  We were on the road again pretty quick after that, and I let myself relax just slightly into my seat. If we could all just get to the house on the coast, we could figure out what to do next.

  “What’s wrong?” Farrah asked, turning in her seat to look at Cecilia. “You okay?”

  I looked in the mirror to find CeeCee crying silently, shaking her head in dismissal. She’d been in tears most of the drive, but something about those tears were different.

  “You need to pump?” Farrah asked, rummaging through the bag at her feet. “I washed everything after you used it this morning, so it’s ready to go.”

  Cecilia waved the contraption away.

  “Cec,” I said, getting her attention. “Forrest said you need to pump while you guys are apart unless you want to get another clog.”

  “Yeah, or have your supply tank,” Farrah said, pushing the hand-pump at Cecilia.

  She just stared out the window.

  “Should I pull over?” I asked Farrah. It wasn’t a good idea—actually it was a terrible one—but if Cecilia needed to stop, I’d stop.

  Silently, CeeCee yanked the pump out of her mom’s hands.

  “Threatening to pull the car over never stopped you from being a punk when you were a kid,” Farrah said, still twisted in her seat. “Glad to know it does now.”

  Half an hour later, a little bottle of milk was passed to the front of the cab and Farrah stashed it in a cooler at her feet. When I glanced back at Cecilia, her head was resting against the window, her eyes closed.

  “Only an hour left before we get to the house,” I said quietly to Farrah in case Cecilia was able to get some rest.

  “Yeah, then we’ll have somewhere to pace until everyone else shows up,” she said in frustration, running her hands through her hair. “But at least we know that Rose and Mack are safe back home. Might help my ulcer, some.”

  “Can’t imagine how hard it’s been for you and Casper,” I replied.

  “Hard’s an understatement,” she said quietly. “Rose is like one of our kids. And we know that she had the whole club up there searching, but it’s been pretty much an impossible situation not knowing whether or not to haul ass north or play it safe.”

  “Being pulled in two different directions,” I muttered.

  “Yep. This shit is far from over, but it’s a bit of a relief to have one fucked situation to deal with at a time.”

  “I bet.”

  We were quiet for a few minutes.

  “I was sorry to hear about your mom,” Farrah said out of the blue. “Don’t think I ever told you that.”

  “You don’t have to say that,” I replied, glancing at her. “I know you weren’t her biggest fan.”

  Farrah huffed out a laugh. “Bit of an understatement,” she said ruefully. “But I am sorry you lost her. Losing a parent sucks, doesn’t matter if they were a good one or not—and from what I understand, she did her best with you.”

  “She did,” I replied.

  “People react differently to shit,” Farrah murmured. “Cam and Trix were different, but I can’t imagine telling him to bail when he told us Trix was pregnant.”

  “That’s not exactly how it went down.”

  “Close enough,” Farrah said, shooting me a look. “But she’d had a different experience with the club. Couldn’t have been happy that you knocked up some club brat.”

  “I think she regretted it later,” I said quietly. “Once she saw how bad it fucked me up.”

  “Water under the bridge now,” Farrah said with a sigh. “I never understood why she hated everyone so much, but still sent you to us all the damn time.”

  “I have no idea,” I said, shaking my head. “I think she was just desperate for help.”

  “The boys probably didn’t give her much of a choice, either,” Farrah replied ruefully. “They weren’t about to let you fall through the cracks.”

  “My dad seemed to attract that kind of loyalty,” I agreed.

  “Not just your dad, kid.” She slapped me lightly on the arm with the back of her hand. “Seems to me you’ve got that same pull.”

  I shrugged.

  Time seemed to speed up as we got off the highway, following Casper as he led us down back roads, circling and backtracking through small towns along the coast. When we finally turned onto a long, gravel driveway, I sat up straight and stretched my arms over my head.

  The house was small and covered in wooden shingles, and it looked ready to fall over, which made the high tech alarm system seem seriously out of place.

  “Only you would remember the code to this place,” Farrah called to Casper as we climbed out of the truck.

  “You complainin’?” he called back, opening the front door.

  I grasped Cecilia’s hand as we walked up the steps to the porch and was kind of surprised that she didn’t pull away. Shit had been happening at
lightening speed, but I was still highly aware of the fight we’d had. Did I really think that she believed all the garbage she’d spewed at me? Partially. But I didn’t think she would’ve ever said it if I hadn’t been pushing. It didn’t let her off the hook—she didn’t just get to say whatever hurtful crap popped into her head without consequences, but the conversation could wait.

  Flat out—I loved her, even the shitty parts of her, and we had more important things to deal with at the moment.

  “I’m gonna find a burner and call the club,” Casper said. “Open a couple windows we can keep an eye on—air the place out.”

  The house was as small as it looked on the outside, but it was cozy. A small bedroom off to the left side had a queen-sized bed covered in a drop cloth and a small closet without any doors. The living room furniture was also covered in drop cloths, and as Farrah took care of the bedroom, me and Cecilia uncovered the couch and a recliner.

  “No TV,” I said, looking around the room.

  “I doubt they’re watching TV down here,” Farrah said. “Here, I’ll stash those canvases in the closet with the other one.” She pulled the rolled up fabric from my hands. “See if there’s anything in the kitchen—I’m starving.”

  I followed Cecilia into the postage stamp sized kitchen, wrapping my arm around her waist as she stopped to look out the window. The house was small, but the real estate must have been worth a fortune because the back deck butted right up to the beach.

  “Maybe we can take a few minutes once Olive gets here,” I said, resting my chin on the top of CeeCee’s head. “Bring her down to the water.”

  Cecilia didn’t reply.

  “Why aren’t you talking?” I asked, not expecting an answer. “I need to hear your voice, baby.”

  She still didn’t reply, but her hands came to the arm around her waist and squeezed before lightly rubbing back and forth.

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” I said into her hair. “I shouldn’t have assumed you’d be safe. I fucked up.”

  Her hands squeezed again.

  “All of this is going to be over soon,” I promised. “And then we can find a little house for you and Olive. Someplace close to your parents, but not close enough that your mom stops by every single day.” Her body shook with a half-hearted chuckle. “And we’ll make sure you have a yard so you can lay out and get a tan while Olive plays in one of those little plastic pools.”