My hand tightened in his as I realized that feeling was back, almost as if it had never left. Even after everything we’d gone through in the past, I knew with absolute certainty that he wasn’t going anywhere. I couldn’t pinpoint when that had changed. Had it been when he’d stuck up for me to my mom, or later, when he’d crawled to me on the floor of Poet’s beach house? Had it been something small that had tipped the scales or was it something bigger? I remembered his face, covered in greasepaint as he’d come into the closet where I was hiding, his eyes full of relief and confusion as they’d met mine. Had it been that moment when I’d begun to trust him again?
“Looks like everyone’s outside,” Mark commented as he led me to a lit-up area between the hospital and the parking lot.
“I wonder why,” I said, taking in the crowd. My Uncle Grease was smoking a cigarette, his arm around Aunt Callie’s shoulders. Will was standing close to Cam and Trix, talking with his hands. My dad stood with Dragon a little off to the side. Heather was sitting next to Mack on the edge of a cement wall, along with Rose, Tommy and Lily. A few other men and women that I didn’t know as well filled out the area. Everyone grew quiet as we walked up.
“Jesus Christ,” Rose muttered as she looked up and saw us.
I ignored her. I wasn’t there for her. Not pausing, I made my way toward Lily.
“Hey,” I said, searching her face. I’d been so concerned with getting to her, I hadn’t planned on what I would actually say to her when I got there. I stood there, dumbly, taking in her tight mouth and terrified eyes.
“You came,” she said, her voice flat.
“Of course I did,” I said, reaching out to run my hand down her arm. “I knew you must be freaking out, and I—”
“I know it isn’t fair,” she said slowly. “I know it isn’t your fault. But I can’t deal with you right now.”
I could’ve dealt with anger. I could’ve handled vindictive words and spite. I’d been braced and waiting for them. The unemotional way she dismissed me was a thousand times worse. It took everything inside me to hide how badly it hurt.
“You should go,” Rose said from her place beside Mack.
I glanced toward her and saw Tommy’s unsympathetic look and Heather’s sympathetic one. With a nod, I took a stumbling step backward.
“You can’t deal with her right now?” Mark said, his voice low and scary.
“Don’t,” I mumbled, tightening my fingers hard around his.
“What exactly can’t you deal with?” he asked, ignoring me. “Your sister’s concern for you? The fact that she showed up here, knowin’ how you’d treat her, and she came anyway?”
“Mark,” I hissed, staring at the ground, wishing it would swallow me.
“Maybe you can’t deal with the fact that if she hadn’t used her body to shield your man, you’d be preparin’ for a funeral right now?” he said, his voice still low with fury.
“What?” Lily asked in confusion.
“Oh, nobody told you that, huh?” Mark said nastily. “Surprise, fuckin’ surprise. Instead of runnin’ away, like a fuckin’ sane person would do—your sister ran into the middle of shit to protect Leo—and got shot in the back for it.”
“Enough,” I ground out, pulling at Mark’s hand. “Let’s just go.”
“None of it would’ve even happened if she hadn’t come running back to us for protection,” Rose pointed out, coming forward.
“Don’t get me started on you,” Mark said, his body practically vibrating. “You and your man were at the clubhouse. You got no skin in this game—”
“This is my family,” Rose argued.
“It’s also Cecilia’s family,” Mark shot back. “And you’ve got a lot to say, for someone who’d be dead, too, if not for her.”
“Fuck you,” Rose spat.
“No, fuck you,” Mark said as the group noticed what was happening and moved in to get control of the situation. “Cecilia saved your ass and you know it—standin’ frozen until she pulled you behind that tree. Gettin’ shot for her trouble then, too.”
“She didn’t get shot,” Rose said. She looked at me. “You didn’t get shot.”
“For fuck’s sake,” Mark said to me. “You didn’t tell anyone?”
“It was a graze,” I said quietly, still pulling on his hand. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s go.”
I didn’t want to be there anymore. I wanted to go. I knew what he was trying to do, and I understood the purity behind it, but I wanted to escape. It felt like I was being peeled, layer by layer, and somehow, these people were seeing parts of me that weren’t for public consumption. Somehow, Mark’s words were twisting situations, turning what I’d done on instinct into some sort of heroism. It wasn’t that. It had never been that. If I’d thought about what I was going to do, I would’ve saved myself first. Everyone knew that.
“You were shot that day?” my dad asked, disbelief threading through his words. “What?”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make things worse for you,” I said to Lily, ignoring my dad. “We’ll go.”
“You were shot back then,” she said, watching me closely. “And you never said anything?”
“Everyone was dealing with enough,” I replied.
“God, CeeCee,” she said, reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose. “You saved Rose. We all knew you did, but—”
“I thought she was you,” I blurted, the biggest secret of my life pouring out of my mouth like I had no control of it. “All I saw was her hair, and I just grabbed her. I thought it was you, okay? So, just leave it.”
“You didn’t say anything because you thought she was me?” Lily asked dubiously.
“It was an accident,” I ground out, taking a step backward. “I didn’t mean to save her.”
“You still did,” she pointed out, throwing her arms out to the sides in disbelief. “Why wouldn’t you tell anyone that you were hurt?”
“You were hurt worse,” I said, trying to make her understand. “I didn’t get to you.”
“CeeCee,” Lily said softly in understanding, her eyes filling with tears. “You couldn’t have gotten to me. I wasn’t anywhere near you.”
I shook my head again. I didn’t need to hear about it. I didn’t even want to think about it.
“Gram saved me,” she continued. “And Grandpa and Grandma Vera. They saved me. I had people to protect me.”
“Doesn’t matter,” I said, swallowing hard.
“It does matter,” she said, even softer. “Because you were the only one who could’ve gotten to Rose in time.”
“I didn’t do it on purpose,” I said dismissively.
“Don’t do that,” Lily ordered, her tone firming.
“I didn’t,” I said emphatically. “It wasn’t a conscious decision. If I would’ve thought about it, I would’ve saved my own ass first.”
“Doesn’t sound like it,” she said. “Because you did the same thing today. You didn’t save your own ass today.”
“Leo was closer,” I tried to explain. “I wasn’t sure which way to go, and—”
“Bullshit,” she said, coming at me. I held back a yelp as she wrapped her arms tightly around me, overlapping against my sore back. “You protected him when he couldn’t protect himself,” she whispered into my ear. “Thank you, sissy. You saved him for me.”
Closing my eyes, I let go of Mark and held her against me, tucking my face into her shoulder. She smelled familiar, like family. Like Lily.
“I really didn’t mean to,” I whispered back, soaking up the feeling of my sister’s hair against my face, her head resting against mine.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said, one of her hands lifting to smooth the hair down the back of my head. “You still did it.”
We held each other quietly for a moment. It was the first time in years that I’d had any physical contact with my little sister that didn’t feel forced. You don’t realize how important that is, or at least I hadn’t, not until it was gone.
“The doctors say he’ll be okay,” Lily said, stepping away slightly to give me the space I desperately needed. “As long as he doesn’t get a really nasty infection. They have to do skin grafts, though, and try to fix his hand and wrist. They think he must have reached out to break his fall then the bike went down, and he slid pretty far, which is why he—” she got choked up and cleared her throat. “That’s why the road rash is so bad. But thank God, most of it is superficial.”
“They’re pretty sure they can save most of his fingers,” my dad said, putting his arm around my shoulder, completely unconcerned with my need for personal space. “Except the pinky. Gonna be a long road.”
“Good,” I said, uncomfortable with the shift in conversation and the sudden welcome into their closed circle, but nodding anyway. “That’s good. I’m glad he’s going to be okay.”
“Brenna and Mom are up there,” Lily said. “In case they have any news, but he’s in surgery now, so we’re all just waiting. Everyone forced me out here to get some fresh air.”
“I know you want to wait with ’em, baby,” Mark said, lifting Olive’s carrier a little. “But you need to get off your feet and Olive doesn’t need to spend the night in the hospital.”
“Okay,” I said, relieved that he’d given me an out. If Lily needed me, I’d be there absolutely, but Jesus, I needed a little space. I needed some quiet. A few moments to let the day sink in. A little time to cuddle Olive and assure myself that things were different now, that we were both okay and safe.
I desperately wanted to climb into bed with Mark and the baby and shut out the world for a few days.
“Woody said you were shot today,” Rose said uncomfortably as she stepped forward. “Are you okay?”
“Just sore,” I replied. “I was wearing a vest.”
“Lucky,” she murmured.
“This one likes to be prepared,” I replied, tilting my head toward Mark. “We’ll see you later.” I turned to Lily. “Keep me updated?”
“Of course,” she said, her lips tilting up on one side in a half-smile.
“Get some rest,” my dad said, kissing my forehead. “I’ll see ya in the morning and we’re gonna talk.”
I nodded. It was time to come clean with my parents about what I’d gone through in the aftermath of the shooting all those years ago.
I didn’t meet anyone’s eyes as Mark turned me around and led us away, so I was surprised at the pair of black boots that stood between me and the parking lot. I looked up to find Dragon standing in the middle of the sidewalk.
“They might not have known,” he said, jerking his head toward Lily, “but I saw what you did today.”
I nodded jerkily, the pain in his eyes making my stomach twist.
His hands came up and cupped each side of my head gently, almost reverently. “I owe ya, sweetheart.”
“No, you don’t,” I choked out.
“It’s a debt I’ll never be able to repay,” he said, ignoring my words. “You saved my boy.”
“They might’ve left him alone,” I argued reasonably. “He was already down.”
“Guess we’ll never know,” he said, just as reasonably. “But the intention was there.”
“I didn’t think about it—” I replied, frustrated. Why was no one listening to me? I hadn’t made some grand decision to save poor Leo.
Dragon leaned down so we were eye-to-eye. “Fact that ya did it without thinkin’ doesn’t make it less brave,” he said seriously, tightening his grip. “It means that the core of ya, the part of ya that reacts on instinct, protects others before yourself. That ain’t nothin’ to brush off. I know men I’ve bled beside for years that can’t say that.”
“I’m glad he’s going to be okay,” I whispered back.
“I’m glad both of ya will,” he whispered back. He leaned forward slowly and pressed his lips to my forehead, holding them there for a moment before letting me go. He looked at Mark. “Go put your woman to bed, Woody,” he ordered. “She looks like she’s about to fall over.”
“I’m on it,” Mark said.
I stumbled along beside him, trying to understand the weird shift that had happened. For years, I would’ve done anything to make people look at me the way they were now, but for some reason, now that I had it, it just felt wrong. Everything felt mixed up.
“Climb in,” Mark said as he opened my door for me. “Get comfortable. If you fall asleep on the way, I’ll carry you inside.”
“There’s no way I’ll fall asleep,” I replied, still trying to figure out what happened back there.
“We’ll see,” he said in amusement before shutting my door.
I waited while he put Olive back inside and climbed into the truck beside me. His hand came out to rest on my thigh as he backed out of the parking spot, and stayed there as we drove away from the hospital. Then, as if I’d finally run out of batteries, my eyes grew too heavy to keep open and I passed out.
* * *
“You scared the shit outta me yesterday,” Mark said into my ear just as the sky outside started to lighten. I wasn’t sure what had woken us up, but I’d felt the moment his breathing had changed. His hand slid up my torso until it rested at the base of my throat. “Why the fuck would you do that?”
“I don’t know,” I replied honestly, staring at Olive’s sleeping face. “As soon as Drake started to fall, I just knew I had to move.”
“We had it covered, Cec,” he said in frustration. “You should’ve stayed in the house. What the fuck were you thinkin’?”
“I couldn’t let him do that,” I said softly.
“Who?” he asked, leaning up on his elbow to look at my face. “Warren?”
“No,” I said, turning a little so we were face-to-face. “Dragon. I couldn’t let him make the choice between me and Leo.”
“Were you afraid he’d hand you over?” Mark asked, leaning forward, his eyebrows raised in surprise. “Baby, you know I’d never let that happen.”
“No,” I said again, shaking my head. My heart started pounding as I remembered the moment. “No, I was afraid he wouldn’t.”
Mark closed his eyes in understanding and let out a long breath. “Baby,” he whispered.
“He’s been through enough,” I said. I swallowed, trying to dislodge the lump in my throat. “Plus, you know, it wouldn’t have worked out for me, either. I’d never be able to show my face around here if that happened.”
Mark scoffed. “You’re full of shit,” he said, opening his eyes to grin at me. “That shit didn’t even cross your mind.”
“Well, maybe not then,” I conceded. “But I’ve thought about it since.”
Mark laughed quietly. “You can’t keep doin’ shit like that,” he said, his expression growing serious. “You’ve got responsibilities now. You know you’re about to do somethin’ that could get you hurt, take five seconds to think it over, yeah? Fuck, I about shit myself yesterday.”
“You’re kidding, right?” I said, wrinkling my nose at him. “From this point forward, the only thing you’ll have to worry about is me twisting my ankle on the curb at the grocery store.”
“Oh, yeah?” he said, his lips twitching.
I relaxed into the pillow we shared. “Yeah,” I said with a sigh. “You know, my life was normal in San Diego. Nothing ever happened. I even paid my taxes.”
“Well, holy shit,” he said. “Better not tell Casper.”
I laughed. “Poor Dad,” I mused. “He’s too intelligent for his own good. Someday all those back taxes are going to catch up to him.”
“I’m not payin’ into some greedy politician’s pocket,” Mark said, mimicking my dad’s voice.
“Or the fuckin’ lobbyists they pay off to get ’em elected,” I mimicked, too.
Mark laid back down and us
ed his chin to move the hair away from my neck, so he could kiss me there.
“You wanna stay here?” he asked quietly, pulling me snug against him.
“In Eugene?” I reached out to lay my hand lightly on Olive’s chest. “Or in the clubhouse? Because I’d seriously like to get out of here.”
“In Eugene,” he clarified.
I thought about it before answering. I’d made a life in San Diego. I had friends there—not close ones, but friends all the same. I liked my neighbors and my condo. I knew the grocery store near my place like the back of my hand. Plus, there were a hundred beaches to go to. Restaurants with authentic food from all over the world. Sunshine all year round.
“Yeah,” I said finally, thinking about the way my mom bounced Olive as she walked her around, showing her off. “Yeah, I’d like to stay.”
“Okay, baby,” he said simply.
“What about you?” I asked nervously. “You have a life down there, too. You own a house and your job is there.”
“I go where you go, remember?” he said, kissing my neck again. “We’ll figure it out.”
“Seriously?” I tried to turn my head toward him, but he blocked it with his chin, keeping me in place.
“I can live anywhere,” he said with a small shrug. “I’ll sell the house and we can figure it out from there.”
“What about your job?”
Mark was quiet for a while, long enough for my fingers to unconsciously start rubbing along the chapped skin of my lower lip.
“I can work from anywhere,” he said finally, reaching up to grab my hand and slide his fingers between mine. “But I don’t know. Not sure I wanna be gone for months at a time.”
“You’re gone for months at a time?” I asked, my stomach sinking. I’d just gotten him back, and that sounded like torture.
“Yeah,” he whispered. “And I’m thinkin’ that wouldn’t work for either of us.”
A quiet knock on the bedroom door interrupted our conversation, and Mark slid off the bed to answer it.
“What’s up?” he asked, keeping his voice down.
“I apologize for the interruption,” Wilson replied, his voice equally quiet. “I have a flight in a couple hours, and I’d like to speak to you before I leave.”
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