“So you said, but we really should avoid a scene at the airport. The last thing we want is to give the tabloids more cannon fodder.”
“I don’t give a fuck about them,” I just about growled. “I’m not ashamed of you, Rose, nor am I ashamed of our relationship. If you didn’t have to go back to England to finish your degree, I’d have handled this a whole lot differently.”
As it was, Shane was setting up interviews for me. He referred to it as damage control. I thought of it as setting the record straight.
I might have no control over Oxford or the route they’d chosen to follow, nor would I interfere with that unless Rose asked me to, but I wasn’t taking this lying down on my end. I wouldn’t say anything that might jeopardize her future on the other side of the pond, but this was my fucking city. I wasn’t about to let anyone in it think of Rose as my mistress or some intern trying to sleep her way to the top in the hopes of snagging a rich husband.
Late last night, I’d texted Shane that I was ready to start talking immediately, and by this morning, he’d had five different journalists lined up. It only killed me that my hands were tied on the Oxford front.
I’d thought about pulling some strings to get Rose an opening to finish her degree at one of our Australian universities, but I knew that wasn’t what she wanted. Plus, if it came out that I’d had any hand in getting her in, it would place an irreparable stain on her reputation.
So this was what I had to do. I had to say goodbye to her so she could achieve her dream. It was only three months, and I planned on using that time wisely. I wouldn’t be sitting on my hands, doing nothing but waiting for the storm to blow over. That was for fucking sure.
When we got to the airport, I found a parking space in the short-term lot and got Rose’s bag out of the car. Then I took her hand and tugged her into my side. We weaved our way through the crowds of people coming and going, not saying much but holding on to each other for dear life.
A few people noticed me, but no one approached today. The fuck-off vibe I knew I was giving off had to be working. I didn’t even get a wave or a smile. People just tucked their chins in and kept walking. It suited me just fine.
A long line of people snaked from security, and Rose and I came to a standstill just off to the side of them. I let go of her suitcase to take both of her hands in mine. “So, I guess this is it, huh?”
“Yep.” Her voice was small, but she was keeping her promise to herself and holding it together.
“Good luck at Oxford, darling. If you need anything at all, you’ll let me know, right?”
She gave me a slight nod. “Yeah, of course. Thanks for everything, Jude. I learned more at Hudson Technologies in just three short months than I have in years of studying.”
“I’m happy I could help.” I just wished I hadn’t tanked her reputation with the institution in the process. “If they give you any shit at all, just—”
She cut me off by lifting up on her tiptoes and pressing a kiss to my lips. “I know. If they give me any shit at all, I’ll call you.”
I bowed my head to rest my chin against her temple, my breath moving her hair as I talked. “I’m going to miss you, Rose.”
“Same here,” she said, her voice tight. “I’ll never forget everything you’ve done for me and—”
“Stop talking like you’re never going to see me again.” The ache in my chest intensified. “I know how planes work. If you ever need me, I can be there within twenty-four hours.”
She rested her head against my chest. “Yeah, but your life is here, Jude. I could never take you away from Luke or the company.”
“Hey.” I slid my finger in beneath her chin and lifted it until I was looking into those soulful brown eyes. “You wouldn’t be taking me away from anything. I promise.”
Her eyes filled with tears, but she didn’t let them fall. “Okay.”
“Okay.” Our gazes held, my full attention on her. I didn’t give a fuck about who saw us together like that or what they thought. “Are you sure you have everything you need for your flight?”
“I think so,” she said. “If I don’t, it’s too late now.”
“Nah, we could go back to the hotel to get it. Maybe stay there for a few more days.” If only.
Rose chuckled, but no humor lit the sadness in her eyes. “I wish we could, but we’re cutting it pretty close as it is. We should’ve left the hotel almost half an hour earlier.”
I smirked, even though I wasn’t really feeling it, and wagged my brows at her. “Yeah, but aren’t you glad we decided to take that shower together?”
“Maybe cutting it close was worth it for that.” A tiny spark of amusement shone through for just a beat. “But unfortunately, we still don’t have time to go back.”
“That doesn’t mean I can’t wish we could.” Fuck, if I could turn the clock back to the first time I’d met her and have the last three months running on repeat for the next three until she graduated, I’d have done it.
I’d even go through that sham with Audrey again, especially if I could retain the knowledge of how it ended. “Are you sure I can’t convince you to let me speak to Oxford to try to clear up this mess? Maybe if I do, they’ll let you stay.”
She shook her head. “Their minds were made up before we even knew the story leaked. They’d even purchased my plane ticket already. There’s no way they’d let me stay. I need to go there to clear it all up.”
I nodded, but I swore I felt a crack opening up in my heart. “Maybe if I—”
“Jude,” she murmured, releasing my hand to stroke a finger gently across my lips. “I know you want to fix this. I know you want to help or take control or whatever, but you need to let me handle it. I can do this. Don’t worry.”
“I’m not worried,” I lied. I was terrified she was going to get there, and they’d tell her that they’d changed their minds about letting her continue in the program. “I know you can take care of yourself, but this is my fault, Rose. I should be helping you because I’m the one to blame for it happening in the first place.”
She rolled her eyes, letting out another burst of soft laughter. “We’ve been over this. I’m not rehashing the conversation again. Let go of your guilt, baby. It’s not helping either of us.”
I wanted to argue with her, but a quick glance at the time on the departure board hanging just a little ways behind her told me we only had a few minutes left. I wasn’t wasting my last few minutes in a final argument with her.
“We’ll speak a few times a week, yes?” I asked instead, needing to hear her confirm our arrangement just one more time.
She nodded. “Three times a week at least.”
“And you’ll consider what you want to do after graduation?” I’d done what Mom had suggested and offered her a job. Unsurprisingly, she hadn’t jumped at the opportunity.
She nodded again. “I’ll think about your offer, but I just don’t know. I don’t want to start my career with people thinking I only got the job because I slept with you.”
“I get it.” Which was why I’d texted Shane to get on those interviews for me so I could start clearing it up for anyone who would listen that the woman was brilliant. “But you know I don’t only want you because of that.”
“People’s perception matters sometimes,” she said, sighing as her eyes dropped to the dainty watch on her wrist. “I should get going. I’ll think about it, Jude. I promise.”
“Okay.” I’d also offered to get her a job with any number of my friends in powerful places, but she’d refused that, too. I respected her for maintaining her independence and integrity, but it was still fucking frustrating that she wouldn’t let me help get her back here at all.
Rose slid her arms around my neck and hugged me close. When we started pulling apart, I decided I really didn’t give a fuck who was watching. My hands burrowed into her hair and I lowered my head to seal my lips over hers, giving her a kiss so passionate it was worthy of its own fucking movie.
W
e were in the middle of the airport terminal and it was likely a picture of this would pop up in a tabloid sometime soon. But it didn’t seem like she cared either. She kissed me back with as much longing and regret and fervor before finally breaking the kiss.
I wanted to hold on to her for as long as possible, so if she hadn’t pulled away from me, I would’ve kissed her until way after her plane had taken off. Her eyes were glassy as she stepped back.
“Okay,” she said. “If I don’t go now, I never will.”
So don’t, was what I wanted to say, but I couldn’t ask her to stay. I brushed the backs of my fingers along the edge of her jaw. “Go, baby.”
“I’ll call you when I land,” she said, her voice thick again.
I nodded. “I’ll talk to you then.”
Rose wrapped her hand around the handle of her suitcase and started walking away from me backward, her eyes on mine until she reached the front of the line at security.
I stood with hands in my pockets, watching her go until she disappeared into the crowds beyond the checkpoint. It was almost like I could feel little parts of my heart breaking off with each step she put between us.
I’d never felt anything like this before. I’d known saying goodbye to her would be difficult, but I hadn’t expected it to hurt this badly. I finally understood why there were so many movies and songs written about heartbreak, why it made artists’ careers and destroyed the souls of those who felt it.
Heartbreak, if that was what this was, really fucking sucked. And I was pretty sure this was heartbreak because it sure as hell didn’t feel like a mild case of indigestion.
Chapter 37
ROSE
Anna sat on her bed as I got ready for my meeting with Professor McDonald. In the one stroke of luck I’d had with this whole situation, she hadn’t given up our apartment after all.
Apparently, before she’d found people to move in, her parents had started driving her nuts. She’d opted to commute for her mentorship instead of living with them in the city and had since gotten a different mentorship with a small publishing company right off campus.
At least I’d had a home to come to after I’d landed. Anna and I hadn’t really talked much when I’d gotten back, though. I’d been too exhausted and emotional.
We’d had a cup of tea together, gotten caught up on the highlights that had happened since our last chat on the phone, and then I’d gone for a long soak in the tub. My mother had always said that when all else failed, one should take a bath. All else had failed, so I took the bath, and I had to admit I’d actually felt a lot better afterward.
I’d gone over and over what I wanted to say to Professor McDonald during our meeting, and I was pretty sure I was as ready as I was ever going to be.
“The whole thing is just ridiculous,” Anna said. “You’re two consenting adults. Why aren’t you allowed to bang just because you work together? You can’t tell me there are no secret affairs going on even among the faculty here.”
I scrunched up my nose. “I’d rather not think about any of the faculty members we know hooking up, thanks.”
She laughed. “No, I don’t need that mental imagery either, but my point is that workplace romances are common. It’s so common, in fact, that it’s downright naïve to believe it’s not happening within this very university.”
“I don’t think it’s the romance aspect that’s bothering them. You’ve seen the news articles, haven’t you? They’ve made me out to be a talentless, gold-digging hussy trying to sleep her way to the top.”
Anna folded her arms, shaking her head. “I refuse to read any of that crap actually. I don’t care what they say about you. I know it’s not true and Oxford should, too. The least they could have done was to give you the opportunity to explain.”
“I know, but I’m going to handle it,” I said, injecting every ounce of confidence I felt into my tone. “I worked too hard to get here to let them take anything else away from me.”
“Is there talk about that?” she asked, frowning. “I thought they only wanted to meet with you to discuss the ‘mistake’ you made with your internship.”
I shrugged, but bitterness crept up from my tummy. “That’s what they said, but they mentioned the possibility of disciplinary processes being followed in their email.”
“That’s bullshit.” She muttered a string of curses beneath her breath.
“I know, but like I said, I’m going to handle it. The only so-called mistake I made was something that was out of my control. How was I supposed to help that I fell in love with my boss?”
Anna sat up straight, eyes wide. “What did you just say?”
I paused, my hands stilling on the necklace I’d been about to clasp behind my neck. “What do you mean?”
“Did you say that you love him?” She grinned.
I blinked in surprise, but she wasn’t wrong. I had said that. “I… I think I do, yeah.”
“Holy shit.” She squealed, bringing a pillow to her mouth to muffle the sound and kicking her heels excitedly into the mattress. “You’re in love with Jude fucking Hudson. That’s brilliant. Just brilliant.”
“Holy shit is right,” I said, but even as I formed the words, my lips started pulling into a smile. “I’m in love with Jude fucking Hudson.”
We stared at each other for a beat. I couldn’t stop smiling and Anna’s face was flushed, her eyes bright.
“I have to go,” I said finally, renewed determination coursing through my veins. It was like admitting that I loved Jude had somehow siphoned off some of his energy and confidence to me, even though he was on the other side of the world.
Squaring my shoulders, I picked up my satchel and marched to Professor McDonald’s office. I had a bone to pick with my study advisor and he was going to listen to me, whether he liked it or not.
My footsteps didn’t falter once, nor did my resolve. Not even when I finally sat down across from the old man and looked into his sharp blue eyes.
“Ms. Joyce,” he said, sliding his fingers together on his desk and peering at me over the rim of his glasses. I’d never heard the icy tone he was using on me now. “Welcome back to England.”
“Thank you, sir.” Not that I was really thankful at all, but being rude probably wouldn’t get me very far. Plus, they’d bought my plane ticket at least. And that, I was thankful for.
The professor sat back, never taking his eyes away from mine. “I’m afraid I have some bad news for you. The department is considering instituting disciplinary proceedings against you for bringing the institution into disrepute.”
I’d already known that from his email. “I’m here prepared to fight for my right to stay in the program and graduate as planned. Do I present my case to you, or is there some kind of panel to be convened?”
He searched my eyes for a moment, then sighed. “Make your case to me. I’ve heard the arguments from those who proposed disciplinary action. Ultimately, the decision on whether we institute it rests with me. As your study advisor at this point in your academic career, I’m the best placed to make that determination. I must tell you that I’m inclined to agree with my colleagues, Ms. Joyce.”
“You believe I’ve brought the institution into disrepute?” I asked, needing to clarify in order to get my facts and the starting point for argument straight.
He nodded once. “Indeed, I do. I’m sorry to say it, but I expected more from you. Causing an international scandal by entering into an illicit affair doesn’t exactly reflect well on our proud institution. We have a code of conduct to uphold and I’m afraid your behavior, at first glance, seems to fall very much short of that code.”
“My behavior?” I narrowed my eyes, biting back a scoff. My heart pounded with rage, but I sucked in a breath and desperately tried to remain calm enough to formulate a coherent argument.
“Yes, Ms. Joyce. Your behavior was not at all what we expected from you when we sent you there.”
My pulse throbbed in my temples. “If I’m to mak
e my case to you, will you let me know when I can begin, or would you prefer to keep judging me based on something you read about in the foreign press but don’t know anything about?”
His brow furrowed. He opened his mouth, presumably to argue, but then cleared his throat before reaching up to straighten his bowtie. “Very well. You may proceed. Policy and the principles of fairness dictate that I must hear your version, but be warned that outbursts will be not tolerated in this office.”
I met his gaze unapologetically. “Perhaps if policy and the principles of fairness were followed before the internship I’d worked toward for years was canceled, outbursts wouldn’t be necessary in order for me to have my side of the story heard without being made to feel like a criminal.”
We squared off for a moment, but then he flicked his hand in a gesture to show me to continue.
I kept my back straight and my fingers clenched in my lap. “What Jude and I had was by no means an illicit affair, sir. It might’ve been painted that way by the media, but I’d have hoped you know me a little bit better than that by now.”
He shifted in his seat as if he was uncomfortable with the subject matter, but he didn’t interrupt me. “We’re both adults who entered into a consensual relationship that we chose to keep private. It didn’t affect our work, and it didn’t affect any of the tasks you set for me.”
He glanced at my file, which was open on his desk. “I admit that I received all your reports and updates on the course development. Your work was satisfactory, but that’s not—”
“Exactly, my work was satisfactory. My personal relationship with Jude never once interfered with my work, nor would it have. I fell in love with the man on my own time while still maintaining my professional ethics in the workplace.”
His brows rose, but I continued before he could say anything. “There are no rules against relationships at Hudson Technologies. Despite that fact, Jude and I never advertised that we were seeing one another. We were extremely discreet and private, and we conducted ourselves appropriately at work when in the presence of others.”
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