Hidden

by Derick Parsons

  She sought out Lucy and told her about the appointment, adding that she really should not miss it. And although it might have been imagination she thought she saw a flicker of relief crossing her new friend’s face. Kate cursed herself for a fool; Lucy was no spring chicken, and the sheer hard labor involved in straightening up so much mess must have taken a toll. She should have stopped her sooner.

  Even so Lucy frowned and said, ‘Are you sure you should go? There’s still a lot to be done.’

  ‘It’ll do me good to get out for a while,’ said Kate firmly, ‘Besides, the bulk of the work is done. And I’ve already imposed on you far too much.’

  ‘Nonsense!’ protested Lucy quickly, ‘I had nothing better to do this morning, anyway.’ She smiled with a sudden touch of sadness, ‘I retired last year, and sometimes the days seem a bit long and empty. It’ll be better when Brendan retires too, and we can do things together. Daytime television isn’t exactly stimulating or fulfilling, you know. Especially when you’re used to working full-time.’

  ‘What did you do?’ asked Kate, embarrassed that she didn’t already know, having lived below her for several months now.

  ‘I was a secondary school teacher for almost forty years, dear. English and History.’

  Well, that figured. If she had ever paid her neighbour more than cursory attention before the words ‘school teacher’ would have screamed out at her. Kate smiled vaguely, not knowing what to say, and in the end said nothing but simply went to fetch her coat. She paused in the hallway as a thought struck her and sniffed suspiciously at her arm-pits. She had showered and changed her clothes before the great clean-up but now she suspected she could do with another one. Oh well, it would just have to wait. A dab of make-up wouldn’t have gone amiss either; after the events of the previous night she feared she didn’t look much younger than her neighbor, but that would have to wait to.

  She returned to Lucy in the sitting-room, ‘I hate to be so rude after all you’ve done but I really have to fly. I’m so late!’

  ‘Don’t be silly, dear. You run along. And remember, you’re welcome to stay with us as long as you like.’

  Kate smiled gratefully, ‘Thank you. And we’ll see. But like you said earlier, the longer I put it off the harder it’ll be to come back here in the long run. And I guess that applies to sleeping here too. But thank you so much for all your kindness.’

  Lucy shrugged off her gratitude and bustled towards the front door, calling back, ‘Well, I might see you later, then. Take care, dear. And don’t forget to get that door seen to.’

  Damn, she had forgotten about that! About the only useful thing the police had done was point out that the burglars had gained ingress by breaking one of the small glass panels at the top of the door, and then reaching in and turning the catch. Well, she didn’t have time to worry about it now; it would have to wait until later.

  After locking her door with the deadbolt, slightly pointless though it now seemed, she almost ran out to her car and set off. By taking a few liberties with the speed limit she managed the journey to Swords in less than thirty minutes, thanks mostly to the M50 motorway. This was a new ring road that curved in a great semi-circle around the outskirts of Dublin, and was one of the few positive changes she had discovered on her return to the old city. Deacon House was only ten minutes or so beyond Swords village so by twenty-to-two, earlier than she would have dared hope, Kate found herself once more speaking into the intercom. When the gate swung open she shot through, wondering if she had time for a word with Trevor before she met Grainne. The two o’clock appointment she had suggested wasn’t set in stone, of course, but Kate liked to begin as she intended to carry on, and hadn’t needed Trevor’s advice on the importance of an unvarying routine to the mentally ill.

  The thought of seeing her new patient for the first time sent a hot flood of adrenaline into her stomach and she pressed harder on the accelerator, sending gravel flying behind her as she rounded the last bend of the driveway. She skidded to a halt in front of the great, spreading entrance and jumped out, trepidation warring with anticipation and her heart thumping as she trotted up the long flight of worn old stone steps.

  The receptionist smiled warmly when Kate hurriedly entered the great hallway and said, ‘Good afternoon, Ms. Bennett. Dr. Jordan told us you were coming. The next time you visit I hope to have a security card for you, so you can let yourself in through the gates any time you like.’

  Kate smiled back distractedly, looking at her watch, ‘That would be great, Cathy, but it’s Kate, remember? Is Trevor free at the moment?’

  ‘I’m afraid he’s with a patient. Is it important?’

  ‘No, I only wanted a quick word. I’m supposed to see Grainne Riordan at two so I’ve a few minutes to spare. Do you think Trevor will be finished with his patient soon?’

  Cathy checked her ledger, ‘Mr. Kirwan’s appointment is only till one forty-five so he should be out any minute. Would you like to wait for him in his office?’

  Kate cocked her head to one side, ‘He’s not in there?’

  Cathy smiled and shook her blonde head, ‘Dr. Jordan never sees patients in his office if he can help it. He uses a conference room or a day room or, if they agree, the inmates’ own bedroom. He says it’s more informal, and a less stressful environment for the more nervous amongst them.’

  She giggled suddenly, ‘Personally I think he just likes to keep his office off-limits to everyone but himself, as an oasis from all the stress.’

  Stress? Trevor? You don’t know him very well, girl. But all Kate said was, ‘It would be great if I could wait for him there. And would it be possible for me to have a quick coffee? I didn’t get much sleep last night, and it might wake me up a little.’

  ‘Of course, I’ll bring some in. Go right ahead; his door is never locked. Though you needn’t worry about confidentiality; his filing cabinet is. Always.’

  ‘Thank you,’ said Kate with a smile. She walked over to Trevor’s door, which was under the sweep of the great staircase, across from the reception counter, and let herself into the room. She sat in a visitor’s chair, reflecting that she had already been accepted as one of the team; Trevor must have put the word out on her. To be part of a group again felt a little strange but nice, too. It was good to be part of a self-contained little world where you were no one unless inside, but important once admitted. It had been like that in Oxford too, but there she had worked in a huge public hospital and the pace had been frenetic, giving the camaraderie more than a touch of siege mentality. This was better.

  Cathy brought the coffee in on a tray and deposited it on the table with a smile and an offer of sandwiches or biscuits.

  Kate shook her head, ‘I’m not hungry, thanks. Besides, I don’t have time.’ Much better than Oxford, she thought as Cathy silently vanished, I could be happy working here. She poured herself a coffee but had hardly tasted it before Trevor come crashing in.

  ‘Kitty, my girl, how are you?’ he boomed, beaming at her as he unlocked his filing cabinet and carelessly stuffed a folder into it. ‘It’s nearly two, you know!’

  ‘I’m not your girl,’ she reminded him, smiling in spite of herself, ‘and I know the time, thank you.’ Having Trevor around was always a tonic, and she privately thought that his success with patients was as much due to his loud and cheerful personality as to his professional talents; an opinion she intended to keep to herself.

  ‘All set for the fray?’ he asked her, sitting behind his desk and taking the second coffee cup from the tray and filling it, ‘Memorized the Riordan file yet?’

  She hesitated, unsure how to respond, but was spared by Trevor laughing and saying, ‘Good God, girl, I’m only kidding you! What did they do to you over in England?’ As soon as the words were out he winced and said lamely, ‘Sorry. I only meant to your sense of humor.’

  She smiled, though without much warmth, ‘It’s all right, it’s not like I’m a trauma victim you have to tread on eggshells with.’

&n
bsp; His eyes mutely contradicted her, and the expression on his concerned face, with its big nose and too-wide mouth, clearly said; Aren’t you?

  ‘If I’m a bit tense today it’s because I didn’t get enough sleep,’ she said wearily, lowering her eyes from his fond but far too sharp gaze, ‘I was burgled last night and I was up talking to the police till after seven this morning.’

  ‘Bloody hell, Kate! Are you okay? I mean, you weren’t there when they broke in, were you?’

  She shook her heavy head of hair, ‘No, I was out, luckily. Having dinner with a friend.’ Shit, why did I say that? Now he’ll ask which friend.

  Instead he said, ‘Was much taken?’

  ‘No, but they left one hell of a mess. I’ve almost straightened it out, with the help of a good neighbour. Literally a good neighbor. I lost my laptop, some cash and a DVD player. Worst of all, I lost my briefcase.’

  ‘Oh, no!’ his mobile face contorted in sympathy, ‘That was your mother’s, wasn’t it? Still, it was too old to have any resale value so you might get it back. They might have just dumped it around the corner or something, once they knew they couldn’t sell it.’

  She shrugged, ‘Maybe, but I doubt it. Why take it in the first place if it’s unsellable?’ She took a deep breath, ‘Er, that’s why I wanted to see you today, actually. I’m afraid my copy of Grainne’s file was in the case.’

  He pursed his lips and leaned back in his chair, ‘That is a problem. Not the file itself, obviously; we have it all backed up on disc. In fact, I can get my secretary to run off another copy for you before you go. I’m more concerned about the confidentiality aspect. If any of the private reports in that file enter the public domain Grainne could probably hit us with a lawsuit. I’ll have to talk to our lawyers and see what our liability is.’

  Kate made a wry face, ‘Thanks, Trev, way to make me feel even worse. There’s nothing like having your priorities straight.’

  He shrugged unapologetically, ‘That’s the way I have to think these days. I’m more an administrator than a doctor, and I’m going to have to report this to the Board of Directors. They’re going to just love it, aren’t they? And the Riordans are big news to the gossip columnists.’

  ‘It’s not like I left it on the bus or something,’ muttered Kate resentfully, feeling guilty nonetheless, ‘I mean, I was burgled.’

  Jordan didn’t even seem to hear her. He just frowned and continued, ‘Oh well, hopefully the burglars will destroy the file rather than leaving it around somewhere. Did you get to read any of it?’

  ‘I had a quick look at it, though it wasn’t immensely helpful. I must say there isn’t much you haven’t tried in the way of tests, without results. And her childhood seems to have been normal enough. Happy, even. She was certainly spoiled, if her aunt and cousins are to be believed, but there seem to have been no major upheavals or family deaths that might have distorted her emotional development. It was only when she hit her teens that the problems began.’

  He grinned and said with a flippancy he certainly couldn’t have felt, ‘Way of the world, babe. All teenagers rebel.’

  Sometimes the best way to deal with Trev was simply to ignore him, so she finished her coffee before continuing, ‘According to other family members there were no traumatic events that might have triggered her sudden wild behavior. The sheer quantity of drugs and drink she indulged in is startling, to say nothing of her promiscuity, but her whole history still more-or-less fits in with the classic profile of a spoilt little rich girl going off the rails. Obviously, though, the key is her mother’s death. That sparked her complete breakdown, and if we can uncover exactly what happened that night we’ll be on our way to understanding her.’

  ‘And helping her.’

  ‘Hopefully. Helping her to face the truth, certainly. And reality. But with reality will come massive doses of guilt, and how she deals with that is another matter altogether. And don’t forget that the truth might well help her into prison. Though if she is charged I’m sure you’ll be there, pleading diminished responsibility to the judge and asking for clemency.’

  His normally cheerful face dropped and Kate was instantly contrite, ‘I’m sorry, Trev, that was mean. And unfair.’

  He gave her a lop-sided grin, ‘But true, eh? I told you that once or twice I felt a strong attraction to Grainne; I didn’t say I was in love with her or something. Jesus. Are you sure you want to see her today, Kate? Tired and cranky is not the most desirable frame of mind to be in when meeting a new patient.’

  ‘I am no longer the scruffy student you seem unable to forget!’ she said stiffly, sitting upright, her eyes flashing, ‘I’m a trained professional. And I at least don’t let my personal problems affect my relations with patients.’

  ‘Get off your high horse!’ he retorted sharply, spots of colour appearing on his cheeks as her barb sank home, ‘If you weren’t good you wouldn’t be here so stop being so defensive! But you’re human too, and if you’re tired and preoccupied you could miss something vital. And whatever my personal feelings I’m a professional too, and my first and last priority is my patient! And don’t you forget it!’

  She closed her eyes and nodded tiredly, ‘You’re right, I’m sorry. But I’ll be okay, I swear. Dealing with a patient focuses me like nothing else.’

  Just like in the old days, his brief temper was gone and forgotten in a flash. With a rueful smile he got to his feet, ‘Maybe we should have gotten married all those years ago. We certainly squabble like an old married couple.’

  Kate smiled at him affectionately as she stood up, ‘You should have asked. I might have accepted.’

  Trevor gave her one of his solemn, disconcertingly piercing looks, ‘I doubt it, considering that it was my suggesting that we move in together that led you to’ –run- ‘dump me.’

  A slight frown clouded Kate’s hazel eyes as she said uncertainly, ‘That is all forgotten about now though, isn’t it? I mean, it was a long time ago. There are no hard feelings about what happened?’

  He snorted before laughing in genuine amusement, ‘Get over yourself, Bennett! You don’t think I’m carrying a torch for you, do you? After all this time? Look, I hated you for a week, then I mourned you for a week, then I forgave you. And started considering you a friend again. Besides, you were right to dump me; we weren’t right for each other but we could have wasted years before we realized it, confusing affection with love, and each afraid of splitting up in case we hurt the other. It was best to make a quick, clean break and a month after you did it I was glad, okay? Now come on, I’ll show you to Grainne’s room.’

  She followed him out of the office, her tiredness fading and a sharper, almost predatory focus locking into place in her mind. Same old Kate, that hateful little voice whispered in the back of her head, submerging your own problems in those of others. Or would avoiding your own problems be more accurate?

  Kate refused to listen. And just then she didn’t care, anyway; there was a thrill in her mind and a flutter in her stomach that she had missed for too long. It was good to be back, because for the first time in far too long she felt totally and completely alive.

  Chapter Seven

  Trevor didn’t go with Kate into Grainne Riordan’s room; instead he left her outside the door, giving her a thumbs-up for luck as he walked away. It was better that way, given Grainne’s aversion to men, and Kate wanted their relationship to begin in as smooth and low-key a fashion as possible. Mentally girding her loins for battle, Kate took a very deep breath and tapped gently on the door. She had intended to follow the knock by simply walking in but was surprised into stopping dead when a low, throaty voice immediately answered, ‘Come in.’

  It was not the voice of an eighteen-year-old, and Kate wondered if the girl had an unscheduled visitor she didn’t know about. If so she would kill Trevor next time she saw him. But when she opened the door and stepped inside the room the only other occupant was a blonde girl, dressed in peach-colored silk pyjamas and a flimsy robe, sitting look
ing out the window. Though the word room hardly fitted; suite might have been more apt. The room they were in was a bright and well decorated sitting-room painted a delicate lilac, while two doors on the left hand side of the room indicated the presence of a bedroom and bathroom. More of the advantages of private practice; as far as their surroundings went they could have been in a five star hotel. And the furniture too appeared to be of good quality, and was even elegant. Not what Kate was used to, and again a vast improvement on working in the public sector.

  The girl hadn’t turned around when she entered so Kate simply sat down on another chair, placed close to the door, and said simply, ‘Hello.’

  ‘Hello.’

  There it was again; the husky voice of a much older woman. Or perhaps just a heavy smoker; certainly Grainne had a lighted cigarette in her hand. Even aside from the anti-smoking laws this seemed odd considering the girl was suspected of arson, suspected of killing someone by means of a fire. But then the room contained not one but two smoke detectors and a discreet CCTV camera. Still, it seemed strangely lax, particularly as there would surely be no cameras in the bedroom or bathroom.

  Kate took another deep breath, trying to calm her jangling nerves; this initial contact was all-important, and so easy to mess up. She rarely planned an approach, preferring spontaneity, and her only real rule was to be kind and calm at all times, and to try and speak gently. She knew both from experience and her own intuition that human warmth produced far better results than clinical detachment. It was simple commonsense that people, disturbed or not, react better to friendship than to intellectual dissection.

  Maintaining the same soft voice she said, ‘Could you turn around please, Grainne?’ She was not really expecting a response and so was surprised a second time when the girl readily stood up and turned her chair around to face her.

  On catching her first sight of Grainne Kate caught her breath in surprise. Trev had not exaggerated about her looks; quite simply, the girl was stunningly, staggeringly beautiful. Apart from the fine, silky blonde hair that immediately caught the eye, she had a face to die for. Her skin was perfect; smooth and soft and alabaster pure, and seemingly without even pores, much less blemishes. Her nose was short and straight and topped by a high forehead that saved the heart-shaped face from a doll-like roundness. Her lips were full, her mouth wide, and she had enormous, startlingly green eyes that looked at Kate without a trace of anxiety. Or, as the psychologist quickly realized, any expression at all.