Duke Grandfather- The Whole Story

by James Maxstadt

  Duke

  Grandfather

  Saves the

  World*

  *Or at least a

  small part of it

  James Maxstadt

  To Mom and Dad, who never discouraged a weird kid from being weird, and always encouraged an imagination.

  Contents

  THE START OF THE STORY

  THE SOUND OF THE FURY

  PARADISE DEFERRED

  THE PIPES OF WRATH

  BRAVE NEW UNDERWORLD

  LOOK HOMEWARD, DEATH ANGEL

  PRIDE AND PUNISHMENT

  THE ART OF DARKNESS

  TO KILL THE MOCKING BIRDS

  THE LORD OF THE THINGS

  FOR WHOM THE WEDDING BELL TOLLS

  THE END OF THE STORY

  AFTERWORD

  THE START OF THE STORY

  In the middle of Capital City, or near enough that it makes no difference, sits a house. It’s an unassuming place, neatly maintained and cared for, but with that lived-in look that comes of seeing generations born and raised there.

  There are secrets inside this house. Not of the bad kind, or even the good kind. And maybe secrets isn't the right word. Maybe the right word is…stories.

  The young man who approached the house thought that would make a nice opening. He'd already written several of these stories down, so that people would know who lived here, and what they had done. But there were more. A lot more.

  Stories from long lives and two remarkable people who lived them. They were his grandparents, and he knew them his whole life, but that didn’t make them any less incredible. Actually, for him, it made them even more so.

  “Granddad!” he called, letting himself in. “Are you here?”

  “Oh, what now,” came a voice from further inside. It was the voice of an old man, but still strong and steady.

  “Hush, Duke,” a woman’s voice answered. Her voice wavered slightly, but it brooked no nonsense or backtalk.

  There was a soft chuckle, then Duke’s voice. “Come on in, boy. Let’s go look upstairs.”

  The young man hurried into the house, stopped to say hello and kiss his grandmother, and then ran up the stairs to the trophy room. Or at least that was how he thought of it.

  It was a room that was lined with shelves, and several tables scattered around. Various items crowded the surfaces, and they were all mementos of his grandfather’s time as a Nuisance Man, those men and women who helped keep Capital City safe. Duke was the most famous of those, and his grandmother, Lilly, was still spoken of with reverence in the City Watch.

  “What are you doing with all this, boy?” Duke asked when the young man entered the room.

  “I told you, Granddad. I’m writing it down, and making a book out of it. People love it.”

  “I’ll have to be more careful what I tell you then. Now, everyone knows we have a basement that’s become a Brownie colony.”

  “Yes, but no one cares. And if anything, it makes you and Grandmother safer. Who in their right mind would want to try to break into this house?”

  “Heh. If they could get by your Grandmother, they’d have a chance against Petal too. She’s still got it, you know.” His voice softened as he looked off in her direction.

  “I know,” the young man smiled. “And so do you. Now, is there anything you want to tell me about?”

  The old man waved his hand dismissively. “Take your pick. It’s all good.”

  The young man walked around the room looking at the variety of items. He came upon a scroll, slightly yellowed with age, and tied with a still bright, red satin ribbon. He held it up for his Granddad to see.

  “What’s this?”

  Duke walked over and took it out of his hand. “Something I haven’t looked at in a long time. But something I’m proud of, and so’s your Grandmother. It will make a good tale.”

  He began to walk from the room, still holding the rolled-up scroll.

  “Wait,” the young man said. “I don’t even know what it is.”

  “Good,” Duke’s voice came back to him as the old man started down the stairs. “Come down and get comfortable. This is a long story, the longest I’ve told you yet. Then, when it’s over, I’ll show you what this says.”

  The young man smiled. His grandfather was ever the showman. He ran down the stairs after him, eager to get started.

  THE SOUND OF THE FURY

  “What are we doing this weekend?” Lilly asked me, over breakfast. The day was bright and sunny, and was shaping up to be beautiful. Lilly needed to work at the Watch, and I was going to go in and take a peek at the Nuisance Board.

  Truth to tell, it wouldn’t have bothered me much if there wasn’t anything on it. There was a new place, “The Draugr’s Garden”, which I was looking to try. It supposedly had an area behind the tavern, with long wooden tables to sit at, and quaff gigantic mugs of ale, three times the size of a normal one. Jessup told me of it, and it seemed like a perfect day to try it out.

  But first, I’d need to at least take a look at the Board, then I could get an ale with Jessup. Or two. Maybe three, but definitely no more than four. Those things were huge, and prudence was required.

  “Not sure,” I replied. “Why? Have something in mind?”

  “Mmmm…no, not really, I guess. I was thinking of the Crown Street Bazaar. But I know you don’t really like it…”

  Ah, my clever Lilly. She did love to shop, and knew that no, it was not my favorite thing to do. However, the Crown Street Bazaar was the site of our first “date”, although neither of us realized that’s what it was at the time. By reminding me of that, she wrapped me around her finger. As I said; clever.

  “We can do that,” I said, trying to muster enthusiasm for the prospect. “Maybe spend the morning there, and then go get some lunch or something.”

  Aha! Turnabout is fair play! If I didn’t end up at The Draugr’s Garden today, I still had a shot at it this weekend.

  Lilly smiled as she picked up her coffee cup, knowing full well what I meant.

  “Let’s see if the weather is going to be nice enough to sit outside.”

  I smiled back. She may have played me like a fiddle, but there was one thing about my Lilly. She did believe in fair play.

  We finished breakfast, cleaned up and left the house. It was like leaving a quiet oasis, and we were suddenly surrounded by the hustle and bustle of our city, as people of every race went about their business.

  One of the things that I’ve grown to truly love about Capital City over the last several years has been the diversity. Oh, I admit, that when the King first opened the borders and the other races flooded in, I was right there with all those who claimed that it was unfair to those of us already here, that they were going to take our jobs, and so on.

  But, I was also very young, and foolhardy. Here I was, yelling about an imaginary lack of jobs, and I hadn’t even decided what to do with my own life. Eventually, of course, I turned that around into becoming a Nuisance Man, and ended up with quite the career. It wasn’t until much later, when age, wisdom, and circumstance caused me to change my views on what was going on in our fair city, that I began to appreciate our differences.

  Now, I was friends with a dwarf, who wielded an axe almost as deadly as my own gun. I lived with a basement full of Brownies, who could cause my arms and legs to magically fall off without breaking a sweat. And, most amazingly of all, I somehow acquired a live-in girlfriend.

  Ever since we came back from her sister’s wedding, Lilly was spending more and more time at my house, and less and less at hers. To be honest, Lilly’s house was much nicer than mine, and in a better neighborhood, being tucked into its own little dimension, populated only by the other necromancers that work for the Watch. But mine was where Petal and her people ended up, after we helped free her and her large family from the clutches of an evil Elder Being a short time ago. Since they then needed somewhere to stay, they set up shop in my basement, and have since taken over the whole space. It
’s kind of nice when you visit, if a little nerve wracking at times. Brownies are tiny, and no matter how well we get along, I’m always afraid that the nice will wear off if I step on one.

  Lilly tells me that I’m being silly, and spends a good amount of time down there. She loves them, and they seem to love her. She always tells me that her magic and theirs are entirely different things, but I swear she must be getting pointers. Then again, what do I know? Magic has always been a headscratcher to me.

  As I was saying though, the diversity in Capital City was something that I truly appreciated. There was something refreshing about walking down the street and seeing something new every day, even if that meant there was the occasional bit of trouble as well.

  Like when we turned a corner and I was suddenly run into by a man, staggering down the street. I grimaced, as the thought of getting that looped, that early in the morning, was too much for even me. Not that there was any shortage of that sort of thing in Capital City, but it still always surprised me when it was shoved in my face.

  “Whoa, there, friend,” I said, holding on to his arms and guiding him around me. “Take it easy, pal. Might be a good idea to find a place to sleep it off.”

  I smiled as I said this, to let him know that I meant him no harm. He looked back at me, an expression of utter incomprehension on his face. His eyes searched mine, flickering wildly back and forth as he tried to focus, and his mouth hung open. A garbled noise came out of him, and he pulled back away from me. Finally, he tore his gaze away, and continued down the street, stumbling and bumping into other people as he went.

  “Ugh, he was a mess. Poor guy. I wonder what he was into? Ale doesn’t do that to you.”

  “No,” Lilly said, standing next to me, her hand in mine and watching the drunk move further away down the street. “I don’t know what does. There was something else, too.”

  “Really?” Lilly was always more observant than me. It’s how we ended up with a basement full of Brownies in the first place.

  “Whatever it is he’s on, it made his ears bleed too. I wonder if he could even hear you.”

  I looked over at her and saw the concern on her face.

  “Do you want me to follow him?” I asked her. “Make sure he’s alright?”

  “No…no, it’s okay. I’ll ask around today, see if the wizards know about anything new on the street.”

  We watched until the drunken man moved out of sight, and then continued on toward the watchhouse.

  “Hey, Sarge,” I said as we walked in.

  “Duke. Lilly.”

  I’m not sure that he even looked up from the newssheet he was reading. It was commonplace for me to walk in with Lilly now, and Sarge mostly ignored us. I knew better. It was an act. Sarge thought Lilly was good for me, although he also thought she could do much better. I thought Sarge was right on both counts, but I wasn’t about to tell him that.

  Lilly kissed me on the cheek and walked behind the counter and through the door that led to the necromancers’ offices, down in the lower levels of the watchhouse.

  “Anything good today, Sarge?” I asked.

  “Look for yourself, lover boy,” he replied.

  I sighed, and walked over the Board. Somedays, Sarge was like a regular guy, ready with a friendly quip, or to point out an item of interest in the news. Other days, he was withdrawn, almost grumpy. I learned to respect his different moods, even if I didn’t always appreciate them.

  Luck was not with me today, and it looked like Jessup would be visiting the Draugr’s Garden without me. There were plenty of nuisances on the Board to choose from. I looked them over carefully. The Watch had become much better at verifying that the individuals posted on the Board actually deserved to be there, but some innocents still slipped through every now and then. There were still no human faces, of course. Those ended up on the Board at the NHLF headquarters, where Brindar and a select few others took care of them.

  One other way that I changed in the last couple of years was in my preference for which nuisances I would take. In the past, it was all about which one would pay me the most money for the least amount of effort. I liked to believe that I still thought that way, but in reality, I tended to go for ones that truly had it coming. Those that preyed on the weak, the very young, the old, or the helpless, were a particular favorite of mine.

  Today was no exception.

  The notice was posted by a group of elderly ladies, all who resided in the same house. You got that sometimes, here in the city. A certain group would get together, pool their resources and buy a place to live. It was mostly those who didn’t want to be on their own for whatever reason. A lot of the times, it was financial. But sometimes, which could be case with these ladies, it was because they were all elderly and alone, and found common ground that way.

  The notice showed a large, upright, dog-like creature, with huge, slathering jaws. It must have been a picture of the thing at night, because during the day, it would look like everyone else. This werewolf was hanging around at night, threatening the ladies and their pets, which mostly consisted of tiny dogs with bows in their hair. If it didn’t get money, or food, it would grab the pet, and get fed that way. This was making a lot of little, old ladies, very, very upset.

  But the werewolf made a major mistake. It picked victims with financial resources, and the fee they were offering for removal of this nuisance showed it. It meant I needed to work tonight, after the sun went down, but for someone who truly needed help. Plus, it was damn good money.

  The other upside is that it gave me the day free, so my plans to visit with Jessup and a mug or two of ale were good to go. I would definitely have to exercise some caution today if I was going to be any good tonight, and limit myself to only one, maybe two of those giant mugs of ale. Three, tops.

  Right before sundown, I pulled myself together and left the house, aware of Lilly’s wry expression as she watched me go. I had done well though, and only drank two mugs of ale. Not that I couldn’t have drank another, mind you, but…priorities.

  The elderly ladies who put the werewolf on the Board were located in a reasonably priced, very nice, area of the city, called Tradesmen Circle. Carpenters, masons, seamstresses, bakers and other trade folk and their families lived here, forming a tight knit community. No frills, no great palaces or fancy coaches, just solid, well-built houses, neatly maintained.

  How a werewolf managed to move in on anyone in this neighborhood was beyond me. Usually, neighborhoods like this took care of their problems on their own.

  When I got there, the sun was about down. I knocked on the door and waited patiently as the yipping from inside was hushed, and the door opened, no more than an inch. A bright, blue eye peered out at me, the whites slightly yellowed with age.

  “Yes?” a voice quavered through the opening. “Can I help you?”

  “Hello ma’am,” I said, trying to put on my most respectful voice. “My name is Duke Grandfather, and I’m here about your werewolf problem.”

  “Who’s grandfather? You don’t look old enough to be a grandfather!”

  “No, no. I’m sorry. My name is Grandfather. Duke Grandfather,” I said, a little more loudly, and slowly.

  The eye blinked at me.

  “No one’s grandfather is here, dear. Just a bunch of old grannies in this house. You must have the wrong address.”

  “It’s my name!” I practically yelled it at her. “I’m a Nuisance Man! I’m here about the werewolf!”

  The eye blinked again, and I thought she was about to repeat that I was too young to be a grandfather, when there was another voice on the other side of the door.

  “Oh, for Pete’s sake, Emma! Stop messing with the man and let him in!”

  There was a snort of laughter, and then the door opened fully, exposing a short, grey haired woman. She was dressed in simple trousers, a frilly shirt, and surprisingly, a pair of slippers with bunny ears on her feet.

  “I heard you the first time, Mr. Grandfather,” she sa
id in a perfectly clear voice. “You have to allow the elderly their little games. Keeps us feeling young.”

  The change was so sudden and so dramatic that for a moment, I could only stand and gawk. Then, my sense of humor regained its control, and I chuckled.

  “Well played, Mrs…?”

  “Reynolds. Please do come in, Mr. Grandfather.”

  The place was pretty much as I was expecting. Nicely decorated, a little old-fashioned, but clean. Mrs. Reynolds led me into a parlor, where three other elderly women sat in comfortable chairs and sofas. There was the smell of flowers and soap in the air, and all four women looked at me expectedly.

  “About time, Emma,” said one of them. She was a stout woman, dressed in a black dress, floor length, which reminded me suspiciously of a witch’s gown. “We don’t have all night to fool around. That damn wolf will be back any minute. You saw the notice, Grandfather. You’re here, so I’m assuming that means you’re in.”

  “So rude, Gertie,” Mrs. Reynolds said to her. “Allow the boy time to get his breath. Would you like a cup of tea, dear?”

  She directed this last to me, but I declined the offer and turned to Gertie instead.

  “Yes,” I told her. “I’m in. Although I have to say that I’m pretty surprised that a werewolf is in this neighborhood, and that some of your neighbors haven’t already handled it.”

  The four women exchanged uncomfortable glances.

  “Ah,” I said, as understanding came over me. “He’s from the neighborhood, right?”

  “He was a bad seed to begin with,” Gertie said. “Even as a young boy. Now I don’t blame the family, mind you, but when you spare the rod…”

  “Alright, Gertie, that’s enough,” Mrs. Reynolds said. “There’s no use in going on about all that. The Carvers are a perfectly decent family. It’s not their fault that young Ronald got mixed up in the things he did.”