by Lisa Suzanne
“Great, then, because Brody said he wants to toss a shot at her and I said I’d give him a pass on the No Bang Oath.”
My head whips over to his, my brows drawn even more tightly together. “Brody? Are you fucking serious? Chodey Brody? What the fuck?”
Kane chuckles and shakes his head. “Gotcha.”
I sigh. “Fine. So the fuck what?”
“The guys and I were talking, Dax,” he begins, and I brace myself for it.
This is our sacred oath. The thing we all agreed to—despite my own reservations. I need to push my feelings for her away for the sake of the band.
I hate how that makes me feel sick to my stomach. It’s a no-win situation. I want to be with Kylie maybe more than I’ve ever wanted anything before, yet I can’t let down the guys.
“You want her?” Kane asks softly.
I shrug. “Want her, falling for her...I’m not really sure.”
He lets out a low whistle. “What a mess.”
“Tell me about it. And we’re about to watch Poppy give me head on national television with her sitting right next to me.”
“Poppy’s about to give you head?” he asks. “I figured Amber the starfucker would be all over you first.”
I laugh wryly.
“It’s not too late to pull out of the show, man,” he says.
I shake my head. “Yeah, it is. We need the money and the promotion.”
He lifts a shoulder and takes a sip of his beer. “Be that as it may, I can’t see you miserable like this.”
“Don’t tell anyone.”
He nods. “I won’t, but I’m pretty sure everyone already knows.”
I raise a brow. “It doesn’t matter. It’s just a crush. I’ll get over it. Besides, we’ve got the oath.”
He hits me good naturedly on the back of my shoulder. “Fuck the oath, man. It was meant to keep you from fucking her once and dropping her.”
I turn toward him with a gaping mouth. “Are you serious? You’re just letting our oath go after it’s been killing me inside to know I can’t have her?”
He shrugs. “We all see it, Dax. It’s taking a toll on you—and it’s not just filming the show. It was Adam who noticed it first, and when we all started talking about it and putting the pieces together...” He trails off, and I shake my head in wonder that my friends had this all figured out. “The four of us agreed that this is different for you. And on a personal level, I know you both really well, and I think you’d be making a mistake if you let this pass.”
“I have to let it pass.” I take a long pull from my beer and signal to Dinah that I need another even though this one isn’t empty yet. “For the next few weeks, at least.”
“I know,” he says softly. “But once the money’s in your account, you can come clean.”
“We’ll see.”
He presses his lips together. “Thanks for your honesty.”
“Thanks for trapping me into being honest. And even though you assholes have been gossiping about me behind my back, let’s keep this between us for now.”
He taps his pint glass to mine in a bro move that’s as good as a pinky promise, and I feel a little better knowing there’s someone out there I can talk to.
I hang out by the bar a little longer as he walks back to our table. Poppy’s beautiful face fills the screen next in her confessional. “I like both the men, but I feel a little something special with Dax. He’s got that bad boy rocker thing down pat, and tonight I’m going to let him know how I really feel about him.”
A cheer rises up from the bar, and I guzzle down my beer in utter humiliation. It’s just about to get a little worse.
I watch the screen just over the bar as Poppy grabs my hand and leads me down a hallway, curious how they’re going to portray this at the same time my head buzzes with some combination of nerves and beer.
The door to the ladies’ room shuts on the camera, and the cameraman steps back and focuses on the door as we all hear the obvious sound of a zipper followed by moans that are definitely in my own pitch. We hear the slurping sound that only accompanies dick sucking or spaghetti eating followed by more moans.
I’m fucking mortified, and I don’t embarrass easily.
I normally wouldn’t give two fucks if a room filled with people knew I was getting head from a hot girl.
But Kylie’s in this particular room, and so tonight I care.
I glance over at her. Her eyes are glued to the television screen, as are everybody’s in the bar, and she looks away from the screen and right at me.
Disappointment.
I see disappointment clear as day in her eyes.
The question is whether she’s disappointed in me as a human or if she’s disappointed that it isn’t her behind that door with me.
21
Tuesday’s date is a 5K Mud Run, and the top two ladies with the best time get extra time with Danny and me. I’m secretly hoping it’s not Poppy because I don’t want to have the moral dilemma of what to do—especially now that I’m starting to really like Eden.
Knowing I need to push Kylie out of my mind so I can be successful in this endeavor and actually doing it are two different things. It’s like I’m playing on this show with a lens of what Kylie would think shadowing my every move, and I’m not quite sure how to be myself anymore.
We manage to have a good time and get good and dirty running through the mud. Danny could easily pass all of us with his athletic physique, and I do my fair share of running, though the beer I drink and the occasional cigarettes I smoke tend to slow me down a bit. But we all keep up the same speed because we’re here for the fun of it.
Kristy is the first place winner, and she heads off to spend time with Danny.
The second place winner is, naturally, Poppy, and the one-on-one time is, of course, hosing the mud off each other in some sexy and romantic outdoor shower. We kiss and touch with loads of flirtation as we each hose the other off with a handheld shower head. The cameras are focused on our heads, and I hold the water near her pussy for a beat with a raised brow. She responds by pressing her mouth to mine and reaching down to grasp my cock. I groan, but then I pull my hips back out of her reach and shake my head just a little. She pulls back from our kiss and looks up at me with a pout, and I chuckle. I kiss her again, but that’s the extent of it.
Danny has the power to kick someone off since he beat me in the run, and he chooses Amber. After Eden’s comments and my own interactions with her, I’m okay with that.
I haven’t heard a word from Kylie since Monday’s viewing party. I’m used to talking to her every day, so it feels like something’s missing. But she wants me to find love with someone else, and that’s what I’m trying to do. It might be with Eden, or maybe it’ll be with Poppy or even Lexy.
Wednesday’s date finds the six ladies plus Danny and me at an amusement park. Since we’re down to six, we each get twenty minutes of one-on-one time. I ride a roller coaster with Talia, play fair games at the Midway with Lexy, go on the bumper cars with Nicole, and watch a 3D show with Kristy. Eden and I kiss at the top of the Ferris Wheel, and then it’s Poppy’s turn.
And what does Poppy do?
She drags me somewhere private, of course, because that’s what Poppy does.
We end up in the back row of the same theater where Kristy and I watched the 3D show. It’s dark, and we aren’t the only ones in here, but we’re the only ones in the back row. Because it’s a public theater, the cameras aren’t allowed to use their bright spotlights, so they can only pick up what they can see in the darkness.
Poppy presses something into my palm, and I know what it is without even having to look. A small square packet with something circular inside.
“You really wanna do this in here?” I ask quietly.
She glances over at me, a wicked smile on her face. She nods with her eyes glued to mine.
A million thoughts run through my mind in a split second.
She’s hot. She wants to fuck me.
I want to fuck her, too.
She’s ready and willing.
It doesn’t matter that the camera can’t really see us. It’ll still be obvious what we did.
But it’s not just that. I don’t really care that the television viewing audience will know I fucked a hot girl.
Kylie will know.
Kylie might look at me with that same disappointment in her eyes.
I don’t think I could handle getting that look from her again.
It’s dark in this theater, and I can actually see Kylie’s eyes on me in the moment where I have to make a decision. It’s Poppy the devil on one shoulder and Kylie on the other.
With that in mind, I say, “We can’t.”
Her brows turn down. “We can’t?” She points at her chest. “I can.”
I shake my head. “Well I can’t.”
She glares at me in the dark then folds her arms over her chest and leans back in her seat.
Whatever. She might be mad at me, but something tells me I just made the right decision. Something tells me I’m finally growing up.
Something tells me I’m starting to care about someone other than myself.
It’s my turn to vote someone off, and I while I briefly consider sending Poppy home just so I’m not tempted by her anymore, I’m also thinking it’s smart to keep her. It’s time to start getting strategic about who I keep and who I send home. If it comes down to Poppy and Eden, they’d both choose me. I think. Poppy might be mad at me after my rejection.
I decide to send Kristy home. I’m the least connected to her, and it seems like she and Danny have a little something going based on what I’ve seen on the small screen.
It’s getting harder to send the women home each episode as bonds have formed and emotions have been tapped. Kristy cries as she leaves—and she’s maybe the one woman here I’d least expect it from.
Kylie is noticeably absent from our band meetings, practices, and gigs on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, and then I have to be back in Los Angeles early Sunday for our special schedule this week to accommodate our next date. Rather than being told what it is, Danny and I are ushered into separate cars while the remaining five women are taken to a limo on Sunday afternoon.
Between the confessionals in the back of the car about where my feelings lie for each of the women and staring out the window at the changing landscape, five hours passes fairly quickly, and then we’re pulling up to the MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas.
The last time I was in Vegas, I drank way too much and did some really stupid things. I’m sure the same will happen on this trip.
We all get out of our respective cars and we’re ushered down to the arena and taken backstage.
Mark Ashton, the lead singer of Vail, greets us. “Welcome backstage,” he says, holding his arms out wide. A gorgeous brunette with a small baby bump laces her arm around his waist. “This is Reese, my wife,” he says, and she waves as he kisses the top of her head. He turns to her. “Where’s Ashton?” he asks, referring to their young daughter.
“With Angelique and Adelaide,” she says, referring to Vail’s bassist’s wife and their daughter.
I met Reese during the meeting when we finalized our plans for the tour, and I’ve met Mark several times before. Even though I’m going on tour with him, I’m still a little starstruck by him. He’s just this larger than life presence and I’m in awe of everything he’s accomplished. He’s one of the most talented musicians on the planet, and if I’m being honest, I sort of idolize him.
But I can’t lose my shit. I’m going on tour with him, and the cameras are on me now. I have to maintain the cool I have somewhere inside me. “Good to see you again, man,” I say, reaching my hand out to shake his. I’m pretty sure the women are all in a daze. Even Danny is a little, I think. I know I am when Mark’s hand connects with mine.
Mark grins, and every woman behind me swoons. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to compete for their attention against him. “We go on in a few hours, and you’re here for the soundcheck. Your producer Shayna tells us you’ll go out to dinner then come back here for the show. Ready for the backstage tour?”
We all nod, and Eden takes a place on my left while Poppy stands to my right. I feel a bit of pride as we walk around and I point out the things I know to the women. The stadium tour was Danny’s homefield, but this is mine.
I notice that Lexy and Nicole flank Danny, and Talia walks somewhere in the middle. She still intrigues me, but my relationships with Eden and Poppy have just moved along much faster.
And since this is my home turf, I’ll get to choose who goes home tonight.
I don’t want to be the one who sends Talia home, but now that we’ve cut it down to the final five, I just don’t see where she fits in with either of us. I wish I had more time to get to know her, to see if we’re more compatible, to see if there could be anything there...but the one thing we don’t have in this whole thing is time.
I look ahead nervously to our next date, too. It’s not until Wednesday, but it’s the date where the women are going to meet our families. These women will meet Brody, Kane, Adam, Rascal...and Kylie. She’s as much a part of the band as the rest of us.
I wonder if dear old Dad is sitting at home every Monday and Thursday as he watches his fuck-up of a son make a fool of himself on national television.
I wonder if Mom is sitting beside him with pride or embarrassment.
I wonder what Hannah, my half-sister, thinks about her big brother. I never even gave her a chance—she was too young and I was too disappointed in my dad, but she’s fifteen now—or maybe she’s already sixteen. I don’t even remember when her birthday is without looking at a calendar.
We sit at a round table at some fancy restaurant for dinner. Just like when we were walking backstage, Poppy and Eden are on either side of me, Nicole and Lexy are on either side of Danny, and Talia sits between Eden and Lexy. Poppy’s hand travels up my thigh to slightly uncomfortable zones during our meal, and Eden whispers in my ear on my other side as she asks me questions about MFB as we get to know more about each other and my feelings continue to grow for her.
The seven of us sing along to every Vail song at the show. We dance and we have a great time, and the whole thing just stokes my excitement for the tour.
I just have to get through filming the rest of this damn show first.
22
It’s Wednesday morning when I finally see Kylie again for the first time in over a week. I don’t think collectively as a band we’ve gone more than two days without seeing her or touching base with her since she started as our manager.
I almost run to her and pull her in my arms when she walks through the door, but I stop myself.
She glances at me sitting at the kitchen table, frowns, and changes direction toward the family room, where Brody and Rascal are playing video games far too loudly.
She’s disappointed again, but I still don’t know why she’s disappointed. In me as a human, I guess, since I can’t piece together any other plausible reason.
“Hi Kylie,” I yell from the kitchen obnoxiously.
She focuses her attention on her phone after she sits on the couch. “Hey.”
“Missed you,” I say in an annoying singsong voice. I miss the good old days when we’d just give each other shit. I need more than a forced hey out of her.
She blows out a breath. “Not mutual,” she singsongs back, and I chuckle at the subtle glimpse of the old Kylie.
I set my dish in the sink and saunter over toward the couch, ignoring the increase in my pulse the closer I move toward her. I plop down beside her, earning myself a glare from Brody, who’s focused on his game against Rascal as I bump into his arm.
I decide to play the dumb route as I turn toward her. “What’s wrong?”
She glances up at me, studies me for a beat, then narrows her eyes as she returns her attention to her phone. “Fooling around with Poppy was a bad idea, Dax.”
“Sa
ys the girl who firmly believes all press is good press.”
“Yeah, well, I guess I was wrong,” she mutters.
“Hey,” I say softly. She finally looks back up at me, and her eyes are filled with hurt. I want to ask her why so badly, but I can’t. It’s not just because I’m terrified of the answer—it’s because Brody and Rascal are centimeters from us. “Come with me,” I say, taking her hand in mine. My chest does a weird thing as I pull her up with me—a weird thing it shouldn’t do since we’re just friends. She works for me. She’s my manager. No Bang Oath.
I repeat those phrases like a mantra, but it’s useless.
We head down to the basement where we can get some privacy—and where we can hear if the other guys are coming down the stairs.
“Why’d you bring me down here?” she finally asks. She sounds tired.
“You’re acting weird and I want ask you why in private.”
She looks surprised for a beat, and then she starts pacing in front of me like a caged animal. The basement is large. Our instruments are on the other side from us, and we’re standing between the couch and the round table where we occasionally hold our band meetings. I perch right there on the table while I watch her pace.
She finally clears her throat and stops. She looks over at me and crosses her arms over her chest—a classic move that tells me she’s uncomfortable with this conversation as she shields her heart from my view. “We’ve got this tour coming up, and you’re gone all the time at the show. It’s just bad timing and it’s stressful.”
“Let me remind you that this was your idea.”
“I know it was.” She lowers her voice and looks down at the floor. “And I regret it.”
She says the last part so softly I nearly miss it. Part of me thinks she wanted me to miss it. “You do?” I ask, surprised.
She shrugs. “I just thought it would be a good way to get the band’s name out there. I didn’t really think about all your fans watching you hook up on national television.” She collapses on the couch. “You’ve got to reign it in, Dax. Women want the fantasy that they could end up with you, and instead they’re practically getting soft porn starring you.”