by Lisa Suzanne
“Soft porn might be a bit of an exaggeration,” I say. “Besides, they can watch and think how it could be them next.” I waggle my eyebrows playfully, but she’s not having it.
“You’re young and you’re in your prime. I get it, I do. We all do. But you don’t need to flaunt it. It’s ugly on television, Dax.”
I feel the blow of her words physically as I flinch backward. “It’s ugly? That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?”
“You allowed a woman to go down on you while you were dating ten other women.”
“Eight at the time,” I correct, and I’m pretty sure she hisses at me in response.
“Whatever. Eight. You’re acting like a drunken sex addicted idiot, and I need you to stop. It’s bad press.” She huffs out a breath and nods resolutely. “There, I said it.” She stands and starts to head up the stairs, but I stop her when I grab her wrist in my fist. I tighten my hold, and I feel her pulse racing against my fingertips where they dig into her skin.
“You told me to be myself.” I hit my chest with my free hand. “This is me.”
She shakes her head sadly. “No, it isn’t. It’s not the Dax I’ve gotten to know over the last eight months.”
“Who’s the Dax you know?” I ask. My fingers are still circling her wrist and digging into her skin as I continue to feel her pulse race. The scent of coconut from her shampoo or her body wash or some lotion or perfume she uses washes over me, and it’s then I realize the actual magnitude of my feelings for her.
This isn’t just some crush. This isn’t just me wanting to fuck someone I’m not supposed to have because of the No Bang Oath.
This is something bigger than all that, something I’m terrified of because I’ve only felt it twice before and ended up broken on the other side of it.
She shakes her hand in some attempt to get rid of me, but I just tighten my grip.
“He might be reckless sometimes, but he puts MFB first. Always. He’s two different people—the rock star he projects to the world, this larger than life persona who he thinks has to be a bad boy who drinks and smokes and fucks anything that moves, but underneath that, he’s someone else that sometimes emerges when he thinks no one’s looking.” Tears fill her eyes, and my heart squeezes. “That’s the man I’ve gotten to know, the one who’s kind and sweet and obsessed with pancakes and designs stupid t-shirts and cares so much about the people around him that he’d do anything just to make them smile.” Her voice shakes as she finishes her impassioned speech. “I miss that guy.”
“I’m still that guy,” I whisper. In a move that totally shocks even me, I lean down and brush her lips with mine. It’s just the briefest whisper of a kiss, but it’s somehow everything I need to get through to the end of this.
She finally shakes my hand off her wrist just as I’m about to pull her into me and kiss her like she deserves—like we both deserve. She places both hands on my chest but doesn’t push me away...yet. Her brown eyes glow up at me as I read everything there. She feels it, too—I’m sure of it.
I’m about to ask her why the fuck she’d push me into a show like Take My Heart when she feels what I feel, but she shakes her head as she pushes me just slightly. “We can’t.” She takes a step back. “You signed a contract.”
I still technically have an oath, too, even though Kane said he’d let it slide, but fuck it. I want Kylie. I want more than one night with her. I want it all, and I found it in the place I least expected to find it.
She moves toward the stairs, her voice drifting to me as she moves. “You need to give the final few weeks of the show everything you have. Show America the man I’ve gotten to know.”
“Are you sticking around to meet the women today?” I ask, my voice much more pleading than I expect it to be. “You know how much I value your opinion.”
She pauses but doesn’t turn around to face me. “I don’t think it’s a good idea,” she says, and then she disappears up the stairs and God knows where the fuck else.
I strum my guitar for a while, not sure if she’s coming back down or if any of the guys are. Just sitting here plucking the strings is giving me back a sense of peace I’ve been missing. Between filming, band meetings and practices as we prep for the tour, and gigs, I haven’t had any time to just sit and play, to draft new music and mess around with riffs, and a piece of me feels missing when I haven’t written new music in a while.
I have a little bit of time to kill before the producers and the women arrive, and so I take advantage of that time. I jam out a new rhythm, and I like it so much that I pull out my phone to record the sound. I grab a pen and paper and write down a few snippets of lyrics, and it gives me a completely different sense of euphoria to be right here in this place where I’m meant to be.
Maybe I don’t need a different woman every night. Maybe I just need one woman and my guitar.
* * *
The meeting between the women and my brothers of MFB goes about how I expected it to. Rascal’s eyes never move higher than any of the women’s tits. Brody somehow gets Poppy’s number—it wouldn’t be the first time we’ve shared a woman, but it’s still a little surprising. And Kane and Adam act like the gentlemen they generally are, which is probably why the two of them have girlfriends and the rest of us are single, now that I think about it.
I’m sure the guys are wondering where Kylie went, and I sort of wonder what excuse she invented when she left. Kane’s eyes keep darting to me in concern, but I throw all my focus into giving the ladies a tour of my house. We end up in the basement where I strum out the riff I just made up, and they cheer me on. They’re each taken up for confessionals with my buddies, and I just hope no one says anything stupid.
I don’t get any alone time with any of the women, though Poppy manages to squeeze my ass when we’re up in my bedroom. I guess she’s over the rejection.
And then they’re whisked away for their date with Danny, which is taking place up in Los Angeles at some hotel his family flew into for the big event. I don’t get a chance to touch base with the guys because my car arrives to get me back to Los Angeles for tonight’s elimination ceremony. I don’t know who has the power to eliminate someone tonight, but I’ll likely get rid of Nicole if it’s up to me.
She and Danny seem to have a pretty strong bond, and she and I don’t. I can’t have her in the final two or I’ll never win the money...or the girl, I guess.
I sit at the house by myself for a few hours, and the producers keep me entertained with more interviews and, of course, more drinks. Through it all, my conversation with Kylie weighs heavily on my mind.
And the kiss.
It was barely even a kiss.
But it was still a kiss.
I wonder who she’d pick for me if she met the women herself. One of the things I like best about this show is the fact that it airs so quickly after filming. It gives us an inside look at what the women are thinking and how they’re feeling, but that doesn’t come without disadvantages...namely Kylie seeing what I’m doing with the women. It seems like it’d be so much easier if it all happened weeks or months ago rather than days ago.
The women finally show up after their meeting with Danny’s family, and Melanie takes her spot to tell viewers how tonight’s elimination ceremony is going to work. “Tonight, the men will compete in a challenge to see who knows the women better. Danny, Dax, you’ve each been given cards holding the names of each of the women. When I say a trait, you’ll hold up the name of the woman who that trait describes. Whoever gets the best score out of five will win, and the winner will have the power tonight. Any questions?”
Danny and I both shake our heads, and Melanie nods. “Take your places, please.” We’re separated by a curtain so we can’t see each other’s answers. “First question. Who is from Nebraska?”
That’s easy. I hold up Nicole, and Melanie nods but doesn’t tell us who got it right.
“Next, who had a pet goldfish named Goldie growing up?”
I have no
idea who the fuck had a pet goldfish. Is she serious? I hold up Lexy, my best guess.
“Which woman always dreamed of being a teacher?”
Since Nicole is a teacher, I hold up her card.
“Who came on this show as a dare from a friend?”
I hold up Eden. I specifically remember her telling me that.
“Finally, which of the ladies spent three months on a trip to help underprivileged kids?”
I guess Lexy at that one, too, which means I never guessed Poppy for any of the answers. I wonder if that’s because our relationship hasn’t progressed past the physical level. She’s hot, and I liked messing around with her. But I don’t really know her at all.
Jarrod moves the curtain separating Danny and me. “One of you only got two answers right, and the other got all five. Congratulations to our winner, Danny!”
Two? I got two fucking answers correct?
I’m disappointed even in myself. I thought I’d given the women my attention, but clearly my mind has been elsewhere during this entire adventure.
And now it’s crunch time. We’re going to be down to three women, and I just know Danny is going to send either Poppy or Eden home. That gives him a much better chance of winning the money—and the girl—in the end.
Danny heads off to cast his votes, and when he returns, Melanie asks her standard question. “Danny, it’s time to reveal which woman is going home tonight and which of the women have potentially taken your heart. Have you cast your vote freely and without influence?”
He nods, and she pulls out the first paper.
“Lexy.” Lexy smiles and breathes out a sigh of relief. “Nicole,” Mel reads next. I find myself holding my breath at which name will be on the final slip of paper. I hope it’s Eden, both because of my conversation with Kylie today about reigning it in and because I have stronger feelings for Eden than Poppy. Besides, if I were Danny and saw the physicality of the relationship between Poppy and me, I’d probably choose to kick her off, too.
And he does. “Eden,” Melanie says as she reads the final slip of paper. “I’m sorry, Poppy, but neither Dax nor Danny has taken your heart.”
She seems pretty disappointed, but she masks it well. She couldn’t have really believed we’d make it very far when she gave my roommate, also the drummer of my band and my best friend, her phone number today.
I kiss her cheek on her way out. “Nice meeting you,” I say. I don’t know what else to say. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to feel sad she’s leaving when we had a fairly strong sexual connection, but all I feel is relief. She’s taking all her temptation with her, and now I can work on the reputation as the golden boy Kylie sees me as.
“How do you feel about Poppy leaving?” Jarrod asks me in my final interview for the night.
“I’m disappointed to see Poppy go, of course, but I’m excited to focus forward on my relationship with Eden.” I say the words I’m expected to say. “I feel like Eden and I could develop something real. I like Nicole and Lexy, too—they’re both great girls, but Eden is the one I’ve connected to the most on a long-term scale.”
He asks me a few more questions and then I’m free to go.
In the car on the way back to San Diego, I text Kylie even though it’s late. I just need her to know.
Me: Poppy went home tonight. Eden’s the only one left who I have any connection with, and I’m telling you right now the only reason I’m not giving up is because I want the prize money. I want you to get your seven percent and I want MFB to get the rest.
The car is nearly to my street by the time I get a reply from her almost three hours later.
Kylie: You know you shouldn’t send me texts with insider info from the show. You signed that hush contract and you’ve already broken your contract once. I want you to be happy, Dax. If it’s Eden that’ll do that for you, then good luck winning the girl. The prize money should be the bonus, not the motivation.
I don’t reply because I don’t know what to say. She’s shoving me into Eden’s arms even after our kiss earlier today, and maybe it’s time I just fucking listen to her.
23
Kylie doesn’t organize viewing parties for Thursday or Monday’s episodes, but I sit and watch with the guys at our place. It’s just the five of us plus Kane’s and Adam’s girls.
Poppy doesn’t tell the girls we fooled around, which I’m thankful for. I’m not so thankful when I watch her try to hook up with Danny, too.
It’s really informative to watch the show. I see the connection Danny is forging with both Nicole and Lexy, and even Eden to a lesser degree. It’s pretty clear to me that Nicole is Danny’s frontrunner, and so if I have the power this week, it makes the most sense for me to eliminate her. His family loved her—not that they didn’t love Lexy and Eden as well, but it was obvious she was their top choice. So she has to go.
If Danny has the power this week, I will have no shot at all of ending up the winner.
I’m met with tons of insight when I watch Monday’s episode...the one where the girls meet the men of MFB. In their confessionals, the guys I consider my family referred to Nicole as too sweet for Dax, Lexy as too innocent for Dax, and Eden as perfect for Dax. Their opinions are clear. She’s blonde, she’s gorgeous, and she’s got just enough of an edge that she’d be good for me.
It doesn’t hurt that she’s got connections in social media. That’s where promotions occur these days, so to have that in my back pocket has its benefits.
But something Kane said sticks out the most to me. “Dax is a complicated guy,” he said to Jarrod. “He’d be happy with any of them, I’m sure, but he’d be happiest with someone who challenges him. He needs a teammate and a partner, but he needs someone who will call him out when he needs to be called out and who is strong enough to handle his affinity for the female sex and the reciprocation he gets as band front man. I don’t know if I see what he really needs in any of these women, to be honest.”
His words roll around in my mind. It’s obvious to me he’s describing Kylie, but I’m sure no one else picked up on it. In fact, Brody teased him as we watched his segment air. “Are you some douchebag psychologist now?” he asked, and we all had a good laugh.
But as I drink a beer a few hours later, I can’t help but think Kane is right.
I’m making pancakes the next morning when Kylie walks in. She’s got a key, so she comes and goes as she pleases. The car is coming to pick me up to film the final two episodes of Take My Heart in about an hour. By tomorrow night, we’ll know the winner. I’ll either have a new girlfriend and be a hundred and forty thousand dollars plus fifty grand in promotions richer or I’ll return home a loser.
“Hey,” I say awkwardly to Kylie.
“Hey. Where’s Brody?”
I shrug and keep my focus on the pancake batter as I pour it into the pan. “Not my day to watch him.”
Just then he comes bounding down the stairs. “You guys see the headlines?” he asks.
“What headlines?” Kylie and I say at the exact same time. We glance at each other before returning our gazes to Brody.
He walks over to me and hands me his phone. Kylie steps closer to read over my shoulder, and coconuts immediately attack my senses.
Dax Hunter gets cozy with Take My Heart host Melanie Werther. Beneath the headline is a picture of the two of us in the hallway at the bowling alley. Her nose is against my jaw and her body is pressed against mine. The only people in the world who had access to that scene work for the network.
My heart sinks as I realize they did this on purpose.
“Fuck,” I mutter.
Kylie pulls out her phone and taps around. “Shit, Dax,” she whispers. “It’s everywhere.”
I blow out a breath. “Fucking Jarrod and his goddamn ratings.” I slam my palm on the countertop. They break this the day we film the second to last episode? Of course the ratings will go through the roof for Thursday’s episode and Monday’s finale.
Fuck him. Fuck the netw
ork, fuck all of this.
I just look like the asshole who slept with the host, and that’s not even the worst part. I don’t just look like the asshole who did it. I am the asshole who did it.
“All press is good press, right?” I say. I press my lips together and focus back on my pancakes before they burn. “Anyone want pancakes?”
“Dax, we need to deal with this,” Kylie says.
“By doing what? I made a huge mistake. I thought I already paid when they withheld my payment for that episode, but I guess not. Maybe you were right, Kylie. Maybe I’m just a drunken sex addicted idiot. That’s the role I’ll play because it’s the role I was born to play.”
“Stop it,” Kylie says, but I ignore her as I step over to the refrigerator and take out a Miller Lite. I pop the cap off and take a long swig from the bottle.
“Beer and pancakes?” Kylie asks, wrinkling her brow.
“Don’t knock it ‘til you try it,” Brody says. “But dude, she’s right. Not about the drunken sex addicted idiot thing, but about needing to deal with it.”
I flip a pancake out of the pan and add more batter. “I’ll deal with it by not being a drunken sex addicted idiot on the last two episodes, and in a few weeks it’ll all be behind us. How the fuck are we supposed to deal with it anyway?”
Kylie sighs. “You idiots really need a PR person. This is too much for one girl to handle.” She sits at the table and starts writing something down.
I make her and Brody a plate of pancakes and set them on the table with syrup. I slide into the seat beside her. “What are you writing?” I ask.
“Your statement.” She writes a little more then slides the paper over to me. “I’ll need your approval.”
It is with a heavy heart that I admit I made mistakes. I take full responsibility for my actions on the show and off camera, but I encourage you to watch the finale to see who has taken my heart despite my poor decisions on the journey. I can only hope the woman I choose in the end will choose me back and that we can move forward together.