Hold On To Me

by Elisabeth Naughton

  “What? No. Just put her on a plane in the morning, and I’ll meet her in San Francisco.”

  She didn’t want to see him. Yeah, that made this all the more fun. “And leave her feeling abandoned all over again? I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure we’ve both fucked things up for her enough for one week. I’ll call you tomorrow when I know our flight time.”

  “Wait, Mitch. Have her call me.”

  Now she didn’t even want to talk to him? Oh yeah, this was just so fucking excellent.

  “Not if she doesn’t want to. And right now, you’re like the last person on the planet she wants to talk to.”

  “Mitch—”

  “You know what, Simone?” He rolled right over her, his own emotions melding with Shannon’s, leaving him vibrating with anger. “You’re just gonna have to learn to deal with disappointment. I sure have.”

  He clicked End before she could protest and slid the phone into the back pocket of his jeans. A tension headache—or maybe it was a hangover headache—was taking up space right behind his eyeballs. He rubbed two fingers over his brow.

  “That sounded like it went well,” Tate said from the table.

  “About as well as a car crash on the 101.” Mitch tossed his coffee in the sink and headed for the living room. “I’m tired. If Shannon wakes, make sure she doesn’t escape, would ya? The last thing I need is her mother all over my ass because she got away.”

  “At one time, you would have liked that.”

  Yeah, he would have. And part of him still did. But as he’d told Simone, disappointment was something he was learning to live with.

  “That’s because I’m a sick son of a bitch.” Mitch turned for the stairs. “But like you, Kendrick, thank the stars above, I’ve finally come to my senses.”

  “Yeah,” Kendrick muttered from the kitchen in a less than enthusiastic tone, “we’re regular old rocket scientists, aren’t we?”

  Simone stared at the phone in her hand in utter disbelief.

  He’d hung up on her.

  “She’s with Mitch?” Kate asked where she sat next to Simone on the sofa. “Oh, thank God. What did he say?”

  “He—” Simone was still too shocked to think. She knew Mitch was pissed at her after the scene at his house, but this was different. He’d all but accused her of being a terrible mother. Which, she couldn’t help but agree, she was. She swallowed hard. “H-he said he’s bringing her back to San Francisco tomorrow.”

  Kate and Ryan exchanged glances. She saw it from the corner of her eye. But she was too upset to care what they were thinking.

  “Don’t worry, Simone,” Ryan said. “Mitch has been taking care of Julia for years. He’s very responsible. I’m sure everything’s just fine.”

  From the leather chair across the room where she lay splayed over the armrest, Julia huffed. “Sure. Responsible. That’s Uncle Mitch. He’s only forgotten to pick me up from practice and school and stuff five, maybe six times. The best was the time I had to wait at the softball fields, in the rain, for two hours because Dad was on a trip and Uncle Mitch totally spaced me off.”

  “Julia Anne Harrison,” Ryan snapped. All eyes shot his way, and his jaw clenched as he visibly tried to hold back his temper. “That’s not helping.”

  Kate pushed from the couch. “I think it’s time Julia went back to bed.” Her mother shot the girl a look. “Before she’s grounded for a second lifetime.”

  Julia heaved out a sigh but stood and shuffled toward the stairs, her chestnut hair a wild mop of curls around her face, her fuzzy pajama bottoms too long and dragging on the floor. She paused with one foot on the bottom step, one hand on the newel post, and turned to look back into the living room. “For what it’s worth, we didn’t mean for anyone to get mad. We were just trying to help.”

  Her mother sighed. “Julia—”

  “No. Wait.” Emotions shot through Simone’s chest, pushing her to her feet and forcing her to step into the entryway. “How on earth could you or Shannon possibly think running away would help anything?”

  “Shannon wasn’t running away. She was just trying to fix things. Like what happened with my mom and dad.”

  Ryan moved into the entry behind Kate. “What do you mean?”

  Julia’s gaze settled on Simone. “It’s like when my mom left after all the reporters were bugging us. My dad was really upset, see, but he didn’t go after her. And we didn’t know if she was coming back, even though Dad said she would eventually. But Mom got to the airport and saw this other family, and when she came back, she said looking at them made her realize what was important. That we were important. But Uncle Mitch doesn’t notice people in the airport, so he wouldn’t realize the same thing. And Shannon and I decided he needed someone to, you know, make him see what was important. That’s why she went up there. Not to run away, but to make him come back.”

  The room was quiet except for the tick of a clock in the adjacent living room, and Simone’s stomach churned with a mixture of regret and sadness that nearly did her in.

  Kate looked up at Ryan, standing behind her, and whispered, “How does she do that?”

  He blew out a breath and moved around his wife toward his daughter on the stairs. “I don’t know. She’s too smart for her own good.” He laid a hand on Julia’s shoulder and nudged her up the stairs. “Come on, Miss Smarty pants, it’s time you went back to bed and stopped acting like a forty-year-old.”

  “Dad, you’re not even forty.”

  “I know. Don’t remind me.”

  A tiny smile curled one side of Julia’s mouth as she slipped her hand into her father’s. “Am I still grounded for the rest of my life?”

  “The jury’s out on that at the moment.”

  The pair moved up the stairs and disappeared, and, dazed, Simone sank onto the couch in the living room once more. Resting her elbows on her knees, she dropped her head into her hands and just focused on breathing, because it was the only thing she could do at the moment. “I’ve made such a mess of everything. Mitch hates me. Shannon hates me. There’s no way this is ever going to get better.”

  Kate sat next to her and rubbed a hand down her back. “It will. I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but it’ll get better. If there’s one thing I’ve learned after everything Ryan and I went through, it’s that nothing is impossible. If you love someone enough, you’ll find a way to work it out.”

  Loving enough wasn’t Simone’s problem. It was everything else getting in the way of that love. She dropped her arms. “You don’t understand what’s happened. Mitch is never going to forgive me.”

  Kate’s features softened. “Mitch is one of the most understanding people I know. You just have to talk to him, Simone—really talk to him—and tell him the truth about whatever’s going on with you. He’ll understand. Give him a chance.”

  Simone wasn’t so sure. Maybe once, but not after she’d lied about how she felt. Why would he ever trust her again? She barely trusted herself.

  She rubbed a hand over her aching head, her heart and mind at war against each other, her body caught in the middle. “The only thing I’m sure of right now is that I need to fix things with Shannon. Only then can I think about Mitch and making things right with him. Or at the very least, civil.”

  A sad smile turned Kate’s lips. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

  Simone pushed to her feet. At this point, she feared there was nothing anyone could do. Least of all her. “No. But thanks. He’s so mad at me, I’m not sure he’ll even call me in the morning, so if he calls here—”

  Kate rose. “I’ll be sure to let you know.” She squeezed Simone’s hand. “Try to have faith. Mitch is hurting right now, but he’s not vindictive. And he still loves you. He’ll listen to whatever you have to say.”

  Simone wasn’t so sure. Pulling her hand from Kate’s, she turned for the door and the darkness beyond that had become her life. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  “Ladies and g
entlemen, we’ve begun our final descent into San Francisco. Please turn off all your electronic devices and bring your seat backs to the upright position.”

  Mitch reached over and hit the button on Shannon’s armrest, drawing her seat forward. “Time to say good-bye to Candy Crush.”

  Shannon frowned and powered down her iPod. “One of these days, I’m going to beat this level. Just wait.”

  “Only if your mom doesn’t confiscate that thing. Might want to get used to the fact your life could be hell for the next few months.”

  Shannon frowned but didn’t argue. Instead, she turned off her device and pushed it into her pocket, then looked out the window at the city growing larger with every passing second. “Are you absolutely sure you can’t find me a job with your oil company? I’m really good at organizing stuff.”

  One corner of his lips curled, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. He hurt, not just for her but for him too. “Pretty sure they have things called child labor laws that prevent companies from hiring ten-year-olds.”

  Shannon sighed and focused on the seat in front of her. “Darn lawyers.”

  Mitch’s stomach knotted. He’d always thought that about lawyers too. Until he’d met Simone.

  Actually, he was thinking that again.

  A sharp pain stabbed through his chest, and he drew a deep breath, then shifted in his seat to try to take his mind off what was coming. He really didn’t want to see Simone again so soon. When he’d called her this morning to tell her they’d be on the afternoon flight, she’d been quiet and agreeable, not combative and stressed as she’d been the night before. But he knew nothing had changed between them, and having to look her in the eye after she’d ripped out his heart only two days ago wasn’t something he was particularly looking forward to.

  The sound of the landing gear descending echoed through the cabin. Mitch reached over and tightened Shannon’s seat belt, then closed his hand over hers on the armrest. Her palm was already sweating, but he knew it wasn’t from the flight.

  “Will you stay with me until we find my mom?” she whispered, not looking his way. “I-I don’t want to have to find her on my own.”

  He squeezed her hand. “You betcha. I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart.” At least not until he had to.

  She didn’t answer. But when she leaned her head against his shoulder and closed her other hand over their joined fingers, that heart that Simone had already cracked crumbled right at his feet.

  No, he’d never really wanted kids of his own, but he’d sure fallen for this kid. And the knowledge that he wasn’t just losing the love of his life in this whole mess, but also a family he’d never expected to want, caused that pain in his chest to multiply by ten.

  The plane came to a stop at the gate, and, reluctantly, he let go of Shannon’s hand and pushed to his feet. Nerves showed clearly on her face while she pulled her bag from beneath the seat in front of her, but there was nothing he could do to ease either of them at this point. Passengers began filtering off the plane. When Shannon slid the straps of her bag over her shoulders, Mitch asked, “Ready?”

  Shannon shrugged, but her sad eyes didn’t meet his. “I guess.”

  They headed off the plane and up the Jetway. The terminal was a buzz of activity, just like always. Travelers rushed by. He grasped Shannon’s hand to keep from getting separated. With every step they moved toward security, his adrenaline shot up another notch.

  Shannon rubbed the sleeve of her free arm over her eyes, and Mitch knew she was upset, but he was tapped out and didn’t know how to console her. They moved through security without speaking, and when they cleared the checkpoint, Mitch’s nerves hummed as he scanned the faces waiting expectantly for arrivals.

  Simone moved out from behind an excited family hugging a returning soldier, and Mitch’s first thought was that she didn’t look like the confident, put-together lawyer she always was. Her hair was clipped up in a messy do, dark circles showed beneath her eyes, and worry was etched across her face. But even mussed and obviously stressed, she was still gorgeous, dressed in slim jeans and a loose white T-shirt. And his heart did a flip—just like it always did when he saw her—then dropped like a stone straight into his belly.

  Shannon’s feet drew to a stop beside him, and she tugged on his hand, stopping his forward momentum. He looked down at her. Watched tears fill her eyes. And had an overwhelming urge to wrap her in his arms and hold on to her, since he knew he could no longer hold on to her mother. But before he could do just that, the tears spilled over her eyelashes, she pulled free of his hand, dropped her backpack on the ground, and sprinted toward Simone.

  Simone fell to one knee and caught her in a tight hug. Shannon held on for dear life and sobbed. Mitch couldn’t hear what Simone said to her daughter, but the relief and love rushing over Simone’s features told him everything he needed to know.

  He was the outsider here. He’d gotten so caught up in the whole idea of having a ready-made family, he hadn’t paid attention to what was right in front of his eyes. Simone and Shannon were a unit. They needed each other, just like Julia and Ryan needed one another. And though they’d let him into their circle for a little while, their world wouldn’t crumble without him. Even if things hadn’t gone to shit between him and Simone, he always would have been the outsider, looking in, wanting to be a part of something that, frankly, wasn’t his to want.

  That realization sliced right through the center of his chest, but he clenched his jaw, picked up Shannon’s bag from the floor, and forced his feet forward. He stopped two steps from mother and daughter, still tangled together, and cleared his throat. All he wanted now was to get the hell out of here, but for Shannon’s sake, he stood still. And waited.

  Simone looked up at him. Tears glistened in her eyes. Tears a part of him wished she’d shed, just once, for him. “Thank you,” she whispered.

  He nodded. Couldn’t seem to find anything else to say. Cleared his throat again. “Shannon, I need to get going.”

  Shannon turned in her mother’s arms. Blinked several times. Then swiped her sleeve over her damp eyes. “Already?”

  “Yeah.”

  Simone pushed to her feet. “Are you heading back to Seattle right away?”

  Small talk. Mitch could handle small talk, for Shannon’s sake. He shifted his backpack on his shoulder and tucked one hand into the front pocket of his jeans. “No. Tomorrow. I need to pick up a few files I left at the office.”

  Simone nodded and placed both hands on her daughter’s shoulders. “I-I’m…sorry we interrupted your plans.”

  “Shannon is never an interruption.”

  Shannon’s eyes filled with tears again, and that was all Mitch could take. He had to get out of here, before he said or did something he’d regret later. Before he begged.

  “Anytime you want to talk, Shannon, just call. I have my cell on me most of the time. And don’t give your mom too much trouble. She loves you, even when you don’t think she does.”

  A tear spilled over Shannon’s lashes, and she nodded.

  “Mitch,” Simone whispered, stepping around Shannon.

  Yeah. No. He was not about to reopen wounds that were already oozing.

  Mitch gripped his backpack at the shoulder and turned. “I gotta go.”

  He pushed his feet forward one step at a time. Refused to look back. Forced himself to head across the long, wide hallway toward the doors to freedom. Two days ago, he thought his heart had shattered when Simone had told him she didn’t love him, but today he knew no matter where he went in his life, it would never be whole again.

  “Mitch!”

  He stopped at the sound of Shannon’s voice and glanced over his shoulder. Shannon darted around Simone and streaked across the airport. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She held her arms out wide.

  He dropped to his knees, caught her in a tight hug, closed his eyes, and held her close.

  “I love you,” she sobbed.

  “Ah, sweetheart.” His chest
squeezed tight. “I love you too. That’s never going to change.”

  “But you’re leaving.”

  “I’ll be back, Shannon.” He eased away just enough so he could swipe at her tears. Swallowed back his own. “I have to leave for my job, but that doesn’t mean I’m not coming back. I’ll always come back.”

  Her shoulders shook with her heart-wrenching sobs.

  God, this was killing him. He brushed the tears from her cheek once more. “Tell you what. Opening day, just you and me. I need my best girl to cheer on the Giants with me. What do you say? Is it a date?”

  She sniffled. Rubbed her eyes. Seemed unsure. “O-okay.”

  “Okay.” He had no idea if she’d even be here on opening day, if Simone was staying in San Francisco or leaving like she’d told him she planned to do. But he’d do whatever he could to make this easier for her. Even if it killed him just a little bit more. “Okay. See? There’s nothing to be sad about. This isn’t good-bye. Before you know it, I’ll be back from British Columbia, and we’ll be heading to AT&T Park.”

  She sniffled once more. Drew up her shoulders and swiped at her tears. “Promise?”

  He forced a smile for her, knowing there was no way he could ever love his own kid more than he loved her. “I promise.”

  She sucked in a deep breath, then slowly let it out. And as her own lips curled into a forced smile, he knew nothing, not even nearly dying from a head wound, compared to the pain he felt at this moment.

  Tears threatened, and he knew if he didn’t leave now, he might not be able to without making a total ass of himself. Careful not to look at Simone, he grabbed his bag from the ground, tapped Shannon on the nose, and beat feet for the doors.

  Then told himself he was better off without them. Even if in his heart he knew that was a total lie.

  Nothing eased the ache that had settled deep within her chest.

  Simone set her mug of tea on the kitchen counter and ran her hand through her hair, replaying the scene in the airport for the thousandth time. The look on Mitch’s face when Shannon had raced after him and he’d caught her in that hug was something she was never going to forget.