Your Future Self Will Thank You

by Drew Dyck

  Another cardinal rule of habit formation: be consistent. Don’t run first thing in the morning one day, and go for an evening jog the next. Pick a time and try to stick with it. If you’re trying to read your Bible every day, try to do it at the same time, in the same room, in the same chair. When it comes to making a habit stick, familiarity is key. I’m not suggesting you slog through new practices—especially spiritual ones—without feeling or passion. But you’re far more likely to stick with the new behavior through the crucial habit-forming window if you keep the conditions the same.

  PUT IN THE TIME

  How long does it take to form a habit? The most common answer is twenty-one days. At least that’s the number that gets bandied about in advice columns, blog posts, and TV shows. In truth, the twenty-one-day guideline only works for very simple tasks. If it’s something more difficult or complex, research shows that three weeks is probably too optimistic. One large study found the average number of days it took for participants to reach “automaticity” (scientific speak for when behavior becomes habitual) was an average of sixty-six days.18

  As you can see, habits aren’t developed overnight. It takes at least a month or two of concerted effort to continue performing a certain behavior before it becomes second nature. When Franklin realized it was too difficult to tackle all thirteen virtues at one time, he decided to tackle them one by one. Like I mentioned, in light of what we know today about habits, that was a wise move. Unfortunately, he gave himself only one week to focus on a virtue before moving on to the next one. That’s not even close to enough time to firm up a habit.

  Not only that, but his efforts to perfectly embody a virtue were too lofty and undefined. Rather than trying to achieve justice, he would have been better off identifying practices he could regularly do to become more just. Instead of vaguely aiming for “frugality,” he should have made a budget. Now I’m being awfully hard on a guy who accomplished more than I could in ten lifetimes. But that’s kind of the point: I don’t have the willpower of a Ben Franklin. And that means I’m going to have to rely on habit.

  When I look back at many of my attempts to get healthier or practice a spiritual discipline, I’m struck by how often I’ve given up after a week or two. Often we don’t even realize how close we come to that magical threshold where the behavior becomes second nature. Now, when I’m trying to create a new habit, I’m conscious of pushing through to that point. It’s encouraging to know that the behavior will become more automatic as I go, demanding less and less effort over time. I try to remember pastor John Ortberg’s words on why we struggle to form holy habits: “Construction today. Freedom tomorrow.”19

  SPIRITUAL KEYSTONES

  Not all habits are created equal. Some habits, in addition to changing one behavior, encourage better behavior in other areas of your life as well. Researchers call them keystone habits, and they have a synergistic effect. They “shift, dislodge and remake other patterns,” making additional healthy habits more likely to form.20

  Exercise is a well-known keystone habit. When people start exercising regularly, they also have more patience, less stress, and become more productive at work. Having family dinners is another keystone habit. Studies have shown that when families observe the increasingly rare ritual of gathering to eat together, their children’s emotional control and performance at school improves.21

  What about spiritual keystone habits? There are at least three spiritual practices that qualify: prayer, Bible reading, church attendance.

  Dozens of studies have pointed toward the positive impact of prayer. According to an article summarizing the research in Psychology Today, praying regularly makes you nicer, more forgiving, more trusting, and offsets the negative health effects of stress. In addition, prayer has shown to boost self-control. And, as we saw earlier, it’s one of the only behaviors proven to counteract ego depletion. No wonder it exerts such a powerful influence on other areas of life. One church leader identified prayer as a keystone habit in his life. Listen to how he described the differences he saw.

  I had always prayed, but life often got so busy that it was difficult to keep a consistent practice. It wasn’t a habit. About 10 years ago, I made a commitment to make prayer the first thing I do every day. It took a few months of doing this regularly before it became a habit. But once it did, the rest, as they say, is history.

  Over the last decade, a series of habits have “cascaded” from the keystone habit of prayer. These include exercise, meditation, journaling and fasting. They didn’t happen all at once. Each time, I would feel led to apply my focus and effort to a particular practice. Over the course of time, that practice would become a habit. My own experience is that each time it gets a little bit easier to develop a new habit.22

  For him, the practice of prayer triggered the creation of other spiritual habits.

  Bible reading also pays huge dividends for people across the spiritual spectrum. Just how important is Scripture engagement? Greg Hawkins and Cally Parkinson did a landmark study of the spiritual growth over more than 250,000 people in 1,000 churches. This was their conclusion about the impact of Scripture engagement:

  Nothing has a greater impact on spiritual growth than reflection on Scripture. If churches could do only one thing to help people at all levels of spiritual maturity grow in their relationship with Christ, their choice is clear. They would inspire, encourage, and equip their people to read the Bible—specifically, to reflect on Scripture for meaning in their lives….

  Bible-engagement is the single most spiritually catalytic activity a person can engage in.23

  The fact that Bible reading is a keystone habit should come as no surprise. After all, God gives us His Word as a primary means of transformation. Meditating on Scripture keeps us from sin (Ps. 119:1), gives us direction (119:105), and trains us in righteousness (2 Tim. 3:16). John Stott said, “We must allow the Word of God to confront us, to disturb our security, to undermine our complacency and to overthrow our patterns of thought and behavior.”24 In other words, the Bible should correct us, then completely overhaul our habits.

  Church attendance is another powerful keystone habit. A 2016 Harvard study found that women who attended religious services frequently were one-third less likely to die over a twenty-year period. No surprise, you might think. Churchgoers are less likely to smoke or abuse drugs and alcohol. But it wasn’t healthier lifestyles that made the difference. The researchers adjusted for those factors, and still saw the dramatic difference.

  Even occasional church-attenders reaped benefits. They were 13 percent less likely to die over the twenty-year period as their nonattending counterparts. Tyler VanderWeele, a professor of epidemiology at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, concluded, “Service attendance may be a powerful and underappreciated health resource.”25 In a USA Today column, VanderWeele was less circumspect, proclaiming, “Religion may be a miracle drug.”26

  Other studies have identified specific health effects associated with church attendance. They’ve found that churchgoing boosts your immune system, decreases blood pressure, and lowers your cholesterol. “One of the most striking scientific discoveries about religion in recent years,” writes T. M. Luhrmann, a professor of anthropology at Stanford, “is that going to church weekly is good for you.”27 And the health benefits are just the tip of the iceberg. Studies show that churchgoers are less prone to mental illness, report higher levels of happiness, and have better sex lives. Young people who attend are less likely to smoke, abuse drugs and alcohol, or commit violent crimes. They have higher GPAs and are less likely to live in poverty. They’re even more likely to wear seat belts.28

  Church attendance is so powerful because it includes the other two spiritual keystone habits. Author David Mathis sums it up.

  The reason corporate worship may be the single most important Christian habit, and our greatest weapon in the fight for joy, is because like no other single habit, corporate worship combines all three essential principles of God’
s ongoing supply of grace for the Christian life: hearing his voice (in his word), having his ear (in prayer), and belonging to his body (in the fellowship of the church).29

  The research shows that prayer, Bible reading, and church attendance all have extrinsic benefits, making us more likely to engage in healthier patterns in all areas of life. But as believers, we know they have intrinsic value; we do them to grow closer to God and each other.

  NO SHORTCUTS

  Habits are hard. They’re not shortcuts or life hacks. Yes, eventually they enable us to live better lives without exhausting our willpower, but they start with a burst of effort. Our brains are lazy. Our wills are weak. Our nature is bent. Even if we employ all the approaches outlined above, it still takes sweat and struggle and striving to break the inertia of your old ways of doing things and move in a new direction. Author Mike Cosper describes this incremental nature of how Christians change.

  There are no magic pills. There are no shortcuts. Discipleship is like any other good thing that’s worth doing, be it learning a language, learning an instrument, or getting in shape; we grow as disciples in small steps, a day at a time, over months and years.30

  Cosper is right to connect habits with discipleship. It’s no coincidence that discipleship and discipline are linguistically related. It takes hard word, discipline, to free ourselves of sinful habits and replace them with righteous ones. Thankfully, we don’t have to do it on our own. We don’t have to be Ben Franklins, armed with a towering intellect and ironclad resolve in order to make progress. God is there, willing to reward our modest attempts to change. He actually enables and empowers us along the way.

  The broadcaster and cleric Richard Holloway describes the divine assistance that meets our paltry efforts: “God is waiting eagerly to respond with new strength to each little act of self-control, small disciplines of prayer, feeble searching after him.”31

  Habits aren’t everything. As pastor and author Darryl Dash writes, “It’s possible to build great habits and completely miss the point, which is ongoing spiritual growth and intimacy with God.”32 Rather, as Dash goes on to explain, habits are a means to an end. “The point [of habits], in the end, is our pursuit of God. We need habits that support that pursuit. We won’t pursue God without them. They are ways of putting ourselves in the path of God’s grace.”33

  Self-Control Training: Entry #6—Fasting

  I have a bad history with fasting.

  It started in my teens. When I was sixteen, I signed up for a 30-Hour Famine, an event designed to raise funds for hungry children while giving comfy Western kids a small taste of deprivation. It now strikes me as more than a little insensitive to describe a mere day and a half without food, while playing games in a church gymnasium, as a “famine,” but I was in.

  We were instructed to start fasting at 9:00 p.m. the night before. The next day we just had to skip breakfast and lunch, then head to the church around 7:00 p.m. We’d play games all evening and break the fast with a giant pizza party at 3:00 a.m.

  My buddy Dan agreed to do it with me. We hung out on the day of the fast for moral support. But we made the mistake of talking about food. A lot. I think it was Dan’s vivid description of the perfect bacon cheeseburger that ultimately caused our downfall. On the way to the church, we stopped off at local restaurant where our resolve died in a heap of burgers and chicken wings. We never even made it to the church. We’d held out for twenty-one hours. And for eight of those hours, we’d been asleep.

  Fast forward ten years, and I was signing up for another fast, this time with my wife. It was the voguish “Daniel fast,” inspired by the biblical Daniel’s decision to subsist on veggies rather than eat the “royal foods,” like wine, bread, and meat sacrificed to idols, offered to him and his fellow exiles by King Nebuchadnezzar. After a few miserable days of a vegetable diet, my wife and I dragged ourselves to a midweek Bible study. We were hoping for some inspiration or at least the chance to commiserate. The pastor, who was leading the study, seemed suspiciously chipper. Midway through the study, he casually unveiled a bagel and started munching. “I’m not going to lie,” he chuckled. “It’s been hard not putting anything on these bagels.”

  I felt betrayed. “Bagels?” I whispered to my wife. “Bagels aren’t part of the Daniel fast! Don’t tell me they had bagels in Babylon!” That was just the excuse I needed. That night, I ate all the royal foods I could think of—minus the meat sacrificed to pagan idols. Fasting fail #2.

  Throughout the years, I’ve tried to fast a few other times, always with mixed results. Some people wax eloquent about the clarity and piercing spiritual insights fasting brings, but my experience has been more like a miserable fog. It’s something I dread. The bad breath, the grumpiness, the lightheadedness. Yet I still think it’s an important spiritual discipline—one I want to start practicing, if only occasionally. This time, I decided to go solo. Given my track record of fasting with others, that seemed to make sense. And my first attempt would be nothing fancy, just a twenty-four-hours with nothing but water. It shouldn’t be a problem.

  Chapter 7

  Grace Means I Don’t Need Self-Control

  … And Other Dumb Things Christians Think

  “If we know that the aim of the Holy Spirit is to lead man to the place of self-control, we shall not fall into passivity but shall make good progress in spiritual life. ‘The fruit of the Spirit is self-control.’”

  —WATCHMAN NEE

  When I think of why I’m a Christian, it really boils down to one word: grace.

  As a teenager, I read through the Gospels and fell in love with the person of Jesus. It wasn’t just His miracles and teaching that impressed me. It was how He treated people, especially those people society mistreated or neglected: the way He defended a woman about to be stoned for adultery; the way He sought out a hated tax collector; the way He cut through a crowd to reach a blind man crying out for help on the side of the road. Jesus was constantly seeking out the unloved and lowly to offer forgiveness, healing, friendship, and love.

  As I read those stories I was moved. Somehow, in the fog of my adolescent insecurity, I realized that the same grace on display in the Gospels extended to me. I’ve never recovered.

  I’m far from alone. Glimpsing God’s undeserved favor has changed the hearts of millions. Grace woos and softens, draws and transforms. It famously changed the heart of one cruel slave trader who marveled at “amazing grace that saved a wretch like me.” C. S. Lewis was once asked what separated Christianity from all other religions. “Oh, that’s easy,” he said, “grace.” While most religions possess some karmic system to show how hard you have to work to win God’s favor, grace gives it away for free. In fact, that’s the essential characteristic of grace: it’s free, a gift. It’s no coincidence that the word gratis is derived from grace. That’s what makes grace so amazing. You just accept it. No striving required.

  CAN’T I JUST “LET GO AND LET GOD”?

  But this beautiful quality presents a bit of a puzzle when it comes to self-control. If grace is free, shouldn’t holiness be free too? Why should I have to exert effort to live a disciplined, righteous life? Won’t God just give me sinless behavior, no self-control required?

  Some people think so.

  When I mentioned the topic of this book on social media, one friend took exception. “Self-control is the wrong concept,” he wrote. “I can never control myself. I can only surrender control to a higher power, but I will never have control over myself. Not in this life.”

  I could dismiss his opinion as extreme, but I’ve heard similar sentiments from many others. In fact there have been whole movements in church history defined by their belief that we progress in the Christian life only as passive recipients.1 And the legacy of these movements is alive and well today. The key to rising above temptation isn’t to resist or struggle, they say. All you have to do is “let go and let God!” In fact, if you’re struggling, that’s proof-positive you’re doing something wrong. It means yo
u must be trying too hard.

  Obviously, I disagree with this idea. If I didn’t, it would be pretty weird to write a book about self-control. But I have to admit, passive transformation sounds wonderful to me. It’s probably just because I’m naturally lazy. I’m always looking for a shortcut or cheat sheet, especially when it comes to doing hard things. I’d love to progress in my spiritual life without exerting effort. Throw up my feet, put on some good music, and let the changing begin. Jesus, take the wheel!

  Sadly, for lazy me, I don’t find this idea in Scripture. Instead I see exhortations to resist temptation, die to sin, deny self, fight the good fight, and strive for godliness. The Greek word in our Bibles that we translate as “strive” is agonizomai, implying an intense, purposeful struggle. It comes from agónia (the lexical root of “agony”). It’s the same word the gospel writers use to describe Jesus’ inner turmoil on the eve of His crucifixion. That hardly sounds like passivity to me.

  Yet I’ve found that words like struggle or strive seem to be off-limits in Christian circles. If you don’t believe me, just use them around your Christians friends and see how they react. If you say something like, “I’ve really been striving in my spiritual life lately,” your statement will likely elicit concern or sympathy. A well-meaning friend might comfort or correct you with some variation of the “let go and let God” cliché.