We Will Change Our Stars

by Nicole Thorn

  I laid on my back beside her, and panted for a bit. I guess I forgot to breathe sometime during that . . . Would have been a hell of a way to die. Jasmine would probably have been traumatized by that one . . .

  I turned my head to her. “I didn’t hurt you, right?”

  She shook her head and smiled. “Nope. It was lovely.” She turned to her side, huddled up to mine, and leaned her body against my chest. With her head barely propped up, she tapped on my chest. “I hope you’re cool with doing that a bunch, because I feel like I could go again in like twenty minutes.”

  I smirked, and put my arm around her. “How about we get something to eat, and then we can see how many times we can do it in a day?”

  Her eyes lit up, and she gasped. “That sounds like SO much fun! Wanna order a pizza?”

  She left me in bed to go find my pants and retrieve my phone from my pocket. Hmm. She stayed all naked and stuff. I wondered if I could get her to stay like that for a while. She looked so nice while she walked around on the phone. I stared without shame at her, because I was that kind of a fella. Whatever, nothing wrong with ogling your girlfriend. God knew she ogled me all the damn time. It felt good.

  When Jasmine made the order, she crawled back into bed with me and snuggled up under the covers. What the hell had been wrong with me that I waited so long? I knew it had probably been the right thing to do, but I would always wonder if Jasmine would have woken up a little sooner if I didn’t hold off. We had only lost a couple of months, so in the long run, it didn’t seem so bad. We still had each other.

  “Are you still going to love me when I eat a whole large pizza on my own?” my girlfriend asked with mock horror.

  I smiled. “No. Will you hate me when I eat an entire big cookie on my own?”

  “Yes.” She nodded. “Obviously. But I ordered two.”

  “I fucking love you.”

  ***

  Turned out that we could go five rounds, and I thought it only stayed so low because we got a late start. Jasmine passed out late while we watched Jessica Jones, and I let her sleep. I didn’t watch her like a creep for longer than like an hour or something, so it was totally fine.

  I woke up at the same time that I usually did the next morning. Huh, I thought I would sleep later again. Either way, I had breakfast to make for my family.

  I got out of bed, and patted Jasmine’s bottom. She groaned and didn’t open her eyes. “I’ll be downstairs if you need me,” I told her.

  She grumbled, and snuggled deeper into the blankets. “Are you naked?”

  I smiled. “No.”

  “Then I won’t open my eyes.”

  I kissed her forehead, and told her to go back to sleep, which she promptly did. I thought she passed out before I even got all the way to the door. I closed it quietly so that she wouldn’t wake up again. As much fun as Zombie Jasmine would be, she needed some rest.

  I took a shower and changed into fresh clothes before I headed down to think up a nice breakfast to make everyone. I had on a sweater and jeans, and I pushed the sleeves up on my way down the stairs.

  I stopped off to see Nemo in his tank. The little freak fish swam around and looked at me with both of his little heads. “I . . . I don’t know what to think anymore.”

  Nemo watched me expectantly, and I fed him a little bit. His heads went for the flakes happily, and I stared at him. At least Nemo seemed healthy, because Jasmine’s heart would break if he died . . . again.

  “I have to feed your mother now,” I said because it would have felt rude to leave without a goodbye. He looked at me and blinked. Clearly, he approved.

  Hmm. What could I make Jasmine that she would totally love? French Toast will do, I think. Last time I made it, she got all happy, and ate a bunch of it. Kizzy liked it . . . and Jasper would eat anything put in front of him. I just had to make sure that the powdered sugar didn’t get too messy, and Juniper would happily eat her depressing breakfast.

  I pulled the bread out, got the pan on the stove, and I prepared to start when someone rapped at the door. I hoped to find someone selling cookies, because I could put away some Thin Mints. But in reality, it was probably someone less pleasant. Maybe someone trying to pass off a religion.

  I hurried to the door before it could be banged on again, because I wanted breakfast to be a surprise for Jasmine. Her waking up early would ruin that, so admittedly, I already felt a little annoyed when I opened the door.

  That emotion changed when I saw who stood there.

  Mr. Nelson waited on my porch, and it took absolutely every ounce of strength I had, and some I didn’t know I had, to not murder him. To not wrap my hands around his throat, and squeeze until he couldn’t last any longer. I wanted to break every bone in his body, and I wanted him to live long enough to feel each one snap.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” I said through my teeth. I had to cross my arms to keep my hands from his body.

  The man turned out to be smarter than I thought, and he took a step back. “I came here to talk to my daughter.” He didn’t sound as afraid as he should have been, but I intended to fix that.

  I closed the front door and I stepped farther outside. Jasmine’s father moved back again, thinking that would save him. “You hit her,” I said, my hands balled at my sides now. “You slapped your child in the face.”

  He swallowed, and looked around. No witnesses, and I could Charm them anyway. “You don’t get to tell me how to raise my children. You don’t know what I gave up for them, and they’re so ungrateful.”

  I smiled when I decided what to do. “Ungrateful,” I said, testing the word in my mouth. “They should have thanked you more? They should have crawled out of the dog kennel, and told you how much they appreciated the tough love?”

  I launched my hand forward, and took him by the throat, sure to not crush his windpipe. I couldn’t let him die like that. What I could do, was slam his body against my car and hold him there, dangling.

  “Tell me,” I said. “Tell me that you think they should love you after all you did to them. Tell me that you think you were a good father, because I honestly can’t believe it until I hear you say it.”

  The man struggled to speak around the pressure, and he clawed at my hand. He couldn’t hope to break the skin. “I did all I could for them. It’s not my fault they were brats.”

  So, he’s stupid after all.

  I nodded, and reached for his leg. With one hand, I snapped it at the knee, and he screamed bloody murder.

  I covered his mouth with my other hand, and said, “Don’t scream.” I used my Charm, and his body shook with shock. “Do not scream, and listen to every word out of my mouth.”

  I took a deep breath and looked into the eyes of a real monster. “Right now, I want you to love your children. Think about them, and feel utter bliss and pride that something as worthless as you could make such beauty for this world. Understand what they’re worth, and what they do for people.”

  I let go of his mouth and let him talk. “They’re so special,” he said quietly. His eyes turned glassy and distant, like they got when I used my powers on someone. He was in the throes of it, and I knew he couldn’t feel anything else. “Such good kids. So kind and thoughtful. I can’t believe I’m their father.”

  I nodded. “Think about Jasmine, and how happy she is, and now much she loved you. Think about the look in her eyes when she gets excited, and the change in her tone when she’s smiling when she talks. And think about Jasper, and now strong he is, trying to heal from all the things in his life that hurt him. Think about how even though he shouldn’t be capable of such a thing, he’s able to be a rock for my sister. Think about how much he overcame. Now, think about Juniper, and how she’s able to keep everything together and make it look easy. Think about how good she is at staying on top of all the important stuff, so that her siblings can think about other things. Think about how they all turned out.”

  “Juniper is so smart,” he said. “She was always so sma
rt when she was little. Jasper . . . so creative. He doesn’t even know how good he really is, I think. He’s not the kind to give himself a pat on the back when he deserves it. Jasmine . . . ” He smiled. “Jasmine is so full of life. I love seeing her smile.”

  “Me too,” I said. Staring into his eyes, I didn’t let up. “Love them,” I commanded him. “Love them all so much that your chest swells to the point where you don’t think you can take it anymore. Love them like they’re the reason the world turns and that the sun rises. I want you to picture their faces, and see divinity. I want you to love them so much that you feel unworthy of being in their eyesight, because how can anything that walks this dirty world be worthy of them?”

  I waited as it settled in. He looked high as his pupils dilated and his lips parted, drawing in slow breaths. He blinked, and a tear followed. He couldn’t keep eye contact with me anymore, and he stared at the house with wonder.

  I smiled wide as I held him by the throat. “Do you love them?”

  “Yes.”

  “How much?”

  He sucked in a breath and said, “I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t come back. I don’t want them to waste their time with the likes of me, having to hear my voice or see my face. They’re so perfect and special, and all I am is nothing.”

  Good. “Now, I want you to think about every single vile thing you have ever done to those kids, and I want you to see it as if you were a man capable of love. Run over those memories in your head when you hit your children, or called them names, or locked them up. Scared and manipulated them. Each time you shoved them into a kennel and left them in the rain to freeze. How they had to sleep on rocks, and how you took pictures when they did something you decided was wrong. Think about how after all of that, they still cared about you. I want you to remember every bump and bruise and tear you caused.”

  Again, I waited for it all to sink into him. This vile creature realized what would probably be for the only time, just how repulsive he was. In his mind, he tortured angels, and he would get to live with that. It would fade eventually, but maybe I would get lucky and he would kill himself first.

  I leaned closer to him, speaking in his ear. “What are you?”

  Brock gasped for breath, and his teeth chattered as he reached out for nothing. “I’m . . . I’m disgusting.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  I took the man, and I threw him onto the ground. His broken leg would be agony, but I told him not to scream. He lay on his back, staring up at the sky like he prayed it would kill him. He stayed quiet.

  “Don’t go to the hospital,” I told him. “You deserve to suffer.”

  He nodded. “I deserve to suffer.”

  “You deserve to die.”

  “I deserve to die.”

  “You do not deserve to call yourself father to the children in this house. What you deserve is a lifetime of being hated by anyone who passes you by. Every stranger and former friend should look at you and feel sick.”

  “Sick,” he repeated.

  “Crawl out of here,” I told him. “Crawl until someone finds you.”

  He turned onto his stomach, and began crawling away from the house. Someone would see and help him, but he would get a nice amount of damage first. The shock would have made him pass out if he didn’t have so much magic in him. It didn’t matter to me if he died, as long as he did it away from my house.

  I went inside, and started breakfast for my family.

  I stood at the stove, robotically making food for everyone as I thought about what I did. It had been wrong to hurt him, but I loved the feeling of his bone breaking in my hand. The fear in his eyes when I came at him, and took his throat. I could have spent years torturing him, and I wouldn’t have been done with it. It wouldn’t have made up for what he did to Jasmine and her siblings.

  I started stacking the French Toast, thinking about how unworthy of Jasmine I really was. I hurt her father, and she would’ve probably been so angry with me for what I did. The Charm would fade away, but his leg would still be broken, and he very well could kill himself from grief first. I would be happy with that, but I would be alone in it. Maybe I was just as bad Brock. At least he didn’t seem to take as much pleasure in hurting them as I took in hurting other people.

  Bad. I was a bad, bad man, and I shouldn’t have been poisoning Jasmine with myself. She shouldn’t look at me with love and affection. I thought that being with her would magically change something in me, making me kinder. I had been wrong. Love didn’t cure all evil.

  Jasmine came down the stairs in my shirt and a pair of shorts. Immediately, she saw me and her eyes lit up as she bounced over for a hug. “French Toast! Yay!” She kissed my cheek.

  I stared at her, and all I could think about was how much of a monster I was while I claimed everyone else acted worse. How could she love me?

  “Are you okay?” Jasmine asked, sounding innocent.

  I swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, just a little tired. Sorry.” I faked a smile for her.

  Her nose twitched. “Hmm.” Jasmine narrowed her eyes, and started nibbling a piece of bacon. “You are not okay. But I will make you okay.” She reached up on her tiptoes and kissed my lips for a short while. “I love you, Zander.”

  She loved me. I was a monster, evil, unworthy, but she loved me anyway. And maybe that could be enough.

  “I love you too, Jasmine.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE:

  I’m Gonna Curl into A Ball Now

  Jasmine

  I laid across Zander’s lap, because I could. I mean, Jasper had been forced to leave the room for his sanity, but that seemed like a minor detail. And Juniper might have gone upstairs because of the kissy faces we made at each other, but she would come back down eventually. Neither of them understood what it meant to be in love, clearly . . . Except for the fact that Jasper loved Kezia.

  Ya know what, whatever. They could get over it.

  I needed to bask in the success of my wooing for as long as I could, because soon, I’d probably be dealing with something far less pleasant. Like the fact that I still couldn’t drive because I didn’t trust myself. Which meant I needed to figure out what I had to do to earn my own trust back. That wasn’t a pleasant thing to think about. So. Zander’s lap.

  I rolled over so that I could look him in the eye. “So, who moves into whose room?” I asked. “I mean, we could go into denial about how we’ve barely been dating, and we shouldn’t move into rooms this early on, and then end up sneaking into the other’s bed for months until we admit it’s useless, but I like this better.”

  Zander grinned down at me, his hand running over my stomach. “Why should I have to move?”

  “Because it’s my house,” I told him. “Ya know how I lived here before you, and then went and saved your ass from a bunch of furies, and brought you back here to safety? Yeah, that’s right. That’s how it went.”

  He rolled his eyes. “If I recall, you abandoned us to their mercy, and went home with your siblings.”

  My eyes narrowed. “Then I saved your ass, and brought you back here. To my house. Why are you fighting me on this? You know I’ll win.” I ran the tips of my fingers along his neck, enjoying the way he shivered. “Everything seems to be coming up Jasmine lately.”

  He cleared his throat, and shifted in his seat. I tried not to grin at him even more. Guys didn’t usually like it when I enjoyed teasing them. At least, not the guys I had experience with. Not that I’d ever bring them up with Zander, because I didn’t actually want to start a string of homicides . . . but I bet he’d use his sword for those homicides. Mmm. Sword.

  No, bad Jasmine. Not killing people to see Zander swing a sword. That crosses all sorts of lines.

  Zander had been quiet that morning, though. At first, I thought he wanted to try pulling away from me again, and then I’d have to hurt him. That was the only solution to such a bad idea. Now, I didn’t know. Maybe he was in a bad mood because of something else. Instead of pushing the subjec
t, I tried to cheer him up. If he wanted me to know what was wrong, he would have told me by now.

  “So, you’re moving into my room,” I said conversationally. “We can probably get you in there by the end of the day, if we work really hard, and I don’t watch you work really hard.” Now my hand traced down his chest while I thought about him moving furniture. Why did that distract me?

  He laughed once more. “Again, why should I move into your room? You seem to enjoy staying in mine. You should just keep doing so. I like waking up with you in my bed, all snuggled up to me.”

  I cocked an eyebrow. “Technically, that’s only your bed because I gave it to you, so . . . You should move into my room. You’ll like my sheets. They have all the Sesame Street and Muppets characters on them. I sleep with my boobs all up in Cookie Monster’s face, and that used to bug me, but I’ve come to terms with it.”

  Zander blinked. Slowly. Then shook his head. I wanted to know what thought passed through his brain. “We can move the Sesame Street sheets onto my bed, ya know. Sheets are funny like that.”

  “But then they’ll miss their home,” I said. “We can’t let that happen.”

  “They’ll be perfectly happy on my bed,” he continued. “And maybe you won’t have to sleep with your boobs mashed up against Cookie Monster anymore. Just saying.” He shrugged.

  I rolled my eyes. “I don’t mind it anymore, Zander. Besides, if you take that side of the bed, your junk will probably be all smooshed up against Bert and Ernie, and that’s not okay either. They’re children, Zander. Children.”

  “Maybe we should get rid of those sheets,” he suggested.

  I hopped off him. “I am not getting rid of my super awesome sheets because you refuse to sleep in my bed. We’ll discuss this later. For now, I have to go and get you something from the store.”

  He blinked. “What are you supposed to get me from the store? I have everything I need right here. Or I did until the girl I need got off my lap. It was really rude of her, if I might say.”