Soldier in Her Lap

by Haley Whitehall

  “No. Don’t. Please.”

  “It isn’t right.” Lucas allowed her to guide him back to the barrels and she sat. He knelt in front of her and put a hand on her knee.

  Her breath caught in her throat and her heartbeat stalled. “I wasn’t ready to run with you before. But I am now.”

  “I care deeply for you, Sophia,” he said. The concern blanketing his green eyes touched the corners of her soul and nearly brought on another flood of tears.

  “I know.” She reached over and threw her hands around his neck, bringing their lips together for a passionate kiss.

  “I have a plan,” he said between kisses. “I want to make sure you have a better life. You deserve better.”

  Was he still down on himself for deserting? She didn’t care about that anymore. “You’re good enough for me. I—”

  He put a finger to her lips stopping her reply. When he took his finger away, she missed his touch. “Lucas, we need to leave now.”

  “Yes, we do.”

  Sophia rose, her heart fluttering. They were going to run off together. All she had to do was sneak into the house, get changed, and pack a few things.

  “We need to leave, but it isn’t how you’re thinking.” The lust faded from his eyes to be replaced with seriousness. “Don’t argue with me, Sophia. This is how I want it to be.”

  He’d make sure her father never hurt her again or treated her less than a lady, Lucas vowed. Finally, she’d get the life she deserved, away from this dirt farm. He unlocked her prison and wondered if he was locking himself in. Or worse. They could make an example out of him. If they wanted to try to curb desertion, they could stand him in front of a firing squad.

  The dark thought hung over his head like a rain cloud. It didn’t matter. Offering himself up for slaughter either for the Yankees or his own men would be worth it to save her. He’d do anything, including die, for her.

  “That house has been like a jail cell for years,” Sophia said, her voice stronger with a sharp edge. “I got used to the hard labor…but being trapped in my room….” She folded into his chest and he wrapped an arm around her, holding her close.

  Kissing her on the temple, he held her tight. “I want to be with you, Sophia. But we can’t be together until after the war.”

  Sophia pulled back and looked into his eyes, her own glassy, on the verge of tears. “Why? I’m sorry I got so upset. I just never expected you had deserted. I guess that was foolish. You were here for four weeks.”

  He ran his fingers through her hair. “Don’t blame yourself. You believed what you wanted to believe. I’m sorry it took me so long to be honest with you.”

  Her calloused hand brushed his cheek and his body thrummed. She’d forgiven him. His chest warmed at the same time his heart ached. Strangely, he felt both happy and upset.

  “I love you, Sophia.” He moved from both knees to one and took her hand in his. “Will you marry me?”

  “Yes.” She smiled through her tears. Her chin quivered and her mouth popped open. “I-I want to lie with you. Tonight.”

  He blinked. Agreeing to get married and being married were two different things. “No. I’ve made one major mistake in my life. I don’t want to make two.”

  “Lying with me would be a mistake?”

  “I didn’t mean it like that,” he said, running his hand up and down her arm, hoping to soothe her raw emotions. “We’ll wait until our wedding night.”

  Sophia stuck out her bottom lip and looked up at him with big eyes.

  She tested his self-control. Damn he wanted her, but he couldn’t. “I’m sorry. But I’m waiting because I love you. And there is something I have to do before we can get married. You see I don’t deserve to marry you yet.”

  Her forehead creased. “What are you talking about?”

  “I have to go back to the army. I’m going to fight until the end of the war.”

  “You are?” She threw her arms around his neck.

  Their wet bodies pressed together. Blood rushed to his cock. If she was this happy, he was resuming his duties as a soldier, he’d be rewarded handsomely when he got home.

  “Can you climb back into your window?”

  Uncertainty flashed in her eyes. “Maybe if you helped me…. I suppose I have to, somehow so Papa doesn’t know I left.”

  “No, honey. We are leaving.”

  “We? I can’t very well enlist and serve in the army with you. And we can’t get married tonight.”

  “I know. You’ll be traveling to Tennessee. You just need to get into some dry, decent clothes first.”

  “And how am I supposed to get those without waking Papa?”

  “Tell me what you need and I’ll climb into your bedroom window, pack a few things, and toss the bag out the window to you.”

  “All right. Wait—if I’m packing that means I’m not coming back.” She froze and he let that realization sink in.

  “Yes.” He took her hand in his, brought it to his lips and kissed her fingers. “That is if you think a home with me would be better.” After the war. Would she wait for him?

  Lucas opened the barn door and saw the rain had stopped. “Come on.” The two of them walked back to the window. Grabbing the rope, he worked hand over hand all way up, his arm muscles flexing. With a few tentative glances at the ground, he scaled the wall and pulled himself into her bedroom.

  Lucas felt odd rifling through her chest of drawers. He pulled out all her extra clothes, which wasn’t much, although he longed to see her in the yellow Sunday dress. The carpetbag stuffed, he descended to the ground.

  Her beauty took Lucas’s breath away. Standing under the eaves, hand on her chest, her dark brown hair still damp. He worked his way down the rope, eager to get back to her.

  “Where are we going?” she asked.

  Using a saw from the barn, he cut a piece of the rope and stuffed it into his coat pocket. Then he hoisted the light carpetbag over his shoulder. “I found a patrol last night. You’re turning me in.”

  Chapter Ten

  Turning him in? “Oh.” She’d been relieved, happy he wanted to return to his regiment. But she hadn’t expected it would happen this way. Why did she have to get involved?

  “Why am I turning you in?”

  “There is a thirty dollar reward for turning in a deserter. I want you to take that money and get as far away from Clark Springs as you can.”

  “And where am I going to go?” She didn’t even have family to beg to take her in. A woman couldn’t fend for herself. So many rough characters were roaming the country thanks to this war. A shiver raced down her spine. “It is hard for a woman alone.”

  “I don’t want you to be alone. You can go to my horse farm.”

  “But I’d be alone all the way there,” she said, not the least bit ashamed by the whine in her voice. Very few situations frightened her. Traveling alone was one of them. It merely invited trouble.

  He patted her cheek. “You can do it, Sophia. It is your chance to get away from Clark Springs, from your father. Start a new life in Franklin.”

  “At your home?” Sophia asked, her voice inching toward a screech. “Won’t people ask a bunch of questions?”

  “You are my fiancée. It is only right for you to go there, and my friends and parents will take care of you.”

  Showing up in a strange town and claiming to be his fiancée without any proof could not be as easy as he made it sound. She didn’t even have a ring.

  “We’ll camp till daylight and then I’ll tell you where to go.”

  Her chest suddenly ached. He was going back to the army for her. Oh Lord, he could be shot again. He could be killed.

  “Why the sour face?” he asked, the lightness in his tone failing to lift her mood.

  “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

  Slapping his healed thigh, he grunted. “Too late for that. I reckon I can last a few months longer. The Yanks don’t aim too well.”

  The lump in her throat made
it difficult to breathe. How could he joke about getting shot? She’d been the one to sew him up. After seeing all the blood, the pain he had been in, why had she pushed him to rejoin the army?

  If he never came back, what was she going to do?

  Intertwining his fingers with hers, he offered her a smile. “You were right, Sophia. I have to go back.”

  “I-I’m not sure I was right.”

  He squeezed her hand. “The patrol would catch up with me sooner or later. You need the reward money to start your new life. It will at least get you to Tennessee.”

  Tears hovered in his eyes. “I might have gotten tired of this war, but know one thing about me, Sophia. I keep my promises. And I promised you I’d get you out of there.”

  She shook her head, but her jumbled thoughts didn’t fall into place.

  “Why do I have to turn you in? Isn’t there some other way to get money?” Had he considered the fact he could be shot?

  “Not that I can think of.”

  “What if you enlisted again? We could get you some civilian clothes and you could enlist under a fake name and—”

  “The Confederate government takes a long time to pay its soldiers. You need the money now.”

  She pressed her lips together, protesting futile. Her options were to either go along with his plan and pray for safety for both of them, or run back home to her papa. It seemed better to take her chances on the road.

  “You’re tired.” He motioned with his head to a thicket of pine trees. “We’ll rest here for the night.”

  The ground was mostly dry under the thick canopy of branches. And Lucas would sleep beside her. She wouldn’t worry about the future until morning.

  Lucas took care to build a small fire, first stripping off the wet bark with his knife. She didn’t think the partially damp wood would catch fire, but it finally did. It provided just enough heat to take the chill out of the air, and hopefully keep him from getting ill since he had no dry clothes to change into.

  He lay next to her, but they did not touch. Likely he didn’t want to get her dry dress wet. Wishing he’d wrap his arm around her, she figured it would be too bold to ask. He kissed her cheek, his warm lips lingering. She sighed and as soon as he began running his fingers through her hair, she felt all the tension leave her body.

  The fire let off some smoke and she wondered if people would come investigate. She did not want the patrol to take him in the middle of the night. She did not want the patrol to take him at all.

  “You dreamed of marrying a soldier,” he whispered in her ear, “and you will.”

  In the fairy tales, Prince Charming never got shot. Prince Charming never got gored with a bayonet. Prince Charming didn’t face cannon fire. This wasn’t a book. This was real life. Lord, she hoped she wasn’t sending him to his death for some silly principle.

  Lucas hated to wake Sophia. She looked like an angel sleeping in the grass, lying on her side, with pine needles for a pillow. No, not an angel, more like a forest nymph. They needed to get moving. It wouldn’t be fair to Sophia if he had to drag her halfway through Georgia searching for this patrol. Without much more delay, the odds were he could still find the patrol camped close to where they were searching last night. If he listened, he’d probably hear them.

  Lucas bent down and shook Sophia’s shoulder. Her eyes fluttered open. “Oh, Lucas, you’re still with me.”

  His lips parted in a smile. “Of course, I’m still with you. Where did you think I’d go?”

  She laughed. “Nowhere. I was just afraid it was all a dream.”

  “No dream,” he said, kissing her lips chastely. “We need to get moving.”

  He helped her to her feet. “I’m sorry you couldn’t rest proper. I promise as soon as we’re married—”

  “Shh. It’s all right,” she said, putting a finger to his lips. “I’m a strong woman. We’ll make it.” Her hand brushed his cheek. “Are you sure there’s no other way?”

  “You’re turning me in and that’s final.” He kept his voice short, brooking no argument. “But first, breakfast.”

  He’d managed to kill a squirrel with a rock. It didn’t provide much meat, but it was better than nothing. Skinning it with his knife, he roasted the small animal over the fire and then handed most of the cooked squirrel to Sophia.

  “That’s more than half,” she protested.

  He laughed. “As much as I hate army cooking I think you’ve probably gone longer without meat than I have.”

  She stared at the squirrel meat, the tangy scent permeating the air. When she finally took a bite, he silently rejoiced. “This is really good.”

  “I’ve had practice roasting squirrels.” He snuck his hand over to her lap. Wiggling closer to him, she rested her head on his shoulder.

  “I hope the war doesn’t last much longer. I can’t wait to see your stables,” Sophia said, her eyes lighting up like stars. “All those pretty horses. All that green land.”

  “The land will be there. I’m not sure about the horses.” His tone was soft and somber. He and his brother had broken most of those horses from their father’s stock. All that hard work taken away by either Union or Confederate soldiers, leaving nothing but hollow memories.

  “Even so. We’ll make a fresh start there.” She petted his arm. “I know all about farming. We can work the land until you have enough money to buy breeding stock.”

  “You’re amazing, you know that, Sophia,” he said. “Nothing seems to rattle you.”

  “Any life with you will be sunshine and roses compared to what I’ve lived through.” The sincerity in her words touched his heart.

  Lucas cupped both of her cheeks and guided her face toward his, claiming her lips. “It won’t always be sunshine and roses, but I’ll do the best I can.”

  “That’s all I want,” Sophia breathed, and kissed him again.

  “For not having much practice kissing, you sure are a fast learner.”

  He lay on his side and she nestled down next to him. Wrapping an arm around her he pulled her closer. They would both rest for two more hours. The dark circles under her eyes showed she needed it, and he wanted to spend every minute with her he could. The heat of her body and the confidence in her voice gave him strength.

  Sophia wrapped her arms around Lucas’s wiry frame. She didn’t want to let him go. Tipping her head back, she looked into his eyes. Briefly she imagined them glassy and unseeing and her chest constricted. “I don’t need the thirty dollars, Lucas. I need you.”

  He offered a weak smile and gently touched her nose with his finger. “You do need the thirty dollars. If you’re still worried about going to my house, then buy a train ticket to somewhere else. Anywhere else, Sophia.”

  Frowning, she heaved a loud sigh. She’d been the one to convince him to rejoin the army and now she was trying to talk him out of it. No wonder men said women could be fickle. Blinking back tears, she managed to reel in her emotions. She ran a hand down the stubble on the side of his cheek, focusing on the roughness. Pain stung her like a swarm of mosquitoes. I will not break down. No. Losing her head would not improve the situation.

  “I will go to your ranch,” she breathed. “Promise to send me letters?”

  “As many as I can.” He kissed her forehead and then dug into his pocket and handed her a crumpled piece of paper.

  She carefully unfolded it and read the note. The brief letter was to his mother and father explaining that she was his fiancée. His mother and father. It hadn’t crossed her mind she’d be meeting his parents alone. Her pulse quickened. She’d never been good with social graces. What would they expect of her? Would they approve?

  Lucas’s large hands clasped around her own. “Don’t think so hard, you’ll make your brain hurt.”

  “My brain already hurts. I don’t know if I can do this. Any of this.”

  “Yes you can,” he said with an encouraging smile. His eyes held the same fire they the night she’d sewn up his wound. “You’re the strongest
woman I know.”

  “Oh, Lucas!” She’d be strong for him. All she wanted to do was break down and bawl like a baby but she wouldn’t. Eyelashes damp, she kissed him, their lips melding together. His hands roamed her back, traveling lower until he grasped her bottom.

  She delighted in the heat searing her there, fanning her desire. Her body soaked in his warmth, and she breathed in his masculine scent, imprinting them in her mind to recall on all those lonely days ahead.

  “I will think about you every day,” she promised.

  “I will think of you, too.” He ran his hand through her locks. “The war will be over soon. I won’t be gone long.”

  The unbearable pain made it impossible to hold back tears. Finally she allowed the floodgates to open.

  He wiped a stray drop off her cheek. “Shh, now.”

  “Come back to me, Lucas.” Her chin quivered.

  He moved toward her mouth and kissed her lips passionately; it would have to last both of them until he returned. “I will be back as soon as the war ends, and we will get married. I promise.”

  Lucas pushed Sophia away. She fought him and his muscles flexed to keep her at arm’s length. “We need to stop. It is time to go.”

  Sophia’s breath stalled, and her body turned stiff.

  Dropping his hands, he looked off to the left.

  “How far do we have to walk?” Her voice was as soft as the breeze.

  “Not far. I think they’re camped over the rise.”

  Not far. Which meant she didn’t have much more time with him. She grabbed for his hand and he took a step back, eluding her grasp.

  “You remember the story you have to tell them?”

  “Yes….” Her voice wobbled. “But it’s all lies.”

  Lucas grunted. “Not lies—half-truths.” He glanced up at the sky. “I’m sure God will forgive you.”

  Sophia laughed—the noise flat, her stomach roiling. She wasn’t worried about displeasing God. Could she tell the story with a straight face? Papa always caught her in a lie.