Down & Dirty: Crow: Dirty Angels MC, book 10

by St. James, Jeanne

  Maybe it wasn’t. Just because everybody else was doing it, didn’t mean he had to follow the crowd. He never was one to do that. He did things on his own timeline, for his own reasons. Having his colors done on his back was a given, though. He didn’t even think twice about it once he found the right slinger to do them.

  “See too many people make the wrong decision when it comes to ink. Only gonna get ink I’ll never regret. Like my colors. When I get a tat, want it to mean something. Refuse to tat myself an’ there ain’t too many ink slingers I’d trust.”

  Her fingers continued on their journey, lazily drawing circles over his stomach. “Who did your back?”

  “A guy at Sturgis. He did a lot of club colors an’ I saw some of his work. Trusted ‘im enough to let ‘im do it.”

  “Would you go back to him if you wanted anything else done?”

  Crow thought about it. “Probably. But like I said, whatever it is gotta mean somethin’ to me. An’ I haven’t been to Sturgis in years.”

  Yep, any tattoos he got had to have meaning. Unlike all the prison ink that Rocky now sported. That got his thoughts back on his meeting with the man that morning. Jazz had mentioned she couldn’t get a hold of him and Crow didn’t want her to think that he would ignore her on purpose. “Was a reason you couldn’t reach me this morning, Kachina.”

  “Why was that?”

  “Had business to take care of.”

  “For the shop?”

  “Past business. Went to Greene.”

  She didn’t say anything for the longest moment. “The prison? Why?” She began to lift her head, but he wrapped his hand around the back of it and held her there. Her warm breath washed over his skin.

  He wasn’t sure if he should tell her all the details, in fact, he knew he shouldn’t. Not the brutal ones.

  “To see Rocky. You comin’ home made me realize a few things. Made me realize I’ve been avoidin’ somethin’ my whole life. Hidin’ from it. Saw you doin’ the same, figured I needed to face that shit head-on. Hear it, deal with it, move the fuck on.”

  This time he didn’t fight it when she lifted her head. She shifted again, sliding over him until she laid across his chest, staring up at him. While he liked her face tucked against his neck, he liked her weight on him, too. Plus, he could explore the smooth skin of her back easier that way.

  “What did you find out?”

  “Found out my father was a coward.”

  She blinked wide eyes at him. “I don’t understand. You went to the prison to find out if your father was a coward?”

  “Went to hear what happened to my parents. The truth. All of it.”

  “I know they were murdered.”

  Of course she knew that, like everyone else did. But he had also told her that all those years ago when she “interviewed” him for one of her college courses. At that time, he simply said they were killed by Warriors and left it at that.

  She continued, “But how does that make him a coward? Wasn’t he one of the victims?

  “Yeah, baby, he was a victim. But that’s not the point.”

  Her brows lowered. “I’m still not understanding how a victim could be a coward. Wouldn’t that make me a coward?”

  Shit. He didn’t need her to think that. Not at all.

  He grabbed her chin and lifted her face to his. “No, Kachina, you were not a fuckin’ coward, you were brave. You were a survivor. Are a survivor. Coyote was a fuckin’ coward because he didn’t fight to save my mother.”

  Her eyes widened again and she whispered, “How do you know he didn’t fight?”

  “Because, baby, if he did, he woulda either saved his woman or died first.”

  “But—”

  There was no argument about it. What he said was one hundred percent true. “No fuckin’ way could I sit there an’ watch my woman go through what my mother did. She suffered, Kachina, she suffered bad. I’d die doin’ whatever I could to save her. That’s why Coyote was a coward. You die protectin’ the people you love.”

  “Sacrifice,” she whispered, snuggling back against him.

  “Always.”

  “Loyalty,” she murmured, suddenly sounding half-asleep.

  “Always.”

  “Family.”

  Family.

  As he heard her breathing slow, his thoughts went to the house next door.

  His father wasn’t the only spineless one that day. So was Slade’s. Because what kind of fucking man did that to a helpless woman?

  So, he and Slade had something in common.

  Since Jazz was snoring softly once more, there wasn’t a better time to slip out of bed and go have a conversation with Diamond’s ol’ man.

  * * *

  The porch light lit up, blinding Crow for a second before the door swung open.

  Slade stared at him from in the doorway, his jaw set, his eyes hard. “Diamond ain’t here.”

  “Ain’t lookin’ for Diamond.”

  “Well, that’s a fuckin’ first. Love to paw my ol’ lady. Must get off on feelin’ her up.”

  Crow set his own jaw. Slade was sporting for a fight and Crow wasn’t going to give it to him. “Whether you fuckin’ believe it or not, I’m happy for her. Fuckin’ happy she found someone who’s right for her. It wasn’t me. Never was, never wanted it to be. Gotta admit we’re close, yeah. Been close for a long fuckin’ time. Longer than you’ve been existin’ in this club, in her life. So get the fuck over it.” Crow shrugged. “Or don’t. Don’t give a shit.”

  Slade shook his head then pinned his narrowed eyes on him. “Why? Why her?”

  If he was in Slade’s shoes, he’d probably have a problem with another man touching his woman. Even innocently enough. So Crow figured Slade needed an explanation on why he was so drawn to Diamond. “Truth? Knew somethin’ ate at her. Never knew what. Just knew she didn’t wanna hang at the club or be a part of the pig roasts. Didn’t know why. Especially when she loved being DAMC. But being part of the club means being part of the shit that goes along with it. Like the parties. Bella, I understood why. Diamond, I didn’t. She was a part of the family but stayed distant. Maybe she didn’t know she was doin’ it. Maybe she did it on purpose. Either way, don’t blame her one bit. What fuckin’ Pierce did—”

  “Don’t!” Slade barked as he lifted his palm up to stop what Crow was going to say next.

  He respected that. He didn’t want to bring that shit up, either. “Know you guys went through some hard shit ‘cause of that. It sucks, but you both came through it. Shows just how strong the two of you are. Now you’re bringin’ new life into this club, into your relationship. It’s gonna be good.”

  “Don’t need you to tell me that, oh wise one.” With a scowl, Slade crossed his arms over his chest.

  A chest that had been built and honed even more since opening the gym he and Diamond ran. Crow didn’t need to get into a fight with him. He’d fucking lose for sure.

  So instead, Crow flattened his lips, took a calming breath through his nose and continued, “Let me fuckin’ get somethin’ straight. I see how fuckin’ good you are for Diamond. Fuckin’ see it. Ain’t ever gonna fuck that up for the two of you, no matter what you think. Want her to be happy; want her to love her life. She got there ‘cause of you. I see that. Everybody else sees it, too. She wasn’t happy for a long fuckin’ time. Now we all know why. Can’t change history but can change the future.”

  Slade didn’t say anything. His tight, closed-off body said it all.

  “An’ I’m here to talk to you ‘cause of both history an’ the future. Need to get some shit out on the table.”

  Slade watched him cautiously. “What shit?”

  “You know what shit. Shit you an’ she’s been keepin’ from me. Shit you both know.”

  Slade’s eyebrows dropped low. “You didn’t know?”

  “Didn’t wanna know. Like Diamond, kept shit buried, didn’t wanna bring it to the surface.”

  “Why now?”

  “Got a g
ood woman in my house. Got a woman who needs to bury the past, too. Look to the future. If I wasn’t willin’ to do it, how the hell am I supposed to help her?”

  “Jazz,” he murmured, dropping his defensive stance.

  Crow let himself relax, too. “Yeah.”

  Slade nodded. “You serious ‘bout her?”

  “Wanna help her. After that?” Crow shrugged. “Don’t know. She’s young. I’m fuckin’ old an’ set in my ways. Wanna help her move forward but don’t wanna hold ‘er back.”

  Slade snorted. “You think you’ll hold her back ‘cause you’re forty an’ she ain’t? That sounds like a fuckin’ bullshit excuse, brother.”

  Whether it was or wasn’t, it was still true. “Maybe.”

  “No fuckin’ maybes ‘bout it. Look at Diamond an’ me. Our fathers were enemies. Her father killed mine. Mine...” Slade drifted off, pursed his lips and tilted his head. “Yeah, got you. Wasn’t sure if you knew.” He shook his head, then jerked his chin, indicating Crow should come inside before turning to walk deeper into the house. Crow followed him down the hallway toward the kitchen while Slade murmured, “Sins of the father...”

  In the kitchen, Slade stopped in front of the refrigerator, opened it, grabbed two beers and offered one to Crow.

  He didn’t really want a beer, he wanted to get back to the woman waiting in his bed. He wanted to make sure she ate a good meal. But he also didn’t want to pass up this opportunity to smooth shit out with Slade. They were brothers, neighbors and he was Diamond’s ol’ man. Crow didn’t want tension between them, so he accepted the beer and twisted off the cap.

  “His shit ain’t your shit, Slade. Just like your ol’ lady ain’t Rocky, you ain’t Buzz. Wasn’t you who was in that room. It wasn’t you who—”

  Slade’s grunt cut him off. “Yeah.” He took a swallow of his beer, then turned to face Crow. “Yeah. But that fucker’s blood runs through my veins.”

  And Coyote’s runs through mine. “Don’t matter. Ain’t you.”

  “What he did to your ma. Your pop.” Slade dropped his head, shook it again and planted his hand on his hip.

  “Yeah,” Crow murmured as he raised the beer to his lips.

  “Glad I never knew ‘im.”

  “Yeah,” Crow repeated because he wasn’t sure what to say to that. It had to be difficult to know your father did some violent, foul shit to people who didn’t deserve it.

  It was also tough to learn that your own father didn’t do everything in his power to save your mother. He should have died trying.

  “Keeps me up sometimes, worried I’ll turn into him.”

  “That won’t happen.”

  Slade’s eyes slid to the side and he blew out a breath. “Did some awful shit in the service.”

  Slade never once mentioned his stint in the Marines. He always avoided it, even with Diamond, so Crow was surprised he was bringing it up.

  “Look back at some of that shit an’ see the possibilities of it bein’ genetic. That fuckin’ evilness. That cold-hearted...”

  Killer, Crow finished in his head. He was sure Slade did some ugly shit while serving overseas. Shit he wasn’t proud of. Things he had a hard time living with.

  But that was in the past. He now had a good future. He was finally settled where he belonged.

  “Need to push that shit outta your head, brother. Got a good woman who loves you. Live your life for her. For your son. Do your best for them. Future, remember? Not the past. Fuckin’ can’t control the past. Don’t let that shit stop you from bein’ the best fuckin’ father you can be. Best ol’ man you can be. You saved Diamond. You fuckin’ saved her an’ I’m grateful for that. I tried, but it was you.”

  Slade nodded then lifted his beer to his lips, draining the rest of it in one swallow.

  “Got a successful business. You’re an asset to the club. Got a great house. An’ fuckin’ best of all, you got a great motherfuckin’ neighbor.”

  With a grin, Slade tossed his empty bottle into the trash can. “Yeah, had me worried when you moved next door. Was figurin’ I was gonna come home to find you bangin’ my ol’ lady in my own fuckin’ bed. An’ that’s the truth.”

  “Never touched her. Wouldn’t disrespect one of my brothers like that, either.”

  “You touch ‘er,” Slade muttered.

  “Not in that way.”

  “Right.”

  “Ain’t gonna promise not to touch her, especially when she’s carryin’ the future. The second she tells me no, I’ll respect that.”

  “I’ve told you no.”

  “Right. Diamond’s her own woman an’ makes her own decisions. But you want me to stop, I’ll stop, brother.” It would be a great loss for him not feeling that life growing inside of her, but he’d do it. If only to keep the peace.

  Slade didn’t say anything for a while, only stared out of the window over the sink. “Right an’ when she asks why shit with you has changed, she’s gonna make my life hell.”

  Crow chuckled. “Know it. So pick your fuckin’ poison. Happy wife, happy life.”

  “Ain’t my wife.”

  “Same shit.”

  Slade glanced over his shoulder at Crow. “Need to make her my wife. Got a kid on the way. It’d be smart.”

  Crow shrugged. “She knows you love ‘er. Knows you’re loyal. A ring ain’t gonna make a difference.”

  “Yeah,” he grunted, then turned to lean back against the sink, crossing his arms over his bulging chest once more. “So you came over here to settle shit. But not ‘bout Diamond, ‘bout my sperm donor.”

  “Yeah, been thinkin’ ‘bout it since I visited with Rocky this mornin’. Jesus, hard not to think ‘bout it. Didn’t want you to think I’d hold it against you. Like I said, you ain’t your pop. Will never be your pop. You’re family, brother. An’ that’s the truth. Just wanted to lay it out there. Gonna talk to Diamond, too. Gonna reassure her since your pop’s gonna be her son’s granddaddy by blood. Just wanna make sure there ain’t no misunderstandin’.”

  “’Preciate you comin’ over to talk ‘bout it. Sorry it happened. Sorry it affected all of us.”

  “Gotta only look forward,” Crow reminded him.

  “Yeah, the future. My son... Your godson.”

  Crow suddenly couldn’t breathe as he stood in the middle of the kitchen and stared at Slade. Did he hear that right? It took everything he had to say, “Ain’t blood, brother.” A reminder that if they were looking for someone to fill those shoes, it shouldn’t be him.

  “Don’t matter. Still family.”

  “Diamond okay with that? She got real blood to step in.” He couldn’t imagine that Jag, Jewel or even Ruby would be okay with naming Crow as Diamond’s unborn son’s guardian.

  “She’s the one who mentioned it. Didn’t agree with her at first. Now I do. She’s right.”

  Jesus fuck. “Brother...”

  Slade shook his head. “No, she’s right. She loves her family, loves this club, but she loves you more. That shit fuckin’ bugged me for the longest time. That day I came down the steps at church an’ saw her in your fuckin’ arms...” He shook his head again. “It fuckin’ killed me. Ripped me wide open.”

  “You kicked her from your bed.”

  “Yeah, I did. My mistake.”

  “Wasn’t doin’ nothin’ but soothin’ the sting,” Crow reassured him.

  “Know that now, too.”

  “Worked out.”

  “Yeah, it worked out. Know she loves her family an’ the club, an’ though she still loves you, know I fuckin’ knocked you outta that top spot. That’s my baby in her belly, not yours. That’s my bed she climbs into every night, not yours. And it’s my dick she sits on.”

  Crow pinned his lips together to keep his smile contained. “Glad you finally see that shit clearly.”

  “Didn’t until just right now. So gotta thank you, brother.” Slade pushed off the counter and approached Crow.

  When the man held his hand out, they clasped pal
ms and bumped shoulders. And the tension Crow hadn’t realized he was carrying around for a while disappeared.

  Slade stepped back. “So, you gonna do it?”

  “Be the godfather? I’ll think ‘bout it.”

  “No, you know Diamond won’t take a no on that issue. I’m talkin’ ‘bout helpin’ Jazz out. Showin’ her her future, help get her over her past.”

  “Gonna try my fuckin’ best.”

  “She in your bed?”

  What happened in his bedroom, in his bed, stayed there. He never shared. He never discussed pussy with his brothers. Never saw a need for it. But Jazz wasn’t pussy.

  “Don’t even gotta answer that, brother, can see it in your face.” Slade chuckled, went into the fridge again, pulled out another couple of beers and offered him one.

  Crow shook his head. He needed to get back before Jazz woke up.

  Slade slapped him on the back with a laugh. “Brother, if you could see what I’m seein’ right now, you’d know you’re fucked.”

  That’s what Crow was afraid of.

  “Welcome to the club.”

  Fuck.

  Chapter Twelve

  Jazz sat in the middle of Crow’s bed as naked as the day she was born. She felt no need to hide herself. At least from the man whose bed she was in.

  However, she was sort of covered. By her guitar. Sitting cross-legged, she strummed the strings letting the music not only swirl around her, but fill her. Though that hollow spot she normally filled with music wasn’t so empty anymore.

  Hell no.

  The other night, she had woken up to a dark bedroom and an empty bed. And when Crow returned, she watched him carefully.

  “Where’d you go?” she asked softly, really not expecting him to respond because he didn’t answer to her. In truth, he didn’t answer to anybody. But the house had been dead quiet, so she knew he’d left. She also guessed he went next door.

  Her assumption was confirmed when he stated, “Next door.”

  Jazz had nodded and wasn’t going to ask anything else, but before she could stop it, the jealousy that clawed at her made her say, “To Diamond.” She didn’t ask, she stated it.

  She had thought back on the conversation when he said he’d do whatever he’d have to to protect his woman. Whether she was his ol’ lady or not, he’d probably kill for Diamond.