Outlaw's Vow: Grizzlies MC Romance (Outlaw Love)

by Snow, Nicole

  “Fuck, brother, if I hadn't seen myself naked, I'd think you've got the biggest goddamned balls in the world.” Wheeler slapped my back, pouring the last of our bottle down his throat.

  “Don't thank me 'til we're safe and sound. It's going to take years, a work in progress, and this is just day one.” I held the Scorps cut close, heading back to where we'd left Frig's carcass, ready to toss it over him. “I don't give a shit how long it takes. I'm the man who's going to clear out this club. They'll all die, Wheeler, all the dirty ones. Some day, I'll see Fang killed too, and every other rat bastard who smears his shit on this patch. That's the only way I'll ever feel good bringing Lizzie home.”

  Wheeler didn't speak 'til we'd wrapped up, thrown our charade over Frig's dead face. “Wait, Blackjack, what about your woman? Are you telling me you're not planning to grab her and bring her home? What the hell you planning, brother?”

  I never answered. I'd been doing too much thinking, and I had to act, even when it killed me.

  The easy part was finished. Now, I'd pay a heavier price for my sins, and watch my soul turn pitch black one day at a time.

  V: Twenty Year Winter (Blackjack)

  Back at the hospital in Vegas, Oki's fist cracked across my jaw. I rocked backwards and hit the floor, feeling several teeth loosening. I stumbled, caught myself against the wall, and spat blood on the tile under my boots.

  “This is your fucking fault. You ever come one step closer to my little girl and my grandson again, there'll be a bullet through your head. I'll put it there myself, here in broad daylight, mark my fuckin' words.”

  What the fuck could I say? The bastard was absolutely right.

  I'd failed her. Gotten too greedy, too blind to how screwed up the club had gotten. Yeah, I'd eighty-sixed the man who'd tried to kill her, but the danger hadn't gone anywhere.

  Not as long as dozens of dirty dogs shared my patch. Fuck, not while Fang held the national gavel. He'd be shaken up over his brother, no doubt about it, but he'd find a way to cling to power for God only knew how long.

  We had a mad man at the helm, and that meant he'd wreck our shit, including every innocent life we loved.

  “Look at you,” Oki snarled, eyeballing me as I stood against the wall. “Shit, I met Jap soldiers who had more to say with a gun at their backs. A man talks, admits his fuckin' mistakes. You're just gonna stand there?”

  “I know I fucked up,” I growled. “And I'm sorry, Oki. So fucking sorry, you're getting your biggest wish.”

  His eyes went wide, and he shook his head. “What the fuck are you saying, boy?”

  I slicked back my long black hair, feeling a few stray pebbles from the dustup in the desert slip out. “Finn and Lizzie aren't coming home with me 'til I can promise they're safe. I'm not having their lives hanging over my head, always on the line, ready to get their throats cut because I fucked somebody over who deserved it, or because this club got itself too damned deep in the cesspool.”

  I walked up, well within range of the old man's fists if he wanted to hit me again. Wasn't going to stop him.

  I deserved every fucking blow.

  “Don't be a goddamned martyr,” Oki said. “You're not gonna single-handedly take out the trash and leave this MC squeaky clean. We've got real dark times ahead – all of us – and it's going to last a lot longer than anybody thinks.”

  “Then that's the way it has to be,” I said, staring out the window in the deserted waiting room. Pale Nevada light gave everything a sickly glow.

  “I almost got her killed, old man, and I know it. Lizzie deserves better than that, and so does my son. I'm done putting them through the fucking grinder.”

  “Damned straight,” Oki said. “Don't know how many years I've got left, but I'll take care of her. Finn too. You keep your filthy ass out of Spokane, and I'll do everything I can to keep the riffraff away.”

  Fuck. My heart sank like a stone into my guts. Grim finality set in.

  This shit was really happening.

  The best way to protect my family was to make sure they never saw me. Had to get them far, far away from me and the club.

  I fought the urge to puke right there, so I walked away from Oki instead, heading for Lizzie's room.

  “Hey! Where the fuck you think you're going?”

  I stopped, turned around, and looked him dead in the eye. “She's awake, isn't she?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, finally.”

  “She deserves an explanation.”

  I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth, that was I going to say what promised to be a very fucking long goodbye.

  “Don't upset her, asshole. She's barely coming around after losing half her blood. If I find out you're the reason she's back in a coma, Blackjack, I swear I'll –“

  “Yeah, yeah.” I put my fingers against my head, cocked my thumb like a trigger, and growled. “Trust me, old man, I'll get on my knees and suck your dick while you blow my brains out if I make her pass out. Promise.”

  Before he could say anything else, I marched down the hall and headed for her room. Oh, I'd be doing some damage, all right. But I'd be doing less than I would by hanging around, making promises I couldn't keep, turning my wife and son into easy targets when I finally got on Fang's bad side.

  I had to do this. No excuses, no delays, no looking back.

  * * * *

  “Babe...” I took her hand and brought it to my lips, feeling the strange coolness on her skin left by losing so much blood.

  Even there in bed, with her long red hair messed up and wearing a baby blue gown, she looked like an angel. Lizzie smiled when I kissed her, bathing me in those green eyes I was about to have ripped away.

  “Sam...I thought you'd never come.”

  “I'm here now, Lizzie. You're alive and breathing. That's all that matters, isn't it?”

  Yeah, everything except the fact that I'm about to rip both our poor fucking hearts out and throw them on the floor, I thought, trying my best to enjoy the moment.

  I held her quietly, leaning in so she could kiss me. Those sweet, sweet lips...fuck.

  Didn't have a clue how long it'd be before I tasted them again. A couple years if I got really lucky, about what I expected to torch the cancer beginning to gnaw away at the Grizzlies MC from the inside out.

  “How the fuck do you kiss like that after you just escaped the reaper?”

  She smiled, winked at me. “You're a little more handsome than the angel of death. I decided to stay.”

  “I love you, Firecracker.” I held her, kissed her forehead, and tried to savor the moment as long as I could.

  Too fucking long. Time to get on with it.

  “Listen, I've got some shit to say, but before I do, never forget how much I love you.” Her smile softened, worry clouding her beautiful eyes. “Love you, babe. I always will, 'til I draw my last breath, even if you want to throw me straight down to hell and scratch my fucking eyes out.”

  “What's going on?” She sat up, wincing when her weight shifted a little to the bad shoulder. “Oh, Jesus, it's not Finn, is it?”

  I shook my head, grabbed both her hands, and pulled them to my chest. “Hell no. If anything happened to our son, that's the first thing you'd know about, babe.”

  “I don't understand,” she whispered. “You look terrible. I don't like it. What's got you staring at me like...like you're about to hurt me.”

  Shit. Having a dagger tearing through my ribs wouldn't have been half as painful as this stone cold agony. The longer I looked at the tension creeping up around her eyes, the more I wanted to gouge out mine, blind myself so I wouldn't have to see the sadness on her sweet face ever again.

  No more bullshit. Pain time. I had to do what I'd come to do, take a bullet for her and Finn that would take them years to comprehend.

  “Fuck it, I'd might as well spit it out. There's no easy way to say this, babe.” I paused, looked her dead in the eye, and let the hammer fall. “I'm going away for awhile. A long time.”

/>   “Away?”

  “Truth be told, you and Finn are the ones leaving California. I already talked to Oki, and he's taking you home to Spokane 'til I can sort out some nasty club business down here.”

  “What? You walk in here acting like everything's okay, only to drop this bomb?” Tears filled her eyes, and I saw a lump slide down her throat. “How long? Are we in danger?”

  “Fuck, no. I already saw to that by killing the motherfucker who let you and Julie get run off the road.” I stepped back and pushed my hand through the air, smooth as silk. “It's this club as a whole that won't be safe for a long time. Don't know how much longer I can pretend I don't see it, and when I can't pretend anymore, Fang's coming for me. The Prez'll fucking destroy anything in his path if it means smashing my guts like a fucking gnat. I'm not keeping you and Finn at his mercy, let alone any of the other venom he'll invite in, long as he's leading us.”

  “Goddamn it, Blackjack.” She turned away from me, pushing a desperate palm over her head, through her sexy red hair.

  My hand fell on her shoulder and squeezed. She wouldn't look at me 'til I rubbed that spot on her neck she loved, the one with all her heat, the target and I'd teased, kissed, and sucked a thousand times.

  “It doesn't have to go this way. Leave the club,” she said, pouring those bright green eyes straight through me. “It's not too late to get out, especially if daddy helps you. We can leave the country. I'll go anywhere, put up with anything, just as long as we're together!”

  Wish I'd brought earplugs, as big an asshole as that would make me. I had to turn away, if only to hide the sickness in my eyes, the soul killing poison ripping through my system right about now.

  “Sam – please!”

  I had to face her again, folding my arms across my chest. “Not an option, babe. I told you before, I have to keep you safe. I swore an oath to this club, too. Can't just leave it, hang up these colors, and run like a fucking coward. I'm not going to leave Wheeler and the other good brothers to fight on their own. They deserve better, and so does everybody under this patch.”

  “So that's it, then? You're putting your oath to the club over our wedding vows?”

  More questions. Accusations that sparked an inferno in my blood. I held my lava in, letting it melt my veins and blacken my heart.

  “You know that's bullshit,” I growled. “I'm not going to shake you 'til you believe it, seeing what you've been through.”

  “You're leaving Finn. Hell, leaving me to do it all alone, struggling to bring up our son when he needs a father.”

  I finally understood what it was like to get eviscerated. My knees burned, and I could practically feel my guts swinging, sliding to the floor, my whole fucking life slipping away from the sword she'd just pressed in deep.

  I could've said a million things. Could've told her I'd be back as soon as I could, sworn it. I could've told her Finn had Oki, a good man who'd bring him up right, but it didn't change the fact that gramps wasn't his father.

  I could've stood there like a fucking tool, telling her I'd send love and money, every fucking dime I earned. All my grand plans about murdering Fang and purifying the Grizzlies MC died like leaves stuffed down my throat when I thought about speaking them aloud.

  The girl was right, smart as the day I'd claimed her. I was full of shit, nothing but excuses.

  Too bad seeing right through them wasn't stopping me from walking out. I'd wracked my brain, burned through a hundred backup plans and a thousand alternatives, and the only one that ended with me doing right by my blood and my patch started with me walking the fuck out.

  I turned my back, feeling hot tears stabbing at my eyes.

  “I hate you!” she screamed. I heard something scrape off the little nightstand at her side.

  I started moving, heading for the door. Totally ignored the skinny glass flower vase sailing over my head just a second later. It shattered like a bomb, spitting tiny shards everywhere.

  She wasn't done yet. Fuck no. If I could've traded the sharp glass crunching under my boot for the next words out of her mouth, I'd have taken that bargain over and over.

  “Fuck you, Sam! Fuck you. Get out! Don't come to me again, no matter what happens with you and the stupid, screwed up club. I'm never going to forgive you for this – never.”

  I walked, headed down the hall to her wailing, without turning back.

  Never. Never. Never. I heard that last hellish word over and over again in my brain.

  You don't need to forgive me, babe. I need you and Finn alive, even if you hate my twisted ass forever.

  I'm sorry, Finn. I'm sorry, Lizzie.

  I'm so fucking sorry.

  * * * *

  I lived in hell for twenty damned years.

  If only all those preachers had told me hell meant silence, isolation, death.

  Fang got his claws in deep. His power grew, corrupting the club, putting dirty assholes in all the right places, men without morals or club honor who'd support him 'til the bitter end.

  Asshole never figured out what really happened to his brother, but it took me nearly two fucking decades to hatch a plan to kill him.

  Just a couple years later, and I wore the Enforcer patch, taking the spot of his dead brother. I buried myself in work, doing every nasty deed I had to for the club, watching as good men fell.

  We made money – a lot of fucking money. I sent it home to Spokane every month, emptying my account, always leaving Lizzie the same instructions about how to launder it so she wouldn't get fucked.

  She never answered, holding to her promise. The only shit I ever got came from Okie, older and a little more senile, telling me to fuck off while he sent me pics of my kid.

  I took a good, long look at Finn. He turned taller, older, handsomer, and stronger with each passing year. He grew up in still, faded images I burned every time after taking a good, long look.

  Couldn't let anybody in this club know what he looked like, or even that he was still alive.

  Assholes came and went like a revolving door. Fang forgot all about my family, thank Christ, and Wheeler hit the bottle.

  I joined him, drinking out my woes, ignoring the boozing and whoring he started to do, fucking around on Julie. He was sorry by the end, of course, shortly before our final reckoning with the Scorps MC.

  Another bad deal of Fang's killed my best friend. I started watching over Julie and Travis the same way I did my own kin. She got older, aged like a widow does. The kid grew up, eventually took the patch, called himself Roman. I remembered that name, knew I'd probably have him by my side someday, when I made good on my promise to purify this MC.

  I spent at least a thousand nights listening to brothers drinking, drugging, fucking themselves stupid with faceless whores. My dick got to know my fucking hand so well I could barely tell them apart.

  I rode out into the wilderness and screamed 'til my throat was raw, promising myself I wouldn't betray her, even if I never got pussy again.

  Another blink of my eyes, and the Scorps were just a memory. So was peace.

  We fought clubs in Sturgis, several kinds of mafias, any little shit who had the balls to step onto our territory. The Prairie Devils, the Raging Skulls, the Slingers, the Deads, all of them wanted a piece of us, so we chewed them up and shat them right back out whenever they came too far West for their own good.

  Threats changed. Fang got cockier, greedier, uglier. He smiled at men with that crooked fucking tooth while he held his dagger behind him, taking out anybody who got in his way. He did more dirty deals. More men died, good and evil, 'til it was hard as hell to tell them apart.

  Finn hit his teens and wrote his old man, told me he'd gotten his address off his ma, the only time she'd said my name. He told me Oki died, and that he had a few more years of high school before he joined the Navy, fulfilling his promise to gramps that he'd become a Navy SEAL.

  I smiled when I burned his letters, knowing my son wouldn't come anywhere near the club.

  Foun
d out where Oki got buried. I spoke to a few guys in Spokane I was still on good terms with, and had them put up an extra marker next to Oki's grave, special insurance to make damned sure my family stayed safe, no matter what happened.

  I bought them fancy new names.

  The cartel wars kicked up, and we had far more to worry about than the shit inside the club. Threw everything I had at the Mexicans and then some, stacking up my sins higher than I piled up bodies.

  Finn wrote me a lot, especially when he joined Uncle Sam. Basic training turned into hell for him in Afghanistan, and then I heard all about BUD/S. We talked several Christmases over the phone, always cut short when I asked about Lizzie.

  He told me how much his ma still hated me.

  Fuck.

  I made a couple trips to Spokane and stopped just short of barging in on her, talking to the angel over her fake grave instead, standing over Oki's bones.

  Roman went away to jail. New boys joined the crew. Sacramento fell to the cartel, and mother charter moved to Redding. We put our war with the Devils on hold after they beat us stupid, drove us away from Montana.

  Brass, Rabid, Asphalt, Stryker. They helped me rig this MC with dynamite, blow it the fuck up, and put it back together again in my image.

  I saw my opening, seized it by the balls, killing the asshole who'd caused all this grief with a few good men. Fang died, and I dreamed of him roasting in hell.

  I traded my Enforcer patch for PRESIDENT. The Devils become brothers instead of rivals.

  Roman got out of jail and found out he had a bride and kid waiting. Brass and Rabid got their girls. Asphalt fell to cupid's blow, swerving through the same club politics I'd suffered.

  His happy ending came a whole lot sooner, thank fuck.

  More cleanup. More romance. More blood spilled for the club, and this time it meant something. More weddings, more brands, more babies being born.

  My hair turned from charcoal to ash, and old age pounced, beat me with a fucking stick. Everything took real effort now, especially since I'd taken that bullet near the hip – riding, wheeling, dealing, sometimes just holding the gavel.