Stitched Up Heart (Combat Hearts Book 1)

by Tarina Deaton

  She stilled, and he rushed on. “It’s not a bad thing. Or, it shouldn’t be a bad thing. But my guilt wouldn’t let me see that. I saw it as a betrayal to Tony that I didn’t remember. That I was so happy I’d forget for even a moment he wasn’t here to be happy, too. I knew if you stayed last night, I’d forget again, so I lashed out.

  “Watching you walk out was a thousand times worse than finding Tony. The thought of not having you in my life shredded me. It ripped apart all the pieces you’d stitched back together without even knowing it. I love you, Bree. I can’t lose you too. It would destroy my world.”

  Her body rocked with the force of her sobs. “Bree, shh. Please don’t cry. Darlin’, you’re killing me.”

  She turned suddenly and dislodged Polly. She buried her face below his chin and fisted her hands in his shirt. It took only seconds for her tears to soak his shirt. His hands rubbed her back and hair as he tried to calm her. He peppered small kisses along her forehead and cheek. She turned her head and his mouth found hers. He tasted the saltiness of her tears on her lips and pulled back to look at her. Brushing her hair away from her face, he looked into her swollen blue eyes and hated himself just a little bit more.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “Don’t. You have nothing to apologize for.”

  “I’m sorry you lost your best friend.”

  “Me too. He would have liked you.”

  “I’m sorry you went through that.”

  “Me too. I miss him. I hate myself for not being there for him.”

  More tears welled in her eyes. One fist unclenched and she rested it on his face, fingers brushing the raw spot on his cheek. Her eyes searched his. “I love you. I’m still scared shitless. You have unimaginable power to hurt me.”

  “I promise, Bree. I promise I will do everything I can to never make you feel this way again.”

  She nodded and took a deep breath. He kissed her softly. Her mouth opened and her tongue flicked at his bottom lip. He parted his lips and her tongue swept in. He kept the kiss gentle. Languid. A balm for them both. She pulled back, her expression unreadable.

  “What is it?” he asked.

  “I need to blow my nose.”

  He smiled and unwrapped his arms.

  Ugh, that’s gross.

  She threw the wad of tissues in the trash and blew her nose again before splashing water on her face. There was no hiding her puffy eyes and splotchy face. She just wasn’t one of those women who was a pretty crier. Leaving the bathroom, she heard Jase’s voice in the living room. And Denise’s.

  Oh, jeez.

  The thick carpet was soft as she walked down the short hall. Denise leaned against the kitchen counter, arms crossed, and stared down Jase who sat at the kitchen table with Gran. She met Bree at the island and hugged her hard.

  “I brought a shovel,” she said, loud enough for Jase to hear.

  Bree laughed into Denise’s shoulder, riding that fine line of emotional hysteria. She didn’t know if she could take anymore today. She was just too raw after being numb for so long.

  “You good?” Denise asked.

  “Yeah.” No.

  The wall she’d so carefully constructed around herself lay in rubble. Jase had crashed through it with the force of a bulldozer. Her heart ached. For Jase and Ms. Carol. For Tony. For everything she’d had to feel in the last day.

  “You lying?”

  “A little bit. But I’ll be okay.”

  “I figured that out when I didn’t see any blood stains on the carpet.”

  She huffed. “Like Gran would let me get blood on the carpet.”

  “I have a large tarp in the shed,” Gran said.

  Bree broke the hug. Jase was a little wide-eyed, finding himself in a room of women calmly discussing the disposal of his body. “You’re fine,” she told him. “They’re kidding. Kind of.”

  She looked at Denise. “How long have you been here?”

  “Not long. About fifteen minutes or so.”

  In a low voice, Bree asked, “Can I get you to leave again so we can finish talking?”

  “Denise, why don’t you walk down to the coffee shop with me?” Gran must have heard her. Or knew her well enough to understand she needed a few more minutes.

  “Sure. I could use some caffeine.” Denise rubbed her hand over Bree’s arm before following Gran out the door.

  Jase stood and gathered Bree close. She wrapped her arms around his waist, her head rested on his chest while the steady beat of his heart thumped under her ear.

  “Are we okay?” His voice rumbled in his chest, sending shivers through her.

  “We will be. I just need some time.”

  “Bree. Don’t compartmentalize me.”

  She held herself still, unblinking. That was exactly what she would end up doing. Dealing with the pain meant tucking it away in places she didn’t have to visit. It was the only way she knew how to deal with the emotions raging through her. “I need a day or two to process everything I’m feeling right now.”

  One of Jase’s hands left her back and rested on the side of her face. He tipped her head back, forcing her to look at him.

  “Go out with me.”

  “What?” Her brow furrowed.

  “On a date. I’ll give you your day, but you have to go to dinner with me tomorrow.”

  “You’re asking me out on a date? Isn’t that kind of backward?”

  He grinned. “We didn’t really do this the normal way. And I want to see you in a dress.”

  Could they do normal? It felt like a step back. They’d said they loved each other, and now he was asking her out.

  “Don’t overthink it. It’s my way of giving you space without giving you a chance to shut me out.”

  She dropped her gaze to his chest. He was being his usual overbearing self, but he was also right. Left to her own devices, she would find a way to distance herself in an effort to manage everything she was feeling. Still gazing at his chest, she nodded. “Okay.”

  “Okay?”

  She met his gaze and smiled. “Okay, I’ll go out with you.”

  His smile was wide and unreserved. He framed her face with his hands and kissed her. Closed mouth, sweet, and chaste. Yet carnal desire still raced through her veins. She parted her lips to deepen the kiss, but he pulled away.

  His thumb brushed over the arch of her eyebrows. “If I kiss you like I want to, I won’t leave, and it might be a little awkward when your gran and Denise come back.”

  That should have banked her desire like a bucket of water on a fire, but it didn’t. Even with the turmoil storming in her heart and mind, her body wanted him. Her physical response contradicted her earlier words.

  “Stop looking at me like that while I’m trying to do the right thing,” he said. “Six-thirty tomorrow work for you?”

  “It should. I’m not sure when my last appointment of the day is. If it’s later in the afternoon, I’ll let you know.”

  “Call me tonight before you go to sleep.” He kissed her forehead, then the corner of her eye. The soft and tender way he held her saved him from being told he was bossy.

  “Okay.”

  “Okay.” Another chaste kiss. He stepped away from her and strode across the room. Opening the door, he looked back over his shoulder and winked.

  Bree pulled a glass from the cabinet and poured water from the filter pitcher on the counter. The water soothed her throat, swollen from crying. I need a beer. A couple of shots wouldn’t hurt, but Gran kept only wine in the house. Gran and Denise returned, carrying to-go cups of coffee.

  “Where’s Jase?” Gran asked.

  “He left.” Bree took the cup Denise held out to her.

  “He what?” Anger laced Denise’s voice. “I though you said everything was alright.”

  “It is. I told him I needed a little bit of time.”

  “And he agreed?” Denise’s eyes narrowed.

  “Kind of. He said he’d give me a day, but only if I’d go out w
ith him.”

  “What? Like, on a date, go out?”

  Bree let out a small laugh. “Yeah, like on a date.”

  “Huh.” Denise crossed the small kitchen and flopped down onto one of the recliners in the living room. “Told you he wouldn’t let you go very far.”

  Bree rolled her eyes at Denise. Gran took her shoulders in gentle hands. She searched Bree’s face, and a soft hand tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

  Bree swallowed hard. She’d never been comfortable talking to Gran about her lingering issues. She didn’t want to burden her with the pain, the nightmares, or the guilt. But if she was going to stop compartmentalizing things, maybe she should start with the person who loved her most.

  “Let’s sit.” Bree sat on the end of the couch and curled her legs under her. She took a sip of the coffee, flicking at a drop of foam on the lid. Polly climbed on the couch and curled up next to Bree.

  “Jase’s best friend, Tony, committed suicide a few years ago. Jase blames himself.”

  “Why?” Gran asked.

  “The night Tony killed himself, he had called Jase, and Jase ignored the call. Jase found Tony the next day.” She glanced at Denise, who averted her gaze.

  “Well now I wish I had given him a hug,” Gran said. “He must feel so guilty.”

  “He does. This year was really bad.”

  “Why?” Denise asked.

  “He forgot. Because of me.”

  “What the fuck?”

  “Denise. Language,” Gran admonished. “Why does he blame you, dear?”

  “He doesn’t really blame me. He’s happy. Because of me. But that makes him feel even more guilty.”

  “What happened last night?” Denise asked.

  She rubbed Polly’s ear, who licked the inside of Bree’s upper arm. “Quit licking.” She pushed Polly’s muzzle down and wiped her arm against her shirt. “I went by his house after talking to Ms. Carol.”

  “Who’s Ms. Carol?” Gran asked.

  “Tony’s mom. She’s also Jase’s receptionist.”

  Gran nodded.

  “I went by his house, and he was drunk. Said I wouldn’t understand what he was going through and told me to leave.”

  “What did you do?” Denise asked.

  Bree gave her a baleful stare. “I lost my shit. Then I came here.” Gran let that one go.

  Denise assessed her. “How’re you really doing?”

  “I’m raw.” Bree shrugged. “More emotional than I like to be.”

  Gran rose from her chair and sat on the other side of Polly. Bree put her feet on the ground and Gran leaned in as close as she could, clasping Bree’s hands between hers. She stared at their hands before looking at Bree. “You remind me so much of your grandfather. When he came back from the war, he was different. Back then it was called shell-shocked. He’d retreat to his office for days, working on ideas. I worried for years. In much the same way, I worry about you.”

  Bree dropped her head on her Gran’s shoulder, tears welling up in her eyes again. Polly licked at the underside of her chin. Gran’s simple, unfailing love washed over her. “You don’t need to worry about me, Gran.”

  Grans cool hand, smelling faintly of her citrus lotion, rested on Bree’s cheek. “I will always worry about you, my darling girl. No matter what.” She kissed her forehead and rose from the couch. “Just promise me you’re talking to someone.” She looked between Bree and Denise.

  “I am. I promise.”

  “Denise?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  She nodded. “I’m going to Bingo. They’re giving away an e-reader tonight. Are you girls staying for dinner?”

  “I’m going over to Sarah’s,” Denise said.

  Bree tilted her head back. “I’m going home.”

  “Alright. Make time next week to come for dinner. Bring Sarah and the kids.” Gran leaned down and kissed Denise on the cheek. A few, short steps took her to Bree, and she repeated the gesture. “I love you girls. Lock up behind you.”

  “Love you too, Gran,” Bree said. She and Denise stared at each other for a few beats.

  “The truth?” Denise asked after Gran had closed the door behind her.

  “I’ve had better days.”

  Denise inhaled deeply. “You going to call Dr. Tailor?”

  “I called this morning. She had an opening next week. You?”

  Denise nodded. “Tomorrow. With everything going on with Sarah, I need to talk to her.” She stood and scratched Polly behind the ears. “I’m going to head out. Are we still on for this weekend?”

  “As far as I know. I’ll check tonight when I talk to Jase.”

  “Let me know.”

  “Will do.”

  “Good morning, Dr. Marks.”

  “Morning, Cindy.” Bree set her bag on the floor by her desk and sat down.

  “Are you feeling better? You don’t call in sick very often.”

  Bree finished logging on to her computer and swiveled her chair to face Cindy who was standing just inside the door of her office.

  “I am, thank you. I think it was one of those twenty-four hour bugs.” She didn’t feel great about lying but I needed to recover from an emotional breakdown probably wasn’t the best reason to call in sick. “Were you able to reschedule everyone from yesterday?”

  “I was able to fit most of them in next week, but I had to add a couple of time slots to your schedule.”

  “Morning or afternoon?”

  “Both.” Cindy’s face twisted in apology.

  Bree clicked through her schedule and noted where Cindy had added the appointments. She was going to have some long days next week. The only other option was to cancel her day off on Friday and skip the camping trip. Not an option. Jase had been relieved she still wanted to go, and she didn’t want to disappoint him by cancelling now.

  She turned back to Cindy. “That’s fine. Can you keep a list handy of everyone you had to reschedule? If someone calls to cancel, go down the list and offer the spot to them first.”

  “I already made the list.”

  “You’re the best, thank you.”

  “Of course. Are you sure you’re feeling better? You don’t really look a hundred percent.”

  Nothing like being told she looked like crap. “I’m fine. I promise.”

  The doorbell rang just as she reached for the shower knob.

  Of course.

  She wrapped her well-worn flannel robe around her and tied the belt tight. The peephole revealed a young man holding an arrangement of flowers.

  She unlocked the bolt and cracked the door. “Can I help you?”

  “Hi.” He checked the form on the clipboard he held. “Brianna Marks?”

  “Yes.”

  “These are for you.” He raised and lowered the vase, an abundant bouquet spilling over with white and yellow day-lilies, interspersed with large red and pink stargazer lilies.

  Surprised, she opened the door fully. She’d never had flowers delivered before. “Thank you.”

  “Can I get you to sign the form?”

  “Of course.” She took the clipboard and pen, scrawling her signature where he indicated.

  He took the clipboard and handed her the vase of flowers. “Have a good day.”

  “Thanks. You too.” She closed the door and turned the deadbolt while she searched for a card. The small white envelope sat tucked under a large red petal.

  Blank. Huh.

  The waxy petals were smooth under her fingers. Flowers. Just because. Her cheeks hurt from the wide smile she couldn’t hold back. After centering the vase on the dining room table, she danced down the hall to her room. She had a date to get ready for.

  The doorbell chimed, and a dog barked on the other side of the door. Charlie, probably. He’d noticed Polly wasn’t much of a barker.

  Jase smoothed his hand down the front of his tie, trying to settle the nervousness trembling under his skin. The last time he co
uld remember being nervous about picking up a woman for a date had been his high school senior prom. Adrenaline made him restless, and he slid his hands in his pants pockets.

  Bree’s heels on the wood floor signaled her approach. He should have braced before she opened the door. His breath left him in a rush.

  A small, light blue stone rested in the hollow of her throat. His gaze fell to the deep V of her blue sleeveless dress, exposing the gentle curve of her cleavage. Long auburn hair spilled over her shoulder in soft waves, the ends curling around the swell of her breasts. His gaze travelled down the short, flared skirt to her toned legs and sexy heels. A vision of her strappy black heels wrapped around his hips almost broke his resolve. Christ, she had to be trying to torture him. He swallowed hard and shifted his stance, trying to make room for the hard-on pressing against his zipper.

  He dragged his gaze back up her body and met her sapphire blue eyes. A few shades lighter than her dress, they sparkled with amusement, and a smile tugged at the corners of her berry-stained lips. A faint hint of jasmine teased his nose.

  “Hi,” she said.

  “Hi.”

  They stared at each other. Her heels brought her up several inches so they were almost eye-to-eye.

  “Are we still going?” she asked.

  “What?”

  “To dinner. On a date. Are we still going?”

  His body jerked as he broke out of his daze. “Yes,” he said, a tad too loud. “Yes, we’re still going.” He took her hand in his and led the way to his truck. Opening the door, he waited to help her in, unsure whether she could manage in her skirt.

  “You look good, too.” She winked and boosted herself into the truck, flashing a lot of thigh.

  Jesus. He scrubbed a hand over his mouth and closed the door on her laughter. She totally had his number. He grinned and walked around the hood. After buckling his seatbelt he turned, one hand on the steering wheel. “You’re beautiful.”

  “Thank you.” She leaned toward him and he met her over the center console. Her lips were soft and pliant. He growled low in his throat as erotic images of her lips tracing over his body flashed through his mind.