Just an Illusion - Encore

by D. Kelly

  “Hmm …” I murmur, thinking about round two right about now.

  “Planning our wedding. It’s time we talk about it, Sawyer.” She holds her ring in front of her face and smiles.

  “I’m open to the discussion whenever you are, Mel. I just wanted to give you time to acclimate to the idea, and with the baby coming and the house, I know it’s been a lot.”

  She props herself up on my chest and looks at me. “Thank you for being considerate of my feelings, but I think we should start planning unless you’ve decided you don’t want to get married or you want a long engagement?”

  “Are you kidding me?” I maneuver us so we’re side by side and I can look her in the eyes while she’s wrapped in my arms. “You said yes, Princess, it’s a done deal. I’m never letting go of you now.”

  Her smile lights up the room. “Well then, how soon do you want to get married, Sawyer?”

  Right fucking now.

  “That all depends on what kind of wedding you want. We could get married down at the courthouse tomorrow if you’d like.”

  Her bottom lip puckers into a fierce pout. “Is that what you want?” Her whispered words are laced with sadness.

  “I don’t know … Mel, I just …”

  “I’m not your dirty little secret, and I won’t be treated like one.”

  Ouch.

  She tries pulling out of my embrace, but I pull her closer. We are not going to argue, especially not over what should be the happiest day of our lives. “Hey now, you know that isn’t what I think at all. You’ve already done this, and I’m trying to be sensitive to your feelings about that.”

  “Sawyer,” she says, brushing her hand across my cheek, “I’m in love with you, and I want us to live the rest of our lives without any regrets and minimal guilt. We’ll figure out a way to have a big family wedding that is uniquely ours. In the end, I couldn’t take that joy away from Noah. I most definitely won’t take it away from you or your family, not after everything we’ve all been through the past few years.”

  “Are you sure?”

  I’m so relieved to hear her say that. I never really thought we’d have a big wedding. I couldn’t let myself even begin to imagine it being a possibility, not after she had a big Weston bash already.

  “I’ve never been surer of anything in my life. With Noah, I was in such a strange place in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I loved him with every fiber of my being, but I’d been scared for so long. Scared of love, of letting people into my life, and from the first day it was like our relationship was in fast forward and I was constantly running to catch up. It was exhilarating and amazing but scary and confusing at times.”

  “And now?” I ask, afraid to even exhale at what she may be thinking.

  Leaning forward, she brushes her lips over mine. “And now … I’ve matured, and I’ve come to realize that, while time is precious, life doesn’t have to be a race. One of the biggest blessings of my life has been falling in love with you, Sawyer Weston. We always had a spark, but our story is one best lived slowly. I relish every second with you, and I cherish each moment we’ve spent with each other. I’ve learned to hold on to these moments and lock them away in a special place in my heart. I carry your love with me wherever I go, and we deserve to have a big wedding filled with our loved ones to celebrate.”

  Her words bring a peacefulness to my soul, one I didn’t realize I desperately needed until now. “I’m so fucking in love with you.”

  “And I with you. We’ll make it a day all our own. Noah will always be in our hearts, but even I know he’d want this for us.”

  I’m not sure who sheds a tear first, her or me, but as we each reach to swipe the other’s tears away, it’s another reminder of how completely in sync we are. There will never be another woman who could fill my heart the way she does, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  Mel and I decided to wait to get married until after the baby comes. She doesn’t want to be a pregnant bride twice, and I can’t blame her. She wants our wedding to be different than her first, and she simply wants to enjoy herself. Weddings should be fun, and Mel wants to have a few drinks and dance the night away with her husband without swollen ankles and exhaustion kicking her ass.

  Delaying the wedding gives us the best possible outcomes. Now we’ll be able to have Noelle with us and we decided to get married in our new home, truly making it a new beginning for our family.

  We’ve discussed all the ways we can honor Noah and Belle—or if we even want to. Not having my brother at my wedding is weighing heavily on my heart.

  One of the things we decided is to have the wedding at night under the stars in our new backyard. Us Weston kids had some of our best childhood memories in that yard, under the stars, and in the treehouse. It seems fitting the wedding will be somewhere Noah would have been happy and at home.

  Honoring Belle is a little harder. Mel decided to leave her matron of honor spot open, having only bridesmaids instead. Cadence is going to be the flower girl and Nate the ring bearer. Mel and I decided the little things we’re doing to honor them on our day are nothing in comparison to having their kids with us. Noah and Belle’s very essence lives within their children.

  About a month before the wedding, Noelle and I take a road trip. There is something I need to do, and she’s an integral part of my plan. When we arrive, she’s bright-eyed and wide awake. It’s like she knows something important is about to happen. Once I take her out of her car seat, I carry her to meet Noah and Belle. I’ve wanted to do this from the moment they placed her in my arms, but weather got in the way, and her safety came first. Mel wanted her as close to home for the first six weeks as possible. Now that we’re here, I’m not even sure what to say. Balancing flowers and a baby isn’t easy, but I manage to drop each bouquet on their respective graves without making too much of a mess of the flowers.

  “Hey, guys, long time no visit. I’m sorry about that, but I’ve had my hands a bit full lately. I’d like to introduce you both to my daughter, Noelle.”

  Noelle grasps my finger as if she knows I need some reassurance right now.

  “We named her after the two people in our lives that we miss beyond words. I’m almost positive you’re both aware of who she is. It’s like I feel you with us at times, and I hope one day, far in the future, I’ll find out you were with us all along.”

  The wind blows, and I tuck Noelle’s blanket tighter around her.

  “Mel and I wish you two were here to meet your niece. She’s got lots of aunts and uncles, but none of them could ever take your place. Although they’re great in their own rights, they’ll never be you guys.

  “By the way, Noah, you were right. It’s definitely a fatherhood thing. I wish more than anything you were here in person for me to tell you that. Not having you there for Noelle’s birth was hard, but not having you there for my wedding next month is going to kill me. The days are easier now, but there still isn’t a day I don’t think of either of you. We’ll forever carry your love in our hearts, and now you both have a new little namesake who will always know how special the two of you were and how lucky she is to be named for both of you.”

  When I prop Noelle up in my arms so she can see more than just me, a huge smile spreads across her face. Anyone else would probably say it’s gas, but as I blink back the tears, I know somehow she sees them or feels their love. As a sense of calm comes over me, I realize that’s why I brought her here today. I wanted them to all meet, and I think they just did.

  “Next month, Mel and I are getting married in grandma and grandpa’s old house. We’ve had it remodeled, and we’re making it our home. I’m sure I’ll still come to visit because I’ll never stop missing you, Noah, but if the two of you ever want to know where to find the kids, check the old treehouse first. I’m having it expanded. It’s going to be like a mini mansion for kids in that old oak tree. I had the tree examined, and it’s got the green light to carry the weight and hold up to the new construction.


  “The beach house was great for our twenties and our rock star lives, but the creek house is where you raise a family. I haven’t told anyone yet, but the house next door went up for sale last month, and I bought it. When Darren is ready, or when Cadence wears him down enough because she misses Nate and wants more sleepovers, I’m hoping they’ll move in next door. I think it will be good for them to get a fresh start too. Mel doesn’t even know. I’m hoping it will be a good wedding gift for her. She’s not happy about losing time with Cadence when we do finally move. Now maybe she won’t have to.”

  Noelle begins to fuss, and it’s starting to get cooler. After tucking her pacifier in her mouth, I release a deep breath.

  “It’s time to get your namesake home. I hope you enjoyed meeting our newest addition to the family. We love both of you so much.”

  “How did it go?” Mel asks when we walk in the door.

  “Daddy! Noelle!” Nate runs up and hugs and kisses us. Everything about this little boy brings immense calm to my soul.

  “Hey, Nate, I missed you today. Did you have fun with Grandma Veronica?” Mel and Veronica took the kids shopping today for wedding clothes.

  “Yup, I got shiny shoes, and Cady got a new dress.”

  “Is it a pretty dress?”

  Nate nods. “She’s very pretty.”

  Mel grins down at us, and I wonder if this is where their love story starts. After putting Noelle in her swing, Nate sits on the floor and plays near her. He’s very protective of his little sister.

  “You writing that one down for their story?” I ask as I pull Mel in for a hug.

  “Hm, maybe I should start documenting their story. How cute would it be for them to have it one day if they actually were to get married?”

  “I think it would be really special for them to have, and if anyone can pull it off, it’s you.”

  “Sawyer, you’re deflecting. Are you okay?” Concern etches her features, and I kiss her tenderly.

  “I’m fine, it was … as expected. A bit sad, but I feel at peace. I needed to do it, and Noelle smiled this huge smile after I introduced them. Do you think …”

  “I’d never discount it. Stranger things have happened, after all.”

  Surprise

  The afternoon of our wedding rehearsal and family dinner, I carved out some time to spend with Mel before things got too crazy. She thought I was going to be out with Darren, and when I got home, she was in the shower.

  As I was about to join her, I noticed a letter on the desk in our room. Thinking it was a note for me, I took a peek. What I read stopped me in my tracks.

  Dear Noah,

  I’m not sure I thought I’d ever write you a letter like Belle but I’ve been thinking of you a lot lately and figured why not?

  I have never believed in fate the way you did, but I’ve come to second-guess that aspect of myself. I’m still unbelievably heartbroken you’re no longer with us, that the two of us never got those fifty years. Hell, we barely even got one, but it’s one I will always be eternally grateful for. I watch our son grow each day and can’t believe how much of your heart and soul grows within him. He loves to sing, and even though he’s only four, his pitch is pretty perfect. Sawyer is already showing him how to play the guitar, and Nate loves it. One day, it’s going to be my greatest pleasure to pass down your guitars to him.

  If only you were here to watch him grow up. I know the two of you would be inseparable. I miss you so very much, and our family misses you too. All of your brothers have kids now, and they will grow up to be the best of friends, just as you all did.

  Then, there is your niece, Noelle. You would adore her, Noah, and she would adore you. I think it’s as hard on Sawyer as it is on me knowing you’ll never get to meet her.

  God, I miss talking to you. Going to the cemetery is hard, and the closet isn’t an option any longer, but even if it were, Sawyer tends to worry about me when I’m in there. I’m not sure he ever understood there became a point where I just needed to talk to our best friend about things. There are so many things we miss about you, but your friendship is at the top of that list, right below your love.

  At times this is still a strange dynamic, and although I wish more than anything you’d never died, I’ve accepted you’re gone. I’m happy with Sawyer, and I owe my happiness to you. Not only did you give us your blessing but you taught me to love again with my whole heart. By doing that, you allowed me to fall in love with Sawyer, who has taught me loving with my heart isn’t enough, I love him with my entire soul.

  You and I would have gotten there eventually, but I think it’s true what they say. When you love someone, you fall a little deeper in love with them with each passing day. I will always regret that our time was stolen from us. Our marriage would have been timeless, Noah. I’ve been blessed to find love again, and I could never regret the time I’ve been given with Sawyer. I love your brother in a way I never could’ve imagined. Don’t tell him because I’ll never live it down, but he makes me believe in romance. The man I met that night at The Greek and the man I’m about to marry has had a complete evolution. The moody and cocky Sawyer is still there, but the partner and father Sawyer has become is present most of the time now.

  Sawyer loves Nate as his own but never allows your memory to fall into the shadows. Sawyer loves Nate as his nephew, as his son, and as the part of you he still gets to hold on to. If anyone misses you more than I do, it’s Sawyer. We understand each other. At times, we experience random sad moods when we’re missing you and guilt rears its ugly head. But we’ve gotten better about talking it out so we don’t end up with hurt feelings.

  I guess what prompted my letter to you today is that Sawyer and I are getting married tomorrow. Noah, I’m happy. Part of me feels like I should be feeling guilty, but I don’t, I can’t, not when Sawyer is everything right in my world. He brought me back to life, he walked side by side with me through the darkest days of our lives, and I know he always will. He’s never given me a single reason to worry about his love. The Sawyer who spent years hooking up with random women only has eyes for me these days. You’d be so proud of him; I’m so fucking proud of him.

  This morning, I realized I had one more task to complete before walking down the aisle. You will always and forever be one of my very best friends, but I have to let you go as my husband. My love for you will never diminish … it’s just shifted. Walking down the aisle to Sawyer tomorrow wouldn’t feel right in my heart if I didn’t acknowledge this change. He deserves someone who can love him first and foremost, and he deserves to know he’s not living in the shadows of my heart. Because of your videos, I’m no longer worried about being with him. Your encouragement, love, and forgiveness brought both of us an immense amount of peace.

  One day, I will see you and Belle again, and I can’t wait to catch up with you guys. There will be lots of stories to tell when that day comes. I’m sorry our future was snatched away from us, but I promise you, we will live each day for us as well as the two of you. I hope tomorrow, when I become a Weston once again, I’ll feel you and Belle watching over us and giving us your blessing.

  All my love, until we meet again.

  Amelia

  When Mel’s arms encircle my waist, she startles me. I didn’t even hear her come out of the shower. I was so lost in the beauty of her words, reality slipped away for a moment.

  “Hey,” she says softly, and I put the letter on the desk.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize what it was.” I try to blink back the tears before I face her, but it’s not working.

  She moves around me, hugging me from the front this time. “It’s okay. I left it there for you to read. No secrets between us anymore, remember?”

  “Are you … Did you mean it when you said you’re letting him go? Because you don’t have to, Mel, not for me.”

  She stretches on her tip-toes and brings our mouths together, kissing me deeply. “It’s true, Sawyer,” she says as we part. “I realized it a while ago. The
way I love you is so complete that I’d already let him go. I just hadn’t recognized it or accepted it. This letter is a way to give myself some forgiveness and perhaps some closure. I’ll always love Noah, but the only man I’m in love with is you.”

  My heart feels like it’s about to explode, but I know I can never be him.

  “Amelia, as much as I’d like to, I can’t ever promise you a fairy tale. We both know they don’t come true. But I’ll give you every piece of my heart and then some for as long as I live.”

  “Sawyer, fairy tales are overrated. They’re mostly horror stories that were resurrected with happy endings to make money. I’ve never needed a fairy tale, I only need your love.”

  “You’ve got that and more, Princess, for now and always.”

  She drops her towel to the floor. “Then the rest is details. We’ll write our ending as we go. Each day will be a new page of our story. If we stumble or fuck up, we’ll start a new page the next day, and all will be right with our world.”

  “I fucking love you, Amelia Weston.”

  “That’s a good thing because as soon as you’re naked, I’m going to climb on top of your body and show you just how much I love you … and your cock.”

  Within seconds, I’m naked and on our bed. Those gorgeous hazel eyes of hers rake over my body slowly. When they land on my dick, she licks her lips, and the indecision flickers in her gaze.

  “Are you trying to figure out if it’s going to fit? I promise you, Princess, you can take it.”

  She cracks up, and I flash her a smirk. “Asshole. All I was trying to figure out is where I wanted you more, in my mouth or buried between my legs.”

  “We could always go for option three … that ass.”

  “Off the table, not before the wedding,” she says as she climbs my body before pausing to slide a condom on me. Going back to condoms sucks, but we’re definitely not ready for another baby just yet.

  “Are you playing the virginal bride? That could be kind of hot.”