Pivot Line

by Rebel Farris

  He presses my clit lightly with a circular motion and down in tandem to his thumb invading my ass. I choke on a scream as my limbs give up the struggle and the last of my vision blinks out. Stars. That’s what the tiny sparks of light look like, and my body feels weightless. Euphoric. I know where I am. I read about this when I was trying to give a voice to my peculiarities. I didn’t expect this. I feel everything as Dex comes with a groan, his weight pressing me into the mattress briefly before he rolls off me. Floating. Boneless.

  I can’t think.

  A phone rings. My spent body couldn’t move to answer it if I wanted to. When it stops, another round of rings takes its place. Dex sits up and walks to the bathroom. I take a moment to appreciate that the god of chaos that rules my life decided to wait until after that blessed moment to stir shit up.

  “Hello?” Dex answers.

  I roll my head so my ear faces the bathroom. It’s about as much effort as I can muster.

  “It’s done?” Dex asks. “Good. Yeah… yeah. No. Okay. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  I blink several times, vaguely registering that my hands are beginning to tremble. I curl in on myself until I’m no more than a ball. Tears fill my eyes.

  At some point, Dex ends the call. But all I hear around me is silence.

  “Hey,” Dex says as his hand lands on my thigh. I jump at the touch, and he fills my field of vision with a frown. “You okay?”

  “Yeah,” I whimper. “I will be.” I wipe the tears from my face.

  His fingers trail my cheek.

  “I’ll be okay.” I push his hand away and curl up further.

  “Hey,” he says, forcing me to meet his eyes. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

  “It’s the loss of endorphins.”

  “That’s why you’re crying?”

  I nod. “That. And because Nic and I dumped a load of shit at your feet and you didn’t say anything. Then next thing I know, you’re demanding that I tell you I love you and fucking my brains out. I still don’t know how you feel about any of it. Any of this. Does that add clarity for you?”

  “Fucking your brains out seems like a pretty good review.” He smirks, and I roll my eyes at him. “I love you, Maddie. The good, the bad, and everything else. There’s nothing you or he could’ve said that would change that. When is that going to get through to you?”

  I can see it. Shining in his eyes is a look of utter reverence. And I know it’s meant for me.

  “Now,” I answer.

  “Now?” he echoes in question.

  I nod.

  “Come here.” He pulls me into his arms. His lips brush across mine softly. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too, Dex,” I respond, and he squeezes me tighter.

  “Good, because I gotta surprise for you, Firebird.”

  “You do?”

  “Yes, I do. It’ll make you fall for me even more.”

  “I’m not sure that’s possible.” I manage to muster a grin through my exhaustion. “But I love surprises. When do I get it?”

  “In the morning.”

  I realize now he has his jeans on, but the top button hangs open. Fuck that’s sexy. I know for sure in this moment that I’ve a new fetish—him. I grow incredibly aware of the fact that I’m stark naked still and he’s staring at me with those ocean-colored eyes overshadowed by desire. Goddamn. This man is intent on killing me. But what a way to die.

  Then

  I tossed restlessly alone in the bed at the back of the tour bus. Jared hadn’t come back, and I was worried about him. Everyone else was asleep. The generator hummed in the background. At a bump and a curse, I sat up. The door to the bedroom opened, and Jared stood there. He looked like hell warmed over.

  He shut the door quietly behind him and started removing his clothes without a word. I lay back down and turned away from him. I didn’t have anything to say to him. I felt the bed dip as he crawled in behind me. His arm came over my stomach and tugged me to press against his chest. I stiffened in response.

  “I want to say I’m sorry, but I know that’s not enough,” Jared said quietly.

  “Where’ve you been?”

  “Sitting behind the set trucks, feeling sorry for myself,” he sighed. “You know there are videos of your encore performance all over YouTube already?”

  I didn’t answer.

  “I’ve watched them over and over, feeling like an asshole for the shit I’ve said to you. You don’t deserve this.” He brushed my hair away from my neck and trailed little kisses there. “I think you’re right. I need to talk to someone.”

  “Really?” I asked, rolling over to face him.

  “Yeah.” He gave me a sad smile. “Will you forgive me? I can’t lose you, Maddie.”

  His eyes were glassy with unshed tears, and my heart softened toward him.

  “I know this isn’t you, Jared. Something’s wrong. If you promise to see someone, then yes, I’ll forgive you. I want to get through this, with you. Get our life back. I love you.”

  I ran my fingers through his hair, enjoying the quiet moment. He kissed me softly. The kiss deepened, and he rolled up over me.

  “God, I love you so much, Maddie. I couldn’t live without you.”

  “You don’t have to,” I whispered wholeheartedly.

  He kissed me again as he pulled me to sit up, breaking only to tug my nightgown over my head. Our lips and hands became frantic, seeking each other, the warmth of our bodies soothing over the rough edges of emotional wounds. He pushed me back on the bed, his palm gliding down between my breasts to my stomach. A trail of tingling sparks lit up my skin in its wake. Would his touch ever stop having this effect?

  I was so afraid of what we were becoming, but it was moments like those that reminded me why we were so worth it. I loved him with every inch of my soul. I pushed all those emotions into our physical connection. Lips pressed and caressed, tongues twisted and tangled, hands felt and grasped, holding on to the shreds of our love beneath the landslide of shit we’d faced. The boat was sinking, but we could still make it to shore if we pointed ourselves in the right direction. I had hope, and I clung to it as much as I clung to him in the stillness of the night.

  Our breaths competed in the silence between us as he lined up at my entrance.

  “I love you,” he whispered as he filled me up.

  I squeezed my eyes tight, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. Something about him—us—ripped my heart to tatters. I knew I couldn’t live without him, but we were slowly drifting apart and clinging desperately to each other to stop it. His pace was slow, languishing in the depth of feeling that resided in each touch. It was love, pure and simple, and I could feel it down to my bones.

  Jared was broken—we were broken. But mending wasn’t impossible. I needed him to save me. To pull me up from the depths I fell into with every fight, every cruel word. It was just hard to know who was compromising themselves in the moment of forgiveness when you were a part of the problem.

  I could feel his pace quickening as he neared release. My hand slid between us, as I raced to meet him there. Running my fingertips over my sensitive nub, I met him on the edge of bliss. We groaned together, and his weight pressed down on me as the edge wore off. His labored breath was heavy in my ear.

  “I’m sorry,” he said.

  “You’re forgiven,” I replied. Looking for a change of subject, I grasped at the first thought to cross my mind. “The stalker called me when you left the trailer.”

  “What did Officer Martinez say?”

  “Shit! I completely forgot to call him about it. I started cleaning up after I got off the phone, and it just slipped my mind.”

  “Call him now.”

  “It’s the middle of the night.”

  “If they can run a trace on the call, it’s probably better to do it sooner than later. You know that well enough after what happened in New Orleans. Call him, Maddie.”

&nb
sp; I knew he was right. I’d waited until the next day to report the stalker’s appearance as my cab driver. And they weren’t able to trace the call for whatever reason. I picked up my phone and dialed the number.

  “Hello,” Officer Martinez answered, sounding still asleep.

  “It’s Maddie Dobransky.”

  “I’m up,” he replied. “I assume he made contact again.”

  “Yeah, a phone call. He used one of those voice modulator things so I couldn’t identify his voice.”

  “Can you bring your phone down to the station? I can meet you there in twenty minutes.”

  “I’m actually in Chicago right now.”

  “Oh, yeah. That’s right, you’re on tour.” He chuckled. “I sometimes forget that I’m on a rock star’s speed dial. I can run a trace on your phone records in the morning. Just have your lawyer contact me, I’ll wait up. He’s definitely escalating. If we’re quick enough, we might find something to work with in your phone records this time. We can finally get a detective assigned.”

  “Can I be honest with you?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “I don’t want anyone working on this, but you. You’ve been the only one to believe me from the start, and I don’t want some kiss-ass trying to work my case because I’m famous now.”

  “Uhhh… well, that’s something you’ll need to share with the captain. I don’t really have that kind of sway.”

  “I’ll talk to my lawyer and see what we can do.”

  “Sounds good. Try to get some rest.”

  “I will. Thank you. Bye.”

  No sooner did I hang up the phone than it started ringing again, vibrating in my hand. This call was from Sloane.

  “Hello,” I answered.

  “You have to come home,” she said without preamble.

  I would’ve thought she was joking, but I could hear the edge of panic in her voice. “What’s wrong?”

  “Holly’s in the hospital,” she choked out through obvious tears.

  “I’m booking a flight right now.”

  Then

  I ran through the halls of the hospital, bypassing the nurses’ station. I didn’t need to ask where she was; Sloane had told me where to go. I turned the last corner to the ICU waiting room and saw Sloane and Bridget, heads bent together, talking in hushed tones.

  My footing faltered, and I stumbled, barely catching myself. Up until that moment, it hadn’t seemed real. There was urgency created by a need to find out the truth, but seeing them here made it more tangible. Knowing that I’d see her soon, made me hesitate. Can I handle this?

  Sucking up every last ounce of courage in my arsenal, I put one foot in front of the other. Sloane glanced up and locked watery eyes on me then. She stood up, and my feet found new urgency as I rushed to her open arms. She squeezed me and sobbed. Bridget reached out and wiped tears from my cheek. I stared at her hand in fascination. I’m crying? Who knew I could still do that over something not related to Jared? I felt like I had become numb to everything else but him.

  Who knew that my best friend ending up in a hospital would lead to the moment that I realized I was still capable of having real emotions; I’d been in that numb limbo state since Jared returned, with a growing certainty that I was dying slowly from the inside out.

  “She’s going to be okay, but it doesn’t look pretty,” Bridget said, offering me a sad smile. “Ruby’s in there now, but she should be out soon. Only one person can go in at a time.”

  I nodded.

  Ruby appeared through the sliding doors moments later. Her face was splotchy, her movements slow and strained. I moved like I was on autopilot, without thought. I hugged Ruby and strolled past her, following the directions she gave me.

  I don’t know what I was expecting to see, but the moment I laid eyes on her, the breath was knocked out of me. Her arms and neck and face were mostly purple, but what was left untouched was sheet white and sallow. Her face was unrecognizable as half of it was swollen, with bandages that peeked out from the neck of her hospital gown.

  She opened her one eye and pinned me in place. Tears filled that eye as her swollen lip trembled. I gasped for air and wiped the tears streaking my face. My body went into motion again as I went to her, but I halted. I was afraid to touch her. Afraid that there was no way to comfort her without hurting her. And the only thing I knew about physical pain was that most people avoided it.

  I gently tucked my hand underneath hers. If anyone tried to tell me that true love existed solely in romantic relationships, I would’ve told them that they were full of shit at that moment. Because I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that what was in my heart for this girl was pure unconditional love. And I knew she felt the same by the way her shoulders relaxed, and a sigh leaked out with the contact.

  “Wha—what happened?” My voice came out coarse and unsure as I struggled to ask the question I’d been avoiding. I was afraid this cause would lead back to me, and I knew I’d hate myself for it.

  “Roz—he found out about Asher.” She took a shaky breath. The way her eyes seemed to lose focus, I could tell that it hurt her to talk, whether from the memory or something more physical.

  “I thought you broke up?”

  “We—we did.” Her eye tracked to the wall before returning back to me. “I didn’t know…” A pained sound escaped her.

  “Did he…?” I couldn’t bring myself to say the words.

  Her eye closed as if to hide from the question, and when she opened it again, there was a lifeless quality that had never been present in my fearless friend. I knew then, without words, but her slight nod and grimace confirmed the worst. Red colored my vision. I fought the urge to jump up and hunt him down. I’d kill him with my bare hands if given the chance.

  I was beginning to think the opposite sex might not be worth all the hype. It’s like they were put on this earth to tear us down or just plain rip out our soul until we were nothing but an empty shell. They all had different methods, but the results were the same.

  I didn’t ask her any more questions. The pain of talking was written all over the unmarked parts of her face and apparent in the raspy tremble of her voice. We sat in silence for minutes, hours, I lost track. I was just there for her. Pain sliced through my heart. I couldn’t take this. I needed her. I was falling apart, and she was my lifeline, but now we were both broken. I couldn’t help her. I couldn’t make this right.

  Her eye had closed, and her breathing settled, the rhythmic bleating of her heart monitor lulling both of us. I was sure she had fallen asleep, and I carefully removed my hand from hers. Her eye flew open as she pinned me with a panicked stare.

  “Don’t tell—him.” Her rough voice cracked, and her mouth moved soundlessly for a moment before trying again. “Don’t—tell Asher.”

  Now

  We don’t stop anywhere on the way to Dex’s home the next morning. As we pull into the parking lot, I wonder what that phone conversation last night was about. He said he had a surprise for me, and I’m not going to lie, I like surprises. I love them, in fact. My stomach feels tight with giddy anticipation.

  He tugs on my hand, smushing it between his palm and the gear shift as he sets the car to park. He hasn’t stopped touching me but for a few brief seconds. I love it. I love him.

  There are two very familiar cars in the parking lot of his home, and one I’ve never seen before.

  “Nate and Asher are here?”

  “Yep,” he replies, not adding any more detail. He releases my hand and gets out of the car, coming around to my side for the door.

  “Care to elaborate why?”

  “Nope,” he says with a dimpled smirk, taking my hand to help me out of the car in this tight dress.

  I don’t keep any clothes other than my fight gear at Nic’s, so I was forced to wear yesterday’s dress. Not that it was dirty or wrinkled. I only had it on for an hour before it got hung in the closet for the remainder of the night.r />
  Dex is wearing the sexy suit again. No tie. And when I straighten, I’m eye level with the exposed skin that peeks out where the top two buttons are undone. I lick my lips. I want to lick that dip at the base of his throat. I feel like an addict. I’d one taste, and I already need more.

  He runs his thumb over my bottom lip, tilting my chin up until I meet his eyes. The hunger there matches my own. He leans forward like he’s going to kiss me, but pauses. His breath rolls over my lips, leaving a wake of tingles with each soft tease. I try to close the distance, but the grip on my chin stops me. I can feel his resulting grin, and a little whimper escapes me, a one-syllable plea for him to end my torture.

  Flutters expand in my stomach, and it feels as though my heart is trying to pull itself out of my chest to go to his. It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before. When his lips capture mine and his teeth grip my bottom lip, my legs give out, and I sag against the doorframe. His arm wraps my waist and pulls me up with a deep rumble in his chest. My toes are barely brushing the ground. Nothing exists in this moment but us. It feels like flying, a weightless tumble where you can’t tell which way is up or down, but you also don’t care.

  Our tongues dance in perfect rhythm. I want him to carry me inside right now. I want him to fuck me in the foyer, on his couch, in his art studio and bedroom; then I want to do it on the edge of the river just beyond his porch, where my screams will echo back to me from the opposite cliff. I feel out of control. I’d be climbing up him if it weren’t for this stupid dress.

  He breaks the kiss and pulls back to look at me. I feel drugged.

  “Worth it,” he mutters.

  I reach up and run my fingertips over his scar. “I agree.”

  He squeezes me tighter for a second before he sets me back to earth and takes a large step back. His breathing is labored like he’s trying to rein in his control. I love that I make him fight so hard for it, but I don’t like the distance. I move to step forward, and he holds up a hand.