Pivot Line

by Rebel Farris

  “I wish I could’ve stopped him,” Asher says, then pauses. “We wrestled for the gun. I tried to get it away, but at some point, he got it turned in his direction, and he pulled the trigger.”

  My legs give out, and I collapse to the floor.

  “I’m sorry,” Asher pleads, tears clogging his voice. “I’m so sorry, Maddie. I tried to stop him.”

  Asher’s arms band around me. I turn into him, gripping his shirt in my fingers like a lifeline.

  “The alarm went off and I ran. I panicked because—I don’t know why. He wasn’t dead when I left. And that’s my biggest regret—that I didn’t stay and try to keep him alive. I just freaked out, thinking the police were coming and if he didn’t make it, they would call it murder. God, I’m so fucking sorry.” A mournful wail wrenches out of him. He sobs for a bit until he continues. “I didn’t want to bring you here that night. I didn’t want you to see him like that, but I didn’t know how to stop you. I tried telling you that we should wait, but you didn’t listen, and I couldn’t—” His body trembles violently as his eyes take on a lost, faraway look.

  My heart breaks for him. To be holding this all inside for this long. To go through this alone. I know he loved Jared. He would’ve walked away instead of sticking it out with us. I can’t imagine what I would’ve done in the same situation, but I don’t blame Asher for his actions. It was time to let this go.

  “I let them call it a murder and kept my mouth shut. I thought it was better for you if you didn’t know. That it would be easier to not live with the guilt I felt.”

  I don’t know why I do what I do next—a giggle bursts forth from my lips, and I can’t stop it. But it’s thin and reedy and holds a tinge of madness to it. Asher’s red swollen eyes turn to me.

  “It didn’t work,” I say. “I held on to that guilt, convinced that everyone was lying. Locked myself in my self-imposed prison. I knew he killed himself because I could see it in his eyes that night when I made him leave. He was done. But I also couldn’t continue to be his victim. He took it too far when he attacked me.”

  Asher shifts next to me, his arms falling away. He wraps them around his knees. Our sides are touching, but we face opposite ways. He stares at the carpet, unmoving. We sit in silence so long, the tears dry up on their own.

  “I was only hurting myself trying to save him. We both did it. But I’ve learned something, Ash. You can’t blame yourself. Jared was one of the thousands who come home every year and do the same. Another body to add to the statistics. And maybe if we’d been a little smarter, we could’ve changed that. But you fought hard enough for the gun. Even Martinez tried to save him—he’s the one who smashed the door and set off the alarm. And I was not the horrible monster that drove him to do it.”

  “Of course not,” he says, and I know he’s only answering that last thought.

  “I forgive you.” I wait for a reaction, but none comes. I reach over and turn his face until he’s looking at me. “I forgive you. And now you need to forgive yourself.”

  I look back up at Jesus and have the strangest sensation. Goose bumps prickle on my arms.

  “Was it that easy for you?”

  I snort. “Hell, no.” I cut him the side eye. “It took over four years to fully forgive myself. And really, it wasn’t until Dex knew the truth about me—everything—and still looked at me like I hung the moon that I realized that who I am was not to blame for Jared’s downfall.”

  I lie back on the floor and stare at the carved wood molding on the ceiling.

  “Everybody deserves to hang the moon in someone’s eyes,” I say to no one.

  Asher snorts. “We don’t all get a fairytale ending.”

  “You had it once,” I say before my mouth catches up with my brain.

  Shit. I didn’t mean to dig that up.

  “I remember believing that.” His shoulder sag a little further.

  “Ash, I promised both of you that I’d never get involved because I don’t want to choose sides. But I feel like I need to offer you some advice. Call it a forgiveness freebie.” I wink.

  He gives a half-hearted laugh in return.

  “When we put our running shoes on and fight tooth and nail to hide from someone, it’s because that’s the person who really matters. That’s the one person you fear will see what’s inside you and cringe. You’d rather live with the not-knowing than to give it a chance.” I sigh, thinking about how much running I did from Dex. “I can guarantee you she has her running shoes on when it comes to you. That shit says something. Shouts it from the fucking rooftops. So, you can sit around and mope because she pushed you away, or you can fight for it.”

  Now

  “I call dibs!” Audra shouts, diving headfirst over the back of the couch.

  Cora saunters up behind her. “That’s fine, but you get to sit next to Mom and your dad.”

  “Never mind,” she says and dives for the other end. “I call dibs here.”

  Cat sits just before she makes it, and Audra crashes into her.

  “Nope. Mine.” Cat grins.

  I shake my head at them. I place the beer and sodas in the bucket and throw a few ice cubes in for good measure. Dex turns, setting a giant bowl of popcorn on the counter in front of me. His arms curve around me, pulling my body against him, and then he spins me. He starts dancing to the music the girls have on the TV. It’s some new rap song I’ve never heard of. Ballroom dancing to rap music is a new one for me, but I follow his lead.

  His fingers run up and down my side as we move, like he’s mentally tracing the art he put on my body. That was an experience neither of us will ever forget. It involved strips of silk, binding me to the table and blindfolding me. His tattoo gun, a few key sex toys, and a bucket of ice—he’s got a great imagination, and he keeps me on my toes.

  The tattoo looks amazing. He played off the original designs, but the vines are no longer binding the flowers. They are falling away, so the music notes move freely. And behind the flowers, a firebird emerges. I’m so glad we waited because that perfectly matches where I’m at.

  He has given me wings and helped me heal. The power of acceptance is a beautiful gift for the ones you truly love. He sees me and accepts who and what I am, but more than that, he loves me because of it—the dark and the light.

  The song ends, and we move to the couch, taking the snacks to the coffee table. The girls have cued up the movie.

  We’re at Dex’s place. I thought he had no TV, but it turns out that a massive screen rolls down from the ceiling in front of the windows with the push of a button, one that rivals a small movie theater.

  “We should do this every night,” Cat announces.

  “Totally,” Cora agrees. “Though maybe not with all the candy.”

  There’s a buffet of movie theater candy in little boxes lined up in front of them.

  Audra snorts. “Can’t go getting all fat and letting Maggie steal Josh from you, Cor.”

  I watch them with a perma-grin stuck to my face. This makes me so happy.

  “Mom,” Cora says. “Pass me the popcorn.”

  Dex has the popcorn in his lap, but when my eyes latch on to it, I know she wasn’t really asking for it. Because sitting in the middle of the popcorn bowl is a red velvet box. My breath halts in my chest. My body is frozen. I’m pretty sure that’s what I think it is. I can’t move, and I can’t breathe. I’m going to pass out. We’ve only known each other for a little over six months. I wasn’t expecting this.

  His thumb brushes over my lower lip, and I meet his eyes.

  “Breathe, Firebird.”

  I suck in a shaky breath.

  “I agree with the girls. We should do this again. Every night for the rest of our lives. I wanted to be a better man for Audra, but you make me a better man without effort. You accept me for everything that I am and never flinched, never backed down. You love unconditionally, with your whole heart. You’re the most beautiful piece of art. All the c
olors, both light and dark. I love all of it. I love you. Madelaine Dobransky, will you do me the honor of being my wife?”

  “And my mom?” Audra adds.

  My eyes meet hers, watery with unshed tears and so round and hopeful. My heart feels fit to burst. Can you die of happiness? Because I feel like I’ll keel over any second.

  “Say yes,” Cat urges.

  Cora joins. “Do it.”

  I look back to Dex, but he’s moved to his knee, holding out the ring from the box. I gasp, and the tears fall. I can’t speak, so I nod my affirmation.

  I struggle for breath. “Yes.”

  He slides the ring on my finger, and I get my first good look at it. It’s a custom piece—it has to be—made of platinum or white gold, I wouldn’t know the difference, and there’s a center oval-cut diamond. Not too big and flashy, just right.

  But the band—the band is a dragon and a phoenix, their bodies entwined, wings and tails outstretched to hold up the diamond. There are rubies set in their eyes. In fact, it matches the necklace he gave me.

  My hand flutters to the necklace, and I meet his eyes again. He smirks, dimple showing like he knows that I realize that they were made at the same time. The only way he could’ve done that is if he had these made after our first night together at the Black Building. It takes weeks to make custom jewelry, right? Or maybe months, and he had decided sooner. Holy shit.

  “A thousand times yes,” I add.

  Then his lips are on mine, warm and wet. Perfect. I shudder and press into him, hoping for more, until a box of candy hits my shoulder and I pull back.

  Cat shouts. “Cut it out, you two!”

  “Gross,” Cora adds.

  “I think it’s sweet,” Audra says, diving across the couch to hug me.

  I already love this little girl. She’s so full of life, yet I can see the shadows in her eyes. Her life hasn’t been ideal. I want to fix that. I want to make sure she knows she’s loved and cherished. I stroke her head and hug her back.

  Dex wraps us both in his arms.

  “Hey, I want in on the group hug,” Cat says.

  Cora comes around from the other side of Dex. “Me, too.”

  Dex adjusts his arms to let them in. I couldn’t be happier. I meet his eyes, and I know. We don’t have to speak. He feels the same. This is our family now.

  “I love you,” I say. But it’s not just to him. It’s for all of them.

  He smiles, dimples and all. “I love you, too.”

  “I’m so happy for you, Mom,” Cora says.

  “I want to see the ring!” Audra says.

  They grab my hand and dote over how much they love the design. Dex sits down at my side, and I curl into him.

  “I’m not marrying a dude unless he makes me a custom ring, too.” This from Cat.

  I snort. “Hopefully, that won’t be for a long while.”

  “Definitely,” Cora agreed. “We’re not getting married until like thirty.”

  “Okay, enough of the mushy talk,” Audra announces.

  “It’s movie time,” Cora shouts, walking on the couch back to her seat.

  “You may have Dex, but I need me some Spider-Man,” Cat says, following her the same way.

  “I know, right? Tom Holland is so hawt.”

  “I can’t—Dylan O’Brien has my heart. They need another Maze Runner movie, stat.”

  I look at Dex as the girls chatter away about hot teenage movie stars and smile. His lips are pressed into a firm line like he’s biting back commentary, and I laugh.

  We start the movie, and just as the climactic battle scene ensues, my phone rings. I scoot past Dex and bolt for it, so it doesn’t ruin the movie for everyone else. I answer the phone, holding up my ring and watching it glitter in the flickering light of the TV screen.

  “Hello?”

  “Maddie?” Chloe’s familiar voice comes through the line, and I drop my hand. She sounds upset. “It’s Evan. He’s—we—I’m at the hospital. He’s in surgery. But I need ya—” Her voice breaks on a sob, and my heart falters.

  Thuuuuuump… thuuuuuuump… I can hear the slow echoes of my pulse. It drowns out the noise of the movie. I gasp, drowning for air.

  “Chloe,” I choke out. “Where are you?”

  “Mercy Medical in Mason City, Iowa.” She expels the words like they’ve been trapped inside her. “I don’t know—” She hiccups and doesn’t continue the thought.

  “We’ll be there as soon as possible. Is this a number I can call you back on?”

  “It’s a courtesy phone in the waiting room. I’m not sure if it can take incoming calls.”

  “Well, I’ll just call the hospital and have them page you if it doesn’t work. But I need to go now. Make plans to get us there. Will you be okay?”

  “Yes. It’s all over.”

  I want to ask what that means, but I know I need to call Nic and get things in motion.

  “Okay, Clo. I’ll see you soon.”

  I hang up and try to dial Nic’s number through welling tears. Hands pry the phone from mine. Dex dials the phone and holds it to my ear without comment.

  “Neddie,” Nic says.

  “Nic, get Parker to set up the jet. Get us as close to Mason City, Iowa that we can get. Have him arrange a van or multiple cars. Get Dawn to call the girls. It’s Evan and Chloe.”

  “On it.” The line goes dead.

  Now

  Three hours later, I’m crammed in the back of an Uber with the twins and Audra. On the way to the airport, Dex chitchats with our Uber driver from the front seat. It’s so normal. And I love him a little more because of things like that.

  I know, deep down, he’s a killer. A dark, murderous villain. But when he’s not in killer mode, he’s just so normal. I wasn’t wrong when I called him a nice guy. He just is.

  I direct the driver, and we pull up outside the hangar where Nic keeps his jet. I snort to myself as a familiar thought occurs to me. I can’t help it. The guy built an empire with his dick. Not many men can pull that off. It’s a rare talent. And one that makes me laugh every time I see the evidence.

  The girls and I pile out as Dex pays the driver. The action tugs at me for a moment. I live modestly because I don’t know how to live any other way, but my monetary value is beyond comprehension. That happens when you make millions and it sits in the hand of people that know how to make money grow and multiply. I know Dex isn’t broke, but I also know there will never be a day that I’ll want for anything.

  “That’s his plane?” Dex asks, looking over the shiny white jet.

  I nod.

  The girls each have a backpack, but Dex pries my duffel bag from my hands and leads the way. I don’t make it two steps before another car pulls up. Holly and Bridget emerge, quietly laughing. Holly leans back in and pulls a sleeping Hope out of the car. The little girl looks around for a second before curling into her mother’s shoulder with two fingers in her mouth. She’s so precious.

  My eyes move past her to the other car that has pulled up behind them as Sloane emerges. Then I see him. Law. I haven’t seen him since the night they rescued me. Our eyes meet.

  “What’s with the jumbo jacket?” Holly asks.

  I track her stare to Sloane, who is walking toward us in a puffy parka. I smile. God, I’ve missed having her around. Sloane notices us staring.

  “What?” she asks, slowing her pace and gripping the edges of her coat.

  “It’s seventy-eight degrees, and you look like you’re standing in a snowstorm,” Bridget says.

  Sloane halts, her mouth dropping open. “You do know we’re going to Iowa in February?”

  None of us say anything.

  “You guys need to get out of Texas more if that’s confusing you,” Sloane says and walks past us to the jet.

  Bridget looks to me, and I shrug. I brought my leather jacket, sure that it will be enough. But I’m no expert. Her gaze darts over my shoulder, and I know. I
can feel him getting closer like my body is still finely tuned to his presence after all these years.

  He grabs my left hand and spins me to face him. He looks at the ring before he meets my eyes.

  “He put this on you?” Law asks.

  I nod.

  “It’s not going to stop me. Not this time.”

  I open my mouth to tell him that it’s a useless fight, but he turns away before I get the chance. He gets in his car. I can’t take my eyes off him, and I watch his taillights disappear into the darkness before I turn back to the plane.

  Bridget is still standing there with a smirk. She opens her mouth to say something.

  “Don’t.” I hold up my hand to stave her commentary.

  I really don’t want to think—much less talk—about what he just said. We walk to the jet and climb the stairs in silence. Everyone is gathered in the main compartment, except for the kids.

  “I sent the girls back with Hope to sleep in the bedroom.” Holly answers my searching look.

  I nod, pursing my lips. I want to be happy and hug everyone since it’s been so long since we’ve all been in one place. But the reason we are all here hangs heavy in the air, like an oppressive cloud. I’m sitting next to Dex when it hits me that someone is missing.

  “Where’s Ruby?” I ask, looking at Dawn and Parker.

  Their heads are bent together over a laptop that sits on Dawn’s lap. They glance up, and Dawn’s dark brow furrows under her green hair, tied up in a messy bun.

  “On her way,” she says. “She’s coming on her bike since it can be parked in the hangar. I talked to her about two hours ago.”

  “I’ll call her again and see where she’s at,” Sloane volunteers.

  “And while we’re waiting,” Bridget says, setting her briefcase on the table between us.

  She opens it and pulls out a sheaf of papers, then returns the case to the space beneath her seat. Laying the papers on the table, she turns them until they’re facing different directions. I watch her with a morbid fascination like she’s finally lost it, with all the pressure of keeping us out of trouble. There are about six sheets in all, lying haphazardly and overlapping each other, but they all meet with a corner in the middle, like a starburst.